Gus
It was difficult to get the angle right though– he wasn’t sure he’d ever had sex with someone on a kitchen island before– and the momentary indecision about choice of venue allowed him a second to compose himself.
In one easy movement he picked Violet up and carried her the two steps to the sofa, stepping carefully out of his trousers to avoid breaking his leg, or indeed his cock.
He briefly imagined explaining to colleagues why he was arriving at work in the back of an ambulance.
‘You okay?’ he asked her as they sank onto the cushions, and by way of an answer she pushed him into a seated position, straddled her thighs across his legs and lowered herself onto him with a sigh of such deep satisfaction that he didn’t need to ask again.
She rocked her pelvis slow and deep, pressing down on him until he finally let himself go– the roar of white noise in his ears, hot skin slick with sweat, and the taste of her on his tongue.
He threw his head back against the sofa cushions, trying to catch his breath and it was a moment before he realised she was crying.
‘Violet?’ He peeled her body away from him, alarmed by this new development. ‘Are you alright? Shit, did I hurt you?’
She shook her head and he could see that she was smiling despite the tears and the occasional hiccupping sob escaping from her mouth. ‘No,’ she said. ‘No, it’s fine. I just feel a bit…’
He wrapped his arms around her. ‘I get it,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry. Sometimes it feels a bit like that– sex– a bit overwhelming.’
‘It’s never– I’ve never…’ She paused, clearly frustrated with herself for not being able to find the right words.
‘I’ve never felt emotional about sex before,’ she said eventually.
‘I usually enjoy it, don’t get me wrong.
But I never cry !’ She made it sound as though she’d done something completely unacceptable.
‘Well, you’ve had a pretty emotional few days to be fair,’ he said, pulling a blanket over from the arm of the sofa and tucking it around her shoulders. ‘Everything with Marvin, sleep deprivation, deep and meaningful conversations about families, Maybe that was just the icing on the cake.’
She laughed. ‘More like the whole bloody gateau,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘More like a four-tier showstopper from the Bake Off grand finale.’
He inclined his head a fraction. ‘Why, thank you,’ he said, modestly. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been given that particular accolade before.’
She was still shaking her head as she climbed off him, rubbing the traces of tears from her cheeks. ‘I have clearly been sleeping with the wrong people,’ she muttered to herself.
* * *
Later, as they made their way back to the hospital Violet was still speculating on the sheer power of the female orgasm.
‘I feel bad for men to be honest,’ she said, tucking herself under his offered arm and snuggling into his chest as they walked. ‘I mean, there’s no way that the male version could ever compare to what’s just happened to me. I’m sure of it.’
‘Oh, I see. You’ve had one, and now you’re the expert,’ he said laughing as he squeezed her shoulders.
‘I don’t think it was just one,’ she said seriously.
‘I have no idea when one ended and the other began but surely they don’t usually last that long?
’ She could see he was laughing at her and she poked him in the ribs.
‘No, but seriously, Gus, it was like, completely off the fucking scale,’ she said.
‘Like a totally different order of magnitude. How would you even measure it anyway? Serotonin levels? Serum endorphins?’
‘Hmmm,’ he said, playing along. ‘In terms of metrics, I’m not sure what a unit of orgasm would be called– a jolt?’
‘A clench perhaps?’
‘A squeal?’
‘Hey!’ She poked him again. ‘Is that a reference to me? Am I a squealer?’
He laughed again, shrugging. ‘There was definitely some squealing going on, amongst other noises.’ He loved that fact that she was so relaxed talking about sex. He knew a lot of girls who would be embarrassed by this conversation– not Violet.
‘Speak for yourself,’ she said. ‘Anyway, maybe it’s the same as they use for seismic events– certainly feels like it should be. Either way, I’ve just had like a mega, kilo, giga, off the Richter scale, whatever.’
‘That doesn’t have a very scientific ring to it though, Violet,’ he said as they stepped off the pavement. ‘And I know how exacting you are about appropriate terminology.’
‘No,’ she conceded. ‘But I’m not really firing on all cylinders at the moment.
How on earth am I supposed to return to the mundanities of normal daily life after that?
How do other people manage? Wait– is this happening to other women the whole time?
No wonder everyone else is wandering around with such big smiles on their faces and I’m always so bloody miserable. ’
‘I think your response was quite extreme,’ he laughed. ‘And your reaction is pleasingly and uniquely enthusiastic.’
‘Well, there’s something I’ve not been accused of before,’ she said as they entered the hospital.
They took the stairs to the second floor and paused just inside the double doors that lead to the main corridor.
‘I guess I’ll see you later,’ he said, pulling her into him.
‘I guess you will.’ She smiled and stood on tiptoes to kiss him on the mouth before she pushed open the door and walked out, swinging her bag behind her.
He knew she’d go and see Marvin straight after the handover meeting as she had the previous day and immediately started wondering how to engineer a scenario where he would bump into her again.
Watching her walk down the corridor felt like a physical wrenching apart.
They had only spent a few evenings together but those hours had been intense enough to feel like years of shared history and it seemed as though a little piece of him was leaving with her.
Gus didn’t enjoy that feeling– it had far too many unpleasant connotations– his dad, his fiancée…
He shook the sensation away like a dog after a dip in the river and instead focussed his attention on everything that had happened in the past two days– every single tiny detail.
The thought of the most recent moments, those in the kitchen and on the sofa, gave him more than a degree of swagger as he recalled the look in Violet’s eyes when he kissed her, the expression on her face when he touched her.
He couldn’t remember ever having felt so powerful or so responsible for someone else’s satisfaction and the thought both thrilled and terrified him.
Because he knew from experience how people operated.
They started out perfectly happy with what he could offer but they usually wanted something more from him in the end.
What if Violet was the same? What if he was unable to keep her satisfied?
What if she tired of him as others had? Or, perhaps worse, what if she only wanted him for sex?
Was being good in bed enough of a draw to keep her?
It seemed crazy to even think it, given the rapid pace of this relationship, but he already knew he’d be devastated to lose her.
She had been right when she unintentionally skewered him with her earlier comment– he did crave emotional security.
And maybe it was because of his parents.
It would make sense. The fractured instability of his childhood had resulted in a need for absolute and long-lasting commitment, a slow and steady progression to a relationship built on rock-solid foundations.
Of course, it was sod’s law that he’d fallen head over heels for an individual who didn’t need that– someone entirely at ease with their independence who would be just as happy alone as attached.
He made his way along the corridor in the opposite direction to the woman who had only moments ago made him feel like some sort of legendary love-god, and by the time he got to the HDU to meet Karen and the rest of the team he’d lost the swagger and reverted back to his default position of slightly worried scenario-builder instead.