Chapter 11 #2
I steadied my voice to sound as calm as I could. “I’m not here to fight you. I came here because . . . I wanted to see him. I need to know the truth.”
I swallowed and forced my shoulders down.
Amora’s gaze never left Zayn’s. I saw her lips tremble as she replied to me. “You, um . . . You want to hold him?”
I hesitated. I hadn’t held a baby in years, never even been close to one in so long. I tried to steady myself, as I wasn’t prepared for that moment.
“I don’t think that’s . . .” I paused and looked at Kam.
He stared at me with his arms still folded, like he was waiting for me to take the lead.
Since I had taken charge of the moment then, I understood he wanted me to continue.
I shot him a smirk and dropped my head. I had been so adult just a moment ago, and now I was scared to hold a baby.
I let out a quiet chuckle and shook my head.
“Yes, you can,” Amora shot back. “Just . . . just hold him.”
She stepped forward and placed the baby in my arms before I could talk myself—or her—out of it. I carefully took him. He was warm and heavy. The weight of him in my arms wasn’t just his little body. It felt like the weight of possibility, consequences, and a whole future I hadn’t planned for.
Zayn blinked up at me and stared like he recognized something. Or maybe I just projected because my heart felt too much. He made a small sound, and then his tiny fingers curled around my thumb. That made my heart crack open.
I stared down at him, and for a second, the room went quiet in my head. There was no music at that moment, no meetings, and no numbers.
I was just him and me.
Amora watched my face like she could read my thoughts. “You see it?” she asked quietly.
I didn’t answer her right away. I knew what she meant, but I couldn’t tell the difference.
My immediate thought didn’t tell me that he was mine, but I saw the possibility.
I wasn’t sure what that meant, exactly, but that was enough to scare me.
I swallowed and finally looked up at her, unable to hide my anger any longer.
“You didn’t say anything to me,” I said, voice low.
“You didn’t tell me you was even pregnant, and now you just pop up with a baby out of the blue and say that he’s mine?
What type of time is you really on, Amora?
You think I’m stupid? I’m not the only nigga you was fucking.
Let’s be real. You can play that ‘good girl, I’m so hurt’ shit all you want to, but you know just like I do, you was out here fuckin’ too.
That’s why it worked for so long between us.
You did you, and I did me, no strings attached. ”
Her face tightened. I held the baby a little closer without thought. I felt like my body was trying to protect him from the tension.
Amora exhaled slowly, like she was tired of fighting but didn’t know any other way to survive.
“I did,” she admitted. “I kept it a secret.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why you couldn’t just call me like a normal person? Why you couldn’t just—”
“Because you wasn’t answering!” she snapped back. When she realized her tone had grown louder, she immediately softened, and the baby shifted in my arms. She lowered her voice as if she didn’t want him to absorb her anger. “You shut me out completely, like I didn’t exist.”
I stared at her. “Amora, . . . you knew what this would do.”
“I didn’t know what else to do,” she said. Her eyes grew glossy. “That hurt me. Foreal, Zay.”
Something in me wanted to believe her. Something wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was sure it was the baby nestled in my arms. I scoffed at the thought.
“You didn’t tell me, because you wanted leverage. You wanted to be in control of this.”
Her lips pressed together. Then she nodded. “Maybe,” she whispered.
“That ‘maybe’ could’ve got real ugly real fast.”
“You don’t need to rub it in my face.”
“And you ain’t need to make this a headline,” I shot back.
Amora moved closer to me and gently took Zayn out of my arms. She sat back down on the couch and cradled him as if her body had finally given up. She rubbed her free hand across her forehead as if she were easing a headache.
“I didn’t think I was gonna keep him,” she admitted, voice thin. “I had plans with an adoption agency.”
That hit me in my gut as if someone had punched me—not because I judged her, but because I didn’t know what it felt like to be alone with a baby, your whole life changing overnight, because that made it real in a way that I hadn’t expected.
I even saw Kam’s body loosen in the recliner as if he had finally gained a clearer understanding.
“You didn’t plan to keep him?” I asked.
Her eyes lifted to mine. “I was so scared.”
I stared down at the baby again. He had settled down and yawned like the innocent soul he was.
Amora continued. “When I found out, I was just so angry. At myself. At you. At everything. I kept thinking . . . this wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
I swallowed. “Why you just ain’t say nothing?”
Her laugh came out small and bitter. “Because you were living your life. You were with your family.”
My jaw tightened as she pointed toward the window as if the world outside held the evidence.
“Every time I opened my phone, it was you and Author Love Tate and Yana. Y’all were always smiling and out and about. Studio days. Father-daughter moments. And I thought . . . damn”—her voice cracked—“that could’ve been me.”
I was at a loss for words. I wanted to say something to comfort her, but I couldn’t think of anything right away. She wiped her face fast before the tears that welled in her eyes could spill onto her cheeks.
“I’m not saying I’m innocent,” she continued. “I’m saying, damn, I’m human.”
I looked down at the baby in her arms again. His eyes were still on me as if he were trying to memorize my face.
My throat tightened. “I’m not here to argue about feelings,” I said quietly. “I’m here to get the truth.”
Amora nodded immediately, too fast. “Okay.”
“We doing a DNA test,” I said.
She didn’t hesitate. “Okay.”
We sat there in silence and let the weight of the moment settle between all of us. Amora continued to bounce the baby while Kam fiddled with his thumbs. I bounced my knee up and down and anticipated what would come next.
“For my own clarity, I need it done the right way.” I cut through the silence. “Through a lab. Not no at-home swab kit you can fake for Instagram.”
Amora’s eyes flashed. “I’m not trying to fake nothing.”
I quickly responded. “I’m not saying you are. I’m just saying, you shouldn’t mind doing it the honest way.”
She held my gaze for a second, then looked away. I noticed something flicker in her expression.
“Fine,” she said. “Whatever you need to do, Zay.”
“And until we get results,” I said, “you not posting no more hints. I don’t wanna see no more captions. No more letting the comments turn into a courtroom.”
Amora’s face tightened again. “I didn’t—”
“You did.” I cut in, and my voice sharpened. “You knew exactly what you was doing. You named him Zayn like you wanted people to connect dots. You quoted my song like you wanted the blogs to pick it up. That’s not an accident.”
Her eyes widened as if she wanted to deny it, but she couldn’t.
“Okay,” she replied, defeated.
“And I’m telling you,” I said, “I’m not playing with this. That baby didn’t ask for none of this. So we not putting him in the middle.”
Amora swallowed and nodded slowly. “Okay,” she whispered. “I agree.”
I stared at her, then added with a soft tone, “And if he mine . . .”
She looked up.
“If he mine,” I continued, “I’ma be there. For real. I’m going to do my part for him. But that don’t mean you get access to me.”
Her eyes welled again, but there was still caution there. It was as if she wanted to believe me and didn’t trust her own hope.
I saw Kam nod his head from my peripheral like he approved.
She continued to look at me as if she wanted to say a hundred things, but the only one that came out was the most honest thing she could think of.
“I didn’t want to do it like this,” she murmured.
I believed her, yet I didn’t. I told myself that both could be true. I agreed regardless. “Me neither,” I said.
Kam pulled his phone out and began typing something. The sound of his fingers on the screen was all that lingered in the room for a moment.
“I’m scheduling the test,” he said. “We’ll send you the lab details. You bring him in to test. You don’t get to do your part at home. You show up on time. No extra people. No cameras.”
Amora nodded. “I got it.”
I felt the room tilt a little when I stood from the couch. Kam stood after me, and we turned to head back to the front door. When my hand reached the handle, Amora called my name.
“Zay.”
I looked back at her.
Her eyes were wet again, but her voice was firm. “Whatever happens, . . . just know that I’m sorry for all of this,” she said. “I honestly need to know as much as you do.”
That hit. In that moment, my anger flared again because I knew, just like she knew, that I was not the only possibility of being Zayn’s father.
She also knew that pinning it on me would carry weight.
I was visible; I was a celebrity. It would hurt me as much as it did her. That thought burned into my skull.
At the same time, I also recognized the fear, hurt, and the desperation.
Women like that reminded me of my mother.
She was young, overwhelmed, and trying to survive when she met my stepfather.
She tried her best to make things stick so she wouldn’t drown alone.
That was how the abuse came into the picture.
I couldn’t let another child grow up in confusion because grown-ass adults were too scared to learn the truth.
It wasn’t about ego. It was about peace. I needed to know the truth. If he was mine, I would step up and be the man that Zayn needed, the man I never had in my life. If he wasn’t mine, I’d deal with that, too. Either way, I wasn’t going to run from it.
I nodded. “Okay.” I opened the door and didn’t look back when I stepped back out into the sun.
Kam followed behind me, and we walked down the driveway in silence. We reached Kam’s car first. He leaned against his truck and watched me like he was waiting for me to speak first. I didn’t.
“You good, bruh?” he asked, breaking the silence.
I let out a breath that felt like it came from my gut. “I don’t know.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
I shook my head and didn’t respond. I just walked to my car, opened the door, and got in. When I pulled out of that quiet neighborhood and drove back toward the life that I swore was straight only a few days ago, my heart pounded like it tried to warn me that ‘straight’ was anything but.