61. Megan
Chapter 61
Megan
There was life before I'd had sex with Ollie, and life where I know what it's like to have my soul split in two and can't think about anything else. With school on Easter break, there's nothing to do but sulk around Mum and Dad's house like a stroppy teenager.
I want to move back home, but Ollie wants to paint the ceiling first, so all I can do is tie myself in knots about what it will be like when we're living together again. Will we pretend we're in a relationship? Play house? Ignore the fact that he's leaving in the not so distant future?
There's no way I'm going to get over this. I can still feel him when I sit down, and it’s an ache, a loss, a hunger that my body is screaming at me to satisfy.
Despite spending all weekend together, we still haven't talked about what we're doing. I don't know if this is just sex, or a summer situationship, or full on roommates-to-lovers vibes. Honestly, I'm terrified to bring it up in case I burst the bubble, but that doesn't mean I'm not playing out conversations in my head every minute of the day.
If I could talk to the girls about it, I know they'd help me make sense of it. Even though I'll never be able to tell them the full story, I pluck up the courage to send them a message.
Megan: Can we meet up for a chat soon? Not at mine.
Kara replies immediately.
Kara: Just wrapping up some work for a client. Sunshine at four?
Megan: See you there.
There’s no point dancing around it. My confession is probably written all over my face, and I blurt it out before my bum has even hit the chair.
“I have a crush on Ollie.”
Kara claps her hands together in glee. “We knew it!”
“Has anything happened?” Hattie asks, adding a spoonful of sugar to her latte. She’s ordered me a mint tea, knowing full well I can’t drink caffeine after lunchtime or I’ll stay up all night and start thinking I’m having a heart attack.
“No,” I lie and avoid looking at her.
If I told them I’d spent the weekend having the most incredible sex of my life, I’m almost certain she’d frogmarch me back to the flat for more of it, and probably ask if she could stick around and watch.
“I’m not even living there at the moment. There was a leak in my bedroom, so I’ve gone back to Mum and Dad’s while he patches up the ceiling.”
“Well, that seems like a perfect excuse for some Only One Bed action,” Kara waggles her eyebrows, ever the romance addict. If only they knew.
I try to contain my grin at the memory of him dragging me over to his side of the bed that first night. Of my fingers tugging the ends of his hair. Of him grinding against me until we both came with all our clothes still on.
“Only One Bed and Boss’s Daughter tropes?” Kara continues. “I’d read the hell out of that.”
“Who cares what your dad thinks?” Hattie says. “As soon as you move back in, I think you should jump him, babe. What's the worst thing that could happen? You have a few orgasms from a hot guy with great stamina. Boohoo.”
“He’s nearly a decade younger than me,” I protest, burying my face in my hands.
“I bet his refractory period is basically nothing,” Kara says. “That wouldn’t be a bad thing at all.”
Hattie might have hooked up with half of Hertfordshire, but Kara has only ever been with two men, and I’m shocked she can be so cavalier about encouraging me to get involved in something so casual. I'm the type of person who needs some connection before I can take things to the next level.
“The worst thing that could happen is I catch feelings that are far more than physical, then he swans off on his travels, and I’m even more miserable than before he moved in.”
“That’s why he’s the perfect choice,” Hattie tries to convince me. “Obviously, Ollie is not the man you'll spend the rest of your life with, so you won't catch feelings. You’ll have a fun summer fling, and be left with nothing but happy memories and an extremely satisfied pussy.”
She has no idea.
Apart from a high school boyfriend, the men I’ve dated have always been older than me, even if just by a year or two. I’ve always found men our age too immature, too focused on going out drinking with their friends than committing to anything serious. How is Ollie is more grounded than any of them?
“Hey,” Kara says softly, resting her hand on mine. “I didn’t know you felt miserable. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?” I ask, but of course it wasn’t obvious to the two most loved up women on the planet. “Max dumped me, I threw myself into planning your wedding, spent summer on my own while you were both at it like rabbits, and by January you moved out.”
I nod in Hattie’s direction, and she pouts and cocks her head. “You said it was fine if I moved in with Rob.”
“Of course it was fine! What was I going to say, ‘Oh no, please don’t move in with your hot new boyfriend? Live with me forever!’ ”
“He is pretty hot, isn’t he?” There she goes, missing the point once again.
“Yes, and I came here for support, not bragging.”
“OK then,” she laughs, sipping her drink. “We support you to shag the hot roommate.”
“Hattie, give it a rest,” Kara scolds. “She knows her own mind, she doesn't need us pestering her.”
Hattie leans across to cover Kara's hand with hers, squeezing us both. “I'm sorry. You know, I just want you to be happy.”
“I am,” I insist, unable to tell how much of that is genuine.
I’m rapidly forgetting why I even wanted to talk this through with them in the first place. What did I expect them to say when I’m not even being honest? The truth is, I’ve already slept with him, and I was feeling things long before that even happened.
“How are you getting on with Underdog ?” Kara asks, and I’m grateful for the change in subject. We never argue, and I don’t want this thing with Ollie to drive a deeper wedge between us.
“I haven’t started it yet,” I confess. With everything that’s been going on, reading has been the last thing on my mind.
“Well, you should, Carmella is an absolute babe. I didn’t think I was into being dominant, but after I finished it, I bossed Luke around a bit and he loved it.”
“Oh my God,” Hattie says, bouncing up and down on her stool. “Was it the kitchen scene?”
“Yes!”
“We did that too! So fucking hot.”
“What happens in the kitchen scene?” I ask.
Kara smiles around the rim of her teacup. “You’ll just have to read it and find out.”
“Wait, did you do that on your kitchen table?” Hattie says to Kara, smacking her playfully on the arm. “Please clean it before our next Sunday lunch.”
“Oh, get over it,” Kara laughs, sweeping a hand over her belly. “This baby was probably conceived on that table. It’s very sturdy.”
I was already low-level horny, and pretty much have been since all of this started with Ollie, but hearing them talking about hooking up in kitchens and on tables has me wanting a little of that for myself.
After finishing my tea, I tell them I’m due home for dinner, the most honest I’ve been with them, and dash home even more frustrated than before. After saying goodnight to my parents, I curl up in my childhood bed and get stuck into Underdog .
As it turns out, ‘the kitchen scene’ , is where Carmella, a frustrated school teacher, marches home after a rough day and demands her husband go down on her on the kitchen table ‘to take the edge off’ .
Lucky Carmella.
This woman treats orgasms like therapy and has no qualms about making her needs heard. She’s bold, and brilliant, and nothing like any school teacher I’ve ever met. Certainly nothing like me, but it does leave me wondering what it would be like to feel in control for once.