Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
GEMMA
“ T hank God, you haven’t gone to Denver yet,” I murmured as I sank back into the passenger seat of Laurel’s car. “I’m not keeping you from your flight, am I?”
“Nope. I’m leaving tomorrow,” she said softly, putting her car in gear and pulling away from the curb. “Where are we going? Straight home, or do you want to pick up your stuff first?”
“Pick up my stuff.” I choked on another sob that rolled through me. “I want to get it over with. No, actually, I need to just get it over with.”
“You got it.” She didn’t ask any questions, but that was one of the many reasons why I loved her.
Laurel knew instinctively when to speak and when not to. She was an empath, highly attuned to the people around her in a way that made even silences with her comfortable. The way she saw it, it also made her nerdy and awkward, but from where I was sitting, that wasn’t true at all.
I cried the whole way back to the hotel without having to pretend that I was okay or that this wasn’t a big deal. Right then, that meant everything to me. It meant I could feel my feelings in all their horrible glory now that I was out of that damn building, and thankfully, I’d gotten out without too much fuss. That was the only silver lining.
The trickle of a crowd who hadn’t been able to fit at the front of the building hadn’t cared about the crying girl making a beeline for the street on the other side of the block. They probably thought I was just another fan who had been ignored by the celebrity she’d gone to see, and that was absolutely fine by me.
In a way, that was exactly what I was anyway. Noah had ignored the fact that he was with me when he’d been with that girl last weekend, and he’d made it pretty clear that he didn’t give a damn about our relationship when he’d told his people that I was just his event planner.
I just didn’t understand how he could’ve looked at me the way he had last night while he’d been with someone else just days ago. I didn’t get why he would’ve asked me to be his girlfriend when he’d told them I was just someone he was working with. The whole situation just didn’t make any sense to me at all.
He was like Jekyll and Hyde, but even that didn’t seem to fit right. To be fair, I hadn’t known him for all that long, but I was usually an alright judge of character. Dave—and obviously Noah—aside. He just hadn’t struck me as the type to pretend that something was what it wasn’t.
In the time I had known him, he’d always come across as pretty genuine to me. I’d never felt lied to or like I was being used. As tears kept rushing down my face and my body kept shaking though, I knew that regardless of how he’d made me feel, he obviously wasn’t as genuine as I’d thought.
Laurel slowed in front of the hotel, winding down her window to speak to the valet. “Hi, sir. Is it okay if we park here? We won’t be long. I just need to help someone pack.”
The valet was a guy I’d spoken to before, and as he looked past her and saw me, he grimaced, dipping his head into a nod.
“Thanks,” she said as she shut off her engine. She glanced at me as she opened her door. “Are you ready?”
“No, but I have to be.” I sucked in a big breath and wiped away my tears, hoping that I would be able to keep it together at least until we got to Noah’s suite.
As I followed her out of the car, I kept my head down again just in case. I really didn’t want to be photographed as the wreck I currently was, allowing people to speculate about why Noah’s events planner was in such a state.
Besides, the public had spoken. The few comments I’d read under that article had made it clear that they liked him with that woman. They were a gorgeous couple, apparently, and the Nashville locals liked her because her family was known for being generous. I sniffled, wondering if he’d slept with her out of generosity too. I doubted it, though. She was objectively gorgeous.
My organs contracted as another sob tried to break free. God, this hurts .
Once Laurel and I were in the hotel, I kept my eyes on the prize. Get in, grab my stuff, get out.
I refused to dawdle, or pine, or even take a few last mental snapshots of the place where we’d made so many memories together. It was over. All I needed now was to get out of there.
Laurel reached for my arm when we got to his floor, giving me a reassuring squeeze as I rummaged around for the keycard. Thankfully, the little purse the designer had given me was small and I found the card easily. I swiped us in and then shut my eyes against the onslaught of memories that slammed into me as soon as we walked into the suite.
Despite all the hairspray and perfume they’d used on me in there today, the room still smelled faintly of Noah. The masculine scent of him was like a drug and it seemed to infuse the very air, instantly making me question my decision to leave.
If I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes, I might’ve stayed. I might’ve waited for him right here so he and I could’ve had it out properly—and in private.
But I had seen it with my own two eyes, the proof of his true nature. Of his infidelity. Folding my arms around myself, I glanced at my friend’s sympathetic features. “Let’s make this quick.”
She nodded. “I’ll take the bathroom. I think I should be able to tell what’s yours.”
“You will.” Noah’s stuff was all over, sprinkled between mine everywhere I looked, but at least it was only his stuff.
I supposed it was little comfort, but I hadn’t seen another woman’s things in here since I’d been back. Either he hadn’t brought her back to the suite with him, or he’d done a good job of hiding any trace. Trembling as another wave of incredulity and rage swept through me, I swallowed it all down and remembered my mission.
Keep your eyes on the prize.
Instead of dwelling on what had happened in here between us and what might’ve happened between them , I marched over to the closet and grabbed my bags. After tossing them on the bed, I started on one side of the room, collecting all my things and stuffing them into the bags as I went.
Laurel finished up in the bathroom, coming out with my vanity bag already packed. She popped that into my suitcase and strode over to the closet, took out a pile of my clothes, and carried it back to the bed as well.
I picked up a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, quickly changing out of the gorgeous dress and into my own clothes. Then I hung the dress back up against the wardrobe and emptied the little purse. After I was comfortable, warm, and no longer in garments I wasn’t sure if I had to return, I went back to helping Laurel collect my things.
Working together, it took us only a few minutes to gather everything. Less than half an hour after we’d walked in, I snapped his keycard down on the glass top of the coffee table with a decisive click. Laurel rubbed a hand along my back. “Are you ready to go or do you need a minute?”
“No. I’m ready. Let’s go.” If I stopped moving for a minute, I was going to collapse.
I really couldn’t quite fathom how this hurt so much, but it truly felt like there was a kitten with razor sharp claws slicing and dicing at my insides. Millions of tiny little slashes that hurt so much more than just one clean cut might’ve.
As I turned back toward the door, I saw that Laurel already had my bags slung around her shoulders and I took one when I passed her, clutching the strap. I slammed the door behind us after we left the room. It felt like my legs were going to give out at any moment, but I made it back to Laurel’s car just in time. The harsh reality really crashed into me as we left his hotel in her rearview mirror.
My friend sat stoically beside me, focusing on driving us back to Franklin and giving me the perception of privacy I needed to fall apart. And boy, am I falling apart.
I’d never known it was possible to feel this way after only knowing someone for a couple of short months, but I’d felt so connected to Noah from the very beginning that the actual time it’d been didn’t seem to matter much. Even the divorce hadn’t hurt this bad.
Deep down inside, I’d always known that Dave wasn’t the great love of my life. Back then, it’d been our friendship and his companionship that I’d mourned and it’d been the shock and the humiliation of not having suspected anything that had thrown me for a loop. With Noah, however, I’d honestly started thinking that he was the guy I’d always been meant to end up with.
Once again, I’d given my trust wholeheartedly to a man and he’d absolutely shattered it. Noah had made me feel like the only girl in the world so many times, expertly manipulating me into believing that he wasn’t interested in anyone else. He’d had me completely convinced that I was the only woman he had eyes for.
Knowing what I’d been through and how long it’d taken me to even begin to trust again, he’d still gone and cheated on me literally the first time I’d left him alone for a couple days. Then he’d gone and made sure I knew that as far as the world was concerned, we were nothing to each other.
Thanks, Noah. I got the message. Loud and clear.
As Laurel and I sped into the dark night out of Nashville toward Franklin, I couldn’t stop my tears from falling or the painful sobs that kept rolling through me. Since I was stuck in my head, reliving every minute of the last couple months since I’d met him, the drive went by fast. At Laurel’s place, she guided me straight to her bathroom, turning on the faucet in the shower and waiting until steam was rising from it.
“Come on,” she said gently. “Let’s get you cleaned up and into pajamas. It won’t be any better in the morning, but at least you’ll be on your way home and you can put this whole nightmare behind you.”
I nodded wordlessly, shedding the sweatpants and hoodie and climbing into her shower. After scrubbing my skin until it felt raw, I was sure all the makeup was off and that any remnant of Noah’s scent that might’ve been clinging to me was gone too.
Laurel had left pajamas for me to change into when I was done, and after turning off the water, I stepped out of her shower, quickly getting ready for bed before I stumbled out of her bathroom. She was waiting for me with a cup of tea, and she sat with me late into the night, not saying much except to reply when I asked questions neither of us knew the answers to.
The next morning, she headed out to surprise Leif in Denver and we drove to the airport together. My flight to Austin left before hers, and despite everything else, I was happy to be going home. I’d be a bit early for Christmas, but it would give me time to recover before the celebrations began.
I doubted I’d be healed by then, but hopefully, my chest would’ve stopped feeling so darn tight and the tears would’ve stopped flowing unabated.
“Good luck with your fairy tale love surprise, Lulu,” I whispered against her hair as I hugged her goodbye. “Thanks for everything last night. I’m sorry for dragging you out to Nashville and everything.”
“You know you have nothing to be sorry for.” She squeezed me tight. “I’ll be home in a few days to give you all the Christmas snuggles, okay?”
I chuckled, the sound weird and strained even to my own ears. “You have to promise to be my snuggle buddy even after you and Leif inevitably tie the knot.”
“Of course.” She hugged me for another moment before she let go, finally motioning for me to go ahead. “It’s time to board, babe. Take care of yourself for me, okay?”
I nodded, hiking my purse up higher on my shoulder and waving to her before I turned and joined the snaking line of people waiting to get on our plane. None of them was Noah, though. Obviously. Although I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the crowd for him.
Once we were on the plane, the flight home was brutal for me—and it wasn’t just because my Superman wasn’t by my side this time.
All the way back to Austin, I felt like a complete and total loser. I’d never left home despite how much I’d always wanted to live somewhere else. I’d married a man who’d divorced me only a couple years later and I’d just been played in front of the whole country by a twenty-one-year-old popstar I was deeply in love with.
What even is life?
Literally the only thing I had going for me now was the company. Professionally at least, I wasn’t a complete failure, but everything else was in shambles. Simultaneously, however, I couldn’t ignore that even my best friend and business partner had moved on, so in that sense, it wasn’t like everything was hunky-dory at work either.
In a weird way, that thought kind of encapsulated my life. Everything was fine, but it also wasn’t. On every single level, I wasn’t only nowhere near where I’d wanted to be, but I also wasn’t completely happy.
With Noah, I’d thought I’d finally found what I’d been looking for all my life. For the first time, I’d had a partner I’d felt such a soul-deep bond with that I’d honestly believed it could never be severed. A best friend who was also my lover. I’d felt like he and I had been destined, and when their Christmas party had gone so well, I’d even naively thought that my career would be able to flourish no matter where I went with him.
Life had been filled with all sorts of magical possibilities, and with him by my side, I’d thought we’d be able to take on the world together and make both of our dreams come true on absolutely every level. What a freaking farce that had been.
When we finally touched down in Austin, I looked out at the city where I’d lived all my life, and while it was a comforting sight, it also felt empty without Noah there. Knowing he wasn’t somewhere in that city made it feel somehow less .
Even if I was also happy that he wasn’t here. And relieved that I probably wouldn’t ever see him again. As much as the thought of that ripped me apart all over again.
He didn’t live in my world, though. Noah and his friends were separated from us mere mortals by an invisible veil called fame, and while they appeared to be human, they were so cut off from contact with actual people that I was quite sure I would never see his face in person again.
When I got home, I unpacked, knowing I’d never be able to rest if I just left all my clothes—clean and dirty—bundled together in a suitcase on the floor. After that, I even put up my Christmas tree in an attempt to make myself feel better.
It didn’t work, but at least the multicolored lights made my living room look festive and cheery. Eventually realizing that nothing was really going to help me except to get through it, I crawled into bed, ordered sushi to be delivered, and watched old Christmas movies while eating my feelings after it arrived.
It was a damn miserable evening, but since my entire existence felt pretty miserable right then, I was just going to have to suck it up. I would get through this. I’d survived a divorce, for heaven’s sake. I could handle a breakup.
I just wished it didn’t feel like I’d lost my twin soul in this one. What I’d had with Noah had honestly felt different, and I’d genuinely begun to believe it might just last forever. Getting over that really wasn’t going to be easy.
Despite how things had ended, our time together had changed me. It’d shown me how deeply I could feel and what it felt like to find a soulmate—and sure, this particular mate obviously hadn’t ever been meant to be mine forever, but after what I’d experienced with him, I would never be able to settle for less.
I just didn’t think I would ever find that kind of more again. It felt like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of deal, and if that was true, then I supposed I would just have to be grateful I had ever found it at all.