Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Brynlee
For the first time since coming back to Chicago, I venture out of my hotel and walk along the shops on Magnificent Mile in the freezing cold. I miss the warm weather of Georgia. I miss many things in Georgia, but I need to clear my head and figure out what my next steps are.
If I listen to my desires, I’d already be back. I just don’t know if I can go back to a town where the man I’m madly in love with doesn’t want me. He’ll be impossible to avoid, and I don’t want to do that. I want Rhett.
Walking into Saks, I wander around and look at the various sections, stopping in front of the baby clothes. A wave of sadness washes over me, and again, I ignore the urge to listen to Rhett’s voicemail from a week ago.
As much as I want to hear his voice, I promised myself I wouldn’t. Not until I felt strong enough to hear whatever he may have to say. At the end of the day, I refuse to let my self-worth be defined by a man like Mama did. No matter how much I love him.
I have no idea what I plan to do yet, so my Jeep stays parked in the long-term lot at the Atlanta airport, but I really need to figure it out soon. Living in a hotel is fun for a short while, but I’m starting to feel pathetic. The maids and front desk employees know me.
I’ll have to check out and go back to Copperwood to pack up the rest of my stuff.
Deciding whether or not to list the house has added to my sleepless nights.
I’ll break my heart to do it. It’s a beautiful home, and I love the history I don’t know but can feel within the walls.
But what else am I going to do? Let it stay empty?
Moving to the purses, I hope something will draw me to it and make me feel a bit like Mama’s here with me. Some type of comfort because I know she’d rather me stand here in Saks in Chicago than be back in Georgia, but I feel nothing. And nothing jumps out at me, screaming to be purchased.
Because this isn’t who you are anymore, Brynlee.
Not only that, it’s not who I want to be. No matter how much I faked it with Mama. This world never felt right, but it feels even less than before. Especially after the news I got yesterday.
The thought of spending Christmas in a hotel a few blocks away rather than in my grandparents’ home makes me even more depressed.
Or, worse, not celebrating with Rhett’s family with screaming kids running around waiting to open gifts.
Hopefully without spending the day covered in baking ingredients.
It felt like home being with Lydia and the rest of the family. No matter what happened, I know I’ll always miss the forever that could have been. I fell in love with his family that day, too. That hurt almost as bad as losing Rhett.
The one bright side to Chicago is the population.
There are so many travelers that no one knows me.
I could live here. I could be visiting for the holidays.
Maybe here on business. No one knows, but more importantly, no one cares.
I’m invisible, and after being on display for the past few months, it’s a welcome change. The anonymity feels comforting.
“Brynlee?”
Until now, it appears. My name isn’t common, and the voice sounds familiar. My stomach drops as I turn and realize who it is. “Mary?”
“Kevin didn’t say you’d finally come to your senses and came home!”
She rushes to give me air kisses on either side of my face, and I plaster on my fake smile. The air becomes instantly cooler whenever I’m near my would-be mother-in-law, and I shiver.
While Lydia’s warm and inviting—if not a bit intimidating—Mary is stiff and indifferent. Nose in the air wearing the latest designer fashion for someone twenty years younger while Lydia wears the handmade apron her grandkids gave her. They couldn’t be more different.
“Kevin doesn’t know I’m here. I’m just, uh, visiting,” I say, trying to figure out how to say enough without telling her anything.
“I was so upset to learn about what happened last month. My son is good-looking and smart, but he needs to learn a little more discretion.”
So many things in one sentiment to dissect.
First, did she say last month? That man really did not tell a soul I left him until last month.
I figured he’d have at least told Mary. Second, I wish I was surprised by Mary’s reaction.
Kevin doesn’t need to learn to hide his affairs better; he needs to learn to keep it in his damn pants.
More than that, it makes me really sad for her.
Mary’s life has to be so lonely. The happy pills make so much sense now that I’ve gotten some perspective, and even though Rhett and I are no longer together, I don’t think it’s possible to be happier that I will never be like Mary.
The woman who looks the other way while her husband screws some new young woman because her lifestyle means more to her than her self-respect.
Leaving him would be worse than staying with an unfaithful man.
“Well, I hope he learned a lesson.”
“Kevin was so distraught when he found you gone that he momentarily went crazy. He even brought that girl to the country club two weeks ago. The club!”
Every ounce of strength is used to hold back my laughter. “That sounds… terrible.”
“That girl has never seen the inside of a club before. Not a country club, anyway. I’m sure she’s seen her share of nightclubs.
She has no understanding of the proper decorum necessary, and it’s not her fault.
She wasn’t bred for this kind of life like you were, but we almost had to cancel our membership out of sheer embarrassment.
I canceled my next two lunches with the ladies in hopes they’d forget about his lapse in judgment. ”
Yes, because the time Kevin and I picked her up from the drunk tank when she mixed her happy pills with eight martinis, resulting in a horrifying rendition of Coyote Ugly, was nowhere near as embarrassing as Kevin bringing Pippa.
“That’s terrible,” I say, faking all empathy.
“Did I hear Kevin correctly? You moved to Georgia?”
The way she says it is the way I imagine how she would feel having to handle a dirty diaper. “That’s correct. My grandparents left me a beautiful home after they passed away.”
“Oh, sweetheart, it’s time you come back to civilization. I’ve seen some of those reality shows from Atlanta, and I can only imagine the backwards people you encounter daily.”
“Most of them are actually very kind and generous.”
Everyone except for the gossiping witches who huddle together in grocery stores. And Honor. Actually, they remind me more of what it was like living in Chicago than I realized.
Mary smiles and gives me a look that says she believes me to be nothing short of simple.
“Oh, to have the innocent outlook on the world you have. I’ve been around long enough to know it can’t be anything other than opportunistic for people to be kind.
No one is nice without expecting something in return. ”
Then what the heck does she think of me? I always thought I was kind, but now I feel like I need to review my memories of my time here. Was I just as terrible as everyone else and didn’t realize? Or was I just a step nicer than they were, so it came across as though I was a nice person?
Oh, this is going to bug me now.
“Are you coming to the holiday party we’re having this weekend? You know, it’s the annual event and the biggest of the season. Everyone who’s anyone will be there.”
“Uh—”
“Oh, I do hope so. Everyone will be tickled pink to see you. It’s Western theme, which you’re probably very familiar with by now, and I bought the most beautiful dress with sparkles and fringe. It should be such fun.”
Tickled pink to see me? Like her husband?
I can’t push the thought from my head as I remember the last Sandoval holiday party last year.
It’s their excuse to show off how much money they have, only inviting the elite, and then Arnold hits on everything in a dress.
Including the woman who’s dating his son.
If someone doesn’t match the theme, they become a social pariah for the next season, and they’ll be lucky to get an invitation to anything after that. The holiday party kicks off the social season even though it’s before New Year’s.
Wait, did she just say sparkles and fringe?
“It would also make Pippa disappear. I know Kevin is just waiting for you to come back and forgive him. I even helped him pick out three lavish gifts I know you’ll love should you come to your senses,” Mary says with a bright smile.
Fake, white veneers. Perfect teeth. Three facelifts. Spray tanning and eye lifts. Everything to keep her looking perfect rather than show any signs of aging.
And come to my senses? Of course she would think I lost my mind.
Even a year ago, I’d be lured into a false relationship filled with empty promises and shiny gifts, but I’m no longer that woman.
I’m not the type to just accept the life others want for me.
Rather than give Mary a response either way, I just smile at her.
“It was really great to see you again, Mary. Have a great holiday.”
Walking out of the store, I head back to the hotel for a nap. I’m beyond tired, and it’s difficult to sleep at night. The bed feels so cold and empty after months of sleeping with a burly man who wrapped himself around me every night.
Ignoring the sickening feeling as the front desk receptionist nods to me with a familiar smile, I head to my room and lie down on the bed. But the moment my head hits the pillow, my mind runs through everything for the umpteenth time.
How, no matter what, I’m still beyond thankful not to have to prepare for the party.
The last thing I want to do is fit into a dress with a price tag far beyond what people should pay for an outfit they’ll wear only once to eat rubbery chicken and talk to people who don’t know anything outside of superficial topics that usually end in bragging about something.
I never liked them, but I was required to attend. Until now.
I also can’t take my mind off of what it must be like preparing for a holiday with a family as large as Rhett’s.
I really thought I’d get to experience a big family Christmas for the first time in my life, and thinking about the kids tearing open gifts in excitement makes the tears fall from my eyes.
Sleep doesn’t feel as close as it did twenty minutes ago, and I pull my phone from my purse.
Seeing a number I don’t recognize as a missed call and voicemail makes me groan.
I’ve received an endless number of calls from various “friends” who just found out the wedding’s off.
The last thing I need is to talk to those vapid women.
They just want to be the first to share the dirt with others. They’re fishing.
Putting the voicemail on speaker, I close my eyes and brace myself for whatever message has been left. Instead, my heart sinks.
“Brynle, sweetheart, it’s Lydia.”
I fumble to pause the message because I just started full-on crying. Bawling. It’s not just Rhett I miss but also his mother. Damn this time of year!
“I got your number from Darla, and I wasn’t sure whether I should call or not. But I know you don’t have any family to celebrate the holiday with, and I hate the thought of you alone on Christmas.”
Pause.
Of course, she would be thinking about her son’s ex-girlfriend while she’s getting the house ready for the holidays. This woman has more love in her heart than everyone in Kevin’s family combined. Times a hundred.
“Rhett told me what happened, and I wish I could explain how disappointed I am in my son. I know how you feel about him, and I know he cares about you. He’s just stubborn, and…
I’m just goin’ to say it. He’s a stupid man, Brynlee.
I’m convinced Martin dropped him on his head as a baby, no matter how much he denies it.
Or maybe one of the older kids did it. It’s the only explanation I can come up with. ”
Pause.
I’ve rarely laughed through tears before.
I really wish things were different because I really love Lydia.
We may have only met once, but she’s more motherly than Mama was.
Even after Daddy left, she didn’t try to fill the void.
Things continued on as though he hadn’t walked out on us.
Which is probably why I fell in love with Lydia immediately.
That and the fact she wanted dirt on all the rich families.
“Rhett’s miserable, as he should be, and he knows how big of a mistake he made.
Probably the biggest he has and will ever make.
I guess I’m hopin’ there’s a way for you to find it in your heart to give him a second chance.
We miss you, sweetheart. This is your home, too.
It’s where your dad and his family were raised. ”
Pause.
Give him a second chance? It’s the only way I could go back. Every breakup has sides being drawn, and everyone in Copperwood has known Rhett his entire life or is related to him. I have no one on my side, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to just be his friend. I might not ever be.
“Even if you can’t forgive him, it just breaks my heart thinkin’ of you alone for the holiday.
At least, I think you’re alone. I refuse to believe you’d go back to that terrible city boy.
Anyway, you are always welcome here. Whether you decide to come home or not, I’m thinkin’ of you.
We love you, and we hope to see you soon.
If we don’t, Merry Christmas, sweetheart. ”
“Well, if that didn’t just kill me a little bit inside,” I mutter as the tears start again. “It was easier when I thought they hated me.”
Mama would be so disappointed in my ugly girl crying right now, but I don’t care. I hate this pain. It feels like it’ll never go away.