Chapter 34
CHAPTER 34
LEIF
T he flight back to Texas seemed to take forever, but we finally made it. Mom and Phil were at the airstrip again, but our reunion was a lot more subdued this time than it had been at Thanksgiving.
Mom already knew what had happened with Rainy and she felt guilty for asking me to hire her in the first place. Jack and I had told her repeatedly that it wasn’t her fault, but she still seemed a little down about it.
I reached for her shoulder from the backseat of the car, squeezing it softly in the hopes of reassuring her. She turned her head to smile at me, pressing a kiss to my hand before she sighed and leaned back in her seat.
Phil made small talk all the way home, then turned to face us as he came to a stop in front of the house. “Your mom and I are going to see a Carols by Candlelight show in the park this evening. Would you like to come?”
Jack shook his head. “I’ve got plans. Thanks.”
“I’ll sit this one out too,” I said, but I had no intention of sitting at home alone, sulking all night.
As Jack headed out for his plans and Mom and Phil left to their show, I called up Johnnie, my childhood best friend.
I only ever saw him during the holidays, but he was one of those friends I could go months without seeing and yet, as soon as we were together again, it was like no time had passed at all. He was a software developer in California these days, but he came home religiously for Christmas, so I knew he’d be in town even if I hadn’t spoken to him about it.
Me: How do you feel about darts and beer at The Backyard in an hour?
Johnnie: Make it thirty minutes and I’d feel a lot better about it.
Me: Done.
I smiled. At least some things never changed, and I would always be grateful that Johnnie was one of those things.
After stashing my stuff in my bedroom, I opened the Uber app and called a car, arriving at our old, local hangout a little sooner than we’d agreed to, but it didn’t surprise me that Johnnie was already there too.
Standing at the bar with one elbow resting on the wooden top and a beer clutched in his hand, he was laughing with some guy beside him, but he grinned and pushed away from the counter immediately when he saw me, smacking the other guy on the back as he walked away.
Johnnie always had made friends fast. He was that guy who walked into a room and not only knew somebody regardless of where he was, but also found someone else to get to know within the first ten minutes of being there.
He strode up to me with a huge grin on his face, his floppy, curly black hair bouncing as he walked, his pearly teeth looking even whiter against the olive hue of his skin. “Leif! Buddy, how are you?”
Grabbing my hand to shake it, he pulled me into a tight, one-armed hug, careful not to spill his beer. I laughed. “Clearly, I’m not as good as you. How long have you been waiting?”
“I was just walking in when I got your text,” he said as he released me and took a step away. “God knows, I love my nieces and nephews more than life itself, but they overstimulate the shit out of me. I’ve only been here a couple days, but I needed to get out. I would’ve spent the night drinking by myself if it hadn’t been for you, so thanks for not making me look lonely.”
“You’re welcome,” I said easily, striding over to the bar. I ordered a beer for myself before he and I found an open dartboard. “How many nieces and nephews do you have now? If memory serves, it took you four days last year before you needed a drink. I’m assuming there are either new additions or the others are just getting a little more intense.”
“Both,” he replied, chuckling as he shook his head. “There are seven in total now. My sisters each welcomed another bundle of overstimulation this year and my brother’s twins have upped their game. Five-year-old boys, man. They’re so much fun, but shit. It’s impossible to keep up with them.”
I smiled. “You’re lucky. Jack is still refusing to give me a niece or a nephew, so for now, I’ll have to live vicariously through you.”
“Maybe you should take the lead,” he suggested jokingly. “Where are you on giving him a niece or a nephew? You can’t expect him to always be the first.”
I scoffed. “He’s older. That means he should go first.”
“Bullshit.” Johnnie laughed. “Between the two of you, you were always the one who was going to settle down first. Jack is too invested in every sport known to man to have any emotional range left for a relationship. Unless something has changed?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “Absolutely nothing has changed. He goes through women like people with bad allergies go through tissues, but in the end, it always comes down to the same thing. He doesn’t make enough time for ‘em.”
Johnnie grimaced, then sighed. “All boys grow up eventually. If even Peter Pan could do it, maybe Jack will too. I couldn’t help but notice how fast you turned the conversation to him when I asked where you were on giving him a niece or nephew, though. What’s up with that?”
I groaned. “I’ve been seeing Laurel again.”
“No shit?” He spun to face me, smiling from ear to ear. “That’s amazing, man. Why didn’t you lead with that?”
“Your face might get stuck like that for no good reason.”
“Leif and Laurel back together?” He laughed. “That’s a good enough reason for me.”
I chuckled, inhaling deeply as I tried to speak past the pain of our current situation. “It might’ve been, but us being together may not last much longer. We’re having coffee in the morning to talk, but it’s not looking so good for me at the moment.”
He sighed, sympathy softening his eyes, and he smacked me on the shoulder. “You’ve loved her since we were kids, man. Whatever messed it up this time, don’t give up. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nah.” I was grateful for the encouragement from someone who had known us both since the beginning, but I couldn’t bear the thought of talking about it right then. “I came here to catch up with you, not to cry on your shoulder about fucking up with her again. I’ll call you tomorrow after she and I have talked. You might have to pick up the pieces then, but not now. Not yet.”
“I’ll bring whiskey,” he volunteered, then handed me a dart. “Alright, McIntosh. Let’s do this. Do you think you’re actually going to beat me this time?”
I smirked at him, even if I wasn’t feeling confident at all. The darts were fine. Jack had dragged me out often enough this year that I was reasonably sure I would be able to hold my own against my friend, but in general, I just wasn’t confident that anything on this trip was going to go the way I wanted it to.
All night long, I thought about seeing Laurel the next day. After I got home, I tossed and turned, barely getting a wink of sleep before I got out of bed at daybreak. Jack had had our rental cars delivered at some point after I’d left the house yesterday afternoon. A pair of surprisingly modest blue trucks sat in the driveway this morning.
I grabbed a quick shower and got ready for the day, not that I would ever feel ready for this conversation. My whole future was riding on the next few hours. I plucked up the first set of keys I spotted hanging on the hook by the garage door. I didn’t know where I was going yet, but I needed to get out of there. I needed fresh air. To breathe. To move. To clear my head before I saw the woman I wanted to marry but whose heart I’d broken just last week.
Sighing, I turned over the engine of the truck that had unlocked when I’d hit the button on the fob. I drove around aimlessly for a while before I ended up at the old mill where the fire had happened that had taken both our dads all those years ago.
I hadn’t meant to come here, but I supposed it wasn’t so much of a shock that this was where I’d ended up. This was the place where my father had fought his last fire, giving his life doing the job he’d loved and lived for.
I felt close to him there, where he’d taken his last breath in order to prevent even greater tragedy. The fire that day had been out of control, sweeping winds threatening to push it toward town where it would’ve ravaged everything in its path.
As I sat there staring at the burned-out husk of the old building, I smiled through the squeezing feeling in my throat, still so proud to be able to call such a hero my dad. I chuckled through the threatening tears, shaking my head as I pictured both of them hanging around up there, watching me right now and wondering why I was just sitting here, being weird and emotional.
“Hey, guys,” I murmured into the stillness of the car. “It’s been a while, huh?”
I closed my eyes, imagining the way they were probably glancing at each other and rolling their eyes. Clearing my throat, I stared so intently at the mill and yet there was no sign of them. There never was. Obviously. But I spoke to them anyway, knowing that they were more likely to be listening to me here than at the cemetery.
Too depressing over there.
“I meant to come out here on Thanksgiving, but I guess you already know that I never made it.”
I dragged in a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m sorry about that. I should’ve come. It’s not that I didn’t want to or that we’re forgetting about you. I just got sidetracked, but I suppose you already knew that, too.”
A painful lump grew in my chest, moving up my throat as I spoke only to my dad for a moment, admitting my deepest fears to him without skipping a beat. As if he’d never left at all. “I’m about to go all in on love, Dad. I’m so darn scared, but I also know I have to follow your lead and do what’s right, even if it hurts me in the end.”
Screwing my eyes shut even harder against the tears, I sighed and remembered Laurel’s dad’s face, picturing him smiling at me every time I walked into their house. He always had been there for me. Maybe he would be willing to lend a hand one last time.
“If you could give me a little help, I’d sure appreciate it. I promise you I’ll take care of her, Mr. Guntry. I know I’ve messed up a couple times, but all I want is to make her happy.”
I smiled through the tear or two I’d shed, finally reopening my eyes. I shook my head at myself. “For the record, I know you’d both have slapped me in the back of the head and told me to go make things right and get the damn girl. And I’m going to, okay? I just wanted to come out here before I go meet her. I miss you. Both of you.”
Blowing out a heavy breath, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, shaking myself out of it before I took a minute to remember them. The men they’d been. The husbands and fathers, community leaders and best friends. Sometimes, it was really just still so fucking hard to wrap my head around it that they were gone. Together until the end but gone nonetheless.
When I caught the clock of my dashboard from the corner of my eye as I stared at the mill, I realized it was time to leave and I raced over to the local coffee shop she’d asked me to meet her at. “Shit. Fuck. Shit. She’ll never forgive me if I’m late.”
I made it just in time, my heart almost stopping when I saw her waiting for me at a table near the window, her face forlorn and pale. She sipped her coffee, checking her watch and sighing without realizing I was already there. The last few days had felt like an eternity, and if I didn’t want the rest of my life to drag by the way they had, I had to fix this.
I just had to.
Even if I truly didn’t know if she would forgive me for this and, worse yet, if she would ever be able to fully trust me again.