Chapter 41
chapter forty-one
gabe
Gabe
Just parked outside your building. Take care, Luna.
Luna
Meet you at your car in 10!
On the drive to Luna’s place, I played back our conversation over and over in my head, trying to view it from her perspective. I’d known I was likely to make another misstep with her, but I hadn’t expected to do so this soon—and in this manner.
When I decided to surprise her with a ride home, I thought she’d find it considerate. I’d adjusted my schedule to hers and eliminated the need for her to walk or take the bus after a long day at school. After years of keeping my distance from her around campus, I wanted to show her that I didn’t want to hide anymore. That I cared more for her than I did for what people thought or said about me.
I hadn’t accounted for the possibility that she might need something entirely different at that moment.
Analyzing our exchange, I recognized how I’d decided on a course of action on my own and imposed it on her despite her objections. I’d already known she struggled with feeling insignificant and how she longed to be independent, and still I’d hit both sore spots by trying to override her say in the matter.
A memory returned to me—my last dinner with Luna and Tala before Tala returned to Manila. I’d surprised them with plane tickets for Luna to travel with Tala to Jason’s game in California. They’d been thrilled about the news . . . until I opened my mouth again.
“I talked with your boss,” I told Luna. “She’ll swap your Monday shift with another employee’s. And I’ll get you notes for any classes you’ll miss.”
Her mouth fell open. “I can take care of my own notes,” she shot back. “Also, you didn’t have to talk to Marge. It’s my job, which makes it my responsibility. You’re not my keeper.”
I’d considered Luna ungrateful then, but to my surprise, when I brought her and Tala home, Luna asked her sister to go ahead. Then she apologized for her reaction and thanked me even though I insisted that I did it for Tala.
The girl I’d thought of as spoiled and immature acted with more grace and maturity than I had. I should have known that I would end up falling head over heels over her.
If she could apologize to me when I was being an ass, I could very well own up to my mistakes and beg for her forgiveness . . . even if it meant I had to lay myself bare to earn it.
I checked my messages and found that Luna was ten minutes away, giving me that much time to gather my thoughts and find the right words to say. I’d just locked my phone when it lit up with a call from my father of all people. The urge to reject it came on strong, but I’d avoided him long enough. I could spare him five minutes.
“You’re alive,” he said as soon as I answered the phone.
“The last I checked, yes.”
“You took your time calling.”
“I had to take care of some matters.” I unbuttoned my collar. “I have an appointment in ten minutes. Is this urgent?”
“It is. My birthday is in twelve days.”
“I’m aware. I thought you were sick or something.”
“From how often you talk to me, I could be on my death bed and you wouldn’t know.”
I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. “So you’re planning a party?”
“Your tio and tia are planning a party. My only wish is to see my son.”
“I have things going on.” Things like recalibrating my plans and winning over Luna.
“You always have things going on. Your father will only turn sixty once.”
His words halted my instinctive denial.
Sixty . Of course I’d known that my father was getting older, but I hadn’t stopped and thought of how old he actually was. Of how much time I was missing out on in my determination to keep my distance from him. Granted, the fault wasn’t all mine, but I had to accept that it wasn’t just his either.
“The party will be on the day itself?” I asked.
“We can move it to whenever you can come.”
Of course he’d phrased it so that I’d be inclined to say yes. “I’ll look into my schedule and get back to you.”
I’d taken care not to make any promises and hoped my answer would appease him, but he prodded, “When?”
“I’ll message you tomorrow.” Without my classes and dissertation, I suddenly had the time to fix my life. I could no longer use my busyness as an excuse not to face my father—and maybe it was high time that I did. If I wanted to have a healthy relationship with Luna, I had to stop letting my past hold me back.
And since I was in the process of reconfiguring my future anyway, I might as well take every opportunity I had to shape it into the one I’d always wanted.
luna
As I approached my building, I found Gabe leaning against his car. His head was ducked as he focused on his phone, and it reminded me of the first day I saw him on campus. That encounter had influenced my perception of him early on, and I wondered how things would have turned out if he had returned my greeting that day.
He looked up, and the worry in his eyes turned to relief. “There you are.”
“Here I am.” I stopped in front of him and took in the faint lines on his forehead, the cloud grays of his eyes, the crooked but strong nose, the thicker than usual beard.
God, but I loved this man.
“Did you have a good walk?”
“Uh huh.” I gave him a small smile. “You up for a drive?”
His brows lifted. “With you? Anytime.” He reached for my bag, then hesitated. “Can I get your bag?” he asked with all seriousness.
I was completely capable of carrying it myself, but I let him take my bag anyway because he’d asked like I wanted him to. And there was something sweet about him offering to do so every time.
He ushered me into the passenger seat and put my bag in the back, then got in and started the car.
“Where to?”
I buckled myself in. “Wherever the road takes us.”
Glancing at me, he smiled gently. “Alright then.”
The sky was a gradient of soft blues and yellows as we drove away from my apartment, and it soothed the nerves that stirred inside me again. Like he could sense my tension, Gabe rolled down the windows.
My body relaxed as the wind swept in. I stopped overthinking my words and went with the first thing that came to my mind.
“I’m sorry for earlier.”
He shook his head even before I finished speaking. “You have nothing to apologize for. You told me what you needed, and you never have to say sorry for that. I shouldn’t have insisted on picking you up when you already texted me to meet you at your place. Regardless of my intentions, I should have listened to you—or at the very least, asked you first instead of assuming that would be okay. I’m sorry for that.”
“Normally, I would have loved you picking me up. It would have made my day to know you were waiting for me,” I told him. “It’s just that this particular day has been a lot. One thing happened after the other, then I found out about the gossip and there were all these people at the store, and it felt like I didn’t have the chance to stop and breathe, you know?”
He nodded slowly. “I understand. I was so absorbed in my own plans that I failed to consider that they might not be what you wanted. I’m glad you didn’t let me stop you from having that time for yourself.”
“That’s the new thing I’m trying out—being honest about what I want and actually standing my ground.”
“Good. You deserve to be heard.” Reaching out, he laid his hand on mine. “I’m proud of you, Luna—and I don’t mean that in a condescending way.”
I turned my hand over and squeezed his. “Thank you. I know you don’t.” My eyes widened as I realized I’d been going on about myself when he had something bigger going on. “Hold on, you said you had something to tell me. What happened?”
“Right.” He looked at me and swallowed before moving his gaze back to the road. “I handed in my resignation earlier.”
“What?” I whisper-shouted.
“I also processed the documents to withdraw from my PhD program.”
“But—you can’t. It’s one of your life goals.”
“Not anymore.” A wince flashed across his face. “Luna, I love that you’re holding my hand, but you’re cutting off the circulation to my fingers right now.”
“Oh! Sorry.” I loosened my grip on his hand and returned to my question. “Did you resign because people saw you at the club?” My stomach felt queasy, and I internally cursed myself again.
Shaking his head, Gabe said, “I’d already made up my mind. It wasn’t a hard decision.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Well.” A corner of his mouth lifted. “It wasn’t once I identified what I truly wanted.”
I could barely hear him past the roaring in my ears. “And what do you want?”
His eyes were bright as he glanced my way. “I’ll tell you. But first—we’re here.”
I broke my stare to look out at a small park inside what looked like an exclusive residential area of Sterling. “Nice place. Tell me now.”
Chuckling, he parked by the curb. “Hold on. There’s something you should see while it’s still light out.”
His words piqued my curiosity enough that I followed him out of the car. Hand in hand, we walked up a stone path to a lone bench overlooking the pond. The scene was picturesque on its own, but it was the tree by the bench that stole my attention.
It stood low compared to the other trees around it, resembling more of an oversized shrub than an actual tree. Its branches spread out wide, carrying armfuls of leaves bunched together like pompoms. Amidst the greens were bouquets of five-petaled flowers in gradients of yellow to white with borders of pink.
“Is that a kalachuchi tree?”
He nodded. “It’s the only one I could find in town. I planned to bring you here a different time, but since you wanted to go on a drive . . .”
“This place is perfect.” Smiling up at him, I said, “I’m glad you found it.”
He gazed at me, a whirlwind of emotions in his eyes. “Ask me again, Luna.”
Legs suddenly weak, I sat on the bench.
He took the spot beside me, close enough that I felt his warmth but not so close that I felt crowded.
“What do you want?” I asked above the pounding of my heart.
“I’ll start by telling you what I don’t want. I don’t want to lock myself away while I rewrite a paper I don’t care about. I don’t want to teach the same things all over again. I don’t want to continue acting like I don’t mind that other guys can talk to you wherever they want while I pretend you’re just any other student. Because you’ve never been just another student to me, Luna—not even when I tried to fool myself into believing it.”
“Why did you?”
“I told myself it was the right thing to do. People would think I was taking advantage of you, and I’d ruin both our reputations along with my friendship with Tala. But in truth, I was scared of my feelings for you. I was scared that it would ruin me if you left like all the people I loved did.”
My brain worked on overdrive while trying to make sense of his words. I thought I knew what he meant, but the idea of it was so farfetched that I didn’t want to assume I was right. “So what changed?”
“You pushed and prodded and slipped past my defenses until I couldn’t hold you at arm’s length anymore.” His eyes were solemn as they looked into mine. Earnest. “You were my friend, and then you were more. My first thought every morning. The one person I wanted to share everything with. The only reason I would sign up for a long drive early in the morning and search an unfamiliar city for a drink I had never imagined ordering before.”
My laugh sounded garbled to my disbelieving ears. “You can just say bubble tea, you know.”
A smile flashed across his face before it turned serious again. Taking my hand, he rubbed his thumb across the back of it. “It didn’t happen suddenly—falling for you. I couldn’t have predicted it because I refused to let myself entertain the possibility, but part of me always knew there was something about you. That’s why I pushed you away so often. I wish I could take it all back.”
“We might not have ended up here if things didn’t happen that way.” That I could form coherent sentences amazed me. Everything inside me seemed to blank out and fill in at the same time.
“Maybe not. But here’s what I do want—I want to open my own office. I want to do the work I enjoy and have time to be with the people I care about.” He laid his free hand on my cheek and held my gaze with his. “But most of all, I want to be with the woman I love and for everyone to see how truly amazing she is. How amazing you are.”
My chest seized. Tears welled in my eyes, distorting my vision, and still the image of Gabe remained plastered in my head.
“Luna.”
He said my name with such reverence, such awe, that my tears overflowed. The two syllables sounded like a prayer and a poem, and it felt like he wrapped my little heart in the palm of his hand and cradled it with the utmost care. I sobbed as a mix of joy, disbelief, and so much love burst out.
“Why are you crying?” He sounded frantic, his thumbs trying to stem the flow of my tears.
“Because you’re in love with me.” I’d dreamed of it so many times that I’d convinced myself it was one of those things that would always remain in the realm of if onlys . I might have thought I was delusional, but his touch told me otherwise.
This was a dream I never wanted to wake up from. I should have felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
So why did I have this weird feeling in my stomach?