Chapter 32 Chris
CHRIS
I was behind the counter filling scripts with my pharmacy tech, Waylon.
“Hey, Heather came in again asking for you,” he said.
“Hmm,” I said dismissively.
He glanced at me. “She’s hot, man. What’s your problem?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t feel like dating right now,” I mumbled.
It wasn’t a lie. The idea just didn’t appeal to me.
I didn’t want to look at that too closely.
Waylon shook his head. “She’s a doctor, dude. Smart, beautiful. What else you doing?”
Waking up at three o’clock in the morning to clear snow off my best friend’s girlfriend’s car?
“Hey.”
My head shot up at the voice. Larissa was standing on the other side of the counter.
I was hit by a ton of bricks. Completely pummeled by the unexpected sight of her.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Filling delivery orders.” She nodded over her shoulder. “I have one at the grocery store in a bit.” She beamed at me. “What are you doing back there?” she asked, peering over the counter.
“Counting blood pressure pills.”
“Wow. You are a drug dealer.”
I huffed a dry laugh.
Little dimple. Beautiful.
Then we just looked at each other. Or maybe it was me looking at her.
I didn’t know how to act without warning and time to prepare.
I could maintain my facade in the places we usually met.
My house, her apartment. But I didn’t have that armor at work.
I hadn’t practiced it here. And I didn’t know what to think about how much I liked that she’d come here and come in to find me, or how good it was to see her.
“I brought you something,” she said. She put a white paper bag on the counter. “You don’t have to open it now. Unless you want to.”
“I have time,” I said, pulling it in front of me.
The bag had a frame in it wrapped in butcher paper. I worked the tape off and peeled the paper back and sucked in a shocked breath.
It was a paper quilling. Flowers and vines around the name Julia.
Mom’s name.
It was beautiful. It made a lump bolt to my throat. “Thank you,” I breathed, peering at it.
It must have taken her days to do this. Weeks even. It was so intricate.
“I thought you’d want something to help remember her,” she said.
I couldn’t even speak. It wasn’t so much that it was for Mom. It was that she’d taken the time to do this for me when time was something that Larissa never had.
Time for her was money. This was a bill she could have paid. Coins for the laundromat, extra delivery orders so she could close the gap on the credit cards.
Instead she’d done this.
I was so moved, I didn’t know what to say.
I think she could see me struggling. “Here, let me wrap it back up for you,” she said gently.
She took it from my hands.
I had to compose myself.
“Hey, I don’t know if Mike asked you yet,” she said, taping the frame closed again. “But do you have a wholesale club card?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Why?”
“I need to start shopping in bulk, but I can’t afford the membership yet. Do you think I could go with you on your next trip?” she asked.
“I… Sure. When do you need to go?”
“As soon as you can,” she said. “The graze board thing has been really busy. I’ve been buying everything at the grocery store, and it adds up. Also, I was hoping you and I could talk for a bit.”
“About what?”
“Just stuff. Catching up. I haven’t seen you much.” She peered at me. “So?” she said. “Can you?”
“Um… yeah, I can go today,” I said. “I get off in an hour.”
She lit up. “Really?”
“Sure.”
“Okay. I’ll go do my grocery order and meet you here?”
“Let’s drive separately,” I said. “That way you can leave from there.”
She nodded. “Right. Good idea. See you in a bit.” She turned for the front of the store.
“Larissa…”
She stopped and looked back at me.
“Thank you,” I said. “I love it.”
She smiled and something about it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
“You’re welcome.”
I watched her leave. Then I turned to Waylon. “Hey, I need to make a phone call.”
I went to the back corner and called Mike.
“Sup.”
“Hey,” I said, my voice low. “Larissa was just here. She wants to go shopping.”
“Oh yeah, I was gonna ask you. Thanks, man.”
“Do you want to meet us there?”
He chuckled. “Why the heck would I meet you there?”
Because I don’t feel right being alone with her? Because I don’t want to unpack what that even means that I feel like that?
“I don’t know,” I said. “To help her get it all home?”
“Nah, can you cover for me? I’ve got clients until eight.”
I dragged a hand through my hair.
“I appreciate you taking her,” he said.
“You should get her a membership,” I said.
“Can’t, need to tighten the spending. Saving up for a wedding ring now that she’s moving in.”
I froze. “She’s… moving in?”
“Aw, shit, I didn’t tell you, huh? Man, where you been? Yeah, we finally pulled the trigger.”
My mouth went dry. “When did you guys decide this?”
I pictured a shrug.
“I don’t know. Couple of weeks ago?”
A couple of weeks? She didn’t tell me.
I felt blindsided, and I didn’t even know why. It wasn’t my business. They’d been together almost a year. No fighting, no reason to break up—why would it surprise me that they were moving in together? Right? It was the next step. The logical solution.
So why did I feel like I was going to be sick?
He talked to someone in the background. “Hey, I gotta go. My four o’clock is here. Thanks for the shopping thing.”
And he hung up.
I stood there, holding my phone until the screen went black.
Why did I hate this so much? I wanted Mike to get her out of that damn apartment.
The neighborhood was dangerous, the place was musty, and God only knew what was coming through the vents.
She hated Phil. Her moving was a good thing—so why did it feel so bad?
Why did it put a pit in the bottom of my stomach?
Make my knees feel like they were going to give out, like my fucking world was ending?
But I knew why.
I didn’t want to admit it, not even to myself, but I knew why.
It was the reason I left my ringer on at night in case she needed me.
The reason I loved the way Woofarine’s fur smelled after she had him.
It was why I didn’t date. Because of her.
Going with Larissa to buy cheese was a thousand times more appealing to me than spending time with literally anyone else. I didn’t just like her.
I was in love with her.
The truth bled into my consciousness like a fatal wound.
Permeated everything. Seeped into the recesses of my soul.
Something so obvious the only explanation for why I hadn’t accepted it before was denial because what kind of fucking person feels this way about the woman their best friend is going to marry?
What kind of piece of shit lets himself get there?
And I couldn’t keep doing it. I couldn’t keep feeling like this about someone I could never, ever have.
It didn’t matter if Mike never knew it and neither did she. I knew.
It was wrong and hopeless and it had to stop.
How could I even look Mike in the eye? The feelings I had were a flaw in my character.
I pulled up the website for my wholesale club. I bought her a membership, texted her the information, told her I wasn’t feeling well, and left work ten minutes early so I wouldn’t be there if she came back.
And then I got Heather’s number and I called her.