Introspections
Chapter 23
Mrs. Bennet had no choice but to return to Longbourn with a very shaken Lydia, since her brother had made it clear that she was not welcome to remain in his house and Lizzy and Mr. Darcy made it just as clear that she will never be allowed to even visit at Darcy House ever again, let alone live there.
Lydia was pondering over what she had just witnessed. Had her mother indeed been wrong about what proper behaviour was? At fifteen she no longer thought her mother’s word to be the gospel, but what her mother was saying was so much more palatable to her than what her aunt and uncle said. On the other hand, Lizzy had always defied their mother and she was now the only one of them who was happily married, and from what she could understand, her husband was very wealthy and she had to admit it, very handsome gentleman. Lydia too wanted to marry a handsome and wealthy gentleman someday.
Although her Mama had been waxing poetic on the appeal of men in uniform, when the militia came to Meryton Charlotte Lucas had pointed out to her sister Mariah while she and Kitty were listening too, that young officers of the militia had no great income and could not afford to buy pretty things for their wives or to keep many servants. They were often ordered to move from one place to another and, especially those in the regular army, were often in great peril of dying and leaving their wives poor widows who had to fend for themselves, usually also burdened with young children whom they needed to take care of. Lydia could see how Charlotte’s picture of the life of an officer’s wife was much more accurate than that which her mother painted, who would only comment on how becoming regimentals were on a gentleman and how well they looked on the dancefloor.
When Lizzy returned from the war married, Lydia had hoped that Lizzy’s husband would wear a uniform and will introduce them to many other officers. She had been very disappointed when he turned out to be a civilian, yet even she could not miss the strong bond that existed between Lizzy and her husband who, even if not wearing regimentals, was the handsomest man whom Lydia had ever seen.
A very strong doubt entered Lydia’s mind as to the soundness of her mother’s opinions and teachings.
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Soon after her return from London, Mrs. Bennet found that her liberties at Longbourn were drastically reduced. Mr. Bennet cut her allowance to almost nothing and he carefully supervised the household accounts, making sure that no undue expense wormed its way into them. She tried to resort to her usual tactics, either trying to move him with her tears or being as loud and as annoying as she could be, but the result was not at all what she had hoped for. All she achieved was Mr. Bennet sending her to her rooms whenever she claimed a fit of her nerves, bidding her to stay there until her ‘nerves’ were restored to better health. She could not understand what came over Mr. Bennet who did not behave like this to her ever before. Everybody turned against her, she lamented in self-pity, and it was all because of that insufferable Lizzy!
Lydia continued to question her mother’s ways and wisdom and Kitty, who had already begun to do so ever since Lizzy’s departure from Longbourn, was happy to join her more overtly. Lydia had told Kitty all that Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had said to her about their mother and Kitty was just as shocked as Lydia had been.
One morning Lydia tentatively knocked on Mr. Bennet’s door.
“Papa?...”
“Lydia… come in child” Mr. Bennet said kindly, surprised by the unprecedented visit. “What can I help you with?”
“I was wondering… Lizzy and Aunt Maddie said that I need to learn how to behave more properly… I heard that there are schools that young ladies can attend… I was wondering…” she stammered.
“You want to go to school?” Mr. Bennet asked incredulously.
“Kitty and I talked about this. We would like to try it if it is not too much of a burden… Lizzy even said that she would help…”
“It is no burden Lydia. If this is what you and Kitty wish for, I shall send you to school.”
“Really?” Lydia’s face lit up. “I so do wish to become a grand lady like Lizzy is. Do you think that I will find someone like my brother Darcy to marry me when I grow up? He does not have to be a Duke in regimentals…”
“I am sure that you will, my dear child” Mr. Bennet blinked, his eyes conspicuously shiny. “Learn to be like your elder sisters and you shall get the best, just like them will do. Lizzy already married one of the best men in England. I am sure that Jane and Mary will do so soon. You and Kitty need more time to grow up as you are still full young, but you too can become beautiful and attractive ladies, just like they are. You have the potential.”
“Mama is wrong, is she not?” Lydia asked in a small voice.
“Your mother… she is basing most of her knowledge on wrong assumptions. She has no wide knowledge of the world in general. Men are just a little bit more complex than she thinks they are and there are very few of us who only wish for a pretty face in a wife.” ‘Sadly, I proved to be one of them’ he thought bitterly. “Your wish to learn more does you credit my dear Lydia.”
“When can we start?” she asked eagerly.
“I shall write to the schools I know of right away. And I am sure that your brother, Mr. Darcy would know of some more. You might be able to start this fall.”
“Thank you Papa! I love you!” she cried enthusiastically.
“I love you too child” Mr. Bennet said with moist eyes, realizing that he actually meant it.
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Mr. Bennet’s peace was deeply disturbed ever since Mrs. Bennet and Lydia returned to Longbourn. Mrs. Bennet was very vocal in extolling all of her grievances against her brother and her sister-in-law as well as the Darcys and even Jane. She considered herself used extremely ill and she was constantly hollering for her salts, even though they were right by her elbow most of the time.
It did not escape Mr. Bennet’s attention that while Kitty was listening to her mother in wide eyed shock, since their sojourn in London Lydia was less than sympathetic to her mother’s ‘ailments’ and that she was rolling her eyes at almost every sentence uttered by Mrs. Bennet.
As he preferred not to escalate his wife’s discontent, Mr. Bennet remained silent throughout Mrs. Bennet’s tirades and sighed with relief when either he managed to make his escape to his book room or when she removed herself to her own rooms.
One afternoon, just after he safely ensconced himself in his book room and poured himself a goodly helping of brandy he looked forward to submerge himself into Plato’s works. Yet, his thoughts would not let him enjoy the great man’s writings. He looked back on his life and he had to admit that he had let his bitterness and disappointment rule all his actions. Instead of taking charge of his life, he had let things just ‘happen’ around him and he hid himself in this room pretending that nothing outside of his library was real. It all would have remained the same good old routine, had not Collins arrived that fateful day, over three years back.
Collins and Elizabeth proved themselves to be more mature and more sensible than he had expected, much more so than he had been for all of his life for that matter. They did what he himself never tried to do with his wife. They talked to each other and together they reached a conclusion that should have ensured everybody’s satisfaction. The only disturbance in this felicitous entente had been his wife. And because he could not take her constant wailing and querulousness, he tried to deal with it by removing its source, Lizzy. Lizzy! The only person with whom he actually could connect with in his household like an equal. The person who had more sense and wisdom in this family than all of the rest of them put together, himself included. He really meant it to be only temporary, but poor Lizzy had been so greatly hurt and offended by his betrayal that she declared that Longbourn was no longer her home and she meant it, like she always meant everything she said. And who could blame her? Long before The Breach , he had known that Fanny made Longbourn a hell for Lizzy. But what did he do about it? Nothing! After all, this was what he excelled at. He failed to provide a loving home to his most cherished daughter. For all of his daughters, come to think of it. And then Lizzy left. She left to become a nurse in a war zone. How unhappy she must have been in his house for her to leave her ancestral home’s security and her sheltered life behind, to face all the perils and horrors that she must have faced?
And perils she did face. Mr. Bennet turned his eyes back to the paper in front of him, to the article that shocked him when he first read it that morning and which he could not put out of his mind ever since.
“…His Royal Highness the Prince Regent will hold a great ball in the honour of Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy on the…, to honour her for valour demonstrated in front of adversity and great services rendered to the country. His Royal Highness and Sir Arthur Wellesley, the Viscount Wellington greatly commend Mrs. Darcy’s founding of St. Raphael’s House of Healing as one of the first establishments of this kind which will…”
Valour… That was what Lizzy had. Valour, courage, moral rectitude… And he had sided with the most worthless woman in the kingdom who was clamouring for undeserved attention in the next room, against this precious child who showed to the whole world what a great person she was and showed him just how petty her parents were. He rejoiced that Lizzy found a worthy husband who loved and cherished her as she deserved, but how could she have failed to do so? Who could meet her and not recognize her value? Who indeed could be in her presence and not try to become a better person because of it? Except for himself and his silly wife, of course. He had failed the child whom he professed to love above all.
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Mrs. Bennet was speechless for full five minutes when she learned of the great honour Elizabeth was to receive, being distinguished by the Prince Regent himself.
“It is all due to my raising and teaching her how to become a proper and caring lady!” she squealed when she finally found her voice. “But do I get any credit for it? No! That ungrateful child is so lost to all proper feelings that she will not even let me stay at her house. She is…”
“I believe it was Mr. Darcy who banned you after you insulted him and Lizzy, repeatedly” Lydia quipped.
“Shush child! I did no such thing! How was I to know that he was so very wealthy? Especially since he married that hoyden who has no beauty and no accomplishments of a lady when he could have married any lady, most of all my beautiful Jane who…
“I think this is quite enough Mrs. Bennet!” Mr. Bennet threw down his paper which featured a full account of Elizabeth’s feats and the perils she faced on the continent. The description of her saving wounded soldiers from the burning fields filled his soul with horror at what the outcome of it all might have been for his Lizzy. “If you cannot speak nicely of your most worthy child then you shall remain silent.”
“Oh, my poor nerves! Nobody knows how much I suffer” she wailed.
“Yes we do Mama” Kitty replied calmly while buttering her toast. “You keep informing us of it constantly.”
“Oh shut up, you insolent child!” Mrs. Bennet snapped. “And stop coughing!” she snarled as Kitty was caught in a fit of cough.
“Kitty indeed times her coughs extremely ill” Mr. Bennet said sarcastically, “no doubt, with the precise design of annoying you my dear. Therefore you will be happy to know that come September she will no longer be able to do so as she and Lydia will be away at school” Mr. Bennet smiled at the girls who beamed up at him. “I just received confirmation of your admittance to Mrs. Templeton’s seminary for young ladies” he told his two youngest. “By all accounts, it is a very good one.”
“School!? What a nonsense is this?” Mrs. Bennet exclaimed. “They don’t need to go to school! I can teach them all that they need to know. That money would be much better spent on new gowns for them so that they can…”
“They need to know much more than how to dress garishly, gossip about their neighbours and flaunt themselves to young men” Mr. Bennet smirked. “They need to learn how to behave like real ladies do, how to be proper hostesses and how to conduct an interesting conversation if they are to spend any time in the society that their sister Elizabeth can introduce them to. Besides, it is their own wish to attend school as sadly, even they realize that they will not be able to learn any of that from you Madam.”
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Mrs. Bennet was dismayed that all her efforts to take credit for Elizabeth’s honour were met with derision by her friends and neighbours. All of Meryton knew and loved Elizabeth for her generous heart and her impeccable manners, and most of them knew that she was the daughter most neglected and, for some unfathomable reason, deeply disliked by Mrs. Bennet.
“I believe that Lizzy became such a grand lady exactly because she never listened to you Mrs. Bennet and because you never paid much attention to her” Mrs. Long tittered, joined by Mrs. Gould. “When was the last time that you visited an ailing tenant?”
“Well, I don’t have to actually visit them to ensure that they are being well taken care of” Mrs. Bennet scoffed. “I send Hill to them whenever it is necessary.”
“And this is exactly what Lizzy would never do and why she is so loved by everyone” Mrs. Gould said decidedly. “Lizzy would never shrink back from doing her duty or from offering succour to anyone, something she definitely did not learn from you Mrs. Bennet. There are some duties that the mistress of an estate should never delegate to others. But of course, any gentlewoman would know that, wouldn’t she Lady Lucas?”
“Yes, and Lizzy is a gentlewoman through and through. I am not at all surprised that she has been thus honoured by royalty. To actually put herself in harm’s way only to help our dear boys while fighting that tyrant… it takes a lot of courage and selflessness to do so.” Lady Lucas nodded. “We are all very proud to have known her ever since she was born. You are so very lucky Mrs. Bennet to have such a child to do you honour. Not that you deserve it or can claim any credit for it, as you never appreciated her as you should have had.”
Mrs. Bennet was deeply incensed to hear such praise of Elizabeth and such open censure of herself, her feelings of being misused by everybody increasing, ignoring the fact that she too had been known to nettle her ‘friends’ whenever she had a chance of it.
Needless to say, soon Mrs. Bennet’s visits with her neighbours have lost much of their appeal to her since she could not bask in the glory of having a daughter so well married and recognized by royalty.