Chapter Fifteen #2
She felt her way to the desk and found a candle in an old brass holder. An extended search of the drawers revealed matches, and she lit the candle.
The light, meager as it was, revealed destruction in every corner of the shop.
Half of the shelves were empty, many of them broken and hanging on slants, the books a fallen pyramid on the floor beneath the low end.
Posters had been ripped down and defaced.
It was as if marauders had gone through on a rampage looking for something hidden and carelessly destroyed everything along the way.
Papa.
Isabelle left the bookshop quickly, not even bothering to replace the key.
Instead, she dropped it in her jacket pocket and unlocked her bicycle and climbed aboard.
She kept to the smaller streets (the few that weren’t barricaded) until she came to rue de Grenelle; there, she turned and pedaled for home.
The apartment on the Avenue de La Bourdonnais had been in her father’s family for more than a hundred years.
The city street was lined on either side by pale, sandstone buildings with black ironwork balconies and slate roofs.
Carved stone cherubs decorated the cornices.
About six blocks away, the Eiffel Tower rose high into the sky, dominating the view.
On the street level were dozens of storefronts with pretty awnings and cafés, with tables set up out front: the high floors were all residential.
Usually, Isabelle walked slowly along the sidewalk, window shopping, appreciating the hustle and bustle around her.
Not today. The cafés and bistros were empty.
Women in worn clothes and tired expressions stood in queues for food.
She stared up at the blacked-out windows as she fished the key from her bag.
Opening the door, she pushed her way into the shadowy lobby, hauling her bicycle with her.
She locked it to a pipe in the lobby. Ignoring the coffin-sized cage elevator, which no doubt didn’t run in these days of limited electricity, she climbed the narrow, steeply pitched stairs that coiled around the elevator shaft and came to the fifth-floor landing, where there were two doors, one on the left side of the building, and theirs, on the right.
She unlocked the door and stepped inside.
Behind her, she thought she heard the neighbor’s door open.
When she turned back to say hello to Madame Leclerc, the door clicked quietly shut.
Apparently the nosy old woman was watching the comings and goings in apartment 6B.
She entered her apartment and closed the door behind her. “Papa?”
Even though it was midday, the blacked-out windows made it dark inside. “Papa?”
There was no answer.
Truthfully, she was relieved. She carried her valise into the salon. The darkness reminded her of another time, long ago. The apartment had been shadowy and musty; there had been breathing then, and footsteps creaking on wooden floors.
Hush, Isabelle, no talking. Your maman is with the angels now.
She turned on the light switch in the living room.
An ornate blown-glass chandelier flickered to life, its sculpted glass branches glittering as if from another world.
In the meager light, she looked around the apartment, noticing that several pieces of art were missing from the walls.
The room reflected both her mother’s unerring sense of style and the collection of antiques from other generations.
Two paned windows—covered now—should have revealed a beautiful view of the Eiffel Tower from the balcony.
Isabelle turned off the light. There was no reason to waste precious electricity while she waited. She sat down at the round wooden table beneath the chandelier, its rough surface scarred by a thousand suppers over the years. Her hand ran lovingly over the banged-up wood.
Let me stay, Papa. Please. I’ll be no trouble.
How old had she been that time? Eleven? Twelve? She wasn’t sure. But she’d been dressed in the blue sailor uniform of the convent school. It all felt a lifetime ago now. And yet here she was, again, ready to beg him to—(love her)—let her stay.
Later—how much longer? She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat here in the dark, remembering the circumstances of her mother because she had all but forgotten her face in any real way—she heard footsteps and then a key rattling in the lock.
She heard the door open and rose to her feet. The door clicked shut. She heard him shuffling through the entry, past the small kitchen.
She needed to be strong now, determined, but the courage that was as much a part of her as the green of her eyes had always faded in her father’s presence and it retreated now. “Papa?” she said into the darkness. She knew he hated surprises.
She heard him go still.
Then a light switch clicked and the chandelier came on. “Isabelle,” he said with a sigh. “What are you doing here?”
She knew better than to reveal uncertainty to this man who cared so little for her feelings. She had a job to do now. “I have come to live with you in Paris. Again,” she added as an afterthought.
“You left Vianne and Sophie alone with the Nazi?”
“They are safer with me gone, believe me. Sooner or later, I would have lost my temper.”
“Lost your temper? What is wrong with you? You will return to Carriveau tomorrow morning.” He walked past her to the wooden sideboard that was tucked against the papered wall.
He poured himself a glass of brandy, drank it down in three large gulps, and poured another.
When he finished the second drink, he turned to her.
“No,” she said. The single word galvanized her. Had she ever said it to him before? She said it again for good measure. “No.”
“Pardon?”
“I said no, Papa. I will not bend to your will this time. I will not leave. This is my home. My home.” Her voice weakened on that.
“Those are the drapes I watched Maman make on her sewing machine. This is the table she inherited from her great-uncle. On the walls of my bedroom you’ll find my initials, drawn in Maman’s lipstick when she wasn’t looking.
In my secret room, my fort, I’ll bet my dolls are still lined up along the walls. ”
“Isabelle—”
“No. You will not turn me away, Papa. You have done that too many times. You are my father. This is my home. We are at war. I’m staying.” She bent down for the valise at her feet and picked it up.
In the pale glow of the chandelier, she saw defeat deepen the lines in her father’s cheeks. His shoulders slumped. He poured himself another brandy, gulped it greedily. Obviously he could barely stand to look at her without the aid of alcohol.
“There are no parties to attend,” he said, “and all your university boys are gone.”
“This is really what you think of me,” she said. Then she changed the subject. “I stopped by the bookshop.”
“The Nazis,” he said in response. “They stormed in one day and pulled out everything by Freud, Mann, Trotsky, Tolstoy, Maurois—all of them, they burned—and the music, too. I would rather lock the doors than sell only what I am allowed to. So, I did just that.”
“So, how are you making a living? Your poetry?”
He laughed. It was a bitter, slurred sound. “This is hardly a time for gentler pursuits.”
“Then, how are you paying for electricity and food?”
Something changed in his face. “I’ve got a good job at the H?tel de Crillon.”
“In service?” She could hardly credit him serving beer to German brutes.
He glanced away.
Isabelle got a sick feeling in her stomach. “For whom do you work, Papa?”
“The German high command in Paris,” he said.
Isabelle recognized that feeling now. It was shame. “After what they did to you in the Great War—”
“Isabelle—”
“I remember the stories Maman told us about how you’d been before the war and how it had broken you. I used to dream that someday you’d remember that you were a father, but all that was a lie, wasn’t it? You’re just a coward. The minute the Nazis return you race to aid them.”
“How dare you judge me and what I’ve been through? You’re eighteen years old.”
“Nineteen,” she said. “Tell me, Papa, do you get our conquerors coffee or hail them taxis on their way to Maxim’s? Do you eat their lunch leftovers?”
He seemed to deflate before her eyes; age. She felt unaccountably regretful for her sharp words even though they were true and deserved. But she couldn’t back down now. “So we are agreed? I will move into my old room and live here. We need barely speak if that is your condition.”
“There is no food here in the city, Isabelle; not for us Parisians anyway. All over town are signs warning us not to eat rats and these signs are necessary. People are raising guinea pigs for food. You will be more comfortable in the country, where there are gardens.”
“I am not looking for comfort. Or safety.”
“What are you looking for in Paris, then?”
She realized her mistake. She’d set a trap with her foolish words and stepped right into it. Her father was many things; stupid was not one of them. “I’m here to meet a friend.”
“Tell me we are not talking about some boy. Tell me you are smarter than that.”
“The country was dull, Papa. You know me.”
He sighed, poured another drink from the bottle. She saw the telltale glaze come into his eyes. Soon, she knew, he would stumble away to be alone with whatever it was he thought about. “If you stay, there will be rules.”
“Rules?”
“You will be home by curfew. Always and without exception. You will leave me my privacy. I can’t stomach being hovered over.
You will go to the shops each morning and see what our ration cards will get us.
And you will find a job.” He paused, looked at her, his eyes narrowed.
“And if you get yourself in trouble like your sister did, I will throw you out. Period.”
“I am not—”
“I don’t care. A job, Isabelle. Find one.”
He was still talking when she turned on her heel and walked away. She went into her old bedroom and shut the door. Hard.