Chapter 34
Searcy, Arkansas
Looking around the room, Ella spotted Poppy sitting in a chair by the window doing something on her phone.
“Poppy? Is that you? Where am I? Where is Ben?” Ella’s voice was hoarse and weak.
Jumping up and running over to the bed, Poppy said, “You are at Unity Hospital here in Searcy. You were toxic. Do you remember that? Your blood pressure skyrocketed, and your kidneys were not working properly.”
Rubbing a hand over her face Ella said, “I remember being in your kitchen and feeling faint. Did they have to bring me here by ambulance?” Suddenly, Ella remembered being pregnant.
She dropped her hands to her stomach. “What about the baby? Is he okay?” Ella’s voice rose with fear with each question.
“You had an emergency C-section. Baby John was having a little trouble breathing. The doctors felt it would be best to transfer him to Children’s in Little Rock.
Ben is with him. I have some pictures that he sent a few hours ago.
” Poppy held her phone out for Ella to see, trying to calm her worries.
Ella scrolled through the pictures of her tiny baby son, hooked up with wires to various machines.
It broke her heart to see him like that.
She could plainly see an IV that had been placed in his tiny head.
He had just the littlest bit of black hair like her.
Tears filled Ella’s eyes. “I have to get out of here. I have to go to him.” Ella tried to sit up to throw her legs over the side of the bed, but she recoiled as intense pain from her stomach stopped her.
Grabbing her abdomen, she fell back onto the bed.
Poppy, who had immediately tried to stop her from sitting up, helped Ella get back under the covers.
“You just had major surgery. You can’t get out of this bed without assistance.
The nurses have been very specific that the first few times you try to get up, you must have help.
I know you want to be with John, but you have to heal some first. Ben is with him.
He is taking care of him, and the doctors and nurses there are doing all they can for him. ”
“I’ve got to call Ben.” Ella started dialing the number when Poppy stopped her.
“There is no service in the neonatal unit. Ben steps out every hour and texts me updates. Here, read them. You can see that John is stable, and they are doing everything they can for him.”
Ella frantically read the texts and quickly sent one back telling Ben she wanted more pictures and begged him to call when he could. Ella hated that she was all but chained to her bed, but what could she do?
Just then, one of the nurses came in to check on Ella.
Because she planned to help Ella use the restroom and check her incision and her bleeding, she asked if Ella would like her guest to step out.
Ella liked Poppy. They had grown closer over the past few months, but she was not her mother, and Ella was very modest. Luckily, before Ella could say anything, Poppy picked up on the vibe in the room and said, “I am going to run down to the cafeteria and get something to drink. Would you like anything?”
Ella shook her head no. She was in such a daze she did not know if she wanted anything or not.
The nurse checked Ella out, then helped her get into a wheelchair and into the bathroom.
It was not a pleasant experience, and all Ella could think was that she wanted Ben or her mother.
She felt very alone even though Poppy had just been there.
Ella kept the tears at bay until she was tucked back in her bed with fresh linens and bandages.
She was in so much pain and so scared. The nurse offered her a shot for pain, which Ella happily accepted.
By the time Poppy returned, the shot had taken effect, and Ella was back asleep.
The next time Ella woke was a little after 11:00. This time when she opened her eyes, she knew exactly who was in her room: her parents. Ella had never been so happy to see them in her entire life.
“Momma? Poppa?” croaked Ella, reaching out for her mother.
“Oh, my poor baby,” cried her mother as she wrapped Ella in her arms. Ella’s father reached over and kissed Ella on the top of her head.
Tears flowed freely from everyone. All the anger and issues that had existed before between Ella and her parents evaporated.
All they cared about was that she and baby John were okay.
The minute it became clear that Ella was going to have to deliver the baby earlier that day, Bennett had called them and arranged flights for the family.
He had picked them up in Little Rock and brought them back to Searcy.
The family visited and showed Ella the new round of pictures that Ben had sent a few hours ago.
He had called as Ella had asked, but she had been asleep.
No one wanted to wake her. The pictures looked almost identical to the ones she had seen earlier, but her parents oohed and aahed over every one of them.
To Ella, John looked so small. “He’s so tiny. Do you know how much he weighed?”
It felt surreal that she, the mother, was having to ask her parents for information she should have known but did not.
Smiling with tears still running down her face, her mother said, “He was four pounds, eighteen inches. He was born at nine thirty-three this morning. Ben’s dad told us that the doctors said he might lose a little bit of weight but that would be normal.”
Nurses, who had been coming and going all day, once again came. This time, they did not even ask if Ella wanted everyone to leave. They said visiting hours were over and they needed to leave. Only Ella’s mom stayed.
Much to Ella’s shock after another round of checks and a trip to the bathroom, the nurse brought in a breast pump and began showing Ella how to use it.
Ella had not decided whether or not she was going to nurse John, but given that he was so early, the nurse encouraged her at least to collect the colostrum because he really needed it.
If John needed it, Ella would do it, so she began what was to become an almost nonstop process of pumping over the next two days.
When Ella was finally able to talk to Ben, it was mostly her crying while Ben tried to comfort her.
The nurses told her because of her hormones and worry about her baby, it was perfectly normal for her emotions to be all over the place.
During those two days, her life became a blur of pain, fear, and pumping.
The first day, Ella was so caught up trying to keep up with the pumping and pain management that pretty much nothing else penetrated her mind.
But the second day, as Ella was lying in her hospital bed, pining for her son and worrying that she might never see him, Ella found her nonnegotiable.
The paper upon which Ella had drawn six circles the Saturday night before and shown to Ben popped into her mind.
Instantly, she knew what belonged in the first small circle.
It wasn’t a hard decision either, just like Joules had said.
Once she knew what went in that first circle, all the other pieces of her life fell into place.
By the third day after John was born, Ella was deemed well enough to leave the hospital.
She and Ben had spoken several times. The minute Ella found out she was being released, she texted Ben she would be there as soon as possible.
It took about an hour for the paperwork to come through.
During that time, Ella’s mom helped her shower and dress.
Of course, Ella had to stop and pump. Pumping felt like her lifeline to John because the more she pumped, the more milk he would have to help him grow.
Poppy had an old wheelchair left over from when one of the girls broke a bone in her foot, and Bennett made sure it was in the car when he went to pick up Ella and her mom.
He drove both of them to Little Rock. Ella was almost silent the whole way.
Every pothole and bump in the road sent a wave of pain rolling through her, but every mile got her closer to her son, so it was worth it.
Once they got to the hospital, Bennett helped Ella into the wheelchair and quickly rolled her into the lobby. The minute Ella saw Ben step out of the elevator, the waterworks started. He rushed to her side and dropping to his knees, took her in his arms.
“Shush, don’t cry. It is all going to be okay. John is doing much better today. They have given him some of the breast milk that mom bought yesterday from you. They have started reducing the amount of oxygen he is getting. They may even take him off it all this afternoon to see how he is doing.”
Clinging to Ben, Ella tried to retain everything he was saying, but it was all too much. “So he is doing better? Are you sure? I have been so worried. I have to see him. Please take me to him.”
Hugging Ella tightly, Ben said, “Yes. I am sure he is doing better.” Turning toward the family, Ben said that he and Ella were going to spend some time with their son. Ben rolled Ella into the elevator. It only took a few minutes to get to the neonatal unit.
As they entered the room where the babies were, Ella saw several incubators lined up all around the room.
Parents and nurses were scattered around the various baby beds.
Ben motioned toward the back wall and continued to steer the wheelchair in that direction.
Before they even reached the incubator, Ella saw a blue balloon and a sign that said “John Bennett Carrington” that had been placed on top.
Ella assumed Poppy was responsible for that.
She was grateful. It made the sterile space feel a bit warmer.