Chapter 10
TEN
H e kissed me.
Mo really kissed me.
And I kissed him back.
The events of the evening replayed in Kent’s head, over and over as he slept, and as he had breakfast the following morning. With his head so much in the clouds—or in the sea, more accurately—it was impossible for him to focus on any given task. He laid low in his rooms until evening, when Turner ushered him out with his sister.
“Are you well, Kent?” asked Katherine after they’d been on the road for some time toward Portsmouth, sitting across from him in the carriage. He only realized now how quiet he’d been.
“Oh, well… yes and no. Yes, because things are going swimmingly with the merman,” he joked, and Katherine laughed. “But no, because… the usual problems. Only now, with Mo’s involvement in my life, somehow I feel like those problems have increased tenfold.”
His sister pursed her lips. “How does that make sense? Pray tell, things are going well with him, yet they’re not?”
Kent shrugged, confusion flooding his mind. “I’m not even sure how to explain it to myself, to be quite honest. I need some… time to think about it, before I can truly put it all into words.”
“Well, all right. Perhaps some gin will help you loosen up, then?” She smiled playfully.
He had to chuckle at that. “Yes, perhaps.”
After arriving and greeting their hosts—noble friends of Katherine’s betrothed Sir Randolf—Kent quickly settled in and grabbed something to drink. It was a soirée and without his father in attendance, Kent felt no obligation to meet anyone new, to dance with anyone, to court anyone. Katherine knew Kent’s troubles with their father well, and would not put him purposefully into a situation that would make him uncomfortable.
He downed one drink, and then another, making himself comfortable in a chair to himself off to the side. The gathering lay before him, people chatting and gossiping about everything and nothing. He could join in, he could talk with Katherine, but his mind was still buzzing. He needed more time to think, and hopefully the gin could open his mind more to what he needed.
Plenty of couples were here, linking arms, touching their shoulders softly, laughing amongst each other. A man and a woman, together, as it always should be. That was the only way it could be, right? Two men couldn’t marry—in fact, it was completely outlawed. Sure, some men could be discreet about a relationship, he figured, and with enough status and rank it may be excused, but it would be risky to always be avoiding the law. How hard it must be to live like that.
How hard it must be , Kent chuckled to himself. I’d always wondered. But now, look at me. With how I've been feeling about Mo…
What he should do is end what was happening before it started—he couldn’t be with Mo like that. He needed to do what he’d always planned to do in life: marry and have children. Doing that was impossible with Mo. Not only was he male, he was a merman. He couldn’t even walk on land. Kent shouldn’t even think of being with him as a possibility at all.
But what lay awaiting him if he did marry? If he did manage to find a woman, devote himself to her, spend his life with her. He couldn’t keep what he already had with Mo if he were with someone else. It wouldn’t be right—and not to think of how Mo would feel. Wouldn’t Mo feel betrayed? It would mean—no more visits at the beach, no more long talks until the stars came out, no more gentle caresses, no more soft kisses?—
Kent took the last sip of his third drink.
He couldn’t marry. He couldn’t. Kent would not give up what he had with Mo, when being with him had made him the happiest he’d ever been. He cared about Mo so strongly, and these heart-clenching emotions that fluttered in his chest were enough to prove it. Even if it was ‘wrong’, he adored the connection he’d formed with the merman—something so special, so unique, so intimate. If anything, he wanted to be even closer to Mo, if that could be possible. If only he could join me on land…
Perhaps that made Kent a sodomite. He thought it strange, since he had no issue being attracted to women previously. He courted Diana for two years before she left him, he bedded her—and he enjoyed it. He even thought he loved her. But perhaps there was more to himself than he thought before; perhaps it wasn’t so strange to be attracted to both women and men.
And then another thought—was sodomy even an issue in merfolk society? Did Mo feel the confidence to kiss Kent because he never would’ve even considered two males together to be morally wrong? He would have to ask that tomorrow, when they meet again.
I do wonder if there was something I missed in my books, if there is a way he can become human… No change happened to his body when we kissed, so that legend, like we’d expected, wasn’t true. If he can’t, then how could we…?
“Kent! Are you really just going to sit by yourself the entire time we’re here?”
It was Katherine, hovering over him and blocking his view from the rest of the soirée.
“Oh, Kathy, I apologize.” He squinted his eyes and shook his head, the gin pulsing in his skull. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
“Are you drunk enough to finally talk about it?”
“Drunk…” He sighed, and as he did, a chill ran down his spine. Yes, he did suppose he had quite a bit to drink already. Perhaps it would do him some good to talk. “Sure. Let’s move someplace else, however.”
Katherine quickly gave notice to Sir Randolf that they were to step away for a moment, and she led Kent to the back gardens outside. These hedges resembled the ones at their modest Stubbington estate, flowers trimmed neatly and only two fountains instead of a dozen. Small lanterns lit the cobbled stone paths in the darkness, and some people were already congregating out here, chatting amongst themselves in the warm night air. Kent motioned Katherine to stand over by the outside wall of the main building, hidden behind one of the tall hedges framing the doorway and out of earshot of the other partygoers.
“So, Kent, pray,” Katherine started, “how are you feeling?”
He pondered that for a moment. How was he feeling? “I don’t feel like I’m going to retch yet, so that’s good, I think.”
“Yes, that’s good.” She chuckled. “But I don’t mean physically. What have you been thinking about?”
A lot of things , he wanted to say. But what should he tell her? How exactly should he go about this? She already knew about Mo, how he would visit him, and how they were friends. But how would she react if he felt something more than friendship for Mo? Would she ridicule him? Be disgusted by him? Threaten him…?
No.
Katherine had always been by his side through thick and thin, heartache and heartbreak. Even if the topic might be a sensitive one, Kent knew his sister would always understand.
“You know I haven’t wanted to take a wife, Kathy. Not after how I was treated by Diana. Well, I’ve decided that I’d rather not want a wife at all. ”
She scrunched her brows, her confused face dimly lit by the lanterns nearby. “At all? Kent, I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again: not all ladies are like Diana. She was a wretch; someone undeserving of you. You mustn’t give up because you’re still thinking of her ? — ”
“It’s not about Diana, though. This has nothing to do with her.”
“What? Then what is it? I know you are drunk, but you cannot make such large decisions like that because I know you’re not thinking straight at the moment?—”
“Kathy, please!” He laughed, somewhat nervous, somewhat out of frustration. “It’s something that’s been brewing for weeks now. What I mean is,” —he cleared his throat, dizziness rushing through him— “the one my heart is pulling me toward is not someone I can marry.”
“Not someone you can… Kent, what do you—?” It dawned on her, and her face stretched wide in surprise. “It’s the merman, isn’t it? Because of what you said earlier…”
Kent nodded, glad that she got the hint. “I’ve been feeling… ever stronger emotions for him. More than what a man should be feeling in a male friendship. So much that… I don’t wish to marry a lady because of it.”
She blinked.
And then she smiled.
“You really are falling for him, aren’t you?”
“Falling…? Well, when you put it like that?—”
“My brother, right here, is really, truly falling for a merman.”
“I don’t know, isn’t it so queer? I mean, I know it is, but…”
“Kent!” She laughed so sweetly, and it released an unknown tension in Kent’s shoulders. “I’m not upset at you finding interest with someone of your own sex, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He smiled at her, huffing out a much needed sigh. “Oh, thank you,” he meant.
“But I am still worried about Father, and how exactly one would even go about having that sort of relationship with a merman. Meeting him occasionally on the beach like you have been is one thing, but… how would you pursue more than that? Not only with the complication that you’re both male, but you’re entirely different species ?”
Kent shrugged. Her questions were the same as his own. “Now do you see why I think this has worsened my problems tenfold?”
“Absolutely.” She huffed a chuckle. “Further still, what happens come winter, with the snow and the cold? Sure, the beach is nice now while it’s summer, but how would you two ever find the time to meet when it becomes freezing outside? What do you propose you’re to do?”
Honestly, he had no idea. But she was right—how did one pursue a relationship with a merman? “I don’t know. I’ve looked into seeing if there was a way for him to become human, and while it might be possible , neither of us know how to actually make it so. Therefore, as of now, he can only remain a merman. But even still…” His mind was buzzing again—the gin kicking his brain around to and fro. Thinking any harder on something he couldn’t fathom the answers to would give him a headache. “How in the world do two human men even have a relationship?”
Katherine reached out to pet Kent’s shoulder. “They make it work. You can find a way to make it work.”
“How do you know?”
She gave a one-armed shrug. “I have some acquaintances with the same… proclivities. And they carry on with their relationships just fine. They don’t announce their love to everyone, of course, only to those who are trustworthy. But that does not mean they can’t live happy, pleasurable lives. Someone like you, Kent, shouldn’t even worry about such things, given your status as a noble.”
That sort of reassurance from his sister, the sweet voice she used, was always the one to lift his spirits, even when he felt his lowest. Somehow, she always knew the right thing to say. “I do believe you’re right, then.”
“You know what I think you should do, however?”
“What’s that?”
“Introduce me to him!” She laughed. “I’ve asked you once already. Don’t you think that perhaps now it would be a better time? Especially if you’re to become more serious with him, it’s only proper to introduce who you’re courting to the family.” She winked.
“Oh, uh, sure! I agree.” He laughed with her. “But, um… I’d have to let Mo know ahead of time that I would be bringing you along… and… well, nothing against you, but—I do enjoy the alone time we spend together…”
“ Alone time?” She put a hand to her chin, raising one brow with an exceptionally devious grin. “Just what exactly have you two been doing with each other?”
His heart raced, cheeks feeling hot, and he waved his hands in front of himself. “Nothing of that sort! The most we’ve done is kiss!” He gulped. “Well, so far, anyway…”
That got her to laugh harder. “It makes me wonder—how does one bugger a merman? What are merfolk’s parts like? I mean, they don’t have legs, but perhaps it’s similar to a dolphin?—”
“Kathy please!” He hushed her, awkward laughter in his tone. “I’m afraid someone might hear us if we keep this up.”
“Yes, yes, of course,” she chuckled back. “Shall we head back inside?”
Kent nodded, his mood thankfully lifted since earlier. “Sure.”
Mo couldn’t stop thinking about Kent. Every thought that entered his mind—he must’ve been driving himself mad— Kent, Kent, Kent. No one in his entire life had made him feel the way Kent had, and every waking moment, he just kept thinking of what would happen when they were to meet again.
He’d had what he could say were ‘romantic’ encounters before—once with a mermaid and another few times with a fellow merman—but neither of those merfolk ever erupted within him the true desire that he felt with Kent. He’d learnt he preferred males sexually at least from his past experiences, but no merman ever enticed him with the right spark to pursue a lasting relationship . Though, he always thought there was something different about Kent, ever since the first time he heard his voice. And now, with what transpired yesterday— the kiss —he felt that lovely sensation in his chest stronger than ever.
He lay in his bed, cushioned with soft seagrass, staring up at the stone ceiling. He should probably get up and do something with his time since he wouldn’t meet Kent until tomorrow, but with so much on his mind, he hadn’t felt the desire to do much at all.
But his stomach was rumbling, and some squid tentacles from the city sure sounded like a good idea right about now.
Though if possible, I would rather have more of Kent’s cake…
And so, Mo grabbed a carry-bag with his coin purse and left his grotto, setting out for Portica again.
It was still rather early in the day; the warm sun shone bright through the clear waters. Schools of fish scurried past him as he made his way forward: red gurnard, cuckoo wrasse, seabass. Dancing along were also a handful of jellyfish, stingers flowing like tangling ropes behind them, emitting the most dazzling mystifying glow. He stayed careful, giving them space, and he swam on.
The central bazaar was just as busy as ever, and he figured he could take a gander around before he stopped at the food stall. Mahs was at their stall again, talking with a mermaid. It didn’t seem like the mermaid was there to purchase anything, however, instead was just making idle chit-chat. She smiled, bowed her head, and then went to sit down at the stall next to Mahs’s. It was decorated top to bottom in elaborate woven seaweed tapestries, some even hanging on poles displayed behind her seat. Ah, this must be a new vendor.
While Mo wasn’t too interested in spending the extra coin on a tapestry, he did think they were very beautiful. It took incredible skill to weave colorfully dyed seaweed into such detailed works of art—and not only art, but also woven scrolls and bound books of written word. Mo certainly knew how to write himself, but he knew how to etch , to carve, not anything like this.
“Who made these tapestries? They’re astounding,” he inquired. He was an appreciator of art, after all, and was curious.
“Myself,” clicked the mermaid. Her long wavy blonde hair floated around her shoulders and over her bare chest. “Were you interested in a purchase?”
“Oh, um, no thank you,” he tried to say as politely as he could. “I rather need to save the coin, but your work is spectacular.”
“Save the coin?” Mahs chimed in from their stall a couple cubits away. “I gave you quite a lot with your last haul!”
“Ah, well, you see…”
“If you’re low on coin, can you not just find another ship to sink? You as a siren have that advantage.”
“A siren?” the blonde mermaid said with a smile. “Oh, yes, I can sense your magic. Welcome.”
Mo could just sink another ship if he wanted to, couldn’t he? Though he hadn’t since he first met Kent. It wasn’t like he hadn’t felt the pull of the Song; he had twice since then. But still, it was strange. Unlike before, he didn’t want to give in. He wanted to be able to control it, to decide for himself when or whether he should use it.
Which meant, if he could hang onto the coin he already had, he wouldn’t need to use the Song for some time. He could control it.
But he also didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of other merfolk, when they seemed to expect a different sort of response.
“All right, how about…” He eyed a smaller piece laying on the table—a flat flower about the size of his palm. “This one? What sort of flower is it? I’ve never seen one like this before.”
“It’s a land flower called the white lily,” said the mermaid.
“A land flower?” That piqued his curiosity.
“I was gifted one by a human. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Such a plant doesn’t survive underwater, unfortunately, so I wanted to recreate it, to the best of my ability.”
“A human?” Mo blinked. This was odd—a mermaid casually mentioning how she met a human? “Wow, I mean, I agree, this is beautiful! How much?”
“Ten silver coins is all I ask.”
He could work with that. With a smile, he said, “I’ll take it.” They made the exchange, Mo putting his new artwork in his carry-bag. “What is your name, by the way? I’m Mo.”
“My name is Pazi,” she said, smiling. “I figured, since you are a siren, you take interest in human things, yes?”
Mo nodded. “It’s how I make a living, selling human items to none other than Mahs over here.” He motioned toward them.
“It’s a job, and there are buyers and sellers. I do what works,” said Mahs.
“And I told you, that’s lovely!” chirped Pazi. “Humans truly are fascinating, don’t you think?”
Mahs blew a frustrated line of bubbles in front of their face. “Then you would do well conversing with a siren like Mo.”
Now this was pleasantly unexpected—a mermaid who didn’t speak ill of humans. Perhaps this could be his opportunity to learn more… “So Pazi, if I may ask, what was the human like who gifted you the flower?” he asked.
Her cheeks reddened, and she excitedly waved her hand, blue forearm fin flapping. “Oh, he was wonderful. He was a sailor and invited me on his ship. I stayed on there with him when I could, and we had many a lovely time together.”
“You actually went on board a ship?” Mo was stunned. Of the few times he’d talked with sailors, he always remained in the water.
“Yes!” Pazi chuckled. “And so much more. If I’m to be honest, pardon me, lying with him was the best pleasure I’d ever taken.”
“Really!” Mo and Mahs exclaimed in unison.
“Absolutely.” She trilled an enormous laugh. “I don’t know either of you mer’s preferences, but take it from me—human men are something else.”
Now it was Mo’s turn for his cheeks to flush, his heart racing at the thought of doing that with a human man. Kent. He’d obviously had his mind wander in that direction before, especially when seeing him nude for a swim. But with how their friendship had been escalating, the kiss , and every wonderful feeling that came with it, the fantasy becoming a reality seemed like a true possibility.
“You really just swam up to a ship and they let you on board without killing you?” clicked Mahs. “Not only that, but the human fucked you? I can’t believe it!”
“Yes, it’s true.” Pazi laughed. “I thought I was being stealthy, hidden from anyone’s view. But no, the humans found me. And unlike what you may think, they were not hostile. No, they were delighted! Captain Clarke in particular took an interest in me and… well.” She batted her eyelashes.
This is amazing, Mo thought. To hear of a mermaid having any sort of physical relationship with a human, something he’d only heard in gossip and tales, yet here was a mermaid with first-hand experience. He had to know more, he had to pry.
“So this Captain Clarke,” said Mo, “how long were you with him? And are you still acquainted with each other?”
Pazi pursed her lips—not sad, but not necessarily happy, either. “We were together for… I want to say a couple moons. But when he returned to the land here nearby, he left me. I knew it was coming, though, so I wasn’t surprised. Being a mermaid, I knew we weren’t ‘meant’ to be together anyway. But we still took pleasure in each other while he was at sea, and that was very, very, enjoyable.”
Mo chuckled, nodding, his cheeks still burning. It all made him think of Kent again. How Kent said his father was pressuring him to wed, to find a wife. While Kent was unmarried now , what if that changed? What if he did find a human partner, someone who he could actually be with on land—him and Mo could not keep what they had. Why stay with a merman when he could live freely with someone of his own kind, whom he could walk with side-by-side? What if merfolk truly weren’t meant to be together with humans?
Then why all the legends that deem it so true? Why are we as species so similar to each other? Why so many stories of merfolk becoming human? It must be possible—it must.
“Pazi, forgive me for being forward with this question, but I am merely curious,” said Mo. “But during that time you were with the captain, were you able to gain legs, too?”
The mermaid raised her brows. “No, never! You know, it’s rather funny, I thought perhaps some sort of magic like that might happen, because of all the stories. But no, not from a kiss, not from sex, none of that changed my body. I’ll admit, it would’ve been quite the scene if that were to have happened, though. I don’t think I could’ve dealt with it.” She lightened her words with a laugh.
“It must be something else, then. For a mer to become human,” he said.
“Really?” Mahs piped in. “You believe all that nonsense?”
“It might not be nonsense. I think there’s some truth to it all.”
“Yes, possibly,” said Pazi. “Though, I have no idea. Regardless, my initial point still stands. If you have an… opportunity with a human, you should take it. You will thank me later.” She winked.
“Duly noted.” Mo smirked, heart still thudding.
There had to be a way for merfolk to gain legs. He’d always believed it to be true. But if he couldn’t figure out a way to transform in the moment—what could he do to ensure Kent wouldn’t leave him for another human? For them to have a real, serious relationship, and not just secret meetings on the beach until he no longer could?
Pazi was with a sailor. A human who spent their time at sea.
If Kent could go out to sea, too, then perhaps…