15. Instant ramen #2
‘Lesbian cinema, and I mean the more mainstream films, have historically and still very much now really, consisted of plots that are so male-gazey, even when they claim not to be. Like Ammonite, for example. Have you seen it?’ Greta, mid-mouthful of noodles, simply nodded and arched an eyebrow in a silent, appreciative yes.
‘I mean, Kate Winslet, for fuck’s sake, yes, please!
’ Dylan billowed her cheeks, exhaling a sharp breath as if the mere mention of the name had brought on a literal surge of heat.
‘Controversial opinion, maybe… I might be being hypercritical but I was so excited for that film, but still we had to endure two hours of unbearable suffering, repression, and restraint. And films like that always seem to have frustrating closed-mouthed, or stupidly OTT open-mouthed kisses like they’re bloody apple-bobbing, and culminate in sex scenes that probably hadn’t even been invented yet and that could have all only been written and directed by men…
even if it was a queer man in that instance.
I’m probably being dramatic but the sex scenes in some films feel like they’re made for blokes, not us.
The scenes in Portrait were very lovely.
Very suggestive. Very demure.’ She gave a breathy chuckle as Greta’s smile grew wider.
‘I might be a prude,’ Greta cocked a brow at the irony of Dylan’s prudishness—given her former employment—making Dylan laugh hard.
‘But I prefer that, and knowing it was directed by and starring queer women, it just feels authentic.’ She sipped from her ladle before resting it back in the bowl.
‘D’you know they didn’t even have a lesbian intimacy coordinator in Ammonite.
Not one lesbian involved in the very lesbian love scenes.
’ Picking up her chopsticks, Dylan leaned forward, using them to punctuate her points in the air.
‘Then, lo and behold, they can’t be together because of men.
’ She canted her head, lips scrunched together.
‘I know that’s the outcome of Portrait too—them not being able to be together…
but there are hardly any men in that film.
No main characters. There’s the guy who comes for Marianne’s luggage and immediately pisses you off with the intrusion, even though the poor lad is just doing his job…
and the boat guys that dump her, but other than that, it’s just them.
The ubiquitous threat of heteronormativity isn’t rammed down your throat for the entire film.
It’s got a different vibe, you know? And not in an anachronistic way, like we know that ultimately because it's set in the eighteenth century men will balls it up but the focus of the film is just them…getting to know one another…falling for each other without a fucking man looming in the shadows, balling his hairy fists, ready to drag her back to Hettieville, or wherever.’ Greta chuckled lightly.
‘You know those things are happening in the background…men oppressing women, stealing the work of their wives and shit like that but it’s just them.
It is just so fucking beautiful.’ As Dylan held Greta’s gaze and gave her a soft smile, a blush suffused Greta’s cheeks.
Dylan huffed out a breath and looked back to the poster.
‘At least no one died though, I ’spose. Well, no, actually, I died a bit at the end.
That theatre scene with Vivaldi playing…
Christ on a rickety bike!’ Dylan took a deep breath, her eyes bright with passion.
‘There’s just something about it all. The agency, the themes.
There’s periods, abortions. And aesthetically?
I mean, fuck, it’s like watching a live painting. ’
Greta smiled, opening her mouth to finally weigh in but Dylan was obviously on a roll.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I bloody love a trope or ten and maybe even a teeny tiny cliché.
Historically, our community hasn’t had the luxury of cheesy stories, or serious stories, or silly ones, so some are okay.
But not when it comes to men.’ She shook her head.
‘When it’s about men and their interfering, meddling ways—mm, like Harge in Carol.
’ She gave Greta a heavy eye roll. ‘Get off Cate Blanchett, fuck all the way off, and get in the sea. We know men did—and still do that, move it on and create something different.’
A sting of guilt rippled over Greta’s skin as she allowed a thought of Muriel to sit for a beat.
The way she used to describe the things she loved.
Greta almost physically shook her head to empty it.
‘So you watch a lot of TV?’ she asked, not choosing quite the right words, sounding a little judgmental.
‘Nooo,’ Dylan stretched the word out into a low, playful drawl.
‘I watch films,’ she corrected, her mouth hitching up into one cheek as she shrugged.
‘When I have the time, anyway.’ She poked at a stray noodle in her bowl, her expression softening.
‘I absolutely love queer stories. I adore them. I know I’ve had the privilege of seeing and reading a lot more of them…
of having more representation in my childhood and adolescence than, say—’
‘Me?’ Greta offered softly, her voice devoid of any edge.
‘Yeah, I guess,’ Dylan said with a wince, as if she were worried she’d accidentally stepped on a generational landmine.
‘I’m the archetypal lesbian, really. A bit like you and your U-Haul parked outside.
’ Dylan flicked her head toward the window with a cheeky grin, as Greta let out a sharp, amused huff of air through her nose.
‘I’ll watch anything with a lesbian plot line, even if I spend the entire time bitching and whinging about it afterward. I still have to see it.’ She shrugged.
Greta chuckled as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
‘When I was younger,’ she began, the words irked her the second they left her mouth, a reminder of the lifetime between them that felt louder than it sounded.
‘We were just grateful. Seeing women together on TV and in films just didn’t happen.
The first proper films I saw were Go Fish and Bound. ’
Dylan nodded appreciatively. ‘Fuck, I love those films. Absolute classics. Guinevere Turner is brilliant.’
‘I remember thinking, ohh, okay, so women can be together, but I was also horrified that I’d have to learn about sex for myself.
There wasn’t the plethora of information afforded to lesbians as there was to heteronormative people.
If you were heterosexual, you knew your path.
It’s everywhere, isn’t it? Books, films, TV, music.
They teach straight people how to do relationships, how to be intimate, how to break up even.
’ Greta rolled her eyes. ‘There used to be a magazine called More…the girls at my school used to read it and it had this awful section called Position of the Fortnight. An actual manual, available at your local newsagents, on how to have sex with boys. Whereas little old lesbian me didn’t know where to start. ’
Dylan billowed her cheeks. ‘Bloody hell.’
‘Yeah,’ Greta breathed.
‘I kinda know what you mean. Back then, you had to get by on Beth and Margaret on Brookside, or Zoe Tate in Emmerdale. Slim pickings, really.’
Greta paused a mound of noodles halfway to her mouth, both shocked and genuinely impressed by the depth of Dylan’s references.
‘That was before you were even born, Dylan. Jesus Christ.’ Dylan just shrugged, leaning back against the headboard and giving her a wink.
Greta hurriedly chewed. ‘The gutter press ran headlines after the kisses on Brookside and Emmerdale with utter rubbish like Pre-watershed lezzie romp! Complaints made by thousands!’ They both laughed with their chests at Greta’s ridiculous newspaper seller voice.
‘I remember seeing those newspapers and thinking that I enjoyed watching those kisses! I couldn’t understand why people were complaining.
’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Anyway,’ Greta rested her bowl on her thighs and wiped her mouth with the soft paper napkin, ‘how do you know so much about what happened in the nineties?’
‘I did a short course in Queer literature, film and TV studies, yes, that’s a thing,’ Dylan chuckled, ‘before I started my nursing degree. It was brilliant. I needed something other than…’ She sucked in a quick breath, her expression dropping for a fraction of a second.
‘Well, I just needed a bit of a distraction, and the nineties was where it all really started to properly happen for lesbian representation. Ellen coming out, the first pre-watershed snogs and all that. There were finally gay people on telly who weren’t just feather-boa-clad, limp-wristed comedy gay men there to make people laugh.
The boundaries started to be pushed. We were allowed to start having nuanced relationships and actual stories with happy endings.
Although the happy endings have taken a while.
It fascinates me that it wasn’t that long ago. ’
Greta smiled at the not-so-long-ago part of Dylan’s sentence. ‘You have an impressive library, too,’ she said, nodding in the direction of Dylan’s shelves.
‘I do. Take something if you like.’ Dylan jumped off the bed, holding out her hand for Greta’s empty bowl before disappearing with them. When Dylan reappeared, she bypassed the bed and moved straight to the shelves.
‘Do you read much?’ Dylan asked, her eyes already scanning her collection.
‘Sapphic literature wasn’t exactly brimming with exciting, uncomplicated love stories and happy endings in the nineties, and then medicine and academia took over. I don’t have much time to read for pleasure these days. There aren’t enough hours in the day sometimes.’
‘Hmm,’ Dylan hummed, giving Greta a sideways glance. ‘We should change that.’
‘Do let me know when there are extra hours in the day, won’t you? They’ll come in handy,’ Greta said wryly.