Chapter 16
“Are we almost there?” Yana asked the driver from the back seat of the SUV.
She sat beside me with curls that bounced from the rough Detroit roads. We were supposed to have been at the church thirty minutes before I checked my watch.
“Yes, ma’am, only seven minutes from the venue,” the driver calmly replied.
I scrolled through my phone and continued to check my emails.
I realized how I was always unbothered when it came to deadlines.
“They can wait” had become my motto, yet I felt different about Kennedy’s wedding.
That day meant more, but my mind was still back in the bed of my hotel room, where I’d cried the night before.
The emotional weight of everything from confronting my stepfather to the pending DNA results sat heavily on me.
I decided I would let it go and focus on the day.
Kennedy deserved that much. Yana did too.
I locked my screen and placed the phone in my pocket. Yana looked at me and smiled behind the sunglasses over her eyes. She had been the only light throughout that difficult time. I was glad to have her with me.
When we finally reached the church, Kennedy was upstairs, getting ready. Yana scurried inside to find Princess, and I stood in the lobby, adjusting my cuffs, trying to steady my breathing.
My stepfather walked in, and we locked eyes for a moment. I was surprised he wasn’t drunk or high. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him without being one or the other.
His suit didn’t fit right. The shoulders were too big, as if the suit had been borrowed from someone else.
He dropped his gaze and quickly went inside the open doors to the sanctuary.
I saw him take a seat and rest his hand on his knees like he didn’t know what to do with them.
He didn’t look at anyone. He just stared at the floor.
I grunted and shook my head.
The bridesmaids walked down the stairs. Most were cousins, but there were a few that I didn’t recognize at all from the day before.
Their makeup and dresses made them unrecognizable.
I smiled politely and excused myself out of the way to an empty wall.
After the altercation with my stepfather, I couldn’t remember where I was supposed to be.
The wedding coordinator must have noticed that I was confused because she walked over to me slowly and reassured me that I was okay.
“You can wait right here,” she said. “The bridesmaids go in first. Your sister should be coming down the stairs here shortly.”
Right on cue, the music started. The wedding party all gathered in their spots and walked inside, arm in arm.
Once the last one made it, the ushers stepped forward and pulled the heavy wooden doors shut behind them.
The murmur of the side conversations and the rhythm of the music died down.
Then, Kennedy came down the stairs, slow and intentional, like she had waited for this moment her whole life.
She was smiling from ear to ear, and I saw her eyes were glossy from fighting back tears behind the veil.
It framed her face just enough to soften her, but not enough to hide her strength.
Her gown hugged her waist and flowed out in layers that caught the stained-glass light that poured through the windows.
Tiny beads were stitched throughout the dress that shimmered with every step she took.
She wasn’t just beautiful; she was also confident.
She reached the bottom of the stairs and reached her hand out toward me.
In that moment, all the noise in my head quieted.
Her eyes found mine, and it was as if everything we had been through together, up until that point, faded.
When she smiled, she no longer looked like my adult little sister who was stepping into her new life.
She looked like the little girl who used to stand up for me when things in our house got loud.
I stood straight and smoothed out my jacket, lifted my arm, and welcomed her onto it.
“You ready for this?” I asked her.
She walked a few steps toward me and locked her arm with mine.
“I’m ready,” she answered.
The church doors opened, and I took the first step forward. I knew that no matter what else in my life felt unstable, right there was solid. She was my family. Even when it was messy, even when it was complicated, it was still ours.
When I was halfway down the aisle, I scanned the room.
Kennedy’s dad’s side of the family mostly filled her side of the room.
There were a few aunts, uncles, and cousins I recognized there, whom I hadn’t seen since I left Detroit, but they weren’t who I had been searching for.
I scanned the room again until my eyes landed on her.
Yana caught me as I stared at her mother. She nudged her and whispered something. Princess looked up at me, and for a moment, our eyes locked on each other. I felt it in my chest. We hadn’t really talked since that last phone call—nothing out of being courteous, short, and polite.
I missed her.
I broke the gaze first and continued to step forward.
The ceremony began, but my body moved on autopilot. I tried my best to be as present as I could, but I couldn’t stop looking at her.
She was beautiful, as always. Her dress was simple, but it fit her like it had been tailored just for her body.
Her hair was curled and pushed to one side.
She never wore too much makeup—she never had to—but her lips shone when she smiled at a corny joke the preacher told.
Even when everyone else laughed on cue from his jokes, my mind would drift somewhere else.
I wondered what it felt like to stand at the front of an altar and watch her walk toward me.
What would it feel like to hear vows and truly belong to one another?
I felt her eyes on me a few times too. I’d look over and catch her staring, but she would blink and turn her head like she hadn’t. Yana noticed once. She smiled, rolled her eyes, and shook her head like we were the most obvious people in the room.
When Tyler and Kennedy sealed their vows with a kiss, the church erupted in applause and laughter. I clapped and laughed with everyone else, and as they walked down the aisle, hand in hand, my heart tightened with the thought that I was close to my forever, if I could get it right.
The reception had that Detroit energy in full effect. The music was loud, the aunties did the Tamia hustle, and the liquor flowed heavily.
My Uncle Bud was already tipsy before the food was served. I stood near the bar and took pictures with Kennedy’s friends and coworkers, which she’d invited, when Princess walked over. I was mid-pose with a fake smile when she crossed behind the lady who snapped the photo on her phone.
“Prin!” I hollered over the music. I dropped my arm that was wrapped around the woman and excused myself. Both ladies looked over their shoulders as I jogged behind Princess and gently grabbed her arm.
“Oh, hey, Zay.” She smiled nervously as she turned and realized it was me.
“Hey,” I replied.
We stood there for a moment, silent, the only sound between us being the music from the speakers.
“You did good,” she said softly.
“Oh, yeah? Thanks.”
“You look very nice too.”
I nodded. “Thank you. Had to call Simone to see if I had on the right tie. When I picked up the suit, I thought they’d gave me the wrong one.”
She giggled. “Well, I’m glad she got you together.”
“You look beautiful.”
She dropped her head and brought it back up with a smile. “Thank you.”
The silence stretched between us again. I hated how weird that felt.
“Can we talk?” I asked gently.
She hesitated at first, but after a thought, she nodded.
We stepped outside, onto the balcony of the reception hall, and shut the doors behind us. The music muffled and faded into the wind, and the skyline glowed behind us.
“How is it, seeing him? After all this time?” she asked.
She didn’t have to say his name. I not only tried to push away the emotions I felt from the events the day before, but I also tried to steer clear of my stepfather throughout the whole reception. It was in the back of mind, but when she asked, I was suddenly reminded.
“It was . . . different,” I admitted.
She folded her arms and stared at me. She always knew when there was more to a story. She leaned forward, and I saw her forehead scrunch in confusion.
“He was at the rehearsal yesterday. Busted in, high as hell, thinking he missed the wedding.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“What the fuck? And what happened?”
I almost laughed at that. “At first, we just ignored the nigga,” I answered.
“He came up to me, talkin’ ’bout he been telling people in The D that he proud of his son.
He said I was his son.” I shook my head and balled my fists.
I tried to keep myself from becoming angry again.
Princess just stood back and watched, listening carefully as I continued.
“He called me soft. I wasn’t soft when I whupped his ass in front of the whole neighborhood. I told him, I ain’t him. Told him I won’t raise my kids like that.”
Her face softened. “I’m proud of you,” she said quietly.
Those words meant more than she probably knew in that moment; however, the softness didn’t last. I made the mistake of adding something else.
“I’m trying to break cycles.”
She slung her head back as if what I’d said shocked her.
“Wow, break cycles, huh?”
I blinked. “What? What do you mean by that?”
“You bury yourself in the studio when things get hard,” she said calmly but sharply. “You shut down and disappear emotionally. You just do it cleaner than he did.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“I’m not trying to be harsh, Zay. I’m tellin’ you that it’s still avoidance.”
My temper began to rise. “Princess—”
“No, listen.” She cut me off. “I’m just trying to give it to you straight. What happened to you was wrong. I will never minimize that, but you can’t avoid your problems all your life. You can’t use that forever to excuse shutting people out.”
I stepped closer. “I didn’t shut you out, Prin.”
“You didn’t tell me about the baby,” she shot back. “You decided I couldn’t handle it.”
“You walked back into my life with a fifteen-year-old I didn’t even know I had!” I snapped.
She flinched, and I immediately regretted the tone but not the truth. “I know we talked about it already, so I don’t want to go back down that road, and I have adjusted,” I continued, and lowered my voice. “I changed my life and stepped up. I didn’t run.”
“And I’m grateful for that,” she said quickly. “But that doesn’t mean that what’s happening now doesn’t hurt.”
I ran a hand over my face. “I’m trying,” I said. “I’m trying to handle this the best way I know how, Prin.”
She turned away from me and looked at the skyline. “It just feels funny,” she admitted quietly. “Amora keeps popping up on my feed. Her and the baby. It just feels weird.”
“You think I control that?” I asked.
“No. But it still feels weird.”
“I’m not responding to her, and you shouldn’t let that bother you,” I said.
She folded her arms and turned back to me with a scowl on her face.
I quickly corrected myself. “I mean, . . . damn, Princess, I don’t know the right shit to say, okay?
” I exclaimed. She looked down again, and I exhaled before I lowered my tone.
“Look, I took the test already. We’ll know soon enough. ”
“Okay.” She nodded. “And if he is yours, what does that mean for us?” When she looked up again, I noticed tears in her eyes.
“That doesn’t change the way that I feel about you.
It never will.” I cupped her cheek with my right hand and stared into her eyes.
“Nothing will ever come in between the feelings I have for you. Not space, time, or distance between us. It’s always been you, girl.
I’ll take the blame. Me being in survival mode and pouring everything into my career has made me an awful man to date.
I be puttin’ my life on hold, trying to get my shit straight, and I see that I’ve been going about it wrong.
When I was a teenager, I never believed that I could trust anybody to love me, and you did it anyway.
I don’t ever want to quit trying either. Even if that sounds fucked up.”
I wanted to kiss her, but I didn’t want to mess up the moment either. I let the silence sit between us until she spoke again.
“It seems like we can never get this right.”
Before I could respond, Yana burst through the doors. “Dad!” she yelled.
We both turned. I dropped my hand from Princess’s face, and she took a step back. We both dropped our heads as if we had just been caught. Yana didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she didn’t even give a damn.
“Auntie Kennedy is calling for the wedding party to do some TikTok dance,” she said, voice serious. “Please go get her before she embarrasses us on the internet!” I blinked. Princess held back a laugh. “I’m serious!” Yana added. “This why y’all need supervision!”
I walked to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder.
“Alright, come on,” I said. “I’ll save you from the old folks.”
She leaned into me like it was second nature.
Princess followed behind us as we walked back inside. For a moment, it almost felt normal again. The space between us still existed, but I started to understand that breaking a cycle wasn’t just about confronting the past. It was about learning how to stay present when love got complicated.
However, it was something I was willing to figure out.