21
Four months later…
I walk into the coffee shop and the smell hits me like a ton of bricks. I smile. This will never get old. Four months have passed. Four long and excruciatingly painful months. I reach for my lotus necklace as I make my way behind the counter. I’ve worked at this coffee shop for almost two months now.
“Hey, girl.” Kenzie smiles at me. She’s got her long auburn hair up in a bun today. She fixes her glasses as she makes her way towards me. She’s a bohemian hipster who is smart and witty. She’s taken me under her wing since I began working here.
“I think Joel is finally going to ask me out.” She smiles as she opens one of the coffee bins. Joel is one of our regulars. He comes in every morning, I’m pretty sure, just to talk to Kenzie.
“Oh yeah? Are you going to say yes?” I ask, biting my bottom lip. She smiles as she nods agreeingly. “Yeah. He’s sweet, nerdy but—sweet.” She chuckles.
“Nerdy isn’t a bad thing.” I shrug my shoulders.
“I suppose you're right. What about Declan? Have you guys talked again?” She asks and I almost drop the cup I’m holding. Declan and I talked a few times since I’ve been back home, but nothing serious. We dated for over a year, so I think it would’ve been weird had he not reached out to me after I got back home.
But I felt nothing when I talked to him. He and Logan had become close after our breakup which always bothered me a bit. I don’t think he ever told Logan the real reason we broke up. How could you tell your good friend you broke up with their sister because she didn’t spread her legs open for you? We were civil after our breakup and we’re civil now.
The bell dings as someone comes through the door. My eyes bounce to Kenzie and she tries to hold back a smile. Joel smiles past me and looks at her. He’s got round tortoise-shell glasses and his blonde hair is cut short. He sets his bag down at one of the tables before he makes his way towards the counter.
I watch the two of them from the other side of the coffeehouse. A bittersweet feeling comes over me. I’m one-hundred percent happy for Kenzie, but watching them makes me miss Xavier more than I care to admit.
There are days I curse him for not wanting to keep in contact with me. Days that I can’t understand why we couldn’t have been more. There are days I’m grateful that he saved me and I hate to admit it, but sometimes there are days I wish he didn’t. Always had to look over my shoulder, wondering if he missed someone involved in it all. I scan every room I enter hoping I see no familiar faces from that painful pastime.
Then there are days like today, hoping that when that coffeehouse bell dings, it’s him. I laugh softly at the thought. Kenzie and Joel’s eyes bounce on me for a moment before they get back to their conversation. That would never happen. It’s been four months. Four months and nothing. Four months of wondering if he’s even alive. Of course, he is. I tried looking him up online a few months ago, but nothing. No social media. Nothing.
We left on such odd terms. I never got to see if he even found Nora. Or if he killed Emerson.
Emerson .
My stomach turns at the thought of that name. I had a few nightmares about Emerson when I first got home. One of them was so vivid it still gives me goosebumps. He was standing over my bed smiling down at me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. There was no one there to save me.
I try to brush that thought out of my head. He’s the last person I need to occupy my fragile mind. I reach for the lotus necklace and close my eyes. I try to breathe away the panic attack I feel mustering up in my gut. I walk to the back of the store, breathing slowly in and out. My thumb runs over the diamond lotus. “We rise and we bloom. We rise and we bloom. We rise and we bloom.” I whisper to myself.
────
“Jess and I have some news.” Logan stands at the dinner table as he smiles at each of us. His girlfriend Jess sits there quietly as she grins from ear-to-ear. I like her for him. I always have. She’s quiet and shy, but she’s sweet and genuinely kind. It’s hard to find that nowadays—someone who genuinely wants what’s best for you, or someone who genuinely loves you and listens not to respond, but to simply listen.
“I asked and she said yes.” I watch as Logan reaches for Jess’s hand and pulls her up next to him. She holds her hand up showing off a stunning oval diamond that I helped pick out—what feels like so long ago. “Oh, honey!” My mother squeals as she stands and takes Jess in her arms. The tears flow down her face as she squeezes Jess. My father and Logan hug. I smile as I watch everyone around me. This life. Where it has brought me. All because of—
Stop it. Do not think of him right now, Lina. Pull yourself together.
“I’m so happy for you guys!” I say as I stand to make my way over to Jess. She laughs as tears fill her eyes. I take her in my arms and hold her tightly. “I couldn’t think of a better woman for my brother.” I pull back and say with tears now in my eyes. She smiles again and pulls me back in for a tighter hug. I know the two of us weren’t that close before everything happened. I had my own two best friends and that’s all I needed at the time. I never made an effort to get close to her, but lately, she’s been trying. And after everything I’ve been through, I appreciate that more than she realizes.
After dinner, I stand in the kitchen putting the dishes in the dishwasher. My parents and Logan are outside in the backyard. I hear them laughing and I smile.
“Need help?”
I turn to see Jess standing in the kitchen doorway smiling at me. “Sure, thanks,” I say as I hand her a dish to put in the dishwasher.
“How’s working at the coffeehouse going?” She asks.
“It’s good, finally getting the hang of it.” I nod.
“So have you two talked about when or where you're deciding to get married?”
“Yeah, Logan wants to have a destination wedding in—” She pauses and my eyes bounce into hers quickly.
“In Paris.” Her eyes widened.
“In Paris?!” My shock blurts out. I want to ask—with what money? My mom and dad are middle-class workers who can’t particularly pay for something like that. I always knew her parents were loaded, I guess just didn’t know how loaded they were until now.
“My parents have been saving for my wedding for a while.” She laughs.
“Well, I think—” I pause.
“I think that is a beautiful place for a wedding.” I smile softly as I get back to loading the dishwasher. I notice Jess has become quiet. She’s twiddling her thumbs nervously. “There’s one thing I wanted to ask you. And it’s totally okay if you say no.” She says as she looks down at the ground.
“Everything okay?” I tilt my head as I stare at her attentively.
“Yeah, it’s just I don’t have that many friends and you know Logan has Finn and Declan—” Her blue eyes look up into mine.
“Will you be my bridesmaid? I promise you won’t have to plan anything or even pay for—”
“I’d love to.” I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. I wipe my hands on the tea-towel that's over the sink and bring her in for a hug. I’m not going to lie; the friendship I feel blossoming between us at this very moment makes me feel grateful. Grateful for the future and what’s to come.