Chapter 3
Iwas parked at LAX, sunk low in the back seat of a tinted three-row SUV.
Others waited patiently on the sides for their rides to pull up.
Most stood near the barriers with their phones up, watching every car that rolled past too slowly.
My driver stayed inside with the engine running, eyes forward.
We’d done this dance enough times to know better than to draw attention.
My little sister, Kennedy, was in my ear, voice light and chipper, carrying on about her wedding.
I was happy that she was able to find love and start a life of her own, considering the circumstances of how our lives turned upside down when our mother passed.
I was proud that she was able to move forward with her life and not let her father stop her from believing in love and forevers. I wished I could have gotten that.
“And the wedding planner driving me up the fuckin’ wall too!” Her voice erupted through my headphones. “She keep making changes to things and setting up shit like it’s her wedding! Like, girl, are you walking down that aisle or me?”
I laughed. “Ken, you crazy!”
“No, that bitch is looney. Foreal!” She laughed and then exhaled dramatically before she began again. “Speaking of walking down the aisle . . .”
“Ken, don’t start. I don’t wanna hear no ‘Princess and me sitting in a tree’ jokes today.” I believed I knew where her conversation was heading and decided to beat her to the punch, but the shift in her tone when she spoke again told me otherwise.
“Boy, what? Princess and me sittin’ in a tree? That ain’t even how the song go, fool! I wanted to ask you something serious.”
I sat up straighter in my seat, eyes still focused on the world outside of the car window, but ears fully open.
Kennedy hardly ever asked me for anything, not even money for her wedding.
If I hadn’t offered to at least pay for the reception, she would have handled it herself.
My sister was a true rider and loved me for me, not for what I could provide her with. I loved that about her.
“Oh,” I replied, embarrassed. “What you need then? Let me know, Sis.”
There was a long pause on the phone, and for a moment, I thought the call had disconnected.
“Hello?” I asked. It was always hard to keep a signal out in LAX.
“I’m still here. I just . . .”
I sensed her hesitation and disconnected my headphones. Somehow, holding the phone to my ear instead helped me brace myself for whatever it was she had to say next.
“Ken, talk to me. What’s up, baby girl?”
“I wanted to ask you if . . .” She paused. I heard muffling through the speaker as if she was shifting herself or moving around. “If you could be the one to walk me down. You know, give me away.”
Suddenly, everything I felt about my little sister getting married and beginning a new life with her family became very real to me.
Kennedy was the only other person besides Princess that I could trust and knew accepted me for who I was.
She was always there for me when we were kids and did the best she could, even at her young age, to help me believe that there was real love in the cold streets of Detroit.
Then, she grew up, was getting married, and wanted to share that special moment with me.
Even with all my success and fame, I still felt that I didn’t measure up to such an honor.
I could tell she sensed the silence in that moment was from me running wild with the thoughts in my mind, because she let out a soft laugh, almost like a whisper. I cleared my throat when I heard it and spoke quickly.
“Ken, that’s . . . Wow. I didn’t expect that. I’m not saying I won’t, but . . . Wow.”
She laughed again, and before she could speak, I started again.
“I thought your daddy was walking you?” I heard her let out a deep breath and smack her teeth. I knew whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be any good.
“Honestly, Zay, nobody has seen him since we asked him three months ago. And I don’t have time for it.
If he wants to keep going off, getting high and drunk, I’m going to let him.
He has messed up everything good in his life, and I’m not about to let him ruin my day.
I can’t even tell you if he still remembers my wedding date. So, no, I’m not about to be bothered.”
I wasn’t surprised. My stepfather was the same man who used to beat me just because I wasn’t his biological son.
He made sure he let me know it every chance he got.
When I went to jail for beating him senseless, he really went wild.
He never laid a hand on my sister, his only daughter, but to take out that aggression from the embarrassment of having the entire neighborhood witness him get whupped by an eighteen-year-old and being exposed as the child abuser he was, he turned to drugs and alcohol.
I would hear stories about him spending most of his time on the East Side of Detroit in crack houses and outside liquor stores, asking for spare change.
“I hear you, Sis. You know I got you. Just tell me what I gotta do. I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you, Zay, really. I’ll email you all the details. I love you, Brother.”
“I love you, too.”
“So,” she continued after a brief pause, “what’s the plan for spring break weekend?”
I smiled and rubbed my thumb along the edge of my phone. “What you mean?”
“I mean,” she said, “are you working, or you finally gonna sit your ass down somewhere?”
I exhaled. “Yana coming into town.”
“Okay,” she said easily. “That’s nice. For how long?”
“For the whole week.”
“That’s good. I know you happy. Is she excited?”
“Yeah,” I said, my eyes on a group of people who walked closer to the curb. “She real excited. Princess coming too.”
The silence on the other end of the line was loud as hell. “Oh,” she said finally. “So y’all finally back together now?”
“We—” I stopped myself. “We spending time.”
Kennedy laughed. “Zay, really? Cut it out!”
“What?” I said, already defensive.
“You know what?” she said. “You need to stop bullshitting and go ahead and propose to that girl.”
I laughed out loud that time and shook my head. “Man, you sound just like Kam.”
“Because Kam ain’t stupid either,” she shot back. “She’s the love of your life. She showing you she ain’t going nowhere. You the only one still freezing.”
I leaned my head back against the seat. “Ain’t nobody freezing.”
“You are,” she said gently. “Same way you used to freeze back in them Myspace days.”
“That was different,” I muttered.
“How?” she asked. “You scared then. You scared now.”
I knew she was being playful, but I didn’t answer right away. I knew then that she was right.
“You scared you gonna mess it up.” She continued. “Scared you don’t know how to stay.”
I swallowed. “I just . . . I just don’t wanna do it wrong.”
Kennedy’s voice softened. “You not gonna end up like him.”
I closed my eyes with my head still back on the seat and took in her next words.
“You not my daddy,” she said. “You not strung out. You not abusive. You don’t disappear. You don’t make people afraid to love you.”
I opened my eyes and exhaled, taking those words in carefully. “I want it,” I admitted. “That family shit. I just . . . don’t know how to step into it without losing myself.”
“You won’t,” she said. “You’ll finally be yourself.”
I was about to respond when the airport’s glass doors opened and caught my eye. Love and Yana stepped out with suitcases rolling beside them.
“Hold on,” I said as I sat up. “They here.”
I instinctively pressed end on the phone and opened the car door to greet them. Warm L.A. air hit me in the face as I stepped out, and the noise from the terminal swirled around me.
My driver had stepped out and walked around the hood of the car toward them for the bags. Yana and Princess stood right outside the glass doors and looked around before Yana spotted me first.
The smile on her face shone brightly when she tapped her mother’s shoulder and pointed in our direction.
Her grin widened, and she picked up her pace, bouncing as she walked.
She seemed taller than the last time I saw her.
She wore loose cargo pants, a cropped hoodie, and Converse sneakers, but it was her face that caught me every time—that soft nose, the same eyes that looked like they hid all the answers when she laughed.
Her curly black hair was pulled into a half-up, half-down style that blew wildly in the wind behind her.
She looked so much like my mother.
I bent down a little when she got close and pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Hey, baby girl,” I said into her hair. “How was the flight?”
“The same as coach always is,” she mumbled playfully.
“Girl, we was in business class. If you don’t cut it out,” Princess countered as she stepped up to us. “You was literally in seat 1A!”
“I’m just saying, since the moment I got on a jet, it’s been hard to go back to anything less.”
I chuckled. Their playful banter was easily my favorite part of their relationship. I loved the way Princess mothered her. She allowed Yana to express herself, but she would snap quickly if it went too far. That also reminded me of my mother.
Princess rolled her eyes and smiled. “Girl, bye. Go get yo’ little ass in the car before I have to whup you.”
Just then, my phone rang in my hand. I answered it quickly when I saw the name across my screen, hardly able to say hello before her voice boomed through the speaker.
“Put my niece on the phone!” Kennedy demanded. “Rude ass, just hanging up on folks!”
“My bad, Ken.” I laughed and then held out the phone to Yana. “Your auntie looking for you.”
She took the phone and walked to the car, followed by our driver, who rolled her suitcase behind him.
Then, it was just Princess and me. She smiled when our eyes met. I grabbed her hand and took a step back, looking her up and down.
She had on black leggings that hugged her curves tightly.
A white jacket was tied around her waist, and a yellow crop top rose high enough to show her belly button.
The silver ring sparkled in the sunlight and hung next to the purple star tattoo that kissed her skin.
It was tiny and faint, but still there. I remembered going with her when we were teenagers in Detroit, both of us pretending we weren’t scared, holding hands tighter than necessary.
She adjusted the strap of her bag that hung on her shoulder. Her cheeks turned pink when she noticed how my eyes followed her curves. “Hey, Zay,” she said softly.
“Hey,” I replied, letting my eyes travel back up just enough to let her know I was checking her out. “You look . . . comfortable.”
She grinned. “Is that your way of saying I look good?”
“It’s my way of saying you always knew how to dress for trouble.”
“You still so ridiculous.” She laughed and shook her head.
“And you still blushing.”
She bit her lip. “Stop it.”
I stepped closer and pulled her into a hug, slow and intentional. She melted into it for a moment longer than I’d expected before she pulled back. Before either of us could say anything else, a voice cut in.
“Excuse me . . . Westside Zay?”
I grunted and closed my eyes before turning in the direction of whoever it was that spoke. A man with his iPhone pointed in our direction stood a few feet away.
“I’m with GNZ,” the man said. “Is this family time in Los Angeles today? How has life been since finding out you had a daughter?”
I didn’t answer. I slid one hand onto the small of Princess’s back, grabbed her suitcase with the other, and gently guided her in the direction of the car that had been waiting for us.
“How about you, Ms. Love Tate?” the man continued, following behind us. “How has life been after having a best-selling novel turned into a movie? Pretty good feeling, right? How long are you in Los Angeles?”
“Yeah . . .” Princess responded politely. “It’s a pretty good feeling.”
“How about you, Zay? You have your family now, number one soundtrack. You feeling pretty good?”
Heads turned in our direction, and more phones came out. Voices through the crowd overlapped and spread quickly.
“That’s Westside Zay!”
“That’s that girl that wrote that movie . . .”
“Is that his baby mama?”
We made it to the car, where the driver already had the door open for us, and hopped inside. Our driver shut the door behind us and hurried to the front to drive off. The cameraman did his best to hold his phone close to the window, and I was thankful they were tinted.
Princess leaned close to me and whispered, “You good?”
“Yeah, you okay?” I asked.
“I’m okay. That was crazy.” She chuckled.
Yana sat in the seat before us and turned with the phone still pressed against her ear. “Y’all okay? What happened?”
“We good, baby girl. Everything is good,” I said.
The terminal blurred past us as we drove away, leaving the small crowd and a few flashes behind us. Yana turned her head back to the front and continued her conversation.
Princess and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
The camera stayed behind, but what mattered the most was right here with me.