17
Xavier and I sit on the balcony with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc in each of our hands. The summer breeze blows across my face and I close my eyes taking in the cool air. Farrah made us an over-the-top dinner and it was magnificent.
“I’ve been thinking… How exactly am I going to get back home? I mean I can’t just come knocking on the front door months after being missing.” I say as I take a sip of wine.
“Carl and I have already come up with a plan, we came up with it before we even knew who we were saving,” Xavier says looking off into the distance. Silence falls between us as I wait for him to follow-up on his statement.
“Okay well, are you going to tell me?” I ask as my mood begins to shift. He sighs as he chugs back the rest of his drink. My brows furrow. This obviously can’t be good. I stare at him blankly as I wait for him to say something.
“Well?” I squint my eyes over at him.
“I think it would be best if you were found—drugged.” He says and my face falls.
“Excuse me?” I say as my mouth parts. “Drugged? Are you kidding me?” I repeat, furrowing my brows even more now while shaking my head back and forth. “Are you fucking crazy?”
“It seems like a believable story. We don’t want the authorities wondering what you’ve been doing for the past few months, Lina. The last thing we want is them thinking you had any part in your friends’ disappearances or their murders.” He says. I fall back into my seat.
I hate that it makes sense, but it does. If this is going to work in my favor, it needs to be believable. Being found somewhere drugged seems semi-believable. I think. I swallow hard as I try to push the thought out of my head.
“What would you use?” I ask.
“Probably the same drug they used on you. You had no reaction to it and it worked.” He sighs. I don’t want to do that. There has to be another way. My body feels like it’s been dragged through hell.
“Will I ever see you again?” I ask the inevitable question as I hear my heart pound within my ears.
“I don’t know. It might be for the best that we don’t keep in contact.” He says. And, just like a dagger, his words penetrate my heart. Each of his words stings as I try to maintain my upright posture. But, my breath catches. I feel the lump slowly begin to grow in my throat as I sit there.
Am I the only one that has been overthinking this entire situation? Am I just another woman to him? Maybe it didn’t mean anything to him like it did to me. Devastation sets in and it sets in hard.
Our eyes finally meet again and I swallow hard. Now his cold eyes look away from me.
“You’re right. It would be for the best if we didn’t keep in contact.” I lie as I stand up and walk towards the balcony doors. I try my hardest to keep it together as my pace quickens.
“Lina, I—” He pauses as I interrupt him.
“No. You’re right. Let’s just get your sister back so I can go home.” I force a smile out before I close the doors behind me. As soon as they shut, the tears come strolling down my face. Keep it together, Lina.
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Later that night, I lay in bed as the moon creeps in through the curtains. This is the first time I feel like I can think and process everything that happened in Mexico. Everything happened so fast that I never got the chance to fully absorb it.
I don’t think I’ll ever know the truth about everything that transpired, and maybe it’s best if I don’t. My mind trails to Xavier and I’s conversation earlier. Was he ever going to tell me about being drugged? Or was he just going to do it without me knowing? Since he thinks it’d be best if we don’t keep in contact, maybe he wasn’t going to say anything towards the end of all of this. I began to feel humiliated that I trusted him like I did. That I gave myself to him like I did. My eyes fill with emotion as I flashback to us in Mexico. No. It was intimate, I wasn’t imagining it—I know I wasn’t. It meant something.
Knock. Knock.
I sit up as I try to quickly wipe my eyes. “It’s open,” I say, making my way to the edge of the bed. Xavier walks through the door and our gaze holds as he makes his way in front of me. He doesn’t say anything as I look up at him.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” His face falls. He doesn’t need to explain further because I know what he’s talking about, so maybe I wasn’t imagining it after all.
“I know.” I swallow hard as the built-up emotion comes streaming quickly down my face. I feel his warm finger wipe them away.
“I think realistically, now might be a good—” He pauses as he sits down next to me. A sad smile slowly appears on my face. I know exactly what he’s insinuating and I nod. It’s time. I know it’s time. As hard as it will be, I know I have to go back eventually. He needs to focus on finding Nora.
I feel his hand cup my face. I place my hand over him as his caramel eyes hold mine. “Thank you. For everything.” I say quietly. “No, it is you that I should be thanking, Lina. If it wasn’t for you I would have never known about Nora. I would have never felt—” He pauses as he quickly looks away shaking his head slightly. He stands and takes out a small glass vial filled with clear liquid. He places it on the bedside table. “When you're ready, just—” He pauses and I nod. I watch him walk towards the door and he stops before he turns around one last time. “And, just like a lotus flower, I’ve watched you rise from the mud. Just don’t forget to bloom, Lina. Promise me you’ll bloom.” He says softly. “I’ll bloom,” I say with tears in my eyes.
Within seconds he turns back around and walks through the door. Tears stream down my face as I hear his footsteps fade down the hall. I turn my body facing the small vial on the bedside table. My palms begin to sweat as I stare at it. My face begins to feel clammy.
I should be excited that I’m this much closer to being home. That I’m this much closer to feeling my mother’s embrace. But I’m not. I’m never going to see Xavier again and that hurts more than I care to express. I exhale loudly as I reach for the vial. I twist open the cap and smell the inside. Nothing. It smells like nothing.
This has got to be the strangest thing that I’ve ever done. I close my eyes and take another deep breath before I chug the liquid. I feel nothing as it goes down my throat. Shouldn’t I be feeling something right away? I try to sit up, but my body suddenly feels heavy. The room begins to blur and then everything goes black.
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Xavier
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Lina was never meant to help me kill the people that were involved in her kidnapping. I wasn’t supposed to sleep with her let alone begin to have feelings for her. I was supposed to save her and keep my distance. I run my hands over her face. She looks so peaceful as she sleeps. Carl will be here any moment to take her.
Various emotions fill me as I lay with her. It’s for the best. I keep reminding myself that this is for the best. I stare at her through blurred vision. After years of feeling numb and worthless, she quickly made me feel again. She showed me that even in dark and muddy waters, a person can still bloom, just like a lotus. I lower my head to hers.
Knock. Knock.
Carl comes through the door and his eyes hold mine. “You ready sir?” He asks and I nod quickly. I kiss the top of her forehead as he goes to lift her up. I watch him carry her down the stairs as my heart slowly shatters into a million pieces. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe she could help me find Nora and then somehow— no, I stop myself. This is for the best, I remind myself yet again. She doesn’t need this life or me. She had plans before all of this. She had a life and dreams. I need to let her go so she can accomplish those plans. I need to let her go be the woman she was meant to be. As much as it hurts. I’ve got to let her go. I swallow hard as I see Carl load her into the SUV. “Be careful.” I try to say, but my voice gives away. “Will do, sir.” He nods. I watch as the SUV drives down the road and then vanishes completely from sight. I knew what the job was from day one. I was supposed to save her and I did. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her.
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Xavier
I punch Emerson again as he bleeds from his mouth. A few of his teeth are missing, well—not missing, but on the ground. His eyes are swollen shut, already bruised dark purple from my punches. I needed this tonight. After all, he’s the cause of all my pain. All of the pain that rushes through my body right now is because of him. I punch him again and again before I crouch to the floor out of breath. I pant. Torturing someone can physically be exhausting. But anger tends to be my cover-up for tonight. With every punch and every strike, my heart breaks a little more knowing I’ll never see Lina again.
“You’re never going to find her.” He laughs as blood spews from his mouth. One of my other men comes barging through the door with a blindfolded girl. Emerson’s swollen eyes widen in horror and I watch the smile on his face instantly fall. His bottom lip quivers uncontrollably as his body stiffens. After tonight, after losing Lina. There’s absolutely no place I won’t go; no person I won’t touch to get my sister back. “You fucking prick.” Emerson’s swollen eyes peer at the girl. A few of his tears are straight blood as they slowly fall down his cheeks.
“Okay…Okay…” He says out of breath. “Just let my sister go man.” Emerson’s voice gives away. My eyes darken as I stare at him. I feel nothing. At this very moment, am I no different than he is?