Chapter 37
WINNIE
The gathering after the binding ceremony is a whirlwind.
There’s dancing and fairy wine and glorious amounts of food. I made Bash promise not to get too wrapped up in the food, or the baking of it, but he spent the last several days in the kitchens of the fae palace directing the menu, tasting the food, and making sure every detail was perfect.
We feast on golden chicken and roasted vegetables, salmon cakes and braised pork.
I eat far too much bread dipped in whipped honey butter, but the crust is so crunchy and the insides so airy that I can’t seem to stop myself.
By the time dessert comes out, I think I can’t possibly eat another crumb, but I rally and devour the glazed maple walnut cake, the lemon thyme cookies, and the miniature cloudberry sweet tarts.
I spend the rest of the night twirling between Bash, Kas, then Pan and Vane.
I’m charmed by Pan and Vane adding glitter and jewels to their ceremony attire.
The girls who helped them introduce themselves later, gushing about how pretty I look in my dress, with my hair up, my shoulders dusted with fine fairy glitter.
I never want this night to end.
I want to spend every night enchanted by the magic of the fae court and the Neverland night.
And now I finally feel like I can.
When the party wanes, we part from the court saying our goodbyes. Mom and Hansel decide to stay at the fae palace where they’ve been given adjoining rooms in the royal suite. They plan to sail for Summerland in the next few days. I’m excited for Mom and what it could mean for her.
We take the long way back to the treehouse, walking through the forest rather than flying in the sky.
We’re all a little drunk and tipsy on fairy wine, with another bottle being passed back and forth as we walk. The night is warm and close and and I am buzzy with more than just wine. We have done the hard work and have come out the other side better for it.
I am proud of myself, most of all.
As the path curves around the base of Marooner’s Rock and turns from forest to beach, I remove my slippers and dig my feet into the cool sand. The water of the lagoon laps noisily against the shore, almost as if it’s performing, trying to catch our attention.
“Hold on,” Bash says and passes the wine to Vane. “Darling, we made you a promise. Do you remember?”
I spin around, feeling happy and content. “I remember.” I spin and spin until I stumble into Bash’s arms. “You told me you would take me to the grotto beneath Marooner’s Rock on the new moon, which is tonight.”
Even though the sky is dark, somehow Neverland is always diffused with light. Maybe it’s the magic or the constant winking glow of pixie bugs or maybe it’s the star god trailing behind us.
Bash nods, tightening his arms around me. “Yes. The perfect night for a binding ceremony because a new moon is the time for planting seeds, for beginning anew.”
“And you said something about glowing minnows,” I remind him.
“Yes.” He bends down and kisses me on the neck, causing me to shriek and pull away.
“Let’s go now,” he says.
“Now?”
Vane takes a long pull from the wine bottle, eyeing Peter Pan.
“You’ll need to take the dress off,” Pan says. “It’ll be too heavy in the water and you have a bit to swim to get beneath the Rock.”
I straighten and turn, giving them my back. Bash kindly undoes the buttons that run along my spin and the dress falls open.
I’m wearing a strapless lace bra and matching panties. What better clothing to swim in? I’ll be as lithe as a mermaid.
Maybe. Probably.
I am a little buzzy from all the booze. But the Shadow won’t let me drown. And the four men by my side won’t let me drown. So I’m pretty much invincible tonight.
“You’ll have to show me the way,” I say, pushing out my hip, letting Pan and Vane and Kas drink in the sight of me as Bash tosses my dress aside in the sand.
“I’ll go first.” Kas slips out of his royal jacket and tosses it into the growing pile of clothing on the beach. He kicks off his pants next leaving him in nothing but his underwear.
I make a point of ogling his dick through the dark fabric holding him hostage and he laughs at me as he wades into the water. “Be patient, Darling,” he says over his shoulder and then dives in, disappearing beneath the surface.
He comes up several yards away, water dripping from his face. “Come on!”
Giddy with the impending adventure, I race in, splashing water. Once it’s deeper enough, I drop down until the water closes around my bare shoulders. It’s perfect tonight. Not too cold, not too warm. And it feels silky against my skin.
Kas swims lazily on his side, headed toward the edge of Marooner’s Rock where the base hedges in the lagoon on the north.
“We have to swim straight down the Rock,” Kas explains, gesturing with his hand.
“Then just as the water starts to get cold and dark, you’ll see a small outcropping.
You swim around that, and you’ll find an opening.
You swim in and then just follow the tunnel up and eventually you’ll emerge in a smaller body of water.
That’s the grotto. Keep going up from there. ”
“Is there any light?” I ask, wanting as much detail as I can, since I won’t be able to ask once we’re down there.
Behind me, Bash, Vane, and Pan are swimming across the lagoon to join us and the giddiness intensifies.
I love it when we’re all together. Not out of necessity, but of choice. Because in our own ways, we all love one another. And we continue to choose one another, again and again.
“The minnows will be glowing,” Bash calls. “And even though it makes no sense, because it’s completely enclosed, the grotto has its own source of light. So you’ll be able to see it glowing from above.”
Kas reaches the edge of the Rock and runs his hand along its surface, looking for something. “Here,” he says and gestures at a small cut in the stone. “X marks the spot.”
“Straight down from here?” I ask.
“Straight down, Darling.” He rolls his body forward and dives down and because Kas is my dependable guide in this adventure, I waste no time following.
It’s dark almost immediately, but the spirits of the lagoon swirl in, in glimmering pastel shades, sensing our need for light. I can see the hulking shape of the Rock ahead and smaller, the silhouette of Kas’s body as he swims downward.
Down, down we go.
My lungs start to burn, but I try not to panic, knowing I’m safe.
Kas slows and rights himself, getting his feet beneath him, his arms churning up water to keep him down. He points at the outcropping, then gestures with two fingers, indicating we swim up.
Soft lavender light plays across his face and over his bare chest where the tattoo markings of his lineage and his royal place within the fae court stand out against his skin. His hair, still braided in two, undulates softly in the current.
His wings are tucked tightly against his back.
I give him a thumbs-up and he chuckles, several air bubbles floating upward.
As the others swim down to meet us, Kas pulls himself along the outcropping, and from my vantage point, seems to completely disappear into the dark.
With the urgency to breathe pressing against my chest, I swim quickly after him, following the same path until I find a place in the Rock where the outcropping shields an opening.
I guess it’s now or never.
I sink into the cold darkness, blindly feeling around for something to get my bearings. The rock is smooth, but firm on either side of the tunnel, helping to orient me as I swim up.
A faint, dancing light appears above me.
I swim harder, using the tunnel’s walls to push myself along and when I finally clear it, the expanse of the grotto opening up around me, I let out an excited bubble of air.
Up, up, I swim until I’m breaking through the surface and into the warm hush of the grotto hidden beneath Marooner’s Rock.
“You made it,” Kas says and swims over to me. I wrap around his hips, arms around his neck as water drips from the end of his nose.
“Thanks to you.” I kiss him and he kisses me back, his hands coming to the curve of my ass. “Mmm,” I hum against him and I can feel the smile spreading across his face beneath the eager press of my lips.
Behind us, Bash, Vane, then Pan break through the surface. Bash hoots and the sound bounces around the grotto.
“Shut up,” Kas warns. “The minnows won’t glow if you’re being obnoxious.”
Still clinging to Kas, I look around. The grotto is the size of a small pond with plenty of space for all five of us to drift around in the water.
About a foot above the surface, the rock flattens into a ledge for sitting or lying, with a few large stone formations making the perfect little seating nooks.
“When will the minnows come out?” I ask. The water is dark, not a minnow in sight.
“Disturbing the water and the quiet makes them go dark,” Kas explains. “It’ll take them a minute or two to get used to us being here.”
Vane swims over to the ledge and hefts himself up, letting his bare legs hang in the water. Pan swims over to join him, but stays submerged, propping just his arms on the rock ledge beside Vane.
I stay clinging to Kas as he treads water.
Bash spreads out his arms and lays on his back, floating.
We wait.
Somewhere in the recess of the grotto, water drips.
Kas leans into me and whispers in my ear. “Any second now.”
I wait some more.
I have a vision in my mind of how these glowing minnows will look and I hope it’s half as amazing…
“There,” Vane says, nodding to my left.
Kas swims us around, but the light is gone.
“Another,” Pan says, almost bored. He’s probably seen this a hundred times and I’m a little annoyed that no one has mentioned it before now. I could be coming here every month on the new moon.
“Over there, Darling.” Kas kicks below the surface, spinning me again.
“I don’t see anything. Are you guys fucking with me?”
“Darling—” Bash rights himself.
“I swear to god, I will leave you all to go live with Smee on the pirate end of Neverland and—”
“Darling!” Bash whisper-shouts.
I go still.
And the water starts to glow.
A pinprick to the left, followed by another. Then two more to my right. Five, six in front of me.
Until the entire dark surface of the grotto water is dotted with a soft silver glow.
“Oh. My. God,” I breathe out.
Kas lets me go, swimming back to the join the boys so that I’m treading water alone, in the middle of the ocean twilight.
“It’s even better than I imagined.”
Am I crying? Okay, yes, I am about to sob because this place is incredible and so magical some days that it makes my heart ache.
And these men—
They’re gathered together across the grotto. Bash beside Pan, my favorite star god still sunk in the water. Kas on Vane’s left, the fae king set back against one of the larger boulders, his body stretched out.
Our life together so far has not been easy or carefree. And more times than I’d like to count, I have doubted myself and them and my place among them.
I’m just an ordinary mortal girl from an ordinary mortal world and they are extraordinary immortal men. Two fae kings, one jabberwocky, and one primordial star god.
I think anyone could get away with accusing me of being delusional, thinking I could ever fit between Pan and the Lost Boys.
I suppose that’s why every moment feels just as wild and magical as it is. Who am I to believe I belong here, floating among the stars while the four men I love watch me with awe and hunger and love?
I’ll tell you who I am: I’m Winnie fucking Darling.
The Never Queen.
Thank you so much to all of you who’ve joined me and Winnie Darling on this dark fairytale adventure to Neverland.