Chapter 41
FORTY-ONE
Lainey
Six Months Ago
M y third time in Bangkok, and like my previous two visits, I was learning that there was something so special about this city. Food that I craved each time I returned to London, an energy I could almost smell in the air. A sensation that overcame me when I inserted myself in the center of all the busyness and let Bangkok move around me.
I hadn’t come for the quiet—that didn’t exist here.
I had come to get lost.
To forget.
And that was exactly what I was doing.
I’d logged over five miles this morning, following the loudness, the lights, turning onto streets where the activity drew me in. The only reason I’d stopped was because my stomach was growling and the smells from the different restaurants and street vendors were making it worse.
I happened to walk by one that I’d eaten at before, and I grabbed a table outside, ordering a Thai iced tea and a papaya salad. While I waited for my drink and food to arrive, I took out my phone. Not to provide entertainment. After years of traveling by myself—something I preferred—I didn’t rely on technology to fill the silence. The view could hold my attention and keep it. But given that today was a workday, I needed to make sure I hadn’t missed anything.
Of course, the first message I came across was from my mom. I could always count on her for a daily check-in. Since Dad wasn’t a texter, she would relay our conversation to him.
Mom
Honey, how’s Bangkok?
Me
I’m having a great time. I just sat down for some lunch. You and Dad should meet me here sometime. You would love it. So different from anywhere else you’ve ever been.
Mom
If I could convince your father, I would be there in a minute.
I miss you.
I could tell her how much I missed her or I could show her my face, which she’d appreciate more.
I clicked on my Camera app and hit the button to point the lens at myself. I then held the phone high in the air, and with my lips puckered in a kiss, I repositioned the phone until I found an angle that looked best in the light.
But for some reason, I couldn’t focus on myself.
Because I couldn’t stop looking in the background.
A man, walking on the sidewalk less than ten feet away, was owning my attention.
With a face … that looked far too familiar.
I tilted the phone until the camera was only on him, his features coming into view and fully defined.
Black hair.
Icy-blue eyes.
A face I would never be able to forget.
I heard myself gasp as my entire body became frozen. Those handsome, haunting features confirmed everything I’d feared.
Rhett Cole …
Why is he in Bangkok?
On the same street?
At the same time?
After fourteen long years of not seeing him?
Why … now?
Oh God.
Before he caught a glimpse of me, I lowered my phone. My hand shook so badly that I almost dropped it.
I held my breath as he got closer.
I turned my face before he reached the side of me and waited for him to pass to carefully gaze forward.
Rhett’s here, was what I kept repeating in my head.
I should look away.
I shouldn’t care.
I should be completely unaffected.
But I couldn’t look away.
I couldn’t stop caring.
I couldn’t help but feel everything.
I took in the way his jeans hugged his thighs, his ass, his waist, and then I looked up to the broadness of his shoulders, the darkness of his hair.
He wasn’t the boy I remembered—that was for sure. What I was looking at now was a man.
My heart.
Why was it pounding so hard? Why was my stomach flipping as though I were circling the loops of a roller coaster?
Why was my mind filling with so many questions?
I watched him until I couldn’t, until he disappeared into the buzzing of Bangkok.
And the moment he was gone, when I could no longer see even a stitch of his black hair, I felt this overwhelming loss.
An emptiness, similar to the one I’d felt on the plane ride from LA to Spain.
A feeling that had never gone away.
But that feeling had changed over the years, sometimes by the day, like it was a tide. The depth rising and falling, where some moments would feel endlessly hollow and others only toe deep.
Today, I was hitting the bottom.
Why?
What am I missing?
Is it love?
LA?
Or is it Rhett Cole?
I picked up my phone and stared at Mom’s message.
Something had been in the back of my mind for the last several months. Something that had been weighing on me. Nagging at me.
Because, goddamn it, I was tired of running.
Me
Miss you too, Mom. You know, I’ve been thinking … it might be time for me to come home.