Chapter 28
chapter twenty-eight
gabe
Luna
I’m drying the flowers you gave me so I can keep them longer.
Gabe
What’s your favorite?
Luna
Among the ones you gave? I don’t know all their names
Gabe
In general.
Luna
Kalachuchi. I just looked it up—apparently it’s called plumeria here!
Gabe
Why that?
Luna
We used to have a kalachuchi tree near our house. We kept climbing it as kids while Lola laughed at us
It’s supposed to signify death but it reminds me of happy memories. Plus I love how it’s simple but pretty. I know that sounds weird
Gabe
Not at all.
She was spending time with that boy again. Kai.
Sitting on a bench outside the university store, Luna laughed at something he said, and he looked so damn proud of himself. As though humor could earn him a medal.
Maybe it couldn’t—but it could win him Luna’s affections, and that might be the best prize of them all.
I went still, rewinding that thought in my head. It reeked of jealousy, an emotion I hadn’t experienced in so long . . . at least not in regard to a romantic relationship. Luna and I weren’t involved in that way, so why did my muscles pull tight at the sight of her with that boy?
Suddenly, Luna’s eyes found me. Her lips spread wider, and I nearly stepped toward her, an invisible string pulling me into her orbit. I wanted to stride over to her. To stake my claim in front of Kai and any other boy who entertained notions of being with her.
Only, who was I to do so? I couldn’t even approach her in school without the imaginary noose of my job squeezing tight around my neck.
Out of habit, I averted my gaze before anyone else noticed who I was paying attention to. I continued walking toward my building, maintaining my act of nonchalance.
It was getting harder to convince myself that I still cared about this job. The reasons I’d held on to seemed inconsequential next to the guilt that ate at me for ignoring Luna—again. I kept asking myself if achieving my end goal was worth it, but then I remembered everything I had already sacrificed to get this far.
And it left me back where I started.
luna
Gabe saw me smiling at him. I knew he did. For a second, I thought he would come over and talk to me. His body turned toward me and his stare seemed to sharpen. Then in the blink of an eye, something changed and he carried on like we hadn’t been texting every day.
I thought we’d graduated to casual nods around campus at the very least.
Now we were back to square one.
My hand lifted up to my pendant. I didn’t need another reminder of him, let alone the one he’d given me literally hanging around my neck. But I couldn’t take it off.
“What about you?”
My eyes snapped up to Kai’s expectant face. I had totally spaced out in the middle of our conversation. “Sorry, I got distracted for a sec. Can you repeat that?”
He didn’t even look upset. “I was asking how you’re doing with your fashion classes. Are you still enjoying them?”
“Yeah, definitely! They’re like my reward for getting through everything else.”
“Are your other classes that bad?”
“Not bad . . . more like boring.” I chewed my lip as I thought of the right way to describe them. “It feels like work, if you get what I mean? Especially when it comes to economics.”
Chuckling, Kai cocked his chin at me. “A hundred percent. That’s how I am with anything math related,” he said. “Hey, I have an idea. I’m pretty decent at economics.”
I had to laugh at that since he was an econ major. “You don’t say.”
He shrugged good-naturedly. “You wanna study together sometime?”
“Are you counting on me being your math source?” I joked. “Cause I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
His brows drew together. “Wait, aren’t you good at it? I’m gonna have to rethink the offer.”
“I mean, I’m decent, but it doesn’t come naturally to me either.” Gabe, on the other hand, could easily solve both our trouble spots.
Kai nudged my arm. “I’m kidding, Luna. I’d bet your decent is still better than mine. Anyway, it would help to have company to make sure we both get our stuff done.”
“That sounds great. You can call me out whenever I get sucked into checking my phone.”
He flashed me an okay sign. “I got you. Let me know whenever you want to set it up. We can do it at my place or yours. The library. Wherever you want.”
“You sure about that? Because I have an econ quiz on Monday.” I gave him a sheepish smile.
“I’m free Saturday afternoon if you are. Around two p.m.?”
“That works. You want to try the quad so we can get some sun? We can transfer to a library if it’s too busy out.”
“Sounds good. I’ll bring snacks.”
I grinned. “Perfect. I’ll take care of the coffee.”
This was exactly what I needed—an accountability buddy and a productive weekend without thoughts of unattainable men to get me down.
gabe
“I didn’t think you could be any more broody,” Max said, pointing his beer bottle at me. “You proved me wrong.”
“Broodier,” I corrected him absentmindedly. Luna hadn’t replied in almost two hours. She’d mentioned meeting up with a friend to study, but surely she would have checked her phone within that time.
“You say tomato, I say?—”
“It’s a matter of grammar, not pronunciation.”
She didn’t mention if her friend was a guy. Was “study date” code for an actual date these days? What if she was maximizing her student experience and everything that entailed? It was a Saturday, and she was single. She had every right to enjoy herself. Even I had found the time to blow off steam in college from time to time. I just hoped she didn’t choose the same activity that I did back then.
It’s none of your business whether or not she does.
“I thought only numbers could get you worked up.” Max snickered. “Who’s the lucky woman?”
Nothing could have snapped me to attention faster. “No one.” Damn it.
He snorted. “Spoken like every other person in denial. Are you in the doghouse? I give good relationship advice, you know.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Don’t you know what they say about keeping your emotions bottled in?”
I cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Right. This is you I’m talking to.” He took a swill of his beer and put it on the table with a thud. “I wish I could say the dark broody man bit isn’t attractive, but I’d be lying.”
Kai’s laughing face flashed in my mind. I knew Luna found me attractive, but did she think the same of Kai? Next to him, I didn’t just look grumpy and old, I felt it too.
I gave in to the urge to check my phone, opening my inbox to see if she’d read my texts. The last two messages were marked “delivered.”
Was it too much to text her again?
“Still no reply?”
“No—” My head snapped up.
His grin reeked of triumph. “So there is a woman.”
“It’s not like that.”
“If you give me the ‘she’s just a friend’ press release, I’m calling bullshit. It’s a widely accepted fact that ninety percent of the time that’s what someone says to try to convince themselves their relationship is platonic when it’s not.”
“Do you have evidence to back that up?”
“I mean, I’m looking at it.” He chuckled. “She must be one hell of a woman.”
Luna was. And she deserved someone who would proudly take her out. Someone who wouldn’t need to hide their relationship like it was something sordid.
More and more, I wished I could give her just that.
luna
I closed my laptop and put it next to me on the picnic mat. “My brain is officially fried. That’s all the thinking I can do for today.” Lying back, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh of relief.
“Same here,” Kai said. “That was a productive session.”
“Uh huh.” With his help, I felt more confident about my upcoming quiz. I hoped I was able do the same for him with his math assignment, though he didn’t seem to need as much input as I did.
“We should do this more often.”
“Definitely. We could be study buddies!”
“Uh. Right.” He spoke in a weird, choppy way, and my eyes popped open to check on him, but he had dropped his head to look at his phone.
That reminded me that it was time to check my messages. I had held out long enough. Sitting up, I reached for my phone inside my bag where I’d kept it to force myself to focus on studying.
“You wanna go grab a bite?”
“Hmm?” I had three messages from Gabe, and I eagerly opened them.
Gabe
Have a good study session.
I’m taking a break from writing to meet up with Max.
I meant Professor Thorpe. Everything okay?
The first two messages were sent three hours ago, and the last one came twenty minutes ago. He sounded concerned, and part of me was thrilled that he cared. But a smaller part wondered if he didn’t believe I could take care of myself.
He probably didn’t mean it that way. It was just him looking out for me, and my overreacting self was blowing things out of proportion.
“I guess that’s a no on dinner then.”
“What?” I refocused on Kai and cringed as I realized I had zoned him out again. “No, no—dinner sounds great! Let me buy.” It was the least I could do for being a sucky conversationalist.
“No way. I asked you, so I’ll pay.”
“You already got us snacks.”
He opened his mouth, and I spoke up before he could speak, anticipating his argument.
“How about we split the bill?”
His lips tightened, but he said, “Fine. But next time is on me.”
I nodded. “Let me reply to some texts real quick, then we can head out.”
Luna
Just finished—the study sesh went great! Sorry for the late rep, I hid my phone to focus on econ
Love that you and Dr Thorpe are close now! How’s your break?
Gabe’s response came a minute later.
Gabe
The break was good, but I’m back to work now. You know I could have helped you with econ.
Luna
You already have a ton to do. And Kai offered in exchange for my help with his math hw.
You probably would have nailed all our questions though
Gabe
I would have passed up that break with Max if you asked.
He was killing me with that. I wanted to send him a bunch of heart emojis in response, but that would have had all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. I settled with replying, I’ll keep that in mind for next time . But as I gathered my things, I realized that any study session I’d have with Gabe couldn’t be like this—out on the quad in the light of day. Not when he couldn’t even approach me in campus.
Throughout dinner with Kai, that thought stuck with me, leaving a gnawing ache in my stomach.