Chapter 50
Dominic
Many years ago, when my life felt out of control, and nothing seemed within reach, the only way I could find any sense of peace was being alone, so I made my circle small … so small it barely existed.
Now, here I stand, at Violet’s graveside, surrounded by my tribe. People I didn’t think I needed, but now know I do. My wife, my niece, my Famiglia.
I am here for my sister; they’re here for me.
The only other people present are Violet’s adoptive parents, who, like me, fell out with her when she fell under the spell of drugs.
This morning I left the house early on my own. I went to the funeral home to view my sister’s body, say my final goodbye, and hand over the pink dress I’d purchased for her to be buried in.
I’m not even sure if it’s still her favourite colour, but I brought it anyway. I want to honour the woman I once knew, the woman I still love.
When they led me to the slab in the back room where her body lay covered by a sheet, I wasn’t prepared for how much her appearance had changed. She was almost unrecognisable.
Years of heavy drug use had been unkind to Violet. She was once so effortlessly beautiful, but now she was grey.
Her thick, long, dark hair hung oily and stringy. Her heart-shaped face was sunken and gaunt, the softness gone. Her once porcelain complexion was marred with scabs and scars.
I reached for her cold, stiff hand, turned it over, and placed a picture of her daughter in her palm.
“You would’ve loved her, Vi,” I said quietly.
“She’s everything good you were.” My throat tightened, but I kept going.
“I’ll take care of her. You don’t have to worry about that.
I’ll do my best to make sure she has a good life.
Rest easy, Lil’ Sis. I hope you finally find peace.
” My fingers pressed lightly against hers before I let go and stepped back.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand before I turned and left.
I’ll never forget her. I’ll never stop loving her.
But if the years have taught me anything, it’s that life is like a muddy puddle.
You can continue circling or stepping over it, but if you do, it never really disappears.
The only way forward is to walk straight through it, even when it drags you down.
Peach is currently propped on my hip, and my free hand is clutching Emily’s as the priest says a few words before my sister’s body is lowered into the ground.
I wasn’t able to have her laid to rest beside my mother, but at least they’re in the same cemetery.
There’s no fuss, no real fanfare, but at least in death, she may realise how much she was cared for. From what I’ve heard, nobody has claimed Tray’s body.
Emily asked if we should bury them together, and I replied, “No fucking way.”
I’m not naive enough to think my sister didn’t make her own choices. Choices that ended up in her death, but there was no way I was letting him be buried with her, dragging her memory down for the rest of eternity. He’d already done enough.
The only good thing to come out of their fucked up relationship was their daughter, and now that they’re gone, Emily and I have already submitted the adoption papers to make Lil’ Peach ours permanently.
When it’s time to leave, Violet’s adoptive parents’ approach. “I’m sorry for your loss,” Marjory says.
“I’m sorry for your loss as well,” I reply. They may not carry the same DNA as us, but my sister meant something to them once upon a time. Obviously, she still does, or they wouldn’t be here.
Marjory reaches into the bag that’s hung over her arm. “I bought this for you. I thought you might want it for …” she nods her head towards Lil’ Peach as she speaks. “She looks so much like her mother,” she whispers as tears rise to her eyes.
“Yeah, she does.”
It’s not until we’re back in the car that I chance a look inside the album.
I only get a few pages in when a knot forms in the back of my throat.
They’re photographs of Violet. There are countless images of the part of her life I missed out on.
Something that I will cherish for the rest of my days.
I know Lil’ Peach will as well, when she’s old enough to understand.