Chapter 4 #2
“I’m not leaving here without you. I’m not living that life without you,” I tell him with alpha steel.
My ability to command is still settling—I’ll either go too far and almost crush an omega, or do too little and notice them trying not to laugh at me.
I see with horror I’ve done the former to Addie.
He winces and grabs his head.
“Oh my God.” I rush to him and wrap him up in my arms. “Addie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You do what you want, whatever you want. I’d never command you. Addie, I’m sorry.”
I rock him back and forth in my arms while he whimpers.
“Shh, shh.” I press my cheek to his forehead and hope my scent soothes him.
God, I’m fucking useless. How could I do this to him?
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I stammer, tightening my arms around him.
“I’m okay,” he whispers. And what a fucking lie. He’s trying to make me feel better.
“Come on, let’s sit,” I tell him and try to move us to the bed.
He freezes.
And shit. Of course he’s frozen—that’s way too forward.
“Not the bed,” he says, voice hushed, pained.
He brings his head up, wide eyes blinking up at me. And dear God, I know I must look stupid with my mouth hanging open, but in pain or not, my Addie can level me with those eyes.
“My nest,” he says like he’s apologising. “I need my nest.”
Now my eyes widen. I’ve never been in Addie’s nest—he’d made it in the attic in his old house, the run-down shack he lived in with his alpha in front of the fishing harbour—but I’d fantasised about it.
Addie taking my hand and urging me to follow him up the ladder, pulling me down into the plush cushions, pillows, blankets.
I’d imagined all the hoodies I’d lent him over the years had been used to deck out the soft space, that his laugh would be playful as I blanketed him.
“Yes,” I say fervently.
“Closet,” he croaks.
I slip my arms down his back, under his thighs and scoop him up. His arms go around my neck with a gasp. I always knew my Addie was light, but this is fucking ridiculous. At five foot two, he should weigh at least one hundred and fifty pounds. He’d be one hundred and ten now if he’s lucky.
His nest is tucked in the back corner of a tiny walk-in robe.
Pillows, cushions, a faded blanket I recognise from his home and—I can’t help it—I preen at the sight of my shirt.
My hands tighten on him when I spot one of my hoodies from school, hope and despair rising in me at the sight of it.
He had to have been thinking of me when they took him if he grabbed that.
And where was I? Pursuing my dreams at Fort Sanguis. Fucking selfish.
His nest is not as elaborate as it had been in my fantasies, but it’s still saturated in his scent, and it’s still a sacred space I know he’s never let anyone else see.
I lower him down gently and he curls into the foetal position.
Jesus, I’m the fucking worst—how hard did I command him?
Have I done permanent damage? He’s an unbonded omega.
With no alpha, that could really have fucked him up.
An alpha contracted to him is not the same as his familial alpha, his kin, and not even close to his mate.
He’s vulnerable to any and all alphas in this state.
“Addie?” I whisper. It pains me to say this, but I have to. Addie comes first. “Addie, do you want me to go?”
A choked sob tears out of him before he shoves his fist into his mouth.
I think my heart just shattered in my chest. I’m moving before I can think—curling around him, hauling him against me. My arms go like bands around his chest, my legs over and under his, cradling him between my thighs.
A tremor ripples through his body, but before I can panic, he relaxes into the hold. Running my nose up and down his throat, my breathing erratic, heart pounding against his back, I try to soothe him.
“I’m here, Addie. I’ll never leave you, and I’ll never command you again. I’m so sorry.”
My Addie doesn’t need to be commanded—what the fuck was I thinking? He’s my best friend, we can just talk! I’m such a fucking asshole.
Minutes, hours, I don’t know how long passes until Addie goes pliant in my arms. When he pushes back into my hold, I crush him against me. I’m soaring on the back of my relief. He smells calmer, certainly no pain in his scent anymore, but there is a thread of anxiety.
“Leo,” he says, his voice husky. “You know you have to fuck me, right?”
I tighten my grip and my cock, already embarrassingly hard from holding him, flexes against his back.
“No,” I whisper. “I’m not taking that from you.”
There’s an order to this—courting, and if he agrees at the end of the courtship to be with me, I’ll claim him when he goes into heat.
My alpha has always recognised his scent as being the one for me, but that doesn’t mean we can skip those steps.
They exist for a reason, to ensure the alpha and omega are compatible beyond a fated connection.
Addie and I might not have ever discussed our scents, but I always knew I was going to do it right once we were both old enough to bond.
My alpha didn’t want me getting bonded before I finished my training, though—a revision on his rule that I had to wait until I was eighteen—and I reluctantly let him talk me into agreeing.
Stupid. I was so fucking stupid.
Addie laughs quietly. His scent and voice are both bitter when he speaks. “Do you know how many alphas have run through me? You’re not taking anything.”
My arms constrict around him and a growl rumbles out of me before I can stop it.
Addie’s scent drops out—putrid sewers, exhaust fumes, humiliation, fear.
“No, Addie, no,” I tell him urgently. “I don’t care about that.” Not quite true, but I don’t care the way he seems to think I do. “I care about doing this right. I can do right by you. You deserve that.”
And now his laugh is not even pretending to be anything approaching humour—I’ve never heard such a derisive sound from him.
“Leo,” he starts, and then seems to give up. “Look, if I don’t smell like … something happened here, they’ll think an alpha is trying to court me.”
“An alpha is trying to court you,” I tell him fiercely.
He ignores that and continues by dropping a bomb. “If they think that, it’ll be bad … for me.”
His scent turns polluted again, rancid with more fear. What the fuck will they do to him?
I run my nose up his throat, scenting him insistently until his scent returns to the cool, calm vastness I love.
“Not if you leave with me, they won’t,” I say once he’s relaxed again.
Addie sighs. “I’m not ruining your life. Please, Leo,” he goes on when I try to cut him off. “Don’t make me responsible for that.”
I press my face to his nape and breathe in deeply, then exhale long and slow.
He’s not going to walk out of here with me.
And I’m not going to command him to do it.
I need to convince him to leave, but I can’t force him to see that I really don’t care about my so-called life if he’s not in it. I need to make him see it.
I need to revise the mission parameters.
“I can touch you, scent you,” I say, my voice shaking, cock throbbing. “But I can’t penetrate you until after I’ve courted you, and you … you’ve accepted me.”
Addie’s scent does something weird—floods with desire, excitement, hope, before spiking with a melancholy I don’t understand.
Then he turns in my arms, and in the dim light of his closet, nestled in the soft warmth of his nest, his eyes are all heat when he breathes out, “Yes.”