Twenty-Three
The next day doesn’t do much to help my confused, muddled thoughts. After our walk, I finally break down and tell Angela everything when we get back to my apartment. I kind of have to, after our last conversation.
“You think Ben’s wrong?” she asks after I’ve caught her up on my conversation with him, conveniently leaving out our almost kiss. Or at least what I thought was an almost kiss. No need to tell her what I’m not even quite sure of myself. But she gives me a doubtful look now, and it almost makes me reconsider what I believed was true.
“You don’t?”
“To be honest, I don’t really know. I’ve yet to really talk to Theo. You’ve spent more time with him than I have, which is… your business,” she adds slyly, her smirk just as sly. But it falls as she returns to the topic at hand. “I don’t mean to take sides, but I’m not convinced.”
“Okay. That’s fair,” I say. “What if you hung out with him? You can see for yourself and tell me what you think.”
I’m breaking my own boundary rule by suggesting this. But I don’t like that she seems hesitant about Theo’s intentions. If she hung out with him, she’d change her mind. The same way he keeps changing my mind about Ben.
I’m treading on dangerous territory, but I need my best friend to like him. But if I examine the why of it, I’ll lose my nerve.
Her eyes narrow in thought, until finally she says, “Fine. Go ahead and set it up.”
“How ’bout now?” I ask, already putting the phone to my ear. It starts ringing before she can nod. When he answers, I invite him over to meet Angela and he accepts, sounding a bit too excited about the prospect for my liking. “Oh god, this is probably a bad idea after all.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.” She’s too smug for her own good.
Theo arrives soon after, eyes searching inside the apartment until he spots Angela. She sits up from the couch and crosses the floor in two strides, holding out her hand. “Angela. We’ve met a couple times.”
“I know,” he says. “You’re the one who scored us free mimosas at brunch a few years ago. I respect someone who can flirt their way to free booze for the entire table. Props.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet,” she gushes, resting a hand over her heart. “I love that that’s what I’m known for!”
“Of course you do.” I let out a sigh. She nudges my elbow teasingly. “Well, how ’bout we eat already?”
They follow me into the kitchen, taking seats at the barstools. When I turn my back to prepare the plates, I hear Angela ask, “So, what exactly are your intentions with my best friend?” I nearly drop the pan, whipping around to point the spatula in her face.
“Don’t answer that,” I tell Theo. “It’s a trap. Just ignore her.”
“We’re each other’s rebound,” Theo answers her, completely ignoring me. Angela cocks her head, assessing the man sitting beside her. “She knows all about my baggage and I know about hers. I know it sounds kinda unhealthy put that way, but rest assured, we’re both being honest with each other. Maybe a little too honest at times.”
“Huh,” she says, lips quirking up in amusement. Then she turns to me and transitions into Spanish. “I like this guy.”
“That didn’t take long,” I return, switching over. “You sure you don’t need more time to be convinced? We haven’t even sat down to eat yet.”
“I’m staying for breakfast, don’t worry.” Theo looks back and forth between us with a furrowed brow, no doubt wondering what the hell is going on. “But you have my blessing. I think his brother’s wrong about him, and that’s what we needed to get to the bottom of.”
I roll my eyes, thinking of that almost kiss again. “His brother’s full of shit.”
Angela laughs, motioning to Theo with a slight tilt of her head. “This one must’ve really did his job for you to say that.”
“That’s the fastest I’ve gotten the best friend’s approval in a while.” Theo’s mouth curls up in a smile. She turns to him, eyes wide with amused surprise.
“And he’s picking up the language,” Angela says in English, before switching back to tell me, “You should keep him.”
“We’ll see,” I respond in English, wondering how the fuck Theo managed to understand every word. He offers no answers, only eyes glinting with mischief.
They spend an entire hour talking about me, like I’m not in the same room as them. When Angela brings up the library, Theo’s eyes light up.
“When’s the next book club, by the way?” Theo asks. “I need to know who to dress up as next time.”
“There aren’t any set rules. Dress up as whoever you like,” Angela says. Then she steps forward and looks over at him with an inquisitive look. “You’re giving me Thor vibes.”
“Oh yeah?” His eyes cut to me, brows waggling suggestively. “Who’s more your type? Thor or Captain America?”
Angela covers her mouth with both hands to stifle a laugh. Theo laughs good-naturedly, his cheeks flushed pink. “I thought you had to dress as a book character?”
“Not necessarily.” I shrug. “We told the kids last time to dress up as whoever they want. It’s just a matter of preference.”
“What’s your preference?” Oh, lord he’s never going to let this go now. “I’m betting you’re more of a Captain America girl.”
“You’re not wrong,” Angela says before I can confirm.
“I should buy a suit,” he says thoughtfully before throwing me for a loop all over again. “That reminds me, I need a book recommendation.”
I sit up straighter. “Wait… really?”
“Oh no. You shouldn’t have said that.” Angela’s voice takes on an ominous tone. “You’re never gonna get her to shut up now.”
“Like your favorites aren’t my favorites? Don’t pretend you don’t get just as excited as me.” I roll my eyes as I jump out of my seat and grab Theo’s hand. It’s finally time to show him my pride and joy. Angela trails behind us. I lead him to the door positioned across from my bedroom, throwing it open with a flourish.
What was meant to be a second bedroom has been converted into my very own home office-slash-library. A total of eight floor-to-ceiling bookcases cover every wall. For weeks, I struggled to pick a color before finally settling on white shelves. The only exceptions are the two iron half shelves placed on either side of the door. My desk sits in the middle of the room facing the window, which has a not-at-all stunning view of the apartment’s office roof. Theo’s eyes scan every inch of space, as if unsure where to begin.
“Top favorites are over here.” I point to the low bookcases beside my desk. “Adult favorites are on the left, YA and middle grade on the right.”
“There are way too many to choose from here.” Theo crouches down to inspect the iron shelves, eyes widening. His head turns to where I’m standing behind him, and he raises an accusing finger. “I need a top five list.”
“You want me to narrow it down to five?” I shake my head at the mere audacity. “I can give you ten, maybe, if we’re not including series.”
“Fine but put them order.” He rises from the floor, arms crossed over his chest. My eyes bug out at him. As if I could possibly do something like that. “Come on, let’s settle this.”
“And why are we suddenly playing this terrible game with my feelings?” I clutch at my chest, reluctantly walking toward the bookcases. “This is like choosing a favorite child.”
“Humor me.”
With meticulous care and great pain, I begin sorting out my favorites on the desk. I change my mind way too many times throughout the process, but Theo is surprisingly patient with me. While I’m stuck making decisions I have no business making, he makes small talk with Angela and inspects the insides of each book I place on the desk. At one point it looks like they exchange social media handles, but mostly I’m too wrapped up in sorting through favorites to tell for sure.
Theo lets me rattle on for longer than I ever thought he would about every book I’ve chosen for my top ten. He’s nodding in the appropriate places and even asking questions about my favorite characters and which books have the best plot twists. I look up at him with narrowed eyes, as if not quite believing this man is real. But I answer them all anyway, never once holding back.
“How come some of these are signed and some aren’t?” he asks suddenly, picking up a random book from my haphazard stack. “If they’re your favorites, shouldn’t all of them be signed? You don’t go to any events?”
“Few and far between,” Angela tells him from the cheery yellow upholstered armchair. I have two reading chairs placed in the corners on either side of the room, mostly because Angela had a habit of calling dibs back when I had only one. Thank goodness I grew up with a mother who knows how to thrift. “We’ve been to a couple together, but only the ones in Austin. We don’t have the kind of time or money to drop everything for a Dallas or Houston event.”
“So, you can only get signed books at these events?” he asks.
“Sometimes you can order signed copies from bookstores or author websites. I’ve also scoured Depop far too many times looking for them,” I tell him. “But if I already own a copy, it’s not worth buying a second just for a signature. No matter how many times I’ve been tempted.”
“Except when you donate your favorites and need replacement copies,” Angela says.
“What?” Theo’s head snaps up to me. “But these are your prized possessions. Why would you donate them?”
“Because before I did, the most recent YA books my high school library had was the Divergent series.” The proclamation doesn’t land the way it should. Theo tilts his head and shrugs. “Do you know how many years have passed since the dystopian craze died out? No hate to the genre, but you know a library’s in trouble when the most recent books they have are over ten years old.”
“And you willingly give away your own?” He shakes his head. “How much of a saint are you?”
I wave off the compliment. “I’m no saint, believe me. I was just the chubby girl with no friends her own age. All my friends growing up were teachers, library staff, and fictional characters.” I ignore the way his eyes go soft. “I practically grew up in the public library, but not everyone has one within walking distance. It’s especially important for kids that age to have a wide selection of reading material, and to be able to see themselves in the books they’re reading. They need that more than I do.”
I can’t fathom the way he’s looking at me right now, the storm of emotion flooding his eyes. Angela’s staring at him with barely concealed interest. When she glances back at me, her smirk is knowing and teasing at the same time.
“So…” Theo clears his throat, his expression clearing of whatever emotion was previously clogging it. “How many replacement copies do you need currently?”
“Goodreads.” Angela snaps her fingers at me.
“Already on it,” I say, taking a seat behind my desk and booting up my computer. “I’ve actually got it tabbed right here.” I point out the shelf titled Buy Again to Theo. “Ooh, let’s check if Depop has any signed copies.”
Theo reaches out and shuts my laptop closed. I look up at him with my best puppy-dog eyes, frowning. However, he is undeterred by my expression. “I need a book recommendation. Remember?”
Oh, right. That was the whole purpose of showing him my library in the first place.
Angela leaves soon after I find a book Theo might like. It’s not one from my favorites stack because I’ll quite possibly die if he doesn’t like it.
“So, did I pass?” Theo asks once she’s gone. I turn to look at him, eyebrows furrowing in a look of confusion. “Come on. I know a test when I see one.”
“With flying colors,” I tell him. “Angela might be more devastated than I’ll be when all this is over.” His amiable smile drops, setting into a frown. I bite down on my tongue, wincing.
Foot, meet mouth.
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did.”
“Don’t apologize. I get it,” he says, looking down at his shoes. “We knew what this was from the beginning, right?”
“Yeah.” I nod, even though that doesn’t feel true. Because I had no idea I would feel this way when I stare into his glittering blue eyes, wishing for more time. It’s not like we set a deadline on whatever our relationship is now, but it’s going to end, and when it does, I know I’ll be a mess. “Think that space from Alice did you some good?”
“Definitely.” He nods. “I still think she’s making a mistake with my brother, but I’m not going to stand in her way.” He takes my hand, and goosebumps rise on the skin of my arms at the touch. “What about you? Think you’re any closer to getting over Ben?”
“I think so,” I tell him, downplaying the truth for karma’s sake. I’m not sure if I’m completely over him yet, but the other day was a huge step in the right direction. “And I think this rebound is working a little too well.”
“Really?” His voice is low, husky in a way that’s giving me flashbacks to the last couple of days. He pulls me into his arms, hands settling at my waist. Just when I think he’s about to take this a step further, he throws me completely off guard when he asks, “Do you wanna go out on a date with me?”
I take a step back from him, head snapping up to look at him properly. “What?”
“It wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world, would it?” His expression is vulnerable in a way I haven’t seen yet. Which might be the most surprising, since we’ve both been vulnerable in all sorts of ways in front of each other. “I just thought… forget it.” He shakes his head. “Never mind.”
“No, what?” I ask, tugging on his hand to turn him back around. “Tell me.”
“I just thought it’d be nice if we did something different. Spend some time outside your apartment or mine, for once. Isn’t the dating portion equally as important as the sex portion of any good rebound?”
“You may have a point,” I concede. “All right. What’d you have in mind?”
His smile is blinding and incredibly contagious. My own lips quirk up just looking at him, even as my heart pounds faster inside my chest. I can’t tell if its anticipation or dread of the fallout crawling up my spine. But either way, I know without a doubt that when all this ends, I’m going to be miserable.