5. Eveera
Eveera
Felix has ordered Ezra to follow me. I just don’t have the energy to acknowledge him yet but I don’t bother closing my doors.
The shower turns on for the second time tonight.
I prefer not to sleep with someone’s blood on me.
My skin twitches at the presence of someone at my back. The shower becomes a lot more claustrophobic than it was a few seconds ago.
“E…” he starts, his chin resting on top of my head.
“No thoughts.” I say, turning around to face him.
His sandy blonde hair is already damp, falling around his face as he looks down at me. It’s not hard to imagine how we ended up here. We got close after he was placed as my head guard. He took his job very seriously and I…did not. It’s difficult to take someone meant to protect you seriously when you received the level of weapons and Wielding training that I did.
So, instead of respecting his role, I chose to charm and flirt with him until he either quit or fell into my bed. Clearly, based on his very naked presence in my shower, the latter won .
“I missed you.” He whispers.
Obviously. The voice inside of my head chides.
His gaze drops to my lips, but it’s not a look of heat or passion. It’s a look of observation - like I am something to study. His hand moves to cup my cheek while his head dips down. Our lips graze together for a second before he presses his mouth fully onto mine. His kisses are quick to become insistent, his mouth searching mine desperately. My arms loop around his neck, our tongues warring for dominance. It feels sloppy, uncoordinated, and tired. For me at least.
He breaks away his breath coming in heavy pants as he sweeps his mouth down over my collarbone and then latching on my neck. Both of his palms have dropped to lift my ass. He lifts me up easily, my back connecting with the shower tiles. The edges of my nails leave half-moons on his slick shoulders. I dig them in hard to anchor myself against him.
From this point everything becomes routine. The same pattern and energy it always has, I’d hope with how infrequent we’ve been in this position together in the past months that maybe things would feel different. That it would be more. But as our bodies move against one another, it feels more unbalanced than ever, it feels like something is missing. Whatever burn there might have been five years ago is gone. His name used to tumble off my lips, now I force it out, “Ezra…”
“ I missed you” he said.
Those three words settle sourly in my stomach. If only I could have returned the sentiment.
“Mom? Mommy?! Mom?!” I ran straight past my guards, running through the empty castle to search every room. My bare feet are loud as I sprint across the cold stone.
They said I was safe, they said she was safe - I have to find her.
“ MOM!?” She isn’t in any of her usual sitting rooms. Maybe they moved her to a safe room? I think. But no, she would have been with me then. I race down the hall and see the light glowing from under her and father’s bedroom doors. She doesn’t stay in those rooms anymore - not after he didn’t come home. My hand reaches out in front of me, shaking as I grip onto the handle of her door.
I don’t know why I am so nervous. I heard a guard shout “CLEAR!” not too far back. But the air feels off in this wing and there is a pit growing in my stomach as I slowly push the door open. She hasn’t been herself lately, and I don’t want to upset her.
“Mommy? Are you-”
My eyes fly open, my fingers clutching my chest as I gasp for breath. “It’s just a dream…” I whisper, “just a dream.” I blink away the sweat and tears from my eyes, Ezra is sleeping soundly next to me. My startled wake-up doing nothing to disrupt him.
So much for guard duty, I scoff quietly to myself, even though I know Armond is always posted outside at night.
I crawl quietly off, tiptoeing to the hidden door in my wall that leads into the passageways. My feet follow the familiar way down to my Room, the steps I take are silent against the floor. Vada’s consciousness is present in my mind and I know she felt the dream, our bond doesn’t allow her to be exempt from the more visceral ones.
“Little demon.” She grumbles.
“No arguing.” Even my internal voice sounds exhausted.
“Torturing yourself is beneath you.” Her gaze lowers to meet mine while slinking further into the room, steam rolls from her nostrils and coasts over my body, blanketing me in warmth.
“ I said no arguing. If you don’t want to stay and watch then don’t. Either way this is happening.” I turn only my head to look at her. She lays her substantially large body onto the ground decidedly out of her cave. Her eyes narrow, her only further protest of her disapproval.
CRACK!
I take a shuddering breath in, the familiar sting and heat spreading through me, “One.”
I wanted to avoid the domesticity of sliding back into bed with Ezra after tonight, so I took off in the passageways towards Axel’s room instead. There’s no point in knocking, I can already hear his obnoxious snores through the paneling. Click! I latch the door shut behind me. His room is dark save for the one dim sconce he left on by his main door.
There’s not much to his quarters other than it looks like a smaller version of mine. Most of the rooms in this wing do, I could’ve chosen to move into the Queen’s Suites when I took up my crown, but the thought of being in her wing of the castle churned my stomach. I chose to stay in my childhood bedroom instead.
“Shit!” I hiss, picking up my foot, pain lancing through my shoulders from the sudden movement.
“What in the gods?” Axel’s groggy head peeks up at me from beneath his covers. He scrambles, to turn on the lamp on his bedside, illuminating his corner of the room. “Eveera, what the hell?” He blinks a few times before he takes in the full sight of my disheveled state, his face softening in the process.
I ignore the question and look down to see my foot’s assailant was a rogue dart that never made it into the board hung above his wardrobe. “You should pick up your room.” I note, hobbling to his bed.
He throws back the covers scooting over for me to climb in. “You should pick up your feet.” I turn my head, glaring at his sleep addled face.
“Turn the light off.” I snap.
“So bossy. At least buy me dinner first, before you start commanding me in the bedroom.” Despite his graphic protest, he reaches over and turns it off. “Did you put the healing balm on.”
I nod my head obnoxiously against the pillow, twinging a little as I do.
“Did you bandage them?”
“Yes.” I groan.
“Are you avoiding Ezra again?”
I bury my face into the pillow. “I’m avoiding this question. Now go to sleep.” He chuckles quietly, flipping over into a more comfortable position that shakes the small bed. “Injured.” I whine.
“Self-inflicted doesn’t count.” He quips. Asshole , I think to myself.
My body sinks into his bed and his hand reaches across the mattress his fingers lacing with mine. The warmth he gives off lulls me into a deep sleep, this time the dream doesn’t come back. In fact all of the thoughts inside of my head go quiet.
I don’t wake up again until we hear - BANG! BANG! BANG! - on the door . I squeeze my eyes shut, pretending to still be asleep while Axel drags himself up out of bed to go see who is at the door . “You’re not fooling anyone Eveera, wake up.” Felix. My hands pull the covers back, and I sit myself up and face him. “Any reason there is an odd splatter pattern in your Room? ”
He knows, he always knows. Even if I’ve never admitted it.
I grab the extra pair of shoes stored here I have from within Axel’s wardrobe.“All the splatter patterns seemed normal to me. Is there a reason you were in there?” Next I reach for my extra pair of pants, slipping them over my curves and cinching them at my waist.
“Just curious is all.” He hums. “You have a meeting, remember? You might want to…” He waves his hands in gesture around me, “get dressed.”
Ezra is already waiting for me, sword in hand. “Ez, eager to lose?” I throw him a wink while pulling my sword out of it’s holster.
His shoulders shake, laughing, “how many times have I won sparring with you, hmm?” He walks in a wide circle around me.
The hilt of the blade spins in my hand. “As many times as I have let you.” A frown forms on his face and he lunges for me, his bulky armor slows him down with its weight. I swing my sword down towards his legs, pushing his advance back. We go a few rounds, swords clanking against one another. “Oh come on, you can do better than this!” I taunt, which only eggs him on to move faster, duck lower, and block harder.
He’s here, the voice in my mind warns. The air shifts around me, disrupting my momentum. I don’t know how I know it’s him - but I do. Ezra charges at me out of the corner of my eye, trying to use the distraction as a way to one me up. Without sparing him a look, I swing at him, clashing against his blow and shoving hard. He loses his footing and stumbles to the ground. Well that was lucky, I think. My knee falls onto his chest plate, the new position allowing me to press my sword against his throat. “You’re dead.” Even through the metal of his armor I can feel him tense underneath me.
“Your” Grunt . “left side is open.” His nose brushes mine while he leans up as best as he can.
I relent, climbing off of him and taking hold of his hand. “What would that matter? My sword would have sliced clean through your throat.” I argue, the two of us still not acknowledging our guests.
He shucks off his armor and moves to the wall of weapons, selecting a few. “Well it matters, your Highness, because it gave me a few seconds when you were pinning me to stab a dagger right through your left ribs.” He takes his fingers, grazing my side. I don’t miss the fact his eyes drift up to look at the two men behind me, before he looks back down. “When leaning on top of someone you have to angle your body properly.” I subtly push his fingers away, not allowing the touch to turn into something more possessive.
“I think you know well that I have no issues angling my body properly.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “I meant when delivering the killing blow, Eveera.”
I laugh and turn around. “You.” I point at the prince.
“Your Highness.” He and his companion both say in unison, Mousy tries to look everywhere but straight at me. The prince however, looks me up and down lazily, a smirk on his lips when his eyes finally make their way to mine.
“I need a volunteer.”
“A volunteer?” His deep voice rattles something loose in my chest. I slip one of the throwing stars I’ve grown to favor and spin it between my thumb and fore-finger. “Well you aren’t just going to stand on the edge all day, are you? You came here to talk, I came here to train. So, I need a volunteer.” My empty hand beckons one of them towards me. The moment Mousy steps over the edge I pitch my arm back, launching the throwing star in their direction.
To my shock the prince stops the momentum, catching the star before it could find purchase. Before I have time to process, the sound of it whizzing by me and embedding in the wall, fills my ears. My gaze switches from the star and back to him. “It’s not nice to throw things.” He says, dusting off his hands.
I disagree.
“You can borrow from the selection on the table or wall.” I note.
He clears his throat. “A-hem, I think I’ll just use my own.”
“Ha.” I glance at him from the corner of my eye. “Scared I tainted the metal? Imbued it with something?” I back up onto the mat, sliding a dagger in tight against my chest. “Ezra, you’re with Mousy here. And you…princeling, you’ll be my volunteer.”
Ezra appraises his opponent, waiting impatiently for Mousy to be ready. He’ll launch himself at his new opponent as soon as he’s given the command, and he’ll fight dirty.
“Engage.” I say.
Rorin and I both watch as Ezra pivots, swinging his sword hard. The move leaves his opponent with little time to recover or block his blow. “That was an unorthodox way to start a sparring match. Your boyfriend over there didn’t even look ready.”
“Never said we do things the orthodox way around here, princeling. Ezra can clearly handle his own, your man on the other hand…”
He glares in my direction at that assumption. I shift my stance to be in front of him. “You have until one of us lands a mock killing blow to explain your point and convince me why I should help you.” He looks at me with a raised brow .
“If I lay one on you, will an army of men come through those doors and bushes or perhaps a dragon ?” His head tilts in challenge as he unsheathes his sword.
“Mm, quite the suggestion.” We start moving around one another, searching for openings. “Give me a good fight princeling, don’t make it so easy that they think you’ve just let me win.”
His tongue darts out, wetting his lip. My attention zeroing in on the unconscious habit. “Well since, letting their little queen win won’t get me an army. I think I’ll pass.”
“Any day now, princeling.” I bait.
He surges forward, sword angled and cutting low at my ankles. I jump out of the way, blocking his steel with mine pulling both our swords up. I turn with the momentum and bring my sword close to his stomach. A cheap shot and one he’s unfortunately too quick for.
His brow is scrunched together with the effort he’s putting into calculating the moves before I make them. “As I said, Hadar’s Guards have already taken over Mellant and Peverell with forces in Evendell. My father’s opinion is that we should keep pushing back on every small advance. But he’s not the one on the front lines.” CLANK! Our swords make contact, pushing against one another, dragging both the sword tips down.
“And you are?” I look at him before moving away from where we’re connected. “I am not mocking you, I am asking. You were wearing a military jacket yesterday.” He goes for another low shot at my knees. My feet barely moved me fast enough to avoid the impact.
In a flurry of quick movements I manage to land the hilt into his ribs, earning me a pained grunt. “ Oof! Yes. I was made responsible for our military.” He doesn’t slow down though on his retaliation .
“You-” Block “Don’t-” I duck under the next hit. “Sound too happy to hold that title.”He lowers his sword a moment, panting. “Would you? If each skirmish or countermeasure led to losing dozens of men? Or if the towns saddled with hosting your men were struggling to feed their families. These are peasant levies, not the trained professionals like your military. They’re healers, farmers, barely of age boys, and their fathers.” His sword comes back up and - Whack! My weapon pitches out of my hands, clattering to the ground from his force . I lurch for it, Rorin’s words stealing too much of my focus. The wounds on my back stretch, opening again. Too much movement.
“Something wrong?” He asks.
I grab my weapon from the ground and roll back up slowly, cracking my fingers and neck in the process. “Of course not. You haven’t quite gotten to the part where I come into all of this.” I spin out of his reach. “So blah blah you hate your job blah blah inexperienced soldiers blah blah your deaths are all imminent. If that happens then maybe I won’t have such annoying neighbors.” I chide.
His eyes narrow. “Didn’t I though? This needs to be handled, your military knows how to handle it. I am not willing to risk more innocent lives under a tyrant.”
“Just my soldiers’ innocent lives.”
He lowers his sword for the second time. “What?”
“You said, ‘I am not willing to risk more innocent lives under a tyrant’. Do my soldiers not count as innocent?”
One of his thick hands drags through his curls, “I would consider them more contractual. Hired, they understand and choose to throw their lives into the throngs of war.”
“Hmph.” With my free hand I reach for one of my daggers, throwing it within inches of his neck. With astounding speed, he stops it just like the throwing star and advance on me in the next breath. His empty hand curls around my bicep and he leans down, sweat dripping down his forehead. “What did I say about throwing things?” I swallow thickly, feeling the cool tip of metal pressing into my side.
I smile, “that it wasn’t nice.” His throat bobs as his eyes drop down to the dagger I’ve replaced and now point at his heart. “But there was your first mistake. Assuming I care about being nice.” I lean slightly to the right, feeling the prick of where the dagger is now nicking me. Not enough for him to notice yet, though. “Your second mistake, was thinking I fucking care about your kingdom.”
The hurt flickers in his eyes. “You care so little about life, so little about mankind as a whole?” He asks, the sound of the spar next to us has stopped and I know they’re watching our exchange.
“No I care greatly. But the lives I care for are only fodder for you. Remember? Contractual. ” I challenge, leaning a hair more into the dagger at my side.
The frustration is growing in his eyes, the two of us standing so close we share breath. “So all this time in your precious isolation, avoiding what’s really going on past your borders has left you above everyone else? What kind of a person wouldn’t step in to stop, that would make you a mons—”
He’s overwhelming. I close the distance and lean all the way into the blade. A gasp comes from one of the other men watching the two of us. My blood trickles down into the prince’s hand, shock filling his face as he looks at what I’ve just done. I whisper low enough that only he can hear me, “I thought we were all under the impression that I was barely human.”
Rorin yanks the blade out of my side, pushing me away from him. I stagger back, Ezra already behind me ready to catch me in case the blood loss happens too fast. My vision dances a little bit, but not before I see Mousy dragging the prince further away.
“That’s enough.” Ezra growls out.
The laugh I let out is weak. “Down boy, it’s just a flesh wound.” I reach the hand on my good side up, patting the broad shoulder next to my head. Fuck. “Ezra?” I have my gaze trained as best I can on the two Vellaran’s faces as he hauls me backwards.
“You two,” he points his sword at both of them, “I suggest you go clean up in your quarters.”
“Giving orders now, Ez? I thought I was sovereign here?” I grit out while pressing my left hand to the gash. I struggle to get him to let me go wanting to make my exit without him attached to my hip.
On the trek back the staff darted out of my way, their focus fixing only on the blood left in my wake. Axel’s mouth opens to ask what happened but I interrupt, “Axel dear, if you wouldn’t mind please go get me Marjorie.” He nods, letting me into the room and closing the door behind him.
“WHAT THE FUCK, E?!” Ezra shouts causing my head to spin. I lay back on the bed, my breathing becoming more labored. Shit, why does this hurt so bad? It was a dagger in an area that wouldn’t cause permanent damage, it’s not like my body can’t handle that.
“The yelling Ezra. Please turn it down a notch.” I wave limply in his direction making my best effort to shoo him.
“NO. No I will not ‘turn it down a notch’. What is this insatiable need to harm yourself?!” He’s still yelling, giving me the beginnings of a headache.
“Beauty isn’t without pain, dear.” I jest but he doesn’t take the bait. “Besides I knew what I was doing. ”
“He STABBED you, Eveera! You are queen , you have to stop being so reckless!”
“Who stabbed you?” Felix asks, both his and Marjorie’s stares drop to the bloody hand pressed to my left side.
“I did.”, “The Vellaran did.” Ezra and I say simultaneously.
Felix’s eyes go wide. “You let him STAB her?!” He shouts.
“The yelling!” I snap cutting Ezra off before he talked himself into having one foot in the grave. “Rorin and I were sparring and I leaned into it.” Marjorie’s moved next to me her withered hands already glowing against me. I hate the feeling of her magic, especially the feeling of skin stitching itself back together.
“You leaned into a dagger?” Felix looks incredulously at me.
Marjorie makes good time, helping me to stand when she’s all finished. “Yes. I thought it would be fun. I wanted to see his reaction when he drew blood, my blood.”
I turn to Felix. “I am fine. I wouldn’t have let him kill me, and I don’t think he would have done it anyways if he needs me. It was simply a game. Have them meet me in the throne room in an hour. I’ll give him his answer then.”
In truth I could have told them I made my decision, before we even sparred, but I liked making him squirm. And squirm he did.