Chapter 10 Beyond the Windscreen
Beyond the Windscreen
Aaron
It wasn’t until we were in the car heading back to Sage Ridge that she brought up the subject I thought she left behind at Ayana’s.
“What kind of dreams would you like to have? Do you want to travel? Buy a motorcycle? Go back to school?”
I shrugged. “I don’t even know.”
She bit her lip and furrowed her brow. If there was one thing Nadine did not like, it was change.
Uncertainty.
I merged onto the highway. “What did you dream of doing when you were young? Before we had kids.”
She huffed out a short laugh. “There was barely any ‘before we had kids.’ We were kids ourselves, just beginning to figure things out, when we had Thalia. We had no time.”
Her voice turned shrill with anxiety at the end.
I softened my tone. “There was. Think. What did you want to do?”
“Aaron,” she stopped and shook her head. “Okay… Mainly I wanted a life with you. I wanted out from beneath my dad’s thumb. The only other thing I was thinking about back then was cooking school and we made that happen.”
I tried to hide my disappointment. “There was nothing else?”
She spread her hands, exasperated. “Like what?”
I shook my head. “Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m just tired.”
“Aaron—”
I shook my head sharply. “It’s okay, baby.” The closer we got to home, the tighter my chest became. All the things made small by the distance from the cabin loomed increasingly larger on the horizon.
Nadine sat with her daytimer, the old-fashioned, paperbound kind, open on her lap and her cell phone in hand giving me the rundown for the coming week.
Roofers were coming to give an estimate on Monday.
Brandon twisted his knee and needed physiotherapy. That would be going on our credit card.
Thalia was considering taking a break from her studies over the summer and possibly traveling. She was hoping to dip into her education fund.
What was left of it.
Was this what it was like for my mom? No. It was worse because she did it all on her own for so many years.
I gritted my teeth.
Pull your shit together, you fucking pussy. Stop whining about bills and house repairs and the cost of having kids. Would you rather a life without them? Pull your head out of your ass.
Rather than changing my outlook, my less than healthy mental scolding fed the guilt and restlessness churning inside me.
Why now? I’d had a perfect week with my wife, the best we’d had in a long time. We could plan to take more breaks, go up to the cabin more often. It wasn’t like anybody else used it much anymore. The problem wasn’t going to the cabin.
The problem was going back home.
I knew what was waiting for me.
Next week I would sit down and talk to Max.
I sighed.
Next week.
Nadine
I studied my husband. His whole demeanour began to change as soon as we got into the car. “Aaron, are you even listening to me?”
He shook his head and tossed me an apologetic smile. “Sorry! I was thinking about work.”
I found it hard to believe he suddenly wanted to leave what he’d spent his life building. Studying him, I asked, “Are you looking forward to getting back to the office now that she won’t be there?”
I frowned as his jaw clenched.
He shrugged and flicked the indicator to take the final turn-off for home.. “I’m not sure.”
Beyond the windscreen, the road whipped past underneath us. I couldn’t stave off the fear it was hurtling us toward an ending I didn’t see coming.
Men didn’t get this restlessness and stay with their wives. Especially when their children were grown. They moved on.
With me and Thalia, Aaron didn’t even have a chance to be a kid before he had to become a man.
Could all of his restlessness really be attributed to some unwanted flirting at work?
I was being sexist. Maybe it bothered him more than I imagined. “Aaron, does the situation with Lynda bother you that much?”
Oh, God. What if there was more to the story?
He frowned deeply.
Lines I hadn’t noticed before creased his handsome face. When did he get so tired?
“It was annoying.”
“Annoying required two weeks off?”
His eyes widened momentarily as his mouth opened and shut.
“Aaron? What else is going on?”
“Nadine, this life we built…it’s beautiful.”
His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter.
“It’s just not the life I want anymore.”