68. Ollie
Chapter 68
Ollie
Megan snores softly in my arms, and as I stroke my fingers through her hair, one single thought keeps me awake.
This is so fucking far from casual.
For weeks I’ve been avoiding the conversation about us, and every day that becomes more of a problem. I’m addicted to this woman, and lately I’ve been wondering if I should be going on this trip at all.
I thought I wanted to see more of the world, but is there anything out there that would be better than coming home to her every night? This is the first time in my life I haven’t wanted to run from something. Here, in this little two-bedroom flat, I’ve finally found the home I’ve always craved. All because of her.
But I know deep down I still need to do this. To prove to myself that I can. To prove to my dad that I’m not a useless waste of an education. I stopped caring about what he thinks of me a long time ago, but those words cut too deep to forget.
Giving up now would mean proving him right, and I'm pretty sure Megan would be furious if I changed my plans. She’s a goal- setter, and for all the ways we’re different, it’s the thing we’re most aligned on.
You make a plan, you work on the plan, you stick to it. You don’t throw your life away because of a few months of good sex and nights spent rubbing my thumb on those three perfect freckles.
You say thanks for the memories and go off and make some more. That’s what she said, right? Or did I say that? Everything happened so fast earlier. All I know is I felt blindsided by her calling this ‘casual’ when she’s the best thing that’s happened to me in years. Maybe ever.
No matter how much fun we’re having, it’s only a matter of time before Megan wakes up and realises she’s been wasting her time with me. I’m none of the things she wants from life, and she’s hardly going to wait around for me to come back. That’s if I even want to come back. There's a whole world of possibility out there.
Mr Porter has said he’ll always have work for me if I want it, but I don’t think I could come back here and watch her moving on with her life. Meeting some finance loser, getting married, starting a family. That shit isn't on my radar yet.
There’s a tiny voice in the back of my head that tells me we should stop this before we get hurt, but I’m going to keep ignoring it. If casual is what she wants, then so be it, because there’s no way I’m letting her go a minute sooner than I have to.