Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
I gripped the steering wheel as I waited for Chris to put his luggage into the trunk. Should I get out and give him a hug? No. We weren’t together together. Still, it felt rude to just sit in the car waiting for him to hop in as I idled in the airport pickup line. Before I could come to a conclusion, the passenger door opened, and he climbed in.
Immediately, his woodsy scent greeted me as if to say, Did you miss me? Did you forget what I smelled like? Not likely.
“Hey,” he murmured.
I tried for a smile, but my trembling lips probably made it look like a spasm. “Hi,” I croaked.
“Chris!” Cheye shouted from the back seat. “I missed you. Why did you leave?”
“I went to a wedding.”
She frowned as if this were the first time she’d heard such a story. Never mind that was our repeated refrain while he was gone for two whole nights.
“I want to go to a wedding,” Cheye said.
“I’ll let you know the next time I go to one,” Chris replied smoothly.
Air port security caught my eye, so I put the car in gear and followed the signs to get us on the road home.
“How was it?” I asked. “I’m sure Piper made a beautiful bride.”
“It was great. I’ve never seen two people so perfect for each other.”
Really? How did he know that? Was that something people merely said, or did they truly mean the sentiment?
“Chris, Ash missed you too. She can’t talk, but I know,” Cheyenne said in a superior tone.
I equally loved and hated the fact that the girls missed him. How would they respond when we finally moved into our own place? Maybe pulling back was the right decision. Then I could guard my— the girls’ hearts. Being their guardian also meant I had to protect them from life.
“Are they going on a honeymoon?” I asked, trying to keep the adult conversation going.
Cheyenne would interrupt us again, but Chris and I were used to that. This was how we talked at home. Home. Had Chris’s place so quickly been labeled as home in my heart and head?
Stop thinking so much. Just enjoy him as a friend who’s been on vacation and now returned. It should be that simple, right?
I glanced at Chris only to find him studying me. The strength of his gaze weakened my shields, so I swallowed against the urge to spill my guts and turned my gaze to the road. “Do I need to stop, or should I head straight h—to your place?” I asked. Phew, that was a close one.
“You can head home.” His cell rang. “Hold on a sec.”
I tried not to listen to his conversation, but it was kind of hard to ignore in the confines of the Rover. Apparently an animal needed assistance, and Chris was the closest staff member to help.
“Ho ld on, Cam. Hey, Erykah, could you swing by the center? Cam said someone’s coming with a displaced animal.”
“Sure.” I took the next exit, instinctively knowing how to get to Gamble on Nature.
As soon as he ended his call with Cameron, Cheye piped up, “What does displaced mean?”
“An animal could no longer stay at its current location and needed to be moved.” He sighed, running a hand through the soft curls on his head. His hair was just long enough for me to notice them and wonder what they felt like.
I tried hard not to stare at his smooth jawline, but whenever he shaved, my eyes were drawn to the warm brown skin. My fingers desperately wanted to trace the ridged outline of his jaw or, better yet, cup a palm to his cheek. My hand still remembered the last time it made contact with Chris Gamble.
That’s not very friendly of you, Dr. Kennedy. Definitely not, but now the thought was lodged in my mind like a bone spur on a heel.
“It could also mean they found the animal at someone’s house, and we’re the only ones available to take care of it tonight.”
“Did Cameron say what kind of animal?” I asked.
“Auntie Erykah, where are we going?” Cheyenne interrupted. “This isn’t the way home.”
Wow. How fast my niece had figured out the Colorado Springs area. “We’re going to Chris’s work so he can help that animal.”
“Yay.” She clapped her hands.
I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Ash’s car seat mirror. She still slept. Thank goodness. I blew out a breath.
“I’ll know more once I get there and am able to assess the situation,” Chris said.
“It’s not dangerous, is it?” We came to a light, and I stopped, tur ning to stare at my housemate. Only his expression was closed off.
But why? Usually he was so open with me. But have you been open with him? Aren’t you guarding your heart?
Yes, but now the thought seemed ridiculous. This was Chris. The one who’d befriended me with no strings. The one who’d arranged a private flight from Colorado to Kentucky in the blink of an eye. Not to mention the way he’d helped me with the funeral arrangements when I’d been overcome with tears and unable to articulate Ellynn and Asher’s desires. Chris was always there ... and that was probably what scared me the most.
“It won’t be for you. You and the girls can stay in the car while I’m in there.” He rubbed his face. “Actually, maybe just drop me off. I’ll get a rideshare home.”
“Chris, that’s too much money. I don’t mind waiting for you.”
I wouldn’t leave him stranded—he’d never do that to me.
“Let’s just play it by ear.”
I nodded in agreement, then stepped on the gas as the light turned green. We said nothing more as Cheyenne took over the conversation. She and Chris played an animal game the rest of the way there, naming animals that represented each letter in the alphabet. By the time Cheye yelled, “Penguin!” I’d pulled into Gamble on Nature’s parking lot.
“Are we going inside?” Cheye unbuckled her seat.
“Cheyenne,” I huffed. “What did I tell you about that? You need to ask me first before you unbuckle.”
“But we’re here, and Chris needs our help, right?” Her big brown eyes looked so hopeful.
Chris rubbed his chin, then looked at me. I motioned with my hand as if to say, The ball is in your court. He nodded, seeing the motion.
“Ye ah, Cheye. I could always use your help.”
She grinned. “Good. Let’s see what kind of creature this is.”
“ Creature , huh? Where did you learn that word?”
“ Wild Kratts .”
Chris chuckled.
I grabbed Ash from the car seat, swung her diaper bag over my shoulder, then followed the other two into the wildlife center. As soon as I stepped inside, the smell of animals hit me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over that smell, but it wasn’t exactly horrifying. However, the quiet of the evening surprised me. I’d never come here when there was no one else around.
An animal made a noise, and Ash’s eyes rounded. I repressed a chuckle and nuzzled my cheek against hers. “It’s okay, baby. Probably the ferret.”
I’d seen videos of Chris and Kimble. The black-footed ferret made noises I’d never imagined an animal could make. Maybe they scared off predators in the wild. Ferrets weren’t the biggest animal, that was for sure.
“Will the person come through the front door?” I asked Chris.
He was turning on lights left and right. “We actually intake animals in the back. I’m just lighting the way, so we don’t bump into anything. Gotta make sure the girls are safe.” He looked over his shoulder and made a face.
Ash immediately giggled, tilting her head to the side. This was her new way to laugh, and it filled me to the brim. She was such a happy baby, and the way she laughed chased away my sadness and brought joy to my life. I’d always loved my nieces—how could I not? But taking care of them had changed my love in a way I didn’t know how to describe. I would die for them, but I wanted to live for them more.
If only I could figure out exactly what that looked like. Parenthood seemed to be a fluid concept that required daily change, and the person inside me who loved routine struggled with the notion I couldn’t predict each day. Sure, I could say I’d go to work, drop Ash at daycare, et cetera, but that was it. I didn’t know if Ash would have a blowout diaper one day or upchuck the next because she thought a jar of snap peas was repugnant. It certainly smelled bad enough to induce projectile vomiting.
Regardless, not knowing what would come my way threw me off and made me want to retreat, but I had to continuously show up for the girls. Plus, I didn’t want Chris taking on more responsibility. Cheyenne and Ashlynn were mine, not his. How could I expect him to give up so much for nothing in return?
Maybe that was why he was so quiet today. Maybe being with his friends had reminded him of how his life was before me, and he missed it. But of course he was too nice to say anything.
Will you say something?
Wasn’t that a good question.
I shifted Ash to my other hip, giving my right side a break. She’d grown and was probably ready to be in twelve-month clothing even though she hadn’t turned one yet. Chris’s phone rang, then he headed down the hall.
Chris’s gaze darted to me, then away. “I’ll be right back.”
“Can I come?” Cheye asked.
“Not yet. Let me see what kind of creature it is first.” His blue eyes twinkled as he stared at her.
I tilted my head, studying them as silent communication passed back and forth between Chris and my niece. Their interaction wasn’t unusual. It looked just like it would at his house. So why was he being more close-lipped with me? Had I done something wrong? And if so, what?