Chapter 8
Eight
ATLAS
Nothing was more mortifying than jerking myself paralyzed. Except, I suppose, having the neighbor hear me fall and then be the only one who could get to me. My phone was across the room, and try as I might, I couldn’t get my legs under me enough to crawl to it.
I knew all I had to do was stand, and my nerves would start to wake up, but the trip had taken everything out of me. My arms were technically fine, but I couldn’t seem to get a good grip on the floor, so I just lay there, waiting for feeling to return.
And then there had been a knock.
And a conversation with a stranger whose voice sounded so painfully familiar I almost choked on my own tongue.
Then the door had opened, and something about this man, this hero who claimed to once be an EMT, made the world feel right again. And I knew right then I was on the precipice of something important. Something that would shake me to my core.
When the light came on, every hidden memory of the worst night of my life came rushing back. It was him. He was missing his aviator glasses and the EMT T-shirt, and his hair was longer, and he looked more tired and thin.
But it was him.
Ryan, he’d said, and I knew the moment his name tumbled off his lips that the universe was getting involved.
Unable to speak, I stared at him for so long he started to fidget.
His mouth opened, then shut, then opened again.
His brows danced up and down on his forehead, his fingers twitching at his sides.
For a moment, it looked like he might start pacing, but his feet appeared as glued to the floor as I was to this bed.
Finally, I managed to clear my throat, and that shook something inside of him because he blinked rapidly, then began to look around the room, face frantic.
“Atlas,” he whispered.
God, he knew my name. In retrospect, that wasn’t so much of a surprise. He’d heard me sing at the bar right before my accident, so he knew exactly who I was. But it still felt like…kismet. God save me from that word, but there were no other ones that fit.
Swallowing heavily, I licked my lips, then shrugged. “You saved me again.”
“I—oh god,” Ryan said. He looked terrified as he rushed forward and dropped to his knees. A hundred dirty thoughts raced through my mind at the sight of him there at my feet. “You’re—are you hurt?” His eyes went wide. “You’re walking!”
I realized he hadn’t known the outcome of the accident—just that I’d been unable to feel my legs when he was transporting me to the hospital. It took an absurd amount of concentration and strength, but I lifted my left foot into the air and wiggled it. “I’m walking.”
He laughed, his eyes bright as he reached for my ankle. I braced myself for his touch, but before he made contact, he dropped his hand again, almost like my leg was made of hot steel. “That’s amazing. That’s…wow. I don’t even know what to say.”
“You get some credit,” I told him.
He rolled his eyes. “Atlas—”
God, the way he said my name. I closed my eyes in a slow blink. “I mean it. You got me stable, even after having to twist my body around to get me out of that fucking car. The surgeon was very impressed.”
At least, I think he was impressed. The memories were so foggy for those first long weeks of recovery that most of them felt like a fever dream.
Ryan licked his lips and seemed to realize he was still kneeling at my feet. He didn’t get up, but he rose a little higher, then glanced at the bed behind me. I didn’t think twice about it until his eyes widened, and then I realized why.
I’d been playing with myself. And the evidence was still on the pillow, the dildo bright purple against the starched, bleached white.
“Um…” I bit my lip. “At least it didn’t get stuck?”
He stared, then burst into laughter. The sound of it was nervous—high and tight, full of anxiety, but he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off me, even with a fat dildo sitting three feet away from where I was sitting.
“So, uh…do you want me to get your phone so you can call your partner?”
I frowned. “My what?”
“Your—ah. Well.” He cleared his throat and finally climbed to his feet, taking a step back, which was a shame.
I didn’t like the distance he put between us, as confused as I was.
“I heard—I mean, I wasn’t eavesdropping.
You were kind of loud.” His ears were bright red.
“I assumed you were with someone…” He gestured weakly at the toy behind me.
It took me a moment, still heavy in shock, to catch on. “Oh. Oh my god. No, I—I’m here alone. I was just, ah…” Now my own face felt molten hot. “Yeah. You know, trying to relax?”
He laughed again. It was clearly a nervous habit. “Right. Cool. Uh…fuck, I’m making this so weird. I blame the fact that I haven’t eaten in two days, and—”
Two days? The gaunt look of his cheeks told me he was being serious, and I went into panic mode. “Let me call room service,” I said quickly, leaning over for my phone. “I’ll get you whatever you want, and you can—”
His hand curled around my wrist, sending sparks shooting up toward my shoulder. I sucked in a breath as he held fast, then bit his lip before saying, “I already ordered food. That’s what I was grabbing when I heard you fall.”
Right. Of fucking course the one man I had been searching for for an entire year came back into my life the moment I did something like this.
I’d fantasized a thousand times about running into him.
About wearing my tightest jeans and walking in a perfectly straight line and showing off that I was okay.
Instead, the fuck-ass powers that be decided that I’d see him again when I was naked, just off a sorry excuse for an orgasm that made my legs give out on me.
Thanks a fucking lot.
Ryan slowly dragged his fingers away, and my hand flopped down into my robe-covered lap. “How can I help?”
I frowned, trying to catch up with wherever his mind had gone. Right. He was still doing the hero thing. I liked it—but I didn’t want our reunion to be about that. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, little hero,” I said, and he blushed. Hard. “I still have a lot of damage to my spine, so my legs do this sometimes. I’m good now. You can go back to your dinner.”
Oh, he looked hurt. I’d said that all wrong, and clearly, he thought I was dismissing him because he took several steps backward.
“Of course. God, I’m…yeah. I should go eat so I start making sense.”
“I have room,” I blurted when he was halfway to the door.
He froze and turned back toward me. “Room?”
“Um. Here.” I shifted back and gestured at the bed, way too large for one man.
My fingers grazed the dildo, and I groaned when he chuckled.
“I can clean up if you want to, uh…to stay for a bit. Catch up. I mean, unless you have someone waiting for you—” Because if he didn’t, he should have.
He deserved to have a person who loved him. “Family or whatever…”
Bowing his head, Ryan smiled and shook it. “No. It’s just me.”
“Isn’t this your family vacation?” I remembered that much.
He met my gaze, and oh fuck, he looked sad. Like really, truly, properly sad. “Not this year.”
“Then I have room. Give me two minutes to put on pants and, um…put some stuff away.”
His ears were rosy. “Do you want to share some of my burger?”
I grinned. That sounded like a yes. “I ate way too much at the restaurant, but I might steal a fry.”
His smile matched mine. “I’ll give you a second.” Before I could say anything else, like make him swear he was coming back, he was out of the room. I heard the adjoining door click shut, but this time, there was no twist of the dead bolt.
And if I had my way, I wouldn’t hear that sound once during the rest of the time I was here.
Ryan gave me more than a second. He gave me five full minutes, so by the time I had my dildo put away and put pants and a shirt on, I was starting to wonder if maybe he’d run. But right as that panic set in, I heard the creak of the adjoining door.
My pulse began to hammer in my ears as I waited, my legs still a little weak, but I didn’t need them to support me now. I was tucked in bed with half the covers pulled back, the TV remote in my hand, and my heart between my teeth.
I still hadn’t processed the fact that he was here.
It had been a risk, coming to this island.
A sort of hope flung out into the stars.
I thought maybe I’d run into him one of the days on the trip.
I thought maybe I’d recognize him and see him lounging by the pool or beside the water with a gorgeous partner and a smile on his face.
I didn’t expect this.
I didn’t expect the pain in his eyes, and the tremble in his voice, and the way I could tell he was just as lonely and alone as I was.
And I sure as fuck didn’t expect him to be close enough to reach out and touch. Literally.
I glanced up at the doorway just in time to see Ryan hovering there. He’d thrown on a hoodie, and he looked adorably soft and rumpled, his hands holding the room service tray identical to the one that had been delivered to me the night before.
When I jerked my head for him to come in, he took shuffling steps to the bed, then eyed the spot I left open for him.
“You’re not worried about crumbs?” he asked as he hesitated.
I laughed. “Not really. We can sweep off the sheets if you’re a messy eater.”
Biting his lip, his eyes fixed on mine, and then he slid beside me and laid his tray over his thighs. “God, I was starving before, but now it feels like I swallowed boulders.”
Something in my chest cracked. “Hey. If I’m interrupting your peace and quiet—”
“No, god. That’s…Atlas,” he breathed, my name a whisper on his tongue. “You have no idea how relieved I am to see you here. I have wanted to meet up again for so long.”
I bowed my head and nodded. “Me too. I know that the night we met wasn’t, you know, full of sunshine and roses.”
He barked a nervous laugh and rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling. “Yeah, no. But it was worse for you.”