Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Lainey
Fifteen Years Ago
A s I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, my cell began to ring from the back pocket of my jeans. Penelope’s name was on the screen, so I answered and brought it up to my ear.
“Hello—”
“Where are you?”
I glanced toward Rhett as he sat on the end of my bed. “Home. But only for a couple more seconds. We’re leaving?—”
“You’re coming here, right?”
“Coming where?”
Rhett’s arms were stretched out behind him, his long legs extended in front of him, his heels resting on the carpet. I could tell he was curious about the conversation I was having with my sister as his head cocked to the side. I just couldn’t get over how hot he looked. The first two buttons of his shirt were undone, showing hints of his chest. His backward baseball hat made his smile pop, and then there was the thickening of his scruff that, in the last couple of months, had grown to cover even more of his cheeks. Especially now since he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days.
But it was his position that was really setting me off.
It was like he was inviting me to climb on.
“Elijah’s house,” Pen said, reminding me we were on the phone. I’d almost forgotten. But I was holding it away from my ear and she had talked loudly enough that Rhett could hear. “The party. I told youuu .”
What she had told me was that she was going to the mall with a couple of girls who were dating guys on the lacrosse team and they were going to do some shopping with one of the guys’ credit cards. And I had told her Rhett and I were going to the movies. I’d just finished getting ready, and we were going to grab some pizza and then head to the theater.
“You’re at Elijah’s house now?” I asked.
I already knew the answer to that question. Unless the mall was blasting music, which I highly doubted.
“Yes. You need to be here. It’s so fun, Lain. Everyone is here.”
“Who’s everyone?”
“Everyone,” she repeated, drawing out each syllable, almost making the word into a long sentence.
Do you want to go? Rhett mouthed.
I shook my head.
Then, tell her we’re not going , he mouthed.
It was a statement I wanted to say; it was just hard to get out. Because the thought of turning her down caused dread to spread through me.
I never said no to my sister.
I didn’t have it in me because I needed to look after her—no one else would.
I swallowed, forcing the words to the surface, shutting my eyes as my mouth opened. “We’re not going to make it, Pen. We have plans. If I’d known about the party?—”
“What? You’re really not coming?”
My eyes opened. “No.”
“Lain, stop it. I know you’re joking. I’ll see you in an hour. Or less. It’d better be less.”
“Pen, I’m not joking. We’re going to sit this one out. But you have fun and please be careful.”
There was a tightening in my chest as I thought of her there without Rhett or me. One of us—usually both—always attended the parties my sister went to so I didn’t have to have this conversation with her. So I could make sure, with my own eyes, that she and everyone else was safe. Something so important to me. I couldn’t wait to be a nurse so I could do the same in a hospital.
“Don’t forget to be home by curfew, or Dad will have your head.”
She laughed. “Right. ’Cause I’m so good at doing that.”
“Be careful,” I emphasized again. “Seriously.”
“I always am.”
I laughed. “That’s not the truth at all, but do it this once. For me.” I paused. “Okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
The phone went dead, and I shoved it into my back pocket, taking a few seconds to catch my breath. The feeling in my chest hadn’t gone away. If anything, it was worse now that I could no longer hear her voice.
“If you change your mind, we can go to the party,” he said. “Whatever makes you happy, I’m down for.”
I hadn’t even said anything, and he knew.
I walked over to him and climbed on top of his lap, straddling him with my knees on the bed, my arms resting on his shoulders. “I love you for that, but no. I want to do what we planned.”
He held my hair off my face. “You sure?”
“The only reason I’d want to go to the party is to make sure she’s safe. Which is crazy, I know. It’s March, for Christ’s sake. She’s going to be leaving for college in five months. It’s time I stop babysitting her.”
And it was time I stopped worrying. Penelope could take care of herself—I was positive about that. She got straight A’s, she had gotten into NYU, she had a perfect driving record, she’d never even had a cavity.
So, why do I feel the need to constantly watch out for her?
He gave me a kiss before he said, “The way you care about her is something I love about you.”
I narrowed my arms around his face. “Really?”
“That motherly, nurturing side of you is adorable. How you can’t go to sleep unless you know everyone is okay. How you look out for everyone at parties. Yes, Lainey, I love it.”
I took a deep breath. “Good, because I don’t know if I can change that about me, but what I do know is that I haven’t changed my mind about going to the party. Dinner, movies—that’s what I want.”
He smiled. “Then, let’s go.”
“Stay here,” Rhett said as he shifted the car into park, unlocking his seat belt and opening the driver’s door. “Don’t move, okay?”
This was our first stop after leaving my house, and I’d assumed we’d reached the pizza shop, although this wasn’t the plaza where the shop was located unless he was taking me somewhere new. Either way, I couldn’t imagine why he didn’t want me to get out of his car and join him.
“Are you up to something, Rhett Cole?”
He laughed as he got out, looking at me through the open doorway. “Never.”
He smiled and closed the door behind him, and I was suddenly alone in the idling car.
I checked out the plaza again, reading the signs to see if there were any I recognized. I hadn’t really paid attention to where he was driving. My mind had been on Penelope.
It still was.
Even though Rhett had said he loved this about me, I hated it. I couldn’t entirely focus on everything we talked about on the way here because all I could think about was Pen at the party and what she was doing and how she’d get home.
How was I going to survive four years away from her?
Maybe it would be easier than I thought. She’d be so far away; I wouldn’t know what she was getting into—or what she wasn’t getting into—and she wouldn’t constantly be at the front of my mind.
But until then, she wasn’t only front; she was center too.
I dug inside my purse to find my phone and pulled up our last text.
Me
How’s the party?
Penelope
Puuuuurfect. If you were here, you’d know. Asshole.
Me
I’m going on a date with Rhett. That’s hardly asshole-ish.
Penelope
You guys have all of college together. We don’t.
Me
I’ve lived with you for 18 years, Pen. I even shared a womb with you. You act like we’ve only had minutes together.
Penelope
We’re not 18 for a few more days.
Me
Close enough.
Penelope
Stop texting me and go have fun on your date.
Me
Love you.
Penelope
Love you way more. (You’re still an asshole though.)
The sound of the door opening caused me to look up, and I slipped my phone back inside my purse. Rhett was placing a big bag in the backseat, making sure it was secure before he climbed into the front.
I turned around to inspect it. “What’s that?”
“Food.” He reversed out of the spot and pulled onto the road.
“I see that, silly.” Even though the bag was large, there was no way it was holding a pizza box. “I thought we were getting pizza?”
“Change of plans.”
“Change of … plans?”
He slowed at the light and looked at me. “I wanted to do something a little different tonight. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
It was dark outside and in the car, so I couldn’t really see his face. The traffic light and the adjacent vehicle lit random spots, giving me hints of his expression. But it was enough that I could see his smile and how huge it was.
One so big and addictive that my lips tugged wide. “I don’t mind at all.”
He reached for my hand and brought it up to his mouth. “You see, there’s a certain someone in this car who’s turning eighteen next week.”
“I wonder who that could be.”
He kissed my thumb. “It can’t be me. My eighteenth birthday was last month.”
I giggled. “I guess that leaves only one other person.”
“We’re going to be in school over your birthday, Lainey. I thought we could celebrate tonight. Not with your sister and our friends and family. Just us.”
I didn’t know how it was possible, but my grin was even bigger.
“Does that mean we’re not going to the movies?”
He kissed the tops of my other fingers. “No, we’re not going to the movies.” He nibbled on my middle knuckle. “Unless you’re dead set on seeing— shit , I don’t even remember what you said you wanted to see.”
I laughed. “I just wanted to be with you, Rhett. I never cared about what movie was picked.”
“My girl.” His voice was soft. “The good news is, you won’t have to wait long to find out what I have planned. We’re almost there.” I felt his eyes on me. “And I know you love surprises, which is why I didn’t tell you about any of this.”
“I do. I love them so much.”
He squeezed my fingers. “And you’re going to love this one.”
He pulled into a lot and turned off the engine. This time, I knew where we were. I’d only been to this park once before, and it had been years ago. What stood out the most was the scenery. The whole area sat up high with LA below, the lights of the city so bright that they illuminated the entire park.
Rhett grabbed the bag of food from the backseat and a few things from the trunk.
As I joined him outside, I held out my hands. “Let me help.”
“I’ve got it. Just find us a good spot to sit on the grass.”
I led us toward the back side, as close to the cliff’s edge that I could get us, where the view was the best. “I think right here.” We were so high up; it almost felt like we were in a plane and I was looking at all the lights out the window. “Definitely right here.”
He set down everything he was holding, except a blanket, and he spread it out over the grass. After we sat, from a small cooler, he took out a Diet Coke, placing it in front of me, and a Coke for him. From a canvas bag, he removed some silverware and napkins and paper plates.
I watched in awe. “You’re kinda cute.”
“Yeah?”
“You thought of everything. I’m impressed.”
“I even thought of this.” He placed a small votive candle between us, the scent of vanilla strong when he lit it. “I stole it from Mom’s house. I thought it would be a better idea than the candlesticks from my dad’s dining room table. I was afraid those would fall and set the blanket on fire, and that was a situation I didn’t want to deal with.”
“Good call.” I put my hand on his arm. “This is so perfect.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Do you know why I chose this spot?”
I tried to trace back and think of every possible reason. “No.”
“The first time I saw you and talked to you was in gym class freshman year, but the first time we hung out was right here at this park.”
“It was?”
He nodded. “I told you that a bunch of us were coming here to hang, and you showed up with Penelope. It was a Friday night, after one of my football games.” He pointed to the left, on the other side of the grass. “We were over there, the whole group of us, and I got you to walk with me over here.” He pointed down as though where we were sitting were the same blades of grass as before.
The memories were slowly unraveling, and I whispered, “I remember.”
“We talked right here until you had to go home. And that night was the first time I touched you.” He was gripping my fingers. “It was only your hand, but back then, that felt like a lot.” He gave my fingers a squeeze. “I guess this place will always be special since it’s where it all started for us.”
“Rhett …” I swallowed, the emotion thickening in my throat. “I was wrong. You’re way more than cute.”
He chuckled. “Didn’t think I was sentimental, did you?”
“ Hmm , I don’t know. I wouldn’t put anything past you.”
“There’s more where that came from, but right now, it’s time to eat.” From the large bag, he took out several to-go containers. “I got a bunch of Italian. My dad swears by this restaurant. They just opened, so I haven’t had a chance to check it out, but Dad says it’s as good as what we’ve eaten in Italy. There’s calamari and meatballs for an appetizer”—he set those two containers in front of me and opened them—“and for the main course, there’s chicken parmesan, spaghetti with meat sauce, fettuccini Alfredo, penne with vodka sauce, and of course, garlic bread.” Every time he mentioned a new dish, it would appear from the bag, the plastic top coming off and a whole new scent filling the air.
“I think I might be drooling.” I wondered how we were going to even make a dent in all this food. “This is incredible, Rhett. I don’t even know how to thank you.”
“And there’s tiramisu for dessert.”
My head shook as I looked at him. I couldn’t stop the movement; I was just totally blown away by all the effort he’d put in. “I can’t believe you did this all for me.”
“This is just food, in a park that overlooks the best view of LA.”
“Not just any park. The park where we had our first meetup.”
He smiled. “One day soon, when your parents are no longer controlling how late you stay out and where you spend the night, I’ll take you to Italy, and you can compare the meals.”
“Italy?” My brows rose high.
“My father has a hotel in Rome, and we went last summer. It’s gonna blow your mind how sick that city is.”
“I’m sure that would be incredible. Really. But so is this, Rhett.” I reached for his hand. “In my mind, this is as good as Italy.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
I turned toward him, knowing the food was getting cold, but I needed to get this out before I even considered putting any of it in my mouth.
“I dreamed of this, you know. Of being in a place like this with you. Of getting to hold your hand and kiss you. Of giving you things I’ve never given anyone else.” The shyness was creeping through me, and I was thankful it was dark and there was only candlelight and city lights so he couldn’t see how red I was getting. “And those dreams have now come true. And it’s getting even better because I get to go to college with you.” I took a breath, the emotion building in my eyes. “I just feel so lucky that this has worked out better than I could have ever imagined. And the best part is, I get to tell you I love you . Every day, if that’s what I want.”
“And every day, I get to show you how much I love you.” He leaned closer to my face. “I was going to wait until after we ate to reveal my next surprise, but I don’t know if I can.”
“What is it? I’m dying!”
He kissed me and sat up straight again. “When I was a kid—we’re talking eight or nine—I overheard a fight between my parents. It was a bad one, and even then, I knew their marriage was done. I left them downstairs and went up to my room. I was listening to music when my dad came in and sat on the bed with me.” He ran his hand over the top of his head. “He looked defeated. Tired. For a kid who knew nothing at that age, I knew what I saw. And what he said to me that night was something I never forgot. He said, ‘Rhett, you are my why.’”
Rhett’s head dropped, and it seemed like at least a minute passed before he lifted it and began talking again.
“It took a while before I knew what that statement meant. Freshman year, I got hints of it when I met you. The happiness you made me feel, the way my stomach tightened whenever I thought about you. But since you’ve been back, I’ve understood it on a whole different level, and Dad’s statement makes perfect sense to me.”
He cupped my face. “Lainey, you are my why.”
His lips met mine and stayed there, softly kissing me, and when he pulled away, he undid a few more buttons of his shirt—the top was already unbuttoned—and he slipped his arm out, extending it horizontally to show me the inside. He picked up the candle and held it near his skin, where words were tattooed from his armpit to his elbow.
You are my why, Lainey.
My heart exploded as I read the words again and again.
My name is really inked on his body?
He loves me that much?
I’m his why?
“Rhett, oh my God.” I wrapped my fingers around the tattoo, curious if it would feel different, if the ink would have texture. I learned that the black words were as smooth as his skin. “I’m obsessed with it and in shock and losing my mind over this. It’s everything.” I gently traced the letters. “When did you get it?”
“Last week. That’s why I’ve been wearing long-sleeved shirts to school. I wanted it to heal a bit before you saw it.”
“I can’t believe you did this. For me.” I slowly glanced up at him, and even though his eyes were dark from the night, I could feel the intensity of his stare. “I love it. I love you. So much.”
He slipped his arm back into his shirt. “There’s something else.”
“No.” I put my hand on his chest. “There can’t be. This is all more than enough.”
He laughed as he reached into his pocket, pulling something out that he held in front of me. “Happy eighteenth birthday, Lainey.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.” He set a box on my hand. “Now, open it.”
The box was wrapped in paper, the bow on top flattened because it had been in his pocket.
“Open it,” he repeated.
I carefully tugged at the ribbon and tore the side of the wrapping paper, sliding out the velvet box. As I lifted the lid, he held the candle nearby so I could see the jewelry inside.
My hand went over my mouth. “Rhett!”
There was a thin, dainty silver chain with the letter R hanging in the center, made of all diamonds.
“Oh my God, it’s so gorgeous!” I rubbed my finger over the letter the same way I’d done to his tattoo. “You bought me diamonds … are you insane?” I couldn’t hold back the excitement. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life and definitely the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.”
He set the candle down and took the necklace out of the box, holding it around my neck and clasping it. “You’re permanently on my body, and now, when you wear this necklace, I’ll be permanently on you.”
The second the R hit my throat, I wrapped my fingers around it, my eyes filling with tears, and I leaned forward and kissed him. “You are my why, Rhett.” A tear left my face and dripped onto his, the single drop glistening under the moonlight. “And you will be for the rest of my life.”