Chapter 28 Chris
CHRIS
The chain raked across the door and Nancy peeked out. “Oh, hey, hon!” She threw the door open. “What’re you doing on this side of town? Come in, come in.”
“I’m just dropping something—”
“Get in here. You’re letting the flies in.”
She wrangled me inside and shut the door behind me.
“Larissa’s still asleep. I’ll get her.” She turned for the bedroom.
“No, don’t. I’m just dropping something off.”
She twisted to look at me. “You sure?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
She came back over and peeked into the bag I was holding. “Whatcha got?”
Then I heard a noise from the back of the apartment. My dog bolted from Larissa’s room and she came out behind him in her pajamas. “Oh. Chris,” she said, freezing in the hallway. She looked rumpled. Her hair was messy. “Are you picking up Woofarine? I thought it was my turn—”
“No, I got you something. It’s not a big deal. I just figured I should drop it off sooner than later. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“You didn’t wake me up.” She smiled. “You got me something? Let me brush my teeth, give me a minute.”
She went to the bathroom and I picked up my dog.
“Want some coffee?” Nancy asked, opening the cabinet for a mug.
I shook my head. “No, I’ve got coffee and breakfast in the car. I’m going to Mike’s next.”
“Larissa, coffee?” she yelled, pouring herself a cup.
“Yes, please.”
Woofarine wiggled in my arms, excited to see me and I scratched under his chin.
Larissa came out a minute later, padding down the hall.
“So what’d you get?” she asked, taking the mug her mom handed her.
“It’s not anything big,” I said, putting Woofarine down. I pulled out the contents of the bag and set it on the small kitchen table. “I stopped at the cake section in a craft store on the way over. I got you these.”
I set a stack of flattened white pastry boxes on the table with clear peephole windows in the top, three spools of ribbon in different colors, and some gift tags.
“I watched a few videos last night about the graze boards we talked about, and they come in these nice boxes? I got you a few. You know, for prototypes.”
She looked at the things I set on the table. “You bought me all this?”
“I mean, you don’t have to use them. I just thought if you wanted to try it.
They put these cardboard inserts in there so the box isn’t wobbly.
I got ten of everything, a few different sizes so you can see what works.
You tie it closed with the ribbon and then put the tag.
You can change the ribbon for the seasons—you probably know that.
You’re better at that stuff than I am…” I looked up at her. She’d gone silent.
“Chris, this is… this is so thoughtful.” Her eyes came up to mine.
“I just… want to help you,” I said.
We gazed at each other.
“Thank you.”
I didn’t want to keep looking at her, so I picked up our dog again and pretended I needed to pet him.
I wanted to bring her more. I wanted to get her breakfast and a latte. Actually, I wanted to take her out to eat. Sit somewhere in a booth across from her, stay too long. One of the books we liked came out in theaters last week and I wanted to take her to the movie too.
But there was a fine line between what I could do for her and what I should do for her.
And this is where it was drawn.
I watched her looking everything over.
I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. About what she said about me taking her home.
Was the margin really that small? If I’d just smiled more that day, been more assertive. Been less sad. Maybe she would have gotten in my car instead of his.
And would it have mattered?
Maybe she’d still be with Mike no matter who she went home with that night.
But I think what was bothering me was that I knew she wouldn’t.
Larissa and I had too much in common. We got along too well. I think I would have asked her out. I think she would have said yes. And I can’t imagine that date would have gone any other way than the right one.
That’s not to say I believed she had any feelings toward me now. She didn’t, we were friends. I just think it could have gone differently.
But it didn’t.
I shoved the thoughts from my mind.
“Chris?”
I looked at her.
“What’s your mom’s name?” she asked.
“Julia. Why?”
“I forgot to ask,” she said, looking back at the boxes. “Thank you for this. Again.”
I smiled. Then I said goodbye and drove to Mike’s.
He didn’t answer when I knocked. I was holding coffees and a bag of food and I had to set it all down on the step to get the spare key out of the planter and let myself in.
“Mike?”
No answer.
I hadn’t heard from him since the party last night. He wasn’t answering my calls or texts, which didn’t surprise me. Jesse messaged after they dropped him off and said he was throwing up but coherent enough to be left alone. He was probably sleeping it off.
I put the food on the bar counter and looked around. His wet clothes from last night were in a pile in the middle of the kitchen.
I picked them up and set them outside on the front step to take over to Donna’s to be washed and went to knock on his bedroom door.
“Mike…”
When he didn’t answer, I went in and flicked on the light.
He groaned, a blanket-covered lump in the bed.
“I’m here to check on you.”
“Fuuuuck,” he moaned, raising his head to squint at me. “What time is it?”
“Eleven.”
“Shit,” he muttered.
I crossed my arms and leaned in the doorway. “You didn’t answer your phone.”
“I think I broke it,” he said, rubbing his eyes. He looked around groggily. “Can you text Larissa for me? I don’t want her to come over.”
I let out a breath. “Sure. I brought food.”
“Can you get me a water?”
I went back out to the kitchen and filled his water bottle. I grabbed a few Motrin too. When I came back, he was poking at his shattered screen. He gave up and tossed it on the bed and leaned forward with his head in his hands.
“Here,” I said, setting the water and the pills on the nightstand.
“How much did she see?” he asked, his voice low.
“None of it? Jesse and Becca took you home. I drove Larissa.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“What happened?” I asked. “I thought you weren’t drinking.”
“I don’t know.” He breathed out heavily, then scooted up and took the pills, wincing.
“You know you shouldn’t drink like that with the medication you’re on—”
“Now you tell me.”
I stood there, studying him. “This is the third time you’ve left her hanging like that.”
He squinted up at me.
“She was hungry,” I said. “You were supposed to take her to eat. You were her ride home.”
“Did she get something?” he asked.
“Yeah, she did. You left her at the park, and you bailed on her mom’s surgery—”
“Fuck, dude, what do you want from me?” he said, his tone clipped.
“I want you to be better,” I snapped.
He blinked at me.
I wiped a hand down my mouth. “I don’t know how to say this to you gently, so I’m just going to say it. You are going to lose her if you don’t get your shit together.”
“Did she say something?”
“No. But I know her. The only reason you still have a girlfriend this morning is because she didn’t see the shit you did last night.”
He stared at me with bloodshot eyes.
“She deserves better than this,” I said.
“It was a party. I just didn’t know the empty stomach/Prozac thing was gonna double it and pass it on. Trust me, it won’t happen again—”
“Good. Because she needs stability.”
“How do you know what she needs?”
“Because I fucking talk to her? Because I know what she grew up with? Because I see how she lives? She will leave. Do you hear me? And you won’t get a second chance.”
And then what was the point?
One of us got a shot. Only one. And if he blew it? This was the guy. This was the champion, this was who she picked. He had to make it work because if he didn’t…
I couldn’t even think about it. If he wasted this…
And the worst part of all was he’d never get over it. He wouldn’t move on and find someone else. There would never be a time where maybe I could…
She’d be the one who got away for the rest of his life. Because if it were me, I’d feel the same way.
Maybe I already did.
He breathed out through his nose and we both stayed there in the silence.
“Mike, if you need help, I can help you get it,” I said.
“I don’t need help, dude. I just need to make better choices. And I will.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face.
I peered around his neat room. He had the reality show book Larissa and I had read on the nightstand. He was halfway done.
Mike didn’t read.
He was trying. I could see that he was making an effort. I knew that he loved her, but he had to figure out whatever he was dealing with.
It occurred to me that the only time Mike ever let Larissa down was when he was drinking. When he was sober, he was great. Dependable, thoughtful.
But with the drinking? He was going to lose her to this.
And maybe he should.
I hated to think it, but maybe he wasn’t in a place to be in a relationship. He needed to work his shit out before he could be a good partner to someone.
“Thanks for taking her home,” he said, not looking at me. “Was she pissed?”
“No. I took her to go do secret shops,” I said.
“Thanks. She’s been trying to make extra money.”
“I know. She told me.”
He glanced at me. “I appreciate you covering for me.”
“Yeah.”
“I like that she likes you,” he said.
I scoffed internally.
“It’s important to me,” he said.
“It’s important to me too.”
“I’m serious about her. I could see myself marrying her.”
I had to look away. The idea of him marrying her made my stomach knot.
I’d be the best man. I’d have to act happy when they told me.
I’d have to help. I’d throw the bachelor party.
Mike would get wasted, and I’d get him home.
I’d be texting Larissa letting her know Mike was sleeping and he was okay.
I’d be the one making sure the food at the rehearsal dinner was safe.
I’d be the one telling Mike what gift to get her before the wedding, where to take her for the honeymoon.
I pictured Woofarine as the ring bearer.
Our dog, running down the aisle carrying a little pillow.
Would he take it to Larissa? Or would he take it to me, standing next to the groom?
Would there be an awkward moment when I’d have to hand it to my friend and the guests would chuckle and I’d have to act like it was funny when there would be absolutely nothing funny about it.
He got up. “I’m getting in the shower.” He reached out and squeezed my neck. “Thanks.”
I couldn’t even look at him.
We didn’t talk about it again. I took him to replace his screen, dropped him off. And prayed to God if they got married, it happened long after I stopped caring if they did.