Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ashley
Asharp December breeze comes across the football pitch, and I cup my hands around my mouth and blow.
There’s a thin layer of frost on the ground, and it’s bloody freezing.
On the sidelines, Toby and Flora are sitting on a bench with Chloe bundled in so many blankets it’s hard to locate her.
Doubt she’s cold, but that doesn’t look like much fun either.
Tejinder jogs up beside me, and we bounce on the spot while we wait for the next drill to start.
“Went out with a coworker’s sister last night,” Tejinder says. “’Twas a bust. Starting to think Tinder wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Less awkward.”
“Blimey. Tinder. Not for me, mate. Wouldn’t be caught dead mindlessly swiping.”
“Nothing mindless about it. My brain works quite hard to remember my left from my right.”
“The right is the hand that keeps you company while you give yourself carpal tunnel flicking photos to the left.”
“Not everyone can luck into nannying for a fit bird and then land in her warm bed every night.”
If Paige was here, I’d try to correct him, but I stopped pretending after Joey’s birthday party where the two worlds we’d created collided.
Turns out we couldn’t keep people from talking to one another, and everyone agreed Paige and I were a good couple—at least according to Diya.
No one said a word to either of us, but apparently the status of our relationship was hot gossip.
Not sure Paige knows the cat is out of the bag, and I’m not going to be the one to tell her.
Diya can, since she had no problem telling me.
It baffles me sometimes that things can truly be this easy with Paige.
We get on so well, and on the few occasions where we’ve exchanged harsh words, we resolved it quickly.
We don’t lord our mistakes over each other, which is the opposite of what I’ve experienced in the past. “Honestly, I feel like I know Paige better than I’ve ever known anyone.
” It almost feels wrong to admit that. “She lets me know her.”
“I bet she does,” Tejinder says with a smirk.
I give him a shove as the coach blows the whistle for us to assemble at the end of the pitch for the next drill.
“What you’re saying,” Tejinder says as he jogs to the end beside me, “is that there’s hope for me yet.”
“Sometimes the unexpected is just around the corner,” I agree.
At the end of practice, Toby and Flora approach me with Chloe. Flora is carrying her in a bundle of blankets, and everyone’s cheeks are flushed from the cold weather.
“We were wondering,” Flora says, glancing at Toby, “if you’d be open to letting us have Chloe at ours next week. It’s just it’s so cold, and—”
“Sure,” I agree without thinking as I shove the last of my things into my bag.
Watching them on the sidelines today made me feel guilty for forcing this arrangement on them, even if they left me in the cold before.
“Really?” Flora lights up, and the flare of surprise reminds me of Imogen. “Brilliant. We can pick her up here, or you can drop her off?”
“Have you got a car seat?” I squint in the direction of the carpark, and there’s a small piece of me that’s second-guessing myself now. At least here, I can see what’s happening.
“We’ll buy one,” Toby says. “Tell us what we need, and we’ll get it.”
“I’ll have to check to make sure you’ve installed it correctly.”
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” Flora says. “We’re just so chuffed you’ve agreed. Aren’t we, Toby?”
Toby stands silently beside Flora, and I cannot comprehend what error he thinks I’ve made, but I’m not sure I care either.
We went from being mates chatting about football over a Sunday roast to whatever this angry, silent treatment is.
Instead of just coming out with it, he’d rather glare his feelings in my direction.
He can sod off, but Flora is really trying.
“If you want to get her from here next week, and then I can collect her after the match.”
Tejinder appears beside me, and when I glance around, I realize everyone else has left. I take Chloe from Flora, and she unwraps all the various blankets they’d used to keep her warm. Better planning than me, to be honest.
“Right, well.” Flora grabs Toby’s arm and squeezes. “Next week. We’ll see you here.”
I hitch Chloe higher into my arms, and I swing my bag onto my opposite shoulder as they wander to their vehicle.
“You’re letting them take Chloe to their place?” Tejinder’s tone is rife with disapproval.
“I am,” I say, and I head for the carpark.
“Mate, that’s a mistake.” Tejinder stares after them. “I don’t trust them. Nothing wrong with the current arrangement.”
“It’s bloody freezing out,” I say. “Not so bad when you’re on the pitch running around, but on the sidelines? Can’t be good for Chloe, especially when she could be in a warm house.”
“Their warm house.” He stops beside my car while I toss my bag into the boot and open the rear door to get Chloe situated. “Slippery slope. Warm house today and then she’ll be a teenager taking their side over yours.”
He’s always leaned toward worst-case scenarios. A few months ago, he was wrong about Paige and I getting together, and he’s wrong about this too. Before I met Paige, my life seemed to be careening from one mistake to another, but it’s not like that anymore.
“I trust them to keep their word. So far, they have. How long am I supposed to punish them?” I run a hand over the top of my head in frustration. “Because it punishes Chloe, too, doesn’t it?”
“What does Paige think of all this?” Tejinder lets out a huff. “Is she all right with it?”
I haven’t asked her opinion, not since I met Toby and Flora for tea and we decided on these visits.
Maybe I should talk to her about it, but there’s always this piece of me preaching caution—that I can’t let myself get too dependent because I know I’ll be gutted when she leaves.
My feelings for her are already a mixed-up ball of confusion, and I’ve got no intention of unraveling any of it. No need to. We are what we are.
She won’t be in my life forever. America is her home, and I reckon I’d have to take Imogen to court if I wanted to leave England with Chloe.
Since I don’t know where Imogen is, that’s no easy task.
Not that Paige has asked me or even hinted at the possibility.
A few weeks ago if someone had suggested I could go to America, that I could follow Paige, I’d have said no.
But the closer we get, the more I start to wonder whether I could.
Unless or until she suggests it, I can’t let my mind go down roads I cannot travel.
“Doesn’t matter,” I say in response to Tejinder.
“When Paige is gone, I’ll need the help.
If Toby and Flora can help me, I’d be a fool not to take it.
” I give him a hard stare. “When Imogen left, you asked me about my rainy-day fund, and I admitted I didn’t have one.
The next rainy day is coming. It’s on the horizon.
Three and a half months away, and I’m not going to be caught out in the rain again. ”
“If you let Toby and Flora far enough in, I guarantee Imogen will be squeezing in behind them. I guaran-fucking-t-it.” He points his finger at me. “Have you asked them about her?”
He knows I haven’t or else I would have told him.
“You’re giving her a way back in,” he says.
“She’s Chloe’s mother.” From the moment she left, facing her again has felt inevitable on some level.
Predicting how I’ll feel when she turns up is impossible.
Any time I’ve tried to play the moment out in my head, my reaction never rings true.
“They promised me they wouldn’t let her be involved.
That was my only ask.” I haven’t got a clue what rights Imogen is supposed to have, and I doubt I can actually keep her away without going to court. “They’ve kept their word.”
He stares at me like I’m a numpty, but he doesn’t say whatever he’s thinking. Instead, he shakes his head, and he waves me off before heading to his own vehicle.
In the back seat, Chloe starts up her “Da-da” mantra while I guide us out of the carpark.
Whatever else I might be, my most important role is as her father.
I can’t worry about what’s best for me if it conflicts with what’s best for her.
Faced with that dilemma, the choice might not be easy, but I know beyond a doubt what I’ll do. Chloe’s welfare comes first. Always.