Chapter Twenty-One
Brynlee
After Rhett left, I crawled into bed and cried until I passed out, my arms clutching the bear he won me on our first official date. It didn’t do me much good because the little sleep I did get was nothing more than restless.
When I woke up, I felt even worse than I expected. Like the first and only night I got drunk in college with my roommate. Mama always told me not to drink, and I rebelled. It was the day I swore off alcohol forever.
“I told him I love him, and he said he doesn’t think I know what love is,” I say as my stomach knots and churns. “This is the end. I know it is, but I don’t know why he’s doing this.”
I’m suddenly too hot. Throwing the covers off me, the familiar nauseous feeling washes over me, and I jump up to run to the bathroom.
Vomiting from emotional distress isn’t new to me.
It’s happened most of my life, but I don’t think I’ve been this upset since Mama died.
I spent the three nights after her death sleeping in the bathroom.
Everything I ate yesterday comes back up, and I feel worse than I did when I opened my eyes this morning.
My head aches, and I feel like death. At least I managed to get the flour out of my hair before crawling into bed.
It’s not just my aching head that hurts.
My chest feels broken. My heart shattered.
My phone rings in the bedroom, and I pull myself up off the bathroom floor.
I hope to see Rhett’s name. All night, I prayed for a call or text from him telling me he’s sorry and wasn’t in his right mind yesterday.
He was drunk or something, and that we can fix whatever the issue is together.
That we’re not over. It was just a stupid fight, and I jumped to the wrong conclusion.
I glance at the clock and gasp. It’s afternoon already. I laid in bed all day, and I haven’t even attempted to get ready yet.
The ringing stops before I reach the phone, and I see red the moment I see Kevin’s name. His name pops up again, and I finally answer it. The first time since I left Chicago. Not that he’s called that often.
“What do you want?” I almost shout.
“So, you are alive. I haven’t heard from you in months, babe,” Kevin says. His voice is deep, but he doesn’t have the Southern drawl I long to hear.
“You’re not calling out of concern for me. You’re calling because you expected me to come crawling back by now.”
He chuckles. “I wouldn’t put it that way. Although crawling does paint a gorgeous picture.”
“You’re a pig.”
“I’m just making a joke. You used to find me funny.”
“I used to care about bruising your ego and had to laugh even though you really aren’t that funny.”
Pausing, I know he’s looking at his phone in surprise. I’m never this direct with him. “Ouch.”
“No, wait. You’re not just calling because you expected me back by now. You’re calling because everyone expected to see me at Thanksgiving, and you haven’t told anyone I left you.”
“Mom was disappointed you weren’t there for dinner, yes.”
“What do you want, Kevin? I’m not in a good mood right now.”
“I want you to come home.”
His answer stuns me into silence. I expected a guilt trip or an offer to give me something he thinks I want as a bargaining chip. I hadn’t expected him to tell me he simply wants me to come home.
“You don’t need me, Kevin. You have Pippa,” I say, over-pronouncing the Ps with a popping sound. It’s actually really fun to do. “She’s younger and more flexible. Because she does yo-ga.”
I make a point to emphasize yoga the way Pippa did when she met me. She suggested I go to a class with her because increased flexibility makes men happier in bed. Like she has a leg up on me because she can breathe while stretching.
“I miss you.”
“No, you don’t. We never really even liked each other. Our mothers liked us together more than we liked being in the same room.”
“I love you.”
His voice distorts as he says it, and I’m annoyed to realize he’s talking to me on a hands-free system in the car. He’s calling me while driving. Nice. “No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“Your mother approves of me because of my background. I would make a nice addition to the family portraits, and we’d make good-looking children. Plus, I’ve proven how poised I can stay under the constant scrutiny your family always seems to be under. Pippa can’t do that, can she?”
I cover my mouth as I giggle at the way I say her name. It’s the only amusement I have right now, and it really is fun to say. Pi-ppa.
Sighing, I hear the blinker, and I know he’s in his Porsche. Or a Porsche. There’s no telling where Thanksgiving was this year. “You are part of the family, Brynlee.”
“I have no desire to be the smiling trophy wife while my husband sleeps around,” I say, moving to lie back in my bed.
I can’t tear my eyes from the pink bear sitting on the spot Rhett usually lays.
“You don’t think I’m worthy enough to be the only woman in your life, and I finally know I am.
I deserve to be someone’s one and only. Not just in his life, but in his bed, too. ”
“I’ll do better, I promise.”
Shaking my head, I sit up and know I can’t continue lying here. I have to move. If I don’t, the anger and annoyance will build within me until I explode. I start walking out of the room, not sure exactly where I plan to go.
“No, you won’t. You’ll just get better at hiding it. I don’t want that to be my life, and that’s how it works in your world. I don’t want to change for someone, and I don’t want to be in the business of changing someone, either.”
I walk into the kitchen and grab the counter as dizziness hits me. Leaning on the counter, I decide that I don’t care how messy my life is right now. I refuse to go back to Kevin. It would be the easy option, but I don’t want that life.
“No, I—”
“Will buy me expensive gifts your mom picks out just like your dad gives her when his newest mistress comes to light? Or maybe we’ll take a vacation under the guise that it’s for me, but you’ll abandon me in the spa while you play eighteen holes of golf and come back too drunk to do anything other than sleep.
And snore. Loudly. You might not even make it to the bed before you pass out, and I have to decide whether to just leave you on the floor or not. ”
He chuckles. “You say that like we’ve done it before.”
“We have.”
“Oh. Look, I know you’re privy to the kind of marriage my parents have, but I don’t want that. It took losing you to realize it.”
He wants me on his arm at the functions where appearances matter. The woman he has at his side can make or break him. “I’m flattered you felt the need to reach out after months, but I’m happy with my life now.” At least, I was until yesterday. “I wasn’t happy with you.”
“I can make you happy, babe. I know I can.”
Grimacing, I shiver. I know exactly what he means, and no, he cannot.
“I don’t think you can. I don’t want the city life anymore, and that’s where you thrive.
We’re just different people, and it’s not our fault that we didn’t realize it sooner.
Mama wanted that life for me, and I didn’t know better. Now… Now, I do.”
“We’re not that different, Brynlee. We’re not.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes. We couldn’t be more different if he was green, and I was purple.
“If you want to move to the country, I’ll buy land and build us a house. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. I’ll let you plan our entire vacation, and I won’t do anything but pay for everything. I won’t play golf if you don’t want me to. Please, babe, just come home.”
“I am home, Kevin. My home isn’t with you anymore. I hope you find someone better suited for you if Pippa isn’t the one. I deserve more than what you can give me, and I can’t give you what you want.”
He scoffs. “I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.”
“Except what I dream of can’t be bought. Money won’t solve the issue, and I can’t be bought off. It doesn’t work that way for me. Goodbye, Kevin. Oh, and cancel the countdown to the wedding. There will be no wedding. Not with me.”
Hanging up, I block his number. The last thing I want is to see his name on the screen again. Especially around Rhett. Assuming Rhett ever comes around again.
Last night really felt like a breakup. I never thought he’d be someone who would hurt me, but I’ve been wrong before.
Somehow, the nice guy I fell in love with turned into a jerk pretty much overnight.
It’s like he wanted to ruin this, and I don’t know why.
I just wish I knew what I did to bring out this mean side of him.
My stomach lurches, and I move to the sink to puke again. “What did I eat yesterday that doesn’t agree with me?” I moan and rest my cheek on the cool counter.
I know it’s nothing I ate. It’s the loss of the man of my dreams that’s doing this to me.
The doorbell rings, and I groan. I’m oddly comfortable bent over the counter and resting my body and face on the cold stone surface. I look a mess, but maybe it’ll make whoever’s outside leave quickly.
“Who is it?” I call out.
“Rhett.”
Great. Just what I need. I peel myself off the counter and walk over to the door. Unlocking it, I open it and lean against it. “What are you doing here?”
Rhett’s face shifts to concern, and I get a glimpse of the nice boyfriend I used to have. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t feel well. I’m not sure if it’s something I ate or all the sleep I didn’t get last night.”
Stepping inside without being invited, he walks into the kitchen and pulls out a bottle of water from the fridge. “Here. You look really pale.”
“Yeah, I look as good as I feel, I think,” I say and take a drink. “What are you doing here?”
“We have plans with Carter and Darla at the bar tonight. Dinner, remember?”
The mere thought of food makes bile rise in my throat, and I have to swallow it back. “I don’t think I should go.”
“Are you runnin’ a fever?”
The water helps a bit, but not much. “I don’t know. But it’s not just how I feel. I’m not sure we should be going anywhere together right now. After last night, I don’t think we can pull off being a couple since it doesn’t really feel like we are anymore.”
He pales and runs a hand through his hair. “I hate how last night went. I’m so sorry. I’m in my head, and it’s not a great place to be right now. Not bein’ a couple is the last thing I want.”
Sighing, I lean against the wall. “I’ll get ready and meet you in town.”
“I don’t know that you should be drivin’. I can wait for you.”
“I can drive myself,” I say, drinking more water as though it proves I’m capable of handling heavy machinery. “I must’ve just been dehydrated.”
Licking his lips, he looks at the ground. “I’d like us to be together. I know we hit a rough patch, and we need to talk, but can we try to pretend we’re the people we were three days ago?”
Like I’m the one who flipped personalities? I can’t deny the thought of having my Rhett back, the one who opens doors and acts lovingly—even if he doesn’t love me—makes me a little giddy. “What time are we meeting them?”
“An hour.”
“I’ll shower and be out in thirty minutes,” I say, walking towards the bathroom.
I can’t decide if I want him to come and join me to finish what we started last night or not.
When he doesn’t even attempt, I have a sinking feeling.
He might have said he wants to work on things, but I think we both know we can’t.
An overwhelming feeling that things are ending between us takes over, and I let the tears out in the shower, careful not to get my hair wet again.
If Rhett can hear me crying in the shower, he doesn’t come to check on me. No, I think we’ve officially hit the end of the road we’re traveling on, and he doesn’t care. Not enough, and I really think my nice guy is gone.