Chapter 31
Sam
I DON’T KNOW when, exactly, I became the team’s official yoga instructor, but here we are. I blame our lack of funds for more ice barrels. Because I’d rather throw all these goons into ice baths and enjoy their shouts of torture as they stay in there a good half hour.
Instead, I’ve decided that this recovery day is yoga day.
And since there’s no wide open space big enough for all the mats down in the exercise facility, I take them up to the concession area.
Now, I’m leading them through the world’s easiest set of sun salutations and warrior poses, and you’d think I was torturing them.
“Lower yourself to the mat. Slowly. Breathe out. Palms flat, next to your armpits. Now raise your chest and breathe in. You should feel the stretch in your spine. Quit groaning, Ansel. Breathe out, and rise up to downward-facing dog.” A collective chorus of grunts follows.
“Try to get your heels to touch the ground. Those legs of yours need to stretch. Yes, Carter, even yours.”
“I take back every nice thing I ever said about you,” he wheezes as I put my hands on his hips and raise them.
“Love you, too,” I smile. “Now be a good boy and take it.”
He huffs a laugh. “I don’t like you anymore.”
I tap his back good-naturedly and move on to the next guy.
We’re in the final ten minutes of class, with all the players in their best imitation of a seated forward bend, when Colin comes into view. I look right at him, meeting his gaze across the breezeway.
He holds the stare, which isn’t surprising. No one is around to see it.
But then his assistant coaches come in behind him, and he still doesn’t break.
My body heats, and my mouth loses all moisture. I return the stare, because there’s no part of me that can stop. This entire thing is toxic, but tell that to my fucking soul.
“Sammmm,” comes Ollie’s whine from behind me.
I snap back to myself. “And relax. We’re almost done, guys.”
Once I’ve guided them into the final resting position – flat on their backs, palms to the sky, legs and arms relaxed, eyes closed – Colin makes his way to me.
“Coach,” I murmur, aware of precisely where we are.
“How’d they do?” he asks, his gaze roaming over his team.
“Complained like a bunch of babies the entire time.”
“So, they were men?”
I snort a laugh as I whip my head to face him. His eyes are clear and bright, the green of his hazel eyes out in force. “Exactly, yes,” I confirm.
He grins. “But they finished.”
“They did. They need a recovery day like this every week. Something to stretch and strengthen that isn’t designed for bulk.”
“Tell me something.”
I cross my arms, checking my watch to see how much longer the players have.
“Why isn’t your boss the one telling me these kinds of things?”
“Honestly?”
His brow furrows. “Honestly.”
“Because that’s not his area of expertise. He trained his whole life here, in the States. But back home, that’s not really how we do it. I had to work my way up, learning different areas of study. It means I have a more holistic approach to things.”
“Has Ollie ever been injured?”
“Absolutely not. Well,” I hedge, “not by over-training. He’s been walloped on the pitch plenty, but nothing that’s taken him down.”
He nods. “Good to know.”
“Why all the questions?” But what I really mean is, why is he being so damn professional?
“I was hired to win.”
I shrug, watching some of the men begin to twitch in the silence. “Yeah. And?”
“And I’ve had my head up my ass for…reasons,” he says, lobbing a meaningful look at me. “But I’m beginning to realize I’ve been going about this all wrong. What made you decide to take them through a yoga session?”
I shrug. “They need different kinds of conditioning.”
He nods. “Exactly. But I should have thought of that.”
“Seems you’ve failed to notice that I’m really good at my job.
” I arch a brow at him and turn away, aiming my attention at the team.
“Okay, guys. Time to come back to life. Deep breath in. Wiggle your fingers. Breathe out. Move those toes. Over the next few breaths, turn onto your right side and slowly bring yourself up to a seated position with your legs crossed.”
When I glance back at Colin, he’s studying me thoughtfully. I force my attention back to the players, trying to ignore the way my stomach flutters at his attention.
Most of the men’s knees are high in the air, demonstrating again how tight their hips and leg muscles are, and how necessary the yoga is. “Bring your hands into prayer position,” I instruct. They do. “Namaste.”
The men respond, namaste bouncing off the walls in a chorus of low voices, and a moment later, they groan their way to standing.
“Roll your mats up and stack bring them over here, you heathens.” I have to raise my voice over the growing noise.
Ansel makes his way over. “Great class,” he says. “I can’t feel my quads. That’s good, right?”
I laugh. “Perfect.”
“I do feel better, though. Looser. My hips feel great.”
“That’s the idea, mate.”
“Glad you liked it, Miles,” Colin says with a slap on Ansel’s shoulder, “because it’s a weekly class now.”
Ollie bounces up, a bright grin on his face. “That was incredible. Sis gets to torture us weekly now?”
Colin looks at him. “As long as it suits her. And it can be her or whomever she designates.”
I jerk my chin down in a nod, trying not to smile like an idiot at the new responsibility. “I’d be happy to do it. The team needs it.”
Ollie beams with delight and pulls me into a side hug. “Told you she was the best.”
I laugh and shove him away. “Let go of me, you big ogre. You stink.”
He raises his arm and waves it over me. “I smell like roses!”
I swat his side with a laugh. “For that, you can help me get these mats downstairs.”
He helps as requested, as does Ansel. Kari appears as the guys are leaving, and they chat for a moment before disappearing, leaving just the two of us. My stomach clenches, but I force myself to face her head-on.
“Where’s your boss?” she asks with a knowing look.
I scoff. “Where’s your boss?”
She gives me a small smile, seeming as though she’s unsure whether we’re back in joking territory. “Fair. Why aren’t we the ones in charge?”
“Really good question. Colin even asked why Bill wasn’t the one to come up with the idea to take the guys through yoga.”
Her eyes spark with interest. “Why wasn’t he?”
“He’s old-school. He focuses only on what it’ll take to keep the guys in enough shape to get back on the pitch. You should see the painkillers he keeps on hand.”
Her face of disgust deepens. “Ew.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I know. Not that I told Colin that, but yeah.”
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” she blurts.
My laughter dies instantly, my stomach swooping and tightening as I meet her eyes. I start to speak, but she barrels on, wringing her hands.
“I’ve been a terrible friend and I just – I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?”
I exhale and my whole body droops in relief. “Of course.”
“Can I…can I have a hug?” Her eyes are glassy.
I open my arms wide. “Get in here.”
She practically bum-rushes me, her heels clacking on the tiled floor.
“Oof,” I laugh.
“I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend,” she says into my neck.
“I forgive you,” I say, squeezing her just as hard as she’s squeezing me. “I’ll forgive you more if you help me clean these mats.”
She lets me go as if I’ve burned her. “No way,” she laughs. “These clothes are dry-clean only.”
I give her a wry smile and am about to speak when voices drift in from the weight room.
“You see the way Coach was looking at her?”
“Man, that doesn’t mean shit. We’ve all got eyes.”
“Yeah, but I don’t know. I think there’s something more there.”
Kari’s eyes fly to mine as we both go still. I nearly stop breathing, all the happiness draining out of me as we listen.
“Like what?” the second voice says.
“I don’t know, but it’s not okay.”
A scoff. “What’s it matter? They’re consenting adults. And that’s if anything is happening, which I don’t think is true.”
“Because it’s a power imbalance,” the first voice says.
Kari’s eyebrows shoot skyward.
“Plus, her brother is on our team. Screwing your player’s sister? C’mon, man.”
“You’re thinking way too much about this,” the other voice says. “Let’s go. I’m starving.”
“You’re always starving.”
Their voices fade as they leave the room, leaving me and Kari staring at each other.
“This is what I was afraid of,” she says, her voice low. But there’s no fire in her eyes like before, just sadness.
My shoulders fall forward. “I know.”
She inhales and throws her own shoulders back. “But I’m talking to you as your friend, not as the PR manager for the Granite. Straighten your spine, woman. You’re better than this.”
My chin wobbles, but I obey.
“What do you want to do?”
I swallow and sniff hard, shaking my body and trying like hell to keep my shit together. But my voice still wavers when I say, “I want to do my job. I need to clean the mats.”
“Aw, babe,” she sighs. “Come here.”
And this time it’s me bum-rushing her. She gathers me in, and I let her strength seep into me. “I’m disappearing, Kari,” I whisper. “I’m disappearing and I don’t know how to fix it.”
She doesn’t respond at first, and I wonder if she even heard me. But then she speaks.
“I hate this. Because you are. You aren’t the same person I knew all those years ago in Melbourne. But you’re also not the same person who sat down for chips and guac with me and Elodie nearly a year ago, either.”
“I know.”
She pulls back and holds me by my shoulders. “Do you?”
I nod, the tears falling down my cheeks. “I do. But I don’t know how…I don’t know what to do.”
“Is it Colin? Or is it something else?”
I sniff again. “Mostly Colin. It’s hard keeping it all to myself. I can’t tell Ollie. I can’t tell Mum. You’ve been a dick –”
“Hey!” she laughs.
“And I’ve just been lonely,” I admit. “Elodie and Allyson are great, truly.”
“But they’re not enough?”
I meet her eyes. “They’re not you. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you weren’t around.”
Now it’s her chin wobbling as she dabs beneath her eyes.
But she gathers herself and looks hard at me, her eyes boring into mine.
“Stop letting yourself be hidden. You deserve to be loved out loud. Out. Loud, Sam. And if he can’t do that, then is he even worth it?
” She lets me sit with that for a moment, not letting me look away.
Then her lips tip up as she says, “Anyway. That’s me talking to you as your friend. ”
I sniff a laugh and hold my head high. “And as the PR manager for the Granite?”
She exhales and closes her eyes. When she opens them, I see even more determination streaking through. “The same. You deserve to be loved out loud. We all deserve that.”
“That…is not what I thought you’d say,” I admit.
“I know. But it’s true.” She checks her watch and steps away. “I need to go.”
I quirk a grin. “You sure you don’t want to help me clean these sweaty mats?”
“Absolutely sure,” she laughs, backing away. “I love you.”
Nodding, I grab the vinegar cleaner and a roll of paper towels. “I love you, too.”
I attack the mats with vigor, trying hard to keep my mind off what we overheard. “Screwing your player’s sister?” My chest feels hollow at the thought of being found out.