Life changes
Chapter 14
“Miss Elizabeth” Darcy whispered softly as to not startle her, stepping out from behind his tent as she was rushing across the camp on her way towards the hospital tent. “Would you do me the honour of a short walk with me?”
Elizabeth took in his earnest look and nodded silently. She was not due to her post for another hour, but unable to sleep since the very man in front of her kept invading her dreams and disturbed her slumber, she had decided to relieve Rose earlier than scheduled.
They had not spoken much after their confrontation, both uncomfortable in the other’s company, but she had thought about him a lot and now she realized that he was a good man, albeit a bit too stiff, and that she could imagine him by her side, although she was not yet sure exactly what her feelings for him were. Was it a feel of guilt for the unfounded accusations she hurled at him? Was it a fleeting infatuation with a handsome man whom she could verbally spar with as she used to do with her father? She did not know.
“I can spare a few minutes” she smiled up at him shyly. “I confess that I can never turn down an opportunity for a stroll” she laughed softly.
This time she did take his offered arm and they started walking towards the beach.
“Miss Elizabeth” Darcy started after a few minutes of them walking in silence. “I am not a man of many words, especially not pretty ones. During our short acquaintance I came to admire and love you, most ardently.”
Having expected an explanation of their latest encounter, Elizabeth gave a small gasp of surprise at his declaration but she remained silent, waiting for him to continue, which after taking a few deep breaths, he did.
“I can offer you a life of luxury and the devotion of a most loving and loyal husband. What I cannot guarantee you is the acceptance of my society which is notoriously rude to all those outside of it, or even that of my own family. Of the eventual acceptance of my Uncle and Aunt Fitzwilliam, the Earl and the Countess of Matlock I am fairly confident, especially that they are Fitzwilliam’s parents, but I know for certain that my Aunt Catherine de Bourgh will most vehemently oppose you and her rudeness will be boundless. As a matter of fact, she will vehemently oppose any lady I might wish to marry as long as she is not her own daughter. She had tried for years to convince me that it was her sister’s, my beloved mother’s dearest wish that my cousin and I marry. This is not true and I have neither the slightest inclination nor any duty to do so, a fact that my aunt is incapable of accepting. But I digress. What I wanted to ask is that despite of all this, despite of all the possible unpleasantness that you would eventually face, could you, would you please, make me the happiest of men and agree to become my wife?”
Elizabeth was so surprised by his request that she could not immediately answer him but her very becoming blush made Darcy’s heart swell with hope.
“I wish that I could thumb my nose to the ton and show my real opinion of them, fully retreating to Pemberley and never set sight on any of them ever again but alas, I cannot do that as it would greatly harm my sister’s acceptance in it, and there is where she will have to eventually find her husband. I suffer them as a necessary evil, but I know that I cannot ask the same of you. Yet, my dearest wish is to live my life with you by my side if you will have me. You see, I have come to respect you greatly and over the past days I realized that I am deeply in love with you. You have bewitched me body and soul. Your physical beauty, which is great, is only surpassed by the beauty of your soul. You are everything I could wish for in my partner in life and no one is more perfect than you are to be the mistress of my households and to be entrusted with the care of the people that depend on me and my family. As you well know, I did try to resist this love” he smiled ruefully, “and it is only recently that I came to realize what a fool I have been. So please, my dearest Miss Elizabeth… Senhorita Bella” he stressed with a soft smile lifting the corners of his mouth, “please say that despite all of the hardships that may lie ahead of us, you will agree to make me the happiest of men and accept to become my dearest wife, second to none in my life and my affections.”
Elizabeth looked searchingly into his eyes. “My relatives are still the same as they were last week, sir” she said softly.
“You cannot know how much I am regretting my arrogant words to you then” he groaned. “As a child I have been given good principles but, especially after my beloved mother died, I was allowed to follow them in conceit. The years I spent at school, away from my father and surrounded by the scions of grand families, did not help me in developing a more liberal thinking than the one I displayed to you. After our… discussion… I confess I was very angry. But as soon as the anger abated I saw the justness of your reproof. My anger was mostly fuelled by the fact that you would believe Wickham’s lies and hold me in contempt because of them, but I will allow that it was mostly my vanity which was hurt. Soon however I realized that you had no way of knowing his true character and had no reason to doubt him. My anger soon was channelled towards its proper targets. Had Wickham not had been so foolish as to act as he did, I would have found a way to make sure no one ever believed his lies again. As to my own conduct, I was horrified to discover that I was starting to think and behave like my Aunt Catherine, who is not a pleasant person I assure you. I am determined to change that and, especially with you by my side, I vow to succeed. So will you please help me become a more humble, honourable man and consent to become my beloved wife, please?”
Despite the fact that she was rather stunned by his unexpected proposal and not a bit embarrassed of what her own behaviour had been, she forced herself to lift her eyes to his.
“I too have to confess that I feel the foolishness of my gullibility and hasty judgement. I regretted my accusations to you about your mistreatment of Lt. Wickham as soon as I found out more of his character. Dr. Murphy and Carlos helped me with that, and I saw the injustice of my opinion of you. I came to realize that in fact, you are a good, caring man. Your being here to ensure your cousin’s wellbeing is testimony of it. I will admit that I too was angry with you for your disparagement of my family, but in truth, they are inconsequential and of a different social stratum than you are.” She stopped him when he wanted to interrupt. “Truth be told, I know for a fact that my family is far from perfect, although not because they are not part of the elite of the society but because of their behaviour. So I too apologize to you.”
“No apology needed” he shook his head. “I could not stay angry with you for long” he gave her a dimpled smile.
“As to your proposal sir” she continued and he held his breath, anxiously waiting for what she will say next, “I am truly honoured by it sir, but…” Darcy’s face fell, feeling a rejection coming. “While I do enjoy your company and I admire you greatly, I do not feel the kind of deep love towards you I wish to have for my husband. You see, my sister Jane and I vowed to only marry for the deepest love and respect for our partner in life. While I do feel the latter for you, I do not know if I love you, therefore I am not ready to commit to a marriage.”
Darcy let out the breath he was holding. All was not lost. She did not outright reject him.
“I understand” he said with a wistful smile. “After all, we have known each other for a very short time. “Would you please, Miss Elizabeth, allow me to court you?”
“That, I will happily agree to” she gave him her impish smile, her eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief.
---$---
Since to her and Lady Catherine’s regret Lady Metcalfe had not been able to produce a suitable bride for Collins, Lady Catherine finally agreed to give him a sev’night leave to visit his relatives at Longbourn. Her ladyship’s decision was so abrupt that he had no time to send notice to his cousin, therefore it was with no little surprise that the Bennets received their unexpected guest.
“I can see that my cousins are more beautiful than ever” he complimented them when, after some confusion during which Mrs. Bennet had the whole house in an uproar to ensure that a room was prepared for their visitor and that dinner was adequate, they were finally seated in the parlour. “Lady Catherine would be very happy to make your acquaintance, I am sure” he continued, then immediately embarked on a lengthy description of her ladyship’s latest comings and goings, the newest improvements she ordered him to make to the parsonage, her unparalleled condescension and the very close interest she took into his affairs in general.
It was not until he finished his discourse that he noticed that there were only four Bennet sisters in the room.
“But where is Cousin Elizabeth? I trust she is well?”
Before Mrs. Bennet who made to answer could open her mouth, Mr. Bennet spoke up for the first time since their guest arrived. “Elizabeth no longer calls Longbourn her home” he said laconically.
“Am I to congratulate you on the marriage of one of your daughters then?” Collins asked surprised, especially that Miss Bennet who, according to her mother two years ago was on the brink of a betrothal, was still at Longbourn.
“No, she did not marry” Mr. Bennet said with a side glance at his wife. “She decided that she wants to be useful to more than just her family. She became a nurse and she is currently in Spain.”
Collins was so stunned that, maybe for the first time in his life, he was not able to come up with a lengthy speech about how his unparalleled patroness would regard such intelligence or what she would say on the occasion, and he only nodded. Thus, the calculating looks Mrs. Bennet was throwing between him and Jane escaped his notice. However, they did not escape the others, Jane and Mr. Bennet most of all.
---$---
Elizabeth and Darcy were sitting in the shade of a huge cypress tree in companionable silence, watching the sunset. She did not say so, but Darcy knew that she felt guilty about the Wickham debacle. He started to speak softly.
“I knew Wickham ever since I can remember. He had been a selfish being for all his life, never caring of whom he hurt in order to get what he wanted.”
“Still, he got hurt and demoted because I was not able to handle the situation better…”
“Wickham would not have allowed you to handle it any different” Darcy shook his head sadly. “He was used to having his way, regardless of…”
“Regardless of the encouragement he got, or the lack thereof” Elizabeth finished his sentence bitterly.
“Precisely” he nodded. “Alas, I have seen it happen numerous times, unable to do anything other than to help the people he had hurt to the best of my abilities. Unfortunately, I could only provide succour after they had been hurt. And from what I know of him, your unwillingness to succumb to his… charms… only made him more determined that you shall. He had been known to… to use his strength to…”
“I understand” Elizabeth nodded, filled with horror at what he implied, stopping him from saying those horrible words as she well understood his hesitation. “I am sorry that I accused you of being cruel to him. I have learned and understood since then that almost anything passing Lt. Wickham’s lips is a lie.”
“You should not feel bad about it” Darcy said with a sad smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “He had taken in many wise people, my own beloved father among them.”
Darcy proceeded to tell her of his and Wickham’s tale. All of it. How Wickham had charmed Darcy’s own father, having him believe that his godson was a worthy, engaging man. How he started to lead a most dissipated life once he was away from Pemberley and his godfather’s watchful eyes. How he squandered the small fortune he received in lieu of the living that Mr. Darcy had recommended for him. How he tried to insinuate a nefarious person, one who would have had much influence over his baby sister, into his family. Surprisingly, he found the confession cathartic. Never before had he been so candid about himself and the troubles that Wickham brought into his life with anyone else.
Elizabeth listened to Darcy’s tale, wondering if she would have been so forgiving towards the endless transgressions of that reprobate who was by far the worst human being she had ever met, as Darcy had been for the longest time. Not knowing why, only that she needed to, Elizabeth in turn told Darcy of her story. Her childhood at Longbourn, her father’s teachings, her mother’s unconscionable behaviour, her sisters, Mr. Collins’ visit and its consequences.
Darcy was listening with fascination. The young lady whom he had come to admire above all, proved herself to be of the finest quality, unwilling to compromise her integrity and high values for relative comfort and security. She chose to come to war, face all the horrors of it, not knowing what the next battle would bring or indeed, at the time she made her decision, even what a battle really entailed, instead of agreeing to marry the heir of her father’s estate, only because she felt no affection, nay, not even attraction to the man. Most ladies of the ton had no qualms to marry the most eligible bachelor they could get their greedy paws on, regardless of either party’s feelings. At that moment he knew with absolute certainty that the man who was lucky enough to win this lady’s good opinion will do so solely based on his own merits and not because of his financial situation, his standing in society or the comforts and luxuries he could provide to her. He will do so only by proving his love and respect of her, and that man will be the happiest of men, fortunate enough to gain the love of such a lady and have her by his side for the rest of their lives. And he was more certain than ever that he wanted to be that man, society and their rules be damned.
---$---
To Mrs. Bennet’s great displeasure, Collins left Longbourn yet again without proposing to any of her daughters, no matter how much she tried to push Jane to Mr. Collins and bring the match about. It did not help her mood that Jane was just as uncooperative as Elizabeth had been, a fact even Collins had been aware of. The only thing that comforted her was that Collins was still unwed, and that she will still have some time to wear down Jane’s reluctance without Collins witnessing it.
“Oh, I don’t know what shall become of us when your father is dead and gone” became Mrs. Bennet’s constant opening line whenever she and her daughters settled in the parlour after breakfast and she was safely without her husband’s hearing. “We shall be thrown in the hedgerows and no one shall care for us.”
Usually, her distressed exclamation was met with no comment from either of the other occupants of the room.
After a few days, Lydia and Kitty no longer paid her any attention, immersing themselves in their own whispered conversation which involved a great deal of giggling. Mary and Jane just let her talk, making no answers while silently attending their embroideries.
Frustrated that this tactic did not work, Mrs. Bennet decided on a more direct approach, so she took to cornering Jane whenever she could get her alone.
“Mr. Collins is a very eligible match for any of my daughters, but alas Kitty and Lydia are still too young for him, especially Lydia. And he certainly will not be tempted to marry Mary” she shook her head, “although It would be her only chance to ever marry a gentleman of some consequence. So you see, my sweet Jane, it falls to you to save our family and take care of your sisters. I know that Mr. Bingley is vastly wealthier and much easier on the eyes than Mr. Collins is, but he is gone. You must agree to marry Mr. Collins.”
“No mama” Jane replied calmly. “Besides, you forget that Mr. Collins did not express his wish to marry me.”
“Oh, pish-posh. He would marry you in a heartbeat if only you would agree for your father to hint to him about it.”
“I shall not marry Mr. Collins Mama, and that is the end of it. Please do not bring this up again” Jane said firmly.
Despite Jane’s entreaty, Mrs. Bennet did bring it up, and constantly. But no matter how much she tried to cajole, bully or even threaten her daughter to do her bidding, Jane remained unmoved in her determination not to marry the heir of Longbourn.
---$---
It was a beautiful, clear night and the sky was peppered with millions of bright stars. The full moon shone almost as bright as the sun as Darcy escorted Elizabeth to her tent after a most enjoyable dinner. They had been celebrating the fact that most of the wounded, Col. Fitzwilliam included, were now well enough to brave the sea voyage back home.
Darcy, while extremely happy for his cousin’s full recovery, could not stop thinking that this meant that they would leave soon. What will happen to his Elizabeth? He could not bear the thought of leaving her behind, to face other battles, to put herself in harm’s way. He felt that over the past weeks she had considerably warmed to him, especially after their very honest discussion about their lives.
Next to ‘their’ cypress, he stopped and gently turned her to face him.
“Elizabeth, dearest” he took both her hands into his. “By now you probably know me better than any other human being does. I love you as I have never loved anyone else. Even if you do not yet love me as deeply as you wish to love your husband, if you think that I am the kind of man who could inspire you to such love, if you feel that you could be happy with me, I beseech you to agree to be my wife.”
Tears welled up in Elizabeth’s eyes. Tears of happiness, as she too had come to greatly admire and… could she admit it?... love the man who was now anxiously searching her eyes for the answer he was hoping for.
“Yes, Mr. Darcy. I gratefully accept your offer as I… I have come to regard you the same way. I love you” she said simply.
The delighted smile that lit up his face fairly took her breath away. Darcy could not help taking her into his arms and placing a gentle kiss on her rosy lips.
“Oh dearest!” he whispered. “You made me the happiest of men. I have to warn you though, what I told you about the ton is still true” his lips twisted in a teasing smile.
“I have never had a season in town as I was not yet eighteen when I embarked on this mission, therefore I know nothing of the ton. Yet somehow, I do not think that I would care for their appreciation as much as I do for yours” she said with a small smile lifting the corners of her mouth and a mischievous glint lighting up her eyes. “However, I warn you now that it is not in my nature to fawn and flatter, only to gain someone’s favour.”
“My dearest love, I would not have you do so” he breathed, pulling her closer in his arms and brushing her lips with his own again. “Would you please call me William?”
“… William” she whispered against his cheek, her warm breath sending shivers through his body.