Chapter Twenty-One
L eaving Rowan’s room, my body is still buzzing from the orgasm I just had. I go to my room to take a shower and try to figure out how I’m going to approach Margot about this. I imagine she’ll be a little cold toward me and I feel a rush of anxiety thinking about how to fix this.
Stop banging her dad might be a start.
The wayward thought flashes through my head and I try to ignore my snarky subconscious as I head into the kitchen to start on some breakfast. Around six-thirty, Rowan comes out of his bedroom dressed for work and I can’t stop the sizzle that moves through me seeing him like this. He comes up behind me, pressing his chest against my back to pin me against the counter. He drops a kiss on my neck and then my shoulder before nuzzling my ear. “You can’t look at me like that. It makes me want to bend you over this counter and we can’t.”
I shiver under his lips before turning around to look up at him. “You look nice,” I tell him as I drag my eyes over the navy suit and white shirt he’s wearing.
“That’s not helping.” He digs his teeth into his bottom lip and sweeps his gaze over me before he moves to the Keurig to make some coffee. “I know Margot should be down soon. Do you want me to stay until she leaves? Just in case…” He winces but I hear the implication. It’s possible, well probable, that there will be some residual attitude and he doesn’t want her taking it out on me.
I shake my head. “I think it’s best if maybe I try without you here.”
“Ellie…”
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him as I slide Isla’s sandwich into her lunch box and turn to look at him. “I have to be able to talk to her. Especially if…I’m going to be here for…a while.”
“Alright, let me know how it goes?” he says. “Call me if you need anything.”
“I will,” I tell him and then he’s gone with a final kiss to my lips.
Twenty minutes later, I hear Margot come down the stairs and walk through the foyer completely bypassing the kitchen on the way to the front door.
“Margot,” I call after her before moving into the foyer where I see her with her back turned and her hand on the doorknob. It stings that she wasn’t even planning to say goodbye. I watch as her shoulders slouch and she turns to face me.
“Yes?” She has a blank expression on her face and her eyes look slightly red with bags beneath them.
“That was not…how you were supposed to find out,” I tell her honestly and she chuckles.
“That’s your opening line?” She shakes her head and I can feel the anger radiating off of her. “No, that’s right. Your opening line was that you don’t want to be my friend or my nanny. Didn’t realize you were going for my stepmom.” She lifts her chin slightly. “Well, don’t bother, because I don’t need or want one of those.”
“I know you’re angry at me and I am so sorry.”
She forces a laugh. “For what? Lying to me? Let me guess. Dad knows all about the drama between me and Gabe.”
“No, I wouldn’t betray your trust. You asked me not to say anything about that and I didn’t. And…I didn’t lie to you, Margot. I didn’t expect…I haven’t been interested in anyone in six years. I certainly didn’t expect to go into a nannying job thinking that would change.” She doesn’t say anything so I take a step closer to her. “What would make you happy? Tell me.”
She scoffs. “Does it matter?”
“Your feelings mean a lot to your dad and to me, and for what it’s worth, he is hurt by all of this. He hates that you’re so hurt.”
“I have to get to school.” She opens the door before turning back to me. “I know I’m grounded, so I’ll be home after practice,” she says without another word before she’s out the door.
It isn’t long before Isla comes skipping down the stairs dressed for the day and I’m surprised she’s downstairs before Sawyer. “Hi, Isla! Look at you all ready to go.”
“I am!” She climbs up on one of the barstools just as I set some oatmeal in front of her.
“It’s hot.” I point at her and she nods before picking up the spoon. “How did you sleep?”
“Okay.” She shrugs. “But I slept in Margot’s room.”
I look at her curiously at this revelation because it means she must have gone in there late last night. “You did? How come?”
“I woke up and I heard her crying.”
“Oh?” Guilt slithers through me that I contributed to that. “Why was she crying?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t say. Sometimes she just does.” She shrugs. “Probably because of Mommy. Only at night time though.”
The fact that I didn’t realize that nights were so tough for her makes me feel like shit. Those nights that I was fooling around with her father she could have been crying herself to sleep.
“Does it happen a lot?” I feel a little bit guilty using Isla to try and figure out Margot but I already know that she’s shutting down and it would be good to know what she’s thinking and how she feels before she completely shuts us out.
“Mmmm.” She blows on her oatmeal before taking a small bite. “I don’t know.”
I take the seat next to her and look at her. “Do you cry? About your mommy?”
“Sometimes,” she says before looking at me. “Do you? Isn’t your mommy dead too?”
“Sometimes,” I whisper. I tap the counter before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Well, you finish eating. I’m going to go check on your brother.”
“Oh oh, Ellie!” Isla calls after me and when I turn around, she’s practically brimming with excitement. “I know what I want to be for Halloween!”
“Oh?!” I tilt my head to the side because this has been an ongoing saga for the past two weeks.
“Tinker Bell!” she cheers. “Do you think SJ will dress up with me as Peter Pan?”
“Absolutely not,” I hear from behind me and SJ walks into the room. “I told you; I have plans. We are being the Avengers and I already have my Spider-Man costume.”
“Fine.” Isla pouts.
“Maybe, your dad will be Peter Pan with you,” I offer.
SJ snorts before sitting next to Isla. “Yeah, right. I’d pay big money to see that.”
“Will you be Wendy?!” Isla’s eyes light up and a huge smile finds her face.
“Sure, honey.” Her energy is infectious and I find myself smiling despite the conversation we had just minutes ago.
It’s been a week and Margot has barely spoken to me or her father. When she does, it’s only because Isla and SJ are in the room. She’s feigned a headache a few times and has even eaten in her room a few times which is why I’m shocked when one night after Isla and SJ are in bed she comes downstairs and into the living room and sits down on the adjacent loveseat. Rowan isn’t home from work yet so I assume she only wants to talk to me.
“Do you want to watch something?” I ask her, holding the remote toward her.
“You know I was twelve when my parents divorced,” she says and my extended arm lowers slowly. “That weird age when you understand enough on the surface level. I understood what a divorce was and that it meant my parents wouldn’t live together anymore. I couldn’t understand the whys of it all, especially because my parents hid their problems well. They didn’t fight in front of me…” She shrugs. “I didn’t feel the tension, you know? But again, I was twelve. But as I got older, I saw things differently on both sides. But still, I wasn’t that kid who wanted my parents back together. That was SJ. He was only six and he was the one who made that wish when he blew out his birthday candles or put it on his list to Santa Claus when he still believed in him. My mom seemed so much happier, especially when she met Pete…that was her boyfriend. I didn’t like him at first either. He was too…happy all the time.” She scrunches her nose. “It was so annoying, but my mom told me in so many words to get over it because he was sticking around.” She turns her eyes to me. “Are you planning…to stick around?”
“Would you hate it if I did?”
Her eyebrows pinch together and her lips form a firm line. “Don’t ask me that like I have a say in this.”
“No, but I would never want to be the reason for any kind of rift in a relationship. When Sawyer and Isla find out, they are going to look at how you handle this.”
“Isla adores you.”
“Sure, but not more than she adores you, Margot. You’re her only sister and in about two years, she is going to worship the ground you walk on even if she won’t always show it.”
“I won’t hate it. I just worry about you hurting my siblings…or my dad.”
I don’t miss that she doesn’t say anything regarding herself. “I won’t hurt them, Margot, but what about you?”
“I’ll be fine whether you stay or leave.” She shrugs non-committedly before she’s off the loveseat and I hear her footsteps retreating up the stairs.
“So, I was thinking…” Rowan starts as we sit on his patio. He has a fireplace out here as well, so it’s keeping us warm on this colder than normal November night.
“Oh? About what?”
“That you and I need a night alone.”
“I suppose we are due for another date.” I prop my elbow up on the back of the chair and rest my head on it.
“Yes, but how about one that’s overnight?” he says before grabbing my legs and draping them over his lap. I go to respond with a series of questions that he must expect because he continues. “River will come and stay with them.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier for them to just go to his house? How else will we explain both of us not being home if they’re here?”
“I was thinking we should tell SJ and Isla. Margot doesn’t usually stay over at River’s and I don’t want her staying here by herself or force her to make plans.”While she had been grounded for a few days, Rowan lifted her punishment to try and get her to open up, but she didn’t seem to care. She’s been home every day right after cheer practice like she’s still grounded.
I freeze because surely I hadn’t heard him correctly. “You’re ready to tell them?”
“Why not? It’s been a week and I’m not even a hundred percent sure Margot hasn’t told Sawyer.”
“I don’t think she has.”
“I don’t either, but I don’t know how long that grace period is going to last. I assume she’s trying to give us a chance to do it.” He rubs my cheek and gives me a smile. “They’re going to take it better than Margot is.”
I nod, knowing he’s right but still feeling apprehensive about it. “Okay, yeah, you’re right.”
“SJ is probably still awake. Do you want to tell him now and we can tell Isla tomorrow?”
I nod reluctantly because I really am nervous about telling them, but I do want to move forward and I’m tired of sneaking around.
When we get to Sawyer’s room, he’s awake, sitting up in bed, reading a comic book. He lowers it and looks at us over the top of it with wide eyes. “I didn’t do it, whatever it is.”
Rowan chuckles. “You know you give me more gray hairs than your sisters, kid.”
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” He sets his comic book down whenRowan sits on the edge of his bed and I lean against his desk. He darts his eyes back and forth between us. “What? You guys are freaking me out.”
“SJ, we want to talk to you about something kind of important.”
“Okay…”He raises an eyebrow in that same way Rowan does making him look even more like his twin than usual.
“So, first, I think your uncle is going to come stay here this weekend.”
“SWEET. We’re due for another Call of Duty marathon.” I gape at him in shock at the idea of him playing something so mature. Rowan puts a hand over his eyes while shaking his head, so I’m guessing this has been an ongoing battle. “I mean…Mario Kart?” he corrects, innocently.
“So, he’ll be here Saturday after your game and he’s going to stay the night.”
“Okay, is that all?”
“Well, no…so I won’t be here and neither will Ellie,”he explains further.
“Oookay,” he says. “Where are you guys going? Dad, you got work? What about you, Elles?”
“So, that’s the thing, SJ. We are going somewhere, together. ”
“Why?” he asks, and as smart as Sawyer is, I’m reminded of also just how young he is because he hasn’t put it together.
“Well because, Son, we’re…dating.”
“No way!” he says, his mouth agape. He looks at me for a second before turning to his dad. “Aren’t you kind of old for her?”
“Sawyer…” He glares at him but I see the humor lurking beneath his scowl.
“Listen, I’m cool with it. Does Margot know?” he asks, and I am not necessarily surprised based on the fact that he’s a boy and only ten years old but I am relieved that at least one of the three is taking it well.
“She does,” Rowan confirms.
“Oh, is that why she’s been in such a shi– crappy mood?” He blanches.
“She’s just a little concerned about some things,” I explain and his eyes flit to mine.
He scratches the back of his head and looks at me “Like what?”
“She’s worried about how you and your sister would take it if…things didn’t work out,” I tell him. “Obviously, no one wants that.”
“Margot is always so worried about everything. We would be fine. Just like we’ve always been.” He picks up his comic book and it’s amazing how simple kids see the world at that age. So simple and yet, there’s so much truth to his words. Because after all the shitty days I’ve had in my twenty-five years, I made it through all of them. “I mean it would suck, because, Ellie, I would miss your cooking,” he corrects. “But I think it’s cool that you love each other or whatever.”
My cheeks heat at how easily that slipped out of him and Rowan seems to be just as flustered. “Right, well…ummm I’m glad to hear you’re okay with this.” Rowan clears his throat and I fight the urge to smile at how nervous he is. “We’re going to tell Isla tomorrow, so just don’t say anything for now.”
Sawyer opens his comic book again and gives us a thumbs up.
The next day Rowan is home early and since Margot is home as well—a rarity for a Friday night— we are having dinner together. Even River is coming. I think his presence is supposed to lighten the mood, but I suspect it’s also because Rowan told him I had made pot roast which happens to be one of his favorite meals.
We’re sitting at the table in silence except for Isla who’s just chatting away, mostly to herself or whoever is listening.
“Uncle River, are you coming to my soccer game tomorrow, or are you coaching?” SJ asks.
“No, we don’t have a game tomorrow, so I’ll be there,” he says before taking a sip of his beer. “How many goals are you going to score?”
“Mmmm two,” SJ says with his mouth mostly full.
“Holding you to that.” River points at him. “Are you ready for tomorrow night?” SJ nods and gives a fist pump before River looks at Margot. “You have plans tomorrow night or are you going to be around?”
She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I’ll be here,” she answers, but her voice is despondent.
“Me too!” Isla cheers.
“Oh good, I figured you would be out at a dinner party or something. Cool,” he says to Isla holding his beer out to her and she lifts her glass to clink it. A giggle escapes me because he really is the best uncle.
Obviously, the sarcasm goes completely over her head though, and she shakes her head. “No.” Isla is sitting next to me, so she tilts her head to look at me. “Ellie, can we have a dinner party?”
“No, because they won’t be here,” Margot says looking at me and then her father.
“Hey, lay off.” River, who’s sitting perpendicular to her, nudges her elbow with his.
“Whatever,” Margot mutters under her breath.
Sawyer, who’s sitting next to her, rolls his eyes. “Dude, chill. You’re so annoying,” he says before taking a sip of his water.
“You won’t be here?” Isla asks and I realize she didn’t put it together that Margot said ‘they’ in terms of me and her father.
“Ummm, no not tomorrow, but I’ll be back on Sunday.”
“Oh, okay.” She nods before turning back to her food and biting into one of her carrots.
“Can I be excused?” Margot asks.
“No,” Rowan says without looking up from his food.
“Why?” she replies in a sullen tone.
“Because we’re not done, that’s why,” Rowan says immediately.
“Go ahead,” River says to her and Rowan glares at him.
“Are you kidding?” he snaps at his brother and I’m actually surprised that Margot didn’t get up when her Uncle said she could.
“What? You think holding her hostage at the table is going to fix her attitude?” He rolls his sleeves up, revealing a bunch of tattoos on both arms and it’s so crazy that despite how similar they look, Rowan and River are so different.
“No, but I am not going to let her think that this behavior is acceptable. I’m not rewarding a temper tantrum,” Rowan says.
Margot’s cheeks turn pink. “I am sitting here, you know.”
Rowan turns his gaze to her. “Okay, I am not rewarding your temper tantrum.” While his voice is calm and even, I can hear a bit of an edge in his voice. He’s seated perpendicular to me at the end of the table so I slide my hand onto his knee and stroke it gently, trying to calm his nerves.
“Temper tantrum? You cannot be serious. I’m throwing a tantrum because I think this…” she says pointing between me and her dad, “is not a great idea? I’m so tired of having to be the responsible one. It’s like I’ve always said, I’m the one person they can count on.”
“Okay, first of all, I take offense to that,” River interjects, cocking an eyebrow at her.
Margot sighs and looks at him remorsefully. “You don’t live here, Uncle Riv.”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t count on me. I’ve shown up for all of you every time you’ve needed me. So please, spare me the drama. Your dad and I worked hard so that most things didn’t fall on you. Yeah, some things did, that’s what happens when you’re the oldest sibling and I know your dad is so thankful he had your help, but throwing it in his face now, like you did everything and he just wasn’t around is not fair.” He stares at her hard. “Margot, you’re my girl and you know I will always be on your side, but I’m also going to tell it to you straight when you’re out of line. And I think you have a skewed view of what’s actually been happening around here.”
I look down at Isla who’s just watching what’s happening with wide eyes and a mouth full of food.
Margot’s anger seems to dissipate slightly before her eyes turn to her brother. “And you’re just cool with this?”
“Cool with what? What’s changed? Ellie was living here before and she’s still going to live here.”
“Because if they break up, she will not live here anymore. Am I speaking a foreign language? Why is no one understanding my concerns? Because what happens then?”
“We move on! Jesus, Margot. Not everyone and everything falls apart after a breakup. Remind me to stay away from you if you ever wise up and dump that loser, you’re too good for,”SJ says before taking a bite.
“Shut up,” Margot growls, but I admit, part of me is glad he ended that dig with something slightly supportive. She really could do better than that guy. “I meant what happens with…” She looks at me. “The only person at this table that doesn’t know what’s going on. She is not going to move on that easily.”
I look down at Isla again and notice that now she’s not paying attention to us at all.
“Can you let us worry about that?” Rowan says. “I love that you are so protective of your siblings, but in case you forgot, I am too.”