Chapter 39 #2
Staring into his eyes, all my doubts seem silly and obviously wrong.
He doesn’t love Imogen; he loves me. The way he feels about me has never radiated off of him as clearly as it does right now, but I’m also willing to fully embrace this love between us too.
All that wasted worry when I could have had this.
“You mean everything to me. Absolutely everything. I love you in ways I didn’t even know I needed. But you are—you are exactly what I need.” He slides his hands into my hair, and then we’re kissing.
How much I’ve missed him is driven home the minute our lips meet.
He deepens the kiss, and I groan at how much I want him.
We shed our clothes in a rush, and we haven’t even left the couch.
Not that I care. The whole world could collapse around us, and I’m not sure I’d notice.
I’m his everything—it’s a declaration I never dared to hope for.
“The kids,” I gasp as he drags my panties down my legs.
“Not coming home tonight. Staying at Diya’s with Gwen. It’s just you and me, sweetheart.”
I could definitely get used to that term of endearment. He tugs me onto his lap so I’m straddling him, and as I ease onto him, he searches my face with so much love and tenderness in his expression that it hurts my heart.
“I love you,” he says. “Doesn’t seem like a big enough word for how much you mean to me.”
“I love you too.”
I kiss him, and then we start to move together in a familiar rhythm that never seems to get old. As though each time, the electrical current running between us houses a dimmer switch that only notches up higher, not lower. We’re only getting clearer, brighter.
He trails one of his hands down my spine while the other one is in the back of my hair, constantly drawing me back for another kiss.
Nothing ever feels close enough with him, and I’m always striving for more.
For the first time, I let myself see that he is too.
We’re both completely consumed with each other, lost to everything but the sensation of our bodies moving in sync.
“Oh,” I breathe out. “Oh, God.”
“You feel so fucking good,” Ash murmurs against my lips. “So. Fucking. Good. I’m making you come. And then I’m going to show you my plans. Then I’m making you come over and over again for the rest of the night.”
I throw my head back as I feel the first one building in a rush. He tugs me a little tighter to him, increasing the pressure, and I moan.
“Oh, Ash,” I say as I clutch his head, and the first orgasm rockets through me at the same time he increases the pace, chasing his own.
***
Ash has his boxers on, and I’m lying on my stomach on the couch in his shirt. He’s pointing at the first bristol board. “We’ve ruled this one out. It was my safety net in case you were like, ‘nah, Ash, it was fun, but . . .’ and my love went unrequited.”
“Thank god that one goes in the garbage.”
“Indeed.” He points at that board. “This plan is you leaving England to take the job you’ve been offered in Michigan and leaving me completely behind after several more weeks of hot sex.”
“Boo!” I scrunch up the pillow he got me and rest my cheek on the fabric. “No one likes that plan. Well, actually, the hot sex part is perfectly fine. We can keep that part.”
“Exactly.” He takes the board down and rips it in half.
“Second plan. Also, not a fan of this one. You stay in England longer through some work miracle, but you still don’t want me and Chloe in this one.”
I get off the couch, and I wander over to the wall. I kiss him before taking it off the wall and ripping it in half. “The other two plans better have you, me, Chloe, and Joey. But I should probably tell you—”
“Let me give you the plans, and then you can tell me whatever you want.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and tucks me in close while we both look at the next one. “These last two are the best options, but they’re complicated.”
The first one has me taking the job in Michigan and Ash and Chloe coming to live in America with me and Joey. He’s even got a pros and cons list under each plan. Which makes me a bit curious about what possible pros he came up with on the other plans we’ve already cast aside.
The final board is all of us staying in England long term.
I read through the pros and cons which are all pretty similar to what I would have written about how established we already are in this house and everything I’d be leaving in America.
The pros and cons list were essentially the opposite for the America one.
“What’s your preference?” I ask.
“Being with you. That’s my only ask. Me and you and the kids. That’s it.”
“I don’t have the contract in hand yet, but I’m being offered another five years in England on Monday. I just found out on Friday.”
“Five years?” Ash squeezes my hip and stares down at me.
“If we could stay, you’d want us to?”
“It’s the easiest option, to be sure.” He runs his thumb along my cheekbone. “Whatever we decide, we both need to be happy. Not just the easiest. The best.”
“I’d be happy with staying,” I say. “I love it here with you and Chloe.”
For the last few weeks, maybe I’ve been hiding behind the ambiguity of the initial verbal offer, comfortable with a barrier to avoid dealing with my feelings for Ash.
At this point, I’d take the UK job, even if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted because he’s exactly what I want.
This life is exactly what I want, and for the first time in my career, the home we’ve built together has more weight than what I do at the office.
“Then we’ll stay.” He swallows and seems to be considering something.
“Since we’re getting all our ducks in a row .
. .” He worries the edge of his lips with his teeth.
“I’d like more kids. With you. If you’re willing.
I know you found it hard on your own, but we’d be doing it together.
Might still be hard, but we’d have each other. ”
“Yes,” I say, and there’s no hesitation in me. “I’d have your baby.”
“Blimey, that was easier than I expected.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and drag him to me for a kiss. “I love you, and I love the thought of having your baby.” My fingers are lodged in the short strands of his hair, and our foreheads are pressed together.
“I really feel like my mum brought me to you. That she found the person most suited to me in the whole world, and she delivered me to your doorstep.”
The notion makes me a little teary, and I place a tender kiss on his lips. I had my own thoughts about fate or divine intervention, but it’s a wonderful compliment to realize he thinks his mom would approve of us.
He scoops me up into his arms, and he heads for the stairs. At the bedroom, he lays me on the bed, and then he follows me down, one hand on either side of my head.
“Best get some more practice in if we’re going to be having a baby.”
My stomach flutters with excitement. Everything will be different this time—for both of us, and anxiety or uncertainty can’t touch me. I’ve got no doubt that Ash and I are capable of going the distance whether it takes us across an ocean or has us staying right here in Bedfordshire.
As his lips seek mine, I can’t believe that a last-minute posting for a nanny almost a year ago led us here.
Turns out I didn’t get a nanny—I got a partner for life.