Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
Paige
Penelope, the global head of HR is talking, but I can’t focus on a word she’s saying.
Yesterday, when Ash admitted Imogen was back, something in my brain short-circuited.
It was like I could already see the strands of my life fraying, and all I wanted to do was repair them.
The problem is that I’m not the one who can fix it, and I’m not even sure Ash is.
Whatever nonsense Imogen feeds him will steer the course of the time I have left here.
His obvious desire to hear her out, even if he didn’t say it, makes me queasy.
Hashing out their differences could very well leave me and Joey in a house that will no longer feel like a home.
The change in Ash was apparent the minute he walked in the door.
A chill. At first, I assumed practice had been extra hard or he hadn’t played well, but as soon as he told me about Imogen, I realized the shift in him wouldn’t be temporary.
Right or wrong, I jumped on the notion of him freezing them all out. Keep them away as long as possible.
When Penelope stops talking, I realize I’m supposed to say something. “I’m really happy to hear HR has taken my concerns seriously.”
“Sometimes a new perspective is necessary to make you realize something hasn’t been quite right for a while. The company and the English HR department, unfortunately, let the policies become too dated to be effective.”
Out with the old and in with the new. If only the rest of life was as easy as a few policy changes.
“We’ll be implementing training around the new code of conduct, and as a condition of continued employment, all staff will be expected to sign it.”
“And if they don’t?” Jack’s hostile attitude coupled with his poor work ethic won’t be a good fit for the conduct revisions, but that’s exactly why I can’t see him agreeing to sign without a fight.
“There is a flexibility clause built into the contracts regarding HR policies and procedures, and according to HR and our lawyers, the changes we’re suggesting aren’t unreasonable and are in line with similar companies.
For those unwilling to sign, we’re offering severance with all our terminations, which is standard.
You can direct anyone who might have questions to me or HR, and we’ll deal with them accordingly. ” She gives me a knowing look.
Jack isn’t likely to complain to me, but he’ll complain to everyone else. “I’ll call a team meeting to make sure everyone gets the same message.”
“Let me know when you schedule it, and I’ll have someone from the English HR division there to take questions.
We realize we didn’t move quickly on these changes, but we needed to get everything in line legally as well as draft and revise the new code of conduct.
We didn’t want to just stick a plaster on it.
As a global company, we needed to make sure the policies were in line for our offices here but didn’t cause problems elsewhere. ”
While having the company take their time might not have been what was best for me on this project, it’s definitely the better solution for the long term.
A robust code of conduct that deals with today’s problem but is also able to foresee issues in the future is the right call to make.
Even if I was immensely frustrated sometimes with the slow pace of HR and the turtle-like pace of my team, I understand that any change is often fraught with complications.
“Now that we, hopefully, have the biggest thorn in your side on the way to being plucked out, we wanted to speak to you about your contract.” Penelope draws her keyboard toward her and taps a few things into the computer.
“Your initial visa is good for two years, and you expressed a willingness to extend your first year if the low-income housing project wasn’t complete. ”
“That’s right,” I say, and anxiousness burns across my muscles. A few days ago, the idea of staying longer would have been an absolute gift. I’d have run home and told Ash that we had more time together. Now I don’t know what to think.
“Your last estimated time of completion had the project about four weeks behind. Would you still feel that’s accurate?”
“Um.” I take a deep breath, and I try to calm my elevated pulse.
No matter what I say, the company may decide it’s just as easy to slot Catherine or one of the other team members into my place for the home stretch.
“Possibly more like eight. I’d have to review the project in a little more depth, since the original deadline was the end of March. ”
“Right. Of course. If we could arrange it with your current housing, would you be willing to stay on longer? Possibly to the end of the assignment? Perhaps longer? We’re trying to get a sense of what we could put together for you.
It may come to nothing, and we might simply extend until the end of the project, but there are some moving pieces right now.
We’ve all been really impressed with your work and work ethic. ”
If she’s dangling another promotion in front of me, my gut instinct is to grab it. Move those pieces, slot me in. The promotion that Mark, my boss in Michigan dangled in front of me to get me to come here, was never a sure thing. If this is, it feels silly to say no.
But if Ash goes back to Imogen, I can’t imagine he’ll stay on as my nanny.
The idea of it makes me queasy again. Equally, the idea of trying to hire someone new to fill his shoes is daunting, if not downright appalling.
Truthfully, I don’t know that I want to stay here if I’m not with him, and I’ve never been in a position where my relationship with a man dictated my decision-making.
It’s a bit disorienting to realize I care this much, even though, on so many levels, I knew I did.
“You don’t seem certain,” Penelope says.
“I’m doing mental gymnastics over my childcare situation,” I say. “Sorry. Joey is my top priority, and I would need to make sure that’s sorted.”
“I can understand that.”
Though my concern over losing opportunities isn’t right, I always worry about job offers drying up as soon as I remind people that I’m also a mother.
“I’m obliged to mention that our Michigan branch has been asking about your intentions as well. They are keen to have you back, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they reach out as well with some sort of offer to return.”
“The offices don’t really compete for staff though, do they?
I mean, we’re the same company.” I let out a soft laugh.
The idea of the two branches having a bidding war over me would have had me salivating last year, but this year, it just increases the queasiness in my stomach over making the right decision.
“Not compete, no. That’s not what I’d name it.
When there’s someone in the company who is a good fit for key roles, we want to make sure they’re in the best position for the company.
” She pauses for the briefest moment. “Also, for their personal situation as well. You may be offered one of the jobs or you may be offered both. It’s early days yet. ”
With only three months left, their decision doesn’t feel early.
Limbo is my least favorite position. When I came here, I expected my next step to be clear.
That I’d know what direction I was headed in next.
But nothing feels stable or certain, and I hate it.
In one direction is everything I never dared to hope for: Ash, Chloe, Joey, and a promotion that I’d love.
And in the other is the life I always expected to have: a big promotion back in Michigan, a quiet life with just Joey and me.
The second one shouldn’t be a consolation prize—it’s been a good life up until now—but that familial existence pales in comparison to the one I have now. Or the one I could have.
“Assuming you can arrange your childcare to suit your needs, are you open to staying in England longer?”
I should give her an immediate yes and show zero hesitation—the Michigan promotion isn’t a sure thing—but I’ve allowed my life to become stitched together with Ash’s.
If I lose him, I also lose Tejinder and Diya.
The only person I’d have left in any sort of social circle would be Maryam, and we’re work friends.
I’ve rarely seen her outside of office hours.
My whole world changes if Ash and Chloe leave, and that weight sits so heavy on me that it’s almost hard to breathe.
“If I can sort out childcare long-term,” I say, “I want to stay.”
“I’m happy to hear that.” Penelope clicks a few things on her screen and then faces me. “I’ll be in touch with next steps, and if you can keep me in the loop about your childcare situation, I’d appreciate it.”
“I’ll get back to you.”
I leave her office, and I head to my desk, my mind a muddled mess. Somehow I have to separate what’s happening with Ash and Imogen and this opportunity.
If I stay here, I’m sure this job is exactly what I want. I don’t doubt that.
But I have a house and family in Michigan, which would make my life easier in that sense. A built-in support network, even if I don’t get the promotion.
If I stay here, can I maintain my friendship with Diya, even if Ash and I don’t work out?
I’ll need her, not just for help with Joey, but as someone to commiserate with when life gets hard.
And if I am to make more friends, I’ll have to step outside my comfort zone more often with having others watch Joey and trying more new things without the safety net of Ash and Chloe.
Just the thought makes me queasy again. I swallow it down. There will be time for that anxiety and sadness, but now isn’t it. Logic has to fuel this decision.
Joey is three, and I can put him in preschool once I’ve done some real research on the best local options. Assuming I choose one with extended hours, I might have the job flexibility I need too.
All of it feels like so much—two plans, completely different. Two lives, not remotely the same.
My best-case scenario would have Ash agreeing to stay on for several more weeks or months, but I’m not sure I can count on that. We’ve muddied the waters so much that I’m not just asking him to stay at a job. He’ll become, if he wants to be, a real partner, not my employee.
The thought of broaching that part of the conversation causes a shot of cool anxiety.
I’m on the cusp of having so many precious, beautiful things, but I have no idea how these last few dominoes will fall.