35. Chapter 35
Ivy
I fell over onto my hands and knees in the foyer, a wave of dizziness rolling through me.
Heat flooded my body, making my skin feel too tight, and my heart raced.
Then my own scent filled the room - similar to the replica Arabella had used, but much stronger, purer, and thick with the pheromones that should attract any alpha within a mile.
I could hear my family yelling at the staff, all of them realizing what was happening.
“Get her into her room!” Someone shouted. “Secure the hallways! Get an air filter up there!” The voices faded into the background as I curled up in pain.
My heat was hitting me harder than I’d ever felt it. Maybe because it had been so long since I’d been allowed to have one. It was coming, whether I wanted it to or not, breaking through the suppressants and descenters I'd been forcing into my system. A cold feeling of dread settled into my stomach.
I hadn't even been paying attention to my cycle anymore.
The past few months had been consumed by heartbreak, betrayal, and the constant ache of watching my mates court another woman.
Somewhere along the way, I'd stopped paying attention to my own body. But my body was going to force me to comply. I’d been taking too much unnecessary medicine, and now I would pay the consequences.
Across the room, Clara had noticed almost immediately. Her expression hardened as she watched me writhe in pain. Staff appeared, the beta women dragging me up the stairs while I heard my fathers talking over one another.
"I need a heat clinic," I said, already struggling as the first ripple of pain tore through my abdomen. “Please, something is wrong!” I cried out, knowing this heat would be worse than any before.
Nobody listened. Hands pulled me toward the staircase while I fought to keep my footing. The dizziness grew worse with every step, and by the time I reached my room, my entire body felt feverish.
“Please, I need a clinic!” I begged, looking between the beta women who carried me into the room. They shared a concerned look, but one of them shook her head.
“Your fathers say you can withstand this.” She said in a hushed tone. I looked around, desperately hoping Mara would be nearby. She would help me. But even as I cried out, they pulled me into my room. The moment I crossed the threshold, the door shut firmly behind me.
I fell to the ground, my body feeling simultaneously freezing cold and then burning hot, the sweat making me shiver as waves of pain hit me one after another.
I was waiting for someone to explain that this was just temporary - for someone to check on me, take me to the clinic.
In the past, I’d at least been able to schedule my heats and go to a clinic or the guesthouse.
I gasped, the aching need for a knot crying out from my core.
I clenched down, and the lack of any relief sent a shockwave of pain through my body.
I cried out in agony, clutching my stomach.
I needed an alpha to get through this. I needed several.
Or toys, at least. But my room wasn’t set up for a heat - my bed only had a few blankets and pillows, not nearly enough for a proper nest.
I don’t know how, but I managed to crawl inch by inch in between the waves of pain until I was at the foot of my bed.
I reached up and grabbed the comforter, tugging it down and wrapping it around me before the haze of the heat took over.
But there was no relief, no euphoria that comes with a usual heat. This was pure torture.
The first day was excruciating. I only knew it was over when the dawn light came through my window.
My voice was hoarse from crying out, and during that time, no one came to check on me.
I wasn’t sure how my family could get anything done with my constant crying out in pain, but they managed to ignore me.
As the hours passed, I lost track of time.
The heat consumed everything. Every nerve in my body felt exposed, and my muscles ached all over.
My skin was so sensitive that I lay there naked, only the comforter on the ground touching me.
Sometimes I curled beneath it because I couldn't stop shivering, and other times I kicked it away because the heat beneath my skin became unbearable.
Sleep came only in short, restless bursts, and every time I woke, the loneliness felt worse.
My brain was addled from the intense hormones, and I couldn’t focus past the pain.
I may have had some snacks in a drawer, but I couldn't even muster the energy to check. Every single ounce of my attention was focused on getting past this heat. The pain would build, my body crying out for a knot, and while my brain knew it wasn’t coming, my body punished me when a knot never appeared.
I didn’t realize I was fading until I had trouble sitting up. It had been days since I’d eaten, much less had water. I managed to crawl to my bathroom, drinking directly from the bathroom faucet because it was easier than waiting for someone to remember I existed.
And throughout it all, my thoughts kept returning to them - the pack who should have been here.
Every instinct inside me reached for them, and no amount of logic could stop it.
My omega biology recognized them whether they recognized me or not.
Somewhere deep inside, my omega still believed they were mine.
Every time another wave of pain rolled through me, my body cried out for comfort that would never come.
I managed to get some form of awareness halfway through, my tears soaking into the carpet as I hugged a pillow against my chest and tried to breathe through the agony.
"They were supposed to know," I whispered.
The words became a mantra, a chant that helped me process my pain.
The matching system had identified us. Everything had pointed toward them.
Yet when I finally gathered enough courage to tell the truth, nobody believed me.
Not even the men who were supposed to be able to recognize me above everyone else.
By the fourth day, something inside me began to change. The grief remained, but the need started to lessen. And part of me had changed, too.
For months, I had spent every waking moment hoping someone would finally see me.
Waiting for Pack Vale to realize their mistake, see through the deception.
I spent all that time wishing that my family would admit what they had done, and that Araella might finally admit the truth.
But now, I just lay on the floor, on my own, with the realization that I’d been avoiding.
No one was going to save me. No one was going to suddenly wake up and realize my worth. The more I thought about it, the calmer I became.
No, they weren’t coming to save me. But as I rolled on my side, breathing through another wave of pain, I looked at my desk.
The little decorative paintings my mother and I had made on the side of it when I was just a kid still remained.
She had always believed in me. She encouraged me to learn, to experiment, and get my ideas out of my head and into the world.
It was because of my mother that I had the little confidence in me that still remained.
In my haze, I imagined what she’d say if she saw what had become of me. I could almost see her here, kneeling down. Ivy, you don’t need them to save you.
I could practically hear her voice in my head. I shook my head. No. Why would my mom say that? Of course I needed them. You don’t need them to save you. You never have.
I tried to make sense of it. The vision of my mom smiling down at me, with an understanding that I didn’t quite catch, made me tear up again.
Then I realized something. Maybe I didn’t need them, or anyone else, to save me.
Before anything, I needed to save myself.
Truthfully, I’d stopped trying to fight years ago. Now, I needed to change.
By the time the heat finally began releasing its grip on me, I felt strangely finished, almost empty.
But not in a bad way. Like I had released the need to be recognized by anyone other than myself.
The constant ache had burned itself out.
I pushed myself up one morning, finally having enough strength after the heat subsided.
For the first time in months, my mind felt clear.
Pack Vale had chosen Arabella. My family had chosen Arabella. I couldn't control that. What I could control was whether I continued chasing people who didn't want me. And for the first time, the answer was no.
When I finally had enough strength, I walked to the door, stumbling a bit before pulling the handle. There was a beta guard stationed outside, who looked at me with a frown.
“It’s over,” I said, my voice exhausted. He nodded once and stepped aside. I walked into the hallway on shaky legs. My body felt weak, my muscles sore from days of isolation and exhaustion, but something fundamental inside me had changed.
The old version of me would have emerged from that room still hoping.
That girl had been left behind. Now, I had a plan.
And I wasn’t going to let anyone stop me.
I crept down the hall, my body spent and reeking of strong perfume after days of going through a long, delayed, painful heat with no assistance.
But I took the stairs, step by step, until I made it to the kitchen.
At first, there seemed to be no one else around.
But to my relief, I found exactly who I was looking for.
When Mara turned to see me, she dropped the plate she was holding, her face horrified at the sight of me.
“Ivy!” She gasped, rushing toward me, her hands shaking as she inspected my body.
“Oh, Ivy, I tried to come in. They had a guard denying entry to your floor!” She said, and I just looked at her with bleary eyes.
The guard didn’t surprise me. Mara tried to help support me as I leaned against the counter, hoping I had enough energy to execute my plan before anyone realized.
“Mara,” I whispered, a wry smile on my face. “It’s time,” I said. She looked at me closely, leaning in as she held my face in her hands.
“Time for what?” She asked.
“Time for me to finally get out,” I said, looking at her with determination. Mara nods slowly, understanding in her eyes.
“Ivy, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to see you stand up.”