49. Astraea
49
A straea
I stood on the balcony overlooking a courtyard flooded with more people than I’d even seen together before. They had come to see the star-maiden—dressed in a silver and white gown that fanned around me like I’d drowned in starlight.
“You are magnificent,” Auster said, coming up beside me.
The crowd responded adoringly to his wave and his arm snaked around my waist.
This construct would be easy for the people here. A High Celestial and the star-maiden. In the eyes of society we were a perfect pair for power and peace.
Only my heart refused to agree.
It might have been wrong of me to imagine Nyte by my side instead. To think of us ruling side by side and having the people accept us— adore our match—like they did now for Auster and me.
When my moment of pretending was over, my chest filled with sorrow for a reality that would never be. I looked sideways toward the veil, thinking of Nyte and what he might be doing tonight. If he’d taken my pestering and pleading seriously, he would be enjoying himself with Elliot and the others.
The precious caw of Eltanin caught my attention. He was majestic flying down as the sun set. I looked past him, up to the blazing sky, and my chest swelled in bittersweet pride as he was about to greet his second full moon and would no longer fit in my arms like he did now as he landed.
I giggled at his small snaps revealing juvenile teeth; finding it hard to imagine them being capable of tearing through anything soon. His violet eyes wouldn’t look too big for his head anymore. Patting the feathers crowning his head, I kissed them too.
Eltanin didn’t speak our language, but we were beginning to communicate easily. We shared a goodbye for these moments but I was thrilled to watch him grow.
His feathered wings shimmied out, bracing to fly and night fell. He was restless, ready.
I let him go.
“What a gift our people get to witness. Both in you, and this,” Auster said.
We watched him together and the crowed hushed too, knowing Eltanin was about to become a spectacle.
He flew higher and higher, chasing the moon.
Then he burst into a flare of light so bright we had to shield our eyes as everyone gushed and awed. I had to see him, blinking through the sting in my eyes to watch the stars rain with Eltanin’s first cycle of youth, and he was absolutely breathtaking as he soared like a dark, glittering firework.
He was still small compared to what he would grow to in full size, but he wouldn’t fit through most doors anymore.
“Beautiful,” I whispered.
“Very,” Auster agreed.
He squeezed my waist and though I didn’t want to go inside, there was a ballroom full of people below waiting for us.
Rose and Zath were behind us and my heart tumbled just like the first time I saw them dressed in their finery earlier tonight. I’d never seen Zath look so proper—no tie for his dark blond hair but it was slicked back and he was so beautiful in his deep blue formal wears. Rose was in a navy gown that glittered like the night sky and I envied their dark colors.
Apparently it was custom for me to always wear white and silver. I had asked about another color, but the handmaidens who helped me dress were insistent and I didn’t want to upset anyone at my first event.
Rose and Zath wore simple masks that matched their gowns. I was the only one who wasn’t to wear one. Instead my face was painted with beautiful streaks of silver and glittering dust. Rose had called me a snow queen when she’d seen me. We’d laughed about it.
“Look at you,” Zath said. Was he choking up?
“It’s just an extravagant party,” I mused, picking at the crystals on my bodice.
He shook his head. “You’ve come so far, Stray.”
“And you’re only just getting started, I think,” Rose added.
Now I was tearing up, and I was sure to be reprimanded by Westeria, the artist of my face, if I ruined her work.
“As long as I have you two by my side, I’m ready,” I said, taking their hands.
It wasn’t enough, and Rose broke first to pull me into an unexpected hug.
“She’s watching you always,” Rose whispered. “And would be so proud.”
My eyes closed as Rose brought Cassia here with us, as if she stood in this embrace too.
“Thank you.”
“They’re waiting for us,” Auster informed us gently.
At the ballroom, Rose and Zath headed inside, leaving Auster and me alone in the grand hallway.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
I took a deep inhale to push down more of my nerves.
“Fine,” I said.
Auster took my hands, which I was trying to wring dry.
“You don’t have to pretend,” he said softly.
He always presented himself so elegantly. Proper and poised. Every depiction of celestial royalty. Tonight, I didn’t know how he managed to appear even more breathtaking. Around his eyes and over his nose was covered in a white and violet mask like his attire. At least I wasn’t the only one in the brightest shade of the spectrum.
Auster cupped my cheek and my chest pounded as he closed in, nearly pressing our bodies together.
Oh stars, was he going to kiss me?
Another fraction of distance closed and my hand reached up his chest to stop him.
“Auster.” I said his name in a pained warning.
Now I was sweating more than before. Thinking he would be angry or upset and I had to go in there and dance with him to open this ball and he could barely stand to touch me.
To my surprise, Auster sighed, but then he smiled. Though it held a touch of sadness.
“I just need you to know that I wanted things to be different. I would have given you everything. We would have been conquerors together. But who am I to place myself where I don’t belong in your heart.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He deserved more. Better than me. He would still have a chance at love, just not a bond but what did that matter truly? He was powerful on his own. A High Celestial who could have anyone he desired; I hoped he found happiness elsewhere.
“When you’re ready, Your Majesty,” a celestial said.
It was the first I’d heard him regarded with that title.
I looped my hand through his arm like we’d practiced.
“What title was I regarded with—before?”
“My Lady, of course.”
That didn’t feel right. Lower than his title when I was supposed to be the daughter of gods? My chest warmed as it did when I thought of Cassia, and her words filtered through my thoughts as the grand doors opened.
Do you want to know what I think could beat the King of the Gods?
The crowd gushed and parted as Auster led us to the center ballroom floor. We stopped, took a step back, and locked eyes in our bow.
The Queen of the Kings.
Auster placed a hand on my back and our hands clasped. He smiled, pleasantly as always, but this time I didn’t pretend to feel it.
I threw all my unease and reservations into a vault in my mind to make it through this dance as the music started. Then to make it through the evening I knew would be long when already I was pining for Nyte.
Auster and I moved seamlessly. We’d practiced this dance before so I knew what I was doing, but it came to me like we’d done this countless times. Our eyes locked often and I couldn’t explain why my unease grew and my body started to tense so much that I worried it would start to become noticeable.
I found Rose and Zath by the side of the hall, watching me like everyone else.
Our dance ended but to my surprise Auster pulled me close, flushing our bodies, and this hadn’t been part of our rehearsal.
“You can’t say I didn’t try for you,” he said, leaning close to my ear.
To everyone, it looked like an endearing moment. To me, I couldn’t catch my breath with the warning that was seizing me still.
“Let me go,” I said.
“Can you just answer me this?” he asked, pulling back to watch my expression. “What is it about him that I couldn’t give you?”
My mouth floundered, trying to grasp some of the words that were floating through my mind, but nothing felt right as a satisfactory answer.
How could I tell him Nyte had managed to fill the empty cracks in me with himself? That he’d torn the heart from my chest centuries ago, but it was always safer with him anyway. How could I explain that it was inevitable for the brightest star to fall for the darkest night?
“Do I really have to choose?” I asked.
“He will always be the enemy of our people.”
Because no one tried to see him as anything more. I could change that. I was determined to make the world see what I did someday and that meant I had to take my rightful place to govern again.
I said, “I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
Auster huffed, a bitter sound that pinched in me with the disappointment shaking his head.
He schooled his expression. “Enjoy the night, Maiden.”
The formality was a slap but I accepted it as his pain from the rejection, only hoping over time we could mend our friendship. He would come to understand and find his own happiness. I stared after him as he slipped through the crowd, heading toward the dais where his brothers stood, watching us intently. While Notus and Aquilo leaned in to talk to one another and judgment lined their faces, I was relieved that Zephyr cast me a small smile, dipping his head as if to say: “relax.”
I shivered at the attention, making my way off the floor that started to flood with dancers to meet Rose and Zath.
“Everything okay?” Rose hedged.
“That last moment looked a little intense,” Zath added.
“Everything’s fine,” I said. “I just need a drink.”
“At your service,” Zadkiel said from behind me.
My mouth watered at the cup he held. He wasn’t lying—celestial wine was indeed light blue and even bubbly.
Taking a sip, my mouth exploded at the divine taste. My shoulders eased from their stiffness.
“Delicious, right?” he said with a grin.
Already my mood was brightening. I could do this. Get through this ball and head back to Vesitire at first light.
“We’ve been warned to take it easy,” Rose complained. “Apparently human bodies don’t burn this magickal wine so fast.”
“I say that’s all the more reason to indulge,” Zath said, finishing off his cup and placing it on a tray.
He shifted his gaze around, appearing uneasy. It was his first time in Althenia and I supposed the new setting could be overwhelming. Things were more flamboyant, colorful. Wings and glittering wears. Fancy wines and food.
“You look like you could take the edge off,” I mused to him.
“Just a lot of new wings around here,” he muttered nervously.
I hoped he would come to like it here; it felt more like home with both of them with me.
Zath held out a hand to Rose. “Dance with me, Thorns.”
“I don’t dance,” she said flatly.
“Sure you do,” he said, plucking her cup from her and setting it down.
I giggled watching him drag her onto the dance floor. Rose’s reluctance dissolved when Zath pulled her into a leading embrace, and I was as taken as she was by the look he doted on her.
It hit me clear as day and I wondered how long it had been going on and how I’d been so clueless; Zath was falling for her. Perhaps she was falling for him too, but Rose was harder to read. I knew my friend, and the fluttering in my heart over them dancing almost pricked my eyes.
“She’s a special woman,” Zadkiel commented fondly.
“Yes, she is.”
They moved like the night sky spilled onto the dance floor and I could hardly tear my eyes from them even though I wanted to give them privacy.
“May I have this dance?” Zadkiel asked, holding his hand out to me.
A genuine smile bloomed on my face as I slipped my hand into his.
I laughed with Zadkiel. He had a natural ability to draw it from me and a light presence I felt comfortable in the arms of. The night was becoming enjoyable and I let the rocky start be forgotten under the new highs.
Hours could have passed for all I kept track but night had fallen fully when I was pulled onto the floor for another dance with Zath after we broke for more drinks and foods.
“So you and Rose?” I prompted, unable to keep my smirk down.
“She’s not always so prickly, I suppose.” He smiled, and I was so happy in that moment I couldn’t explain it.
Rose might have thorns but Zath had the skin to bear the cuts, knowing a little blood was worth reaching the beauty for.
A loud rumble broke through the hall and I clutched Zath as the ground shook. My magick flared to the surface as people shrieked. Glasses toppled off the tables, causing upset through the cheerful hall.
When it stopped, I took a few breaths to calm and found the High Celestials talking intensely among themselves. Zephyr cast me a wary look and then I couldn’t relax.
Zath squeezing my arms drew my attention back to him.
He wasn’t looking at me but rather at something over my head. Before I could turn around, I was stunned by a phantom stroke up my spine. A presence that felt impossible but unmistakable.
Then his warmth enveloped me from behind. I almost passed it off as a convincing trick in my mind, until his fingers trailed down my arm and took my hand.
He turned me to him, and through the shadows of his mask, the dawn of his irises pulled within me.
“Nyte,” I breathed, still uncertain when I thought of the veil that should have prevented him from coming to Althenia.
“Starlight,” he said, a whispering breath across my cheek.
Something wasn’t right. His arm slipped around my waist as the song changed and I didn’t get a chance to voice what was crawling cold and dreadful over my skin.
“Will you dance with me? Just this once?” he asked.
I couldn’t refuse. In his hold, he was the only person I’d wanted to dance with all night, and now that he was here, it was easy to forget everything else.
“Yes.”
Nyte wore a simple black mask that covered half his face. So long as he didn’t engage in eye contact, he blended in seamlessly and no one knew their one true enemy had breached their walls.
Pulled into his firm stance, I felt my stomach erupt in a flurry. Yet I couldn’t place what was wrong. He stole me away into a plane of existence that only stood under two people in this entire hall, and the music only played for one couple. Us.
There was trouble in the golden eyes that guided me and anchored me. Icy detachment, but he was trying to let it subside for a while. Just for this dance.
Part of me was aware of our surroundings, wanting to check if anyone had noticed who he was yet. But this dance was too precious, and though it had only been a day, I’d missed him.
We stopped trying to follow steps. His head leaned down, cheek pressing to my temple like he savored my scent, our closeness. My hand was lying on his chest, finding his heart a far more exquisite sound than the music we swayed to.
Nyte took us through the void, away from the crowded hall. I didn’t think about those who would have seen it, whether it might erupt alarm and send people searching for me. I didn’t care.
He brought us under the stars, upon a rooftop, but it wasn’t cold. In our minds, he made it appear like the clouds fell around us and we stood in the sky. Nyte changed our music to something that didn’t feel like it was crafted for the world but just for us. The notes weaved like they were made from threads of us. Souls given song. I pressed into him tighter with the swelling in my chest.
I didn’t know why my emotions started to choke me. Wanting to cling to this beautiful moment dancing with him but somehow I knew, right this moment, we were falling. That what we’d tried to be made us fools in love on borrowed time. Destiny had found us, and the pressure in its grasp was building so strong it was about to shatter the glass denial we’d crafted around ourselves.
“You said you couldn’t pass the veil.” I broke the delicate silence.
“I lied.”
He spun me, my dress fanning around, entangling our legs and swirling the illusion of fallen clouds. He was masterful in his movements and guided us fluidly.
“Why?”
He dipped with me, bringing our faces close. “Because I’m selfish,” he said, gently pulling me straight, and I followed his footing. “I can pass the veil… because I created it. The only consequence was that my passing through would destroy it. The day you died, the celestials would have been slaughtered. So I used your key, and I created the veil right before it shattered and scattered throughout Vesitire. As we were fully Bonded, what was yours was mine in power. Back then, I didn’t care about the war anymore or who would be killed, but they were your people, and after I bargained with your parents for you to come back, you would need them.”
“You… bargained with them?”
“Yes.”
“A bargain has two sides. If I came back, what did you give?”
“My life. I’ve been dying since the moment you came back. We were doomed either way, my Starlight. And I chose to be selfish in being with you anyway for as long as I could. I wanted you to want me. Even if just for a while longer. I couldn’t let you go so soon after having you.”
“Your life?”
Dying?
No, that couldn’t be true. He hadn’t seemed weak at all. The opposite, in fact.
Yet my chest was pounding faster.
“Our clashing existence. It grows the nights longer each year. I didn’t know how many we’d have, but when night fell for good… so would I. Into an eternal sleep.”
I stopped our dance, staring at him with incredulity.
“How could you?” I breathed, hardly able to draw air. Anger fueled by fear planted my hands to his chest and I pushed. “How could you bargain for me to come back when you were always going to leave me!”
My voice rose, my hands trembled. Oh gods. It was all starting to make sense and I didn’t want it to.
“That’s why you were going to leave the realm. To save yourself?”
“To find a way to break that curse. Then the one of our clashing existence. To come back to you. Fuck, Astraea… you must know there is no saving me without you.”
My heart plummeted, my soul tore. How many other twists of fate could wind around each of us, pulling us in opposite directions?
With that thought I couldn’t stand the distance I’d pushed between us. I stepped into him, grabbing fistfuls of his formal jacket. His hand smoothed over my hair.
“It’s not by choice,” he said quietly.
“We’ll find another way to fight that too,” I said, already trying to calculate.
“I’m not sure there is another way, love.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare say there isn’t a way, not after all we’ve been through.”
His expression softened at my anger, and he reached for a lock of my hair. I didn’t know where we would find it, but they wouldn’t get to take my memories and take him too. I despised the gods that had made me and didn’t care if that damned my soul for eternity.
We shared threads of pain. Even in each other’s arms, it was like we were being pulled apart. Nyte didn’t answer me. I reached up for the tie of his mask and it fell away. My pulse started racing at the changing of his appearance like he’d been battling Nightsdeath right at the surface of taking over all this time.
“What happened?” I whispered in terrible growing dread.
“I’m sorry, Astraea. Sorry you have to witness the villain I am. I tried not to be… for you I wanted to keep trying, but it’s not what I am. We were ambushed. Zeik, Kerrah, and Sorleen are dead. Elliot is fighting to survive, I don’t know if he’ll pull through.”
My heart stopped.
“Dead?”
His lips firmed but his eyes were growing brighter, struggling with his wrath with the reminder.
“Nyte… I’m so sorry.”
“Sorrows can’t right wrongs. But I can.”
“Who did it?”
“It was a nightcrawler attack. My father was there. But then someone was firing arrows. Those I’ve only ever seen before from Auster at the temple.”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of it.
“Perhaps your father got a hold of some, or…” I knew my conclusion was a grasp in the dark. “Auster doesn’t have leadership over the nightcrawlers. They hate the celestials.”
Nyte didn’t answer but I felt the flicker of disappointment that I would try to acquit Auster in his hard stare. It wasn’t what I’d meant, but Nyte was beyond reasoning.
“I only wanted to have one moment of your day. To pretend we were something different. An ordinary pair dancing like ordinary people. All that mattered was that you were mine, and I was yours. Tell me you felt that.”
“I did. I still do.”
“Good.” His lips brushed mine; I yearned for more because this was a goodbye.
“What are you going to do?” I asked desperately.
“I’m going to find Auster and kill him.”
His decision was absolute but I was gripped by terror.
“You can’t.”
“It’s too late.”
“It’s never too late, not to me. This world is trying to convince you there’s no redemption for you, only this cycle of violence.”
“You are my redemption. You are my everything. If all I have is those moments when you looked at me as if I was something other than a monster, that’s enough. If you can never look at me like that after this night, then it was all borrowed time anyway.”
His lips pressed to mine. So firm and with apology that I leaned into him, gripping the folds of his jacket like my urgency could change his mind.
I didn’t know what it made me but I wasn’t desperate for him to stop this course to save Auster. I was petrified of what his brothers and their armies would do to Nyte. He was powerful, but even he couldn’t stand against all of them in the vicious war he would incite by killing Auster.
“I love you,” he said against my lips. “Even if you hate me. Even if you find a way to end me. That will never change.”
The declaration stunned me. It healed me and fractured me at the same time. I wanted to hear it again but not like this. Not like goodbye.
“Please. We can get vengeance together but not like this.”
“There is only one way. He has to die. Your heart has always called to darkness but you don’t get to become it. This is the only time I’ll truly ask: let me go, Astraea. Condemn me, and reign like the stars eternal without me.”
Nyte reached into the Starlight Void and the key glowed as he pulled it out. He held it to me, but didn’t let go as my hand curled around it.
“Please,” I whimpered.
“I clung to the hope that this time would be different. Yet it seems history was always destined to repeat no matter which path we took together.”
It felt like he was declaring himself my enemy; my heart sped in denial.
“You look… there are not words enough to describe how you look tonight. Exquisitely powerful—like you never left at all.”
I gasped at the tingling over my body, tearing from his sight only to watch the last of my gown turn to black battle leathers. And Nyte’s finery was gone now too.
“I can’t lose you,” I said.
Nyte let go of the key only to slip that hand over my jaw and press his lips to my head.
“We are the stars and night itself. You could never lose me, nor I you. In our perfect world that would be a promise, but in this cursed one, it’s a tragedy,” he said, his final words wrapped in sorrow.
Then the screaming started.