Chapter 8
EIGHT
NICK
The guy with the spaniel was on the beach again, throwing a ball for the lolloping animal. Its paws splashed wet sand all over the place as it dashed in and out of the shallows, salty water dripping from its mouth as it retrieved the ball. Nick pushed his hands into his pockets and watched him for a while, at the same time as keeping half an eye on Ruby. She was prodding around in a rock pool with her toy lobster under her arm. He’d won it for her at a funfair a few months back and she’d decided to call him Ian.
‘I saw them here the other day,’ he said to Laura, realising as he did that he wasn’t referring to the man and his dog. Laura was bending down and stretching her hamstrings, clad in Lycra as usual. ‘Callie and Ruby. And Justin.’
‘Ah. And how did that go?’ she asked, looking up at him. She’d asked if she could come along in the van when she dropped Ruby off at the flat, saying she was going to run on the beach then go to a hot yoga class while she waited, and she was just limbering up before she left them.
‘It didn’t. I, um… I didn’t want to interrupt,’ he lied, remembering how he’d raced along the promenade only to watch them drive away. He smiled tightly. ‘Anyway. It is what it is.’
Laura grinned. ‘As they say on Love Island .’
‘Ha. The irony,’ he replied, scuffing his foot on the sand.
The man with the spaniel was in the distance now, and Ruby was kneeling in the sand digging a hole with a plastic spade Nick had bought for her.
‘You met anyone nice?’ she asked with an attempt at nonchalance.
Nick doubted she was asking on behalf of Callie – Laura was just naturally nosy. She had her hands on her hips, rotating her torso from side to side.
‘Nah. There’s only one girl for me.’ He nodded to Ruby. ‘How about you?’
She smiled an enigmatic smile. ‘There might be someone…’
Nick raised an eyebrow. ‘Go on then – tell me more.’
‘It’s early days, but… who knows?’
‘Ah well, be mysterious then. But I’m happy for you, whoever they are.’
She pulled her foot up behind her then did the same with the other one, looking off up the beach with the beginnings of determination. ‘Cheers. Anyway, I’m ready for the off. I’ll be back at about two. That okay?’
‘Yeah, two o’clock’s good. See you later.’ She was running before he’d even finished talking, her blonde ponytail bobbing up and down.
‘Alright, kiddo?’ he said, scuffing down the sand towards his daughter. She got up off her knees and slid a sandy palm into his.
‘I love the beach, Daddy. It’s my best place, I think.’
‘Is that right? What do you love most about it then?’
‘The ice creams,’ she said, laughing.
‘Ah, you can get ice creams anywhere! That’s not the reason.’
She looked up at him with big eyes, and he knew he’d be making a trip to the cafe for two cones before the next half hour was out. Knowing the effect those eyes had on him, he’d be out for an extra scoop for Ian the Lobster too.
‘Okay then, seashells.’
‘Seashells? I see. Shall we find you some to take back to your mam’s then?’
‘Yes! Let’s go and see. Justin likes purple – there might be some purple ones.’
Nick’s jaw tensed reflexively, and he made a conscious effort to smile, forcing a softness into his eyes that was pure pretence. ‘Brilliant! Let’s see what we can find then.’
They trawled back and forth along the beach, scouring the sand, holding up bits they found and discarding anything that didn’t make the grade. Every time Ruby found a good shell she squealed with excitement and rushed up to Nick to show him her spoils. Nick found her a tiny white curly shell, which she was mesmerised by, and also the shell of a razor clam. Soon, her pockets were stuffed with the vacated homes of sea creatures.
Nick saw a decent-sized shell and bent down to pick it up. He blew the sand out of its curved interior, revealing a deep lilac colour, and paused for a moment, looking back and forth from the shell to his daughter, bent over a pile of stones she was picking through. He hesitated then crouched down next to her.
‘Here you go,’ he said, handing her the shell. ‘A purple one.’
She took it and her face lit up. ‘You found one! I was looking everywhere. Justin will be happy.’
I know, darlin’. And so will you.
Two o’clock came too soon, and after driving Laura and Ruby back to Laura’s car, he found himself getting back in the van and driving into Newcastle, not wanting to just sit in the flat with the vacuum left by his daughter. He parked in the Community Kitchen car park (feeling a twinge of guilt, but parking in town was expensive and hard to find) and wandered into the city centre.
He bought a doll for Ruby, one of those that drinks water and pees, already looking forward to giving it to her at his next visit. As he worked his way through the department store, he found himself standing over a bedding set in baby blue, Ruby’s favourite colour, and wished he could buy that too. But he had no reason to. Callie had refused to let Ruby come and stay with him, even if he gave up his bed and slept on the sofa. Which was fair enough, he supposed. It wasn’t ideal.
On reflection, ‘less than ideal’ was an understatement. He thought about how the split had unfolded. It had begun with his glazing business taking a turn for the worse – through bad luck or bad judgement, jobs had dried up and money had grown tight. He and Callie had been at each other’s throats with the stress of it all. And then she’d met Justin. It had taken a while for Nick to find out, and by that time, she’d hardened her heart to Nick and they were over. She’d gone off with Justin, taking Ruby with her, and the very reason they’d fallen apart – his lack of financial security – became the reason Ruby had slipped further and further away. Now that Nick had no home of his own, Callie had an excuse to limit his time with his daughter, and there was little he could do about it other than keep grafting until he could make it right.
He stood there for a while, picturing the flat he might one day afford, then forced himself to stop.
‘Pack it in,’ he murmured under his breath and headed for the escalators.
As he came out of the department store, he saw a familiar face in the bistro opposite. Laura was there, her elbows on the table, glass of wine in her hands. She was staring deep into the eyes of a handsome, chiselled-looking guy who was looking back at her like the world had melted away around them. Good for you , he thought, smiling. Nick may have been sworn off love, but he liked to be reminded that it still existed.
He wandered back to the Kitchen, paper bag in hand, and was just about to walk into the car park when he spied another familiar face in the cafe next door. Two familiar faces in fact. He pushed open the door and went inside.
Travis and Liam were sitting opposite each other at a table, Travis leaning his chin on his hand and laughing coquettishly. Liam was more smartly dressed this time and looked significantly more composed.
‘Alright?’ said Nick, looking at Travis askance. He’d assumed that they’d left Liam safely at the hospital and that their good deed was done. But here he was, his face now turning shades of purple and yellow, sharing a drink with his little brother.
Travis looked up at him, clearly surprised, and flashed a glance at Liam, who also appeared a bit spooked by Nick’s sudden appearance. He half stood, as if he was going to bolt, then wavered and sat back down again. Nick could sense an atmosphere.
‘What are you doing here?’ asked Travis.
‘I was going to get a coffee. But I’ll not, if I’m interrupting you?’
Travis shook his head. ‘No, not at all. We just bumped into each other in town. We were having a chat.’
‘You feeling better now, Liam?’ asked Nick, remembering his manners.
‘Yeah. I’m alreet. Cheers for sorting me out.’
‘I take it your mam didn’t finish the job then?’ Nick gestured to Liam’s healing face.
‘Nah,’ said Liam. ‘She’s used to it really. Anyway, back in a minute.’ He stood up and made for the customer toilets.
Once he’d gone, Nick turned to Travis. ‘New pal?’
Travis rolled his eyes. ‘I’m just checking in on him. His mam’s chucked him out, you know. He’s staying with Cath for now.’
Nick raised his eyebrows. ‘That’s a bit harsh.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Travis paused. ‘I think there might be more to it. Liam’s gay, and his stepdad is… a fucking Neanderthal. All muscle and no brains, not to mention one of the dying breed of homophobes.’
‘Christ,’ breathed Nick. ‘Poor lad. Saying that though, and no judgement, but he’s in his twenties. Can he not get a place of his own?’
Travis shrugged. ‘It’s not easy nowadays. He says he can’t get a job.’
Nick said nothing for a moment. He felt uneasy hearing about Liam’s situation, a tale he’d heard from many people at the Kitchen – the last few steps before they found themselves at his nanna’s door. Even though he couldn’t see Cath letting her grandson down, the warning signs were still there.
‘Be careful,’ said Nick, after a while.
‘I don’t know what you mean. I’m just having a chat with the lad.’
Nick sighed. Another thing that didn’t need saying was Travis’s tendency to flirt outrageously and often with intent.
‘He’s obviously got a lot going on.’ Nick tried to be diplomatic.
‘You mean he’s trouble.’ Travis folded his arms across his chest.
‘I mean he’s… troubled .’ Part of Nick wondered if being around Liam could bring Travis grief. He pictured Travis being chased down the street and thumped too, and shuddered.
Travis rolled his eyes but seemed to be taking this in. There was a flicker of uncertainty across his face, which made Nick feel a twinge of guilt for lecturing him.
‘Give me a minute,’ said Nick, needing time to think what to say next. ‘I’m going to get a drink.’
He waited while the barista took a cup from a stack on the counter and performatively filled it at the coffee machine. Nick paid and took it back to the table, where Travis still sat alone.
They said nothing for a moment then Travis sat forward abruptly. His face flamed. ‘Look, I might have a bit of a reputation for… playing the field. But just because I’m socialising with him doesn’t mean anything.’
‘Good. Because the lad needs help. Not complications.’
They sat there sipping their coffee for a while, Liam still in the bathroom. Nick started to worry he’d slipped out of the bathroom window. Eventually, Nick decided he’d better go check on him and stood up, swigging the last third of his coffee.
A hard lump slid from the cup, and before he could react, he felt it lodge in his throat. He panicked and dropped the mug, hearing it shatter on the floor as he clutched at his throat. Travis got up with a screech of chair legs against the floor and rushed to him.
Something was stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t even muster the breath to cough. Adrenaline coursed through him, fight and flight chasing each other in circles, the hands at his throat tingling. Travis slapped him roughly on the back. He was dimly aware of a commotion around him, people getting up from nearby tables, murmurs of concern. Then suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind and yanked sharply under his breastbone. He jerked forward and felt a rush of air as the object flew out of his mouth, a dull clink as it landed on the floor. Nick sucked in precious air, wheezing as he did, bent over and panting with his hands on his thighs.
He turned around to find Liam standing right behind him, breathless, and Travis giving Liam a look of pure admiration. Liam had just saved his life.
‘Thanks,’ he croaked, a word which hardly seemed enough but was all he could manage.
‘Nee bother,’ Liam said, then he gave a nod to Travis and sloped out of the cafe.
Travis helped Nick to his seat, and the barista brought him a glass of water.
Nick saw a coin sitting in a puddle of his own saliva. He bent down to pick it up, turning it between his fingers. A coin. But not a normal coin – it had been flattened out in one of those penny-press machines. He coughed and took a sip of water, turning the coin over in his hand. It was stamped with the logo of St Nicholas Lighthouse.
The barista’s face was etched with worry, presumably in case Nick might make a complaint. He pointed to the counter where the tip jar sat next to stacks of empty cups. ‘It must have fallen in. I’m really sorry. Can I offer you a complimentary biscotti?’
Nick waved him away. The very idea of eating something dry and crumbly was as unpalatable as the coin in his hand had been. He looked at it again – he seemed to remember going on a school trip to that lighthouse years ago. He slipped it into his pocket.
‘I think we should get you home,’ said Travis, seeming calmer now his brother wasn’t facing imminent death. He craned his neck at the window, watching Liam make his way down the street.
‘Come on then. The van’s in the car park.’
‘I’ll drive,’ said Travis.
‘No, you won’t,’ Nick replied, retrieving his keys from his pocket and heading for the cafe door. The last thing he needed was to have nothing to concentrate on but his latest brush with death, so he wanted to focus on the road. He shivered as he wondered if someone up there had it in for him – and also, what kind of person left a souvenir penny as a tip?
Before they went home, they took a detour to Edie’s so that Travis could drop off the dress he’d picked out for her for the Community Kitchen party. As Nick watched Travis unzip the clothing bag, he held his breath. Some of the options he’d shown Nick had been composed of Lycra, or had sheer panels that wouldn't have looked out of place on Strictly Come Dancing. With enormous relief, Travis revealed a navy blue dress with a few sequins here and there.
Edie gasped, and Nick suspected that was with relief too. ‘Ooh, it’s lovely,’ she said, running her hands over the fabric.
‘It’s a showstopper, just like you, Nanna,’ said Travis, with a wink.
‘Behave. Now, I know you’ll be gussied up to the nines,’ she said to Travis. ‘But have you got yourself a nice outfit, Nicky? And what about Ruby?’
Nick’s stomach twisted. ‘She can’t come. Callie’s taking her to Center Parcs. But don’t worry, I’ll dig out my old suit.’
‘That’s a shame,’ said Nanna diplomatically, but she looked disappointed.
It was a shame indeed. Nick had tried to talk to Callie again about having Ruby to stay over from time to time but she’d swerved and prevaricated as normal, and now he would miss out on his weekend time with her too.
Edie patted his hand. She could always see when he was putting on a brave face.
‘Right, well I’ll put the kettle on. Will you pop my new dress on the spare bed, pet?’
Nick did as he was asked, but as he was about to go back to the living room something caught his eye. Underneath the bed, on the carpet, was a book, splayed open face down on the floor. He looked warily at the bookcase that had not long ago pincered him to the floor and realised he must have missed it.
Crouching down, he foraged underneath the bed frame until he put his hand on it, and as he stood up, a folded piece of A4 paper fell from between the pages. Curious, he unfolded it and saw it was a printout of an email. For some unknown reason, his nanna was obsessed with having hard copies of everything and routinely printed out her emails, usually storing them in a folder, but this must have slipped through the net. He skimmed it, expecting it to be from a utility company or something similar, then froze.
The missive was short. But what it said knocked the wind out of Nick, and he sat down on the bed with a thump, adding yet more creases to the sequinned dress.
Dear Edie,
I hope that this reaches you. I saw a documentary about the Community Kitchen, and when I recognised Tracey I couldn’t believe it. She might have told you about me, from back in the day – I’m Nicholas’s dad. I hope he grew up to be a fine young man. I know this is out of the blue, but I’d like to get in touch with him. Please reply and we can discuss.
Yours, Richard
Richard. His father’s name was Richard. The sender’s email address was [email protected] . Was that Italy? His nanna had known that his dad was looking for him, and the date on the email was over a year ago.