23
Jess and I laugh on the back porch. Each of us has a glass of wine in our hands as we listen to the sounds of summer. She and I have spent a lot of time together this week. Maybe I was so wrapped up with Alex and Grace that I couldn’t see the beautiful soul that was right in front of me this entire time. I mean she and Logan have been together for years.
We sit there quietly and suddenly something inside of me wants to tell her about what happened. I haven’t told anyone anything about what happened. Only the police. And I only told them the basic information. Nothing about Xavier or Carl of course. I only told them I was kept in an abandoned warehouse and the conditions that I was kept in there. I didn’t fumble around when I was telling the police about it because I knew I wasn’t lying about it. I gave them every detail that I could remember from that place. Every detail except Emerson.
“Can I tell you something?” I ask as I set the wine glasses down. “Of course, anything.” I feel her hand on top of mine. My heart races as I stare over at her. Maybe I shouldn’t. What if she tells Logan or worse, goes to the police?
“Can you promise to never repeat anything I’m about to tell you? To anyone.” I say with a shaky voice.
“You have my word, Lina.” She says with her hand still over mine. I take a deep breath and before I know it I’m telling her everything .
────
Jess’s eyes are filled with tears. I can tell by her quivering lip that she’s trying so hard to hold it together. Tears stain my shirt as I sit there with my empty wine glass. Telling someone the truth about what happened. About what I did. About the people I killed. About the betrayal from a friend. Getting that out of the locked doors in my mind fills me with so much relief.
“Lina—I.” Jess pauses as she wipes the tears away from her face. She shakes her head. I don’t know what she’s thinking at this moment, but I sit there waiting for her to say something. Anything.
“I’m sorry I just needed to finally get that out. Maybe I shouldn’t have—” I try to say, but she stands up and walks over to me. Her arms are like a blanket to my cold and brittle heart. “I’m so so sorry Lina.” She hugs me tightly as she and I quietly sob together with the cicadas buzzing loudly in the background.
────
“And you haven’t talked to him since?” She asks as she pours us another much-needed glass of wine. I shake my head.
“If he wanted anything to do with me he would’ve found me,” I say as I take a big sip.
“Sometimes people come into our lives and we don’t necessarily know why they were part of that certain chapter until they leave. Sometimes they have to leave temporarily for various reasons. Sometimes to find themselves or take care of things that have nothing to do with us. But, true love always has a way of finding its way back. No matter the obstacles, no matter the length of time. If it’s meant to be it will be and there’s nothing you can do to change it.” She lifts her glass up. I stare at her through blurred vision because she’s right. Damn she’s right.
“To true love and sisterhood.” She smiles up at me. Our glasses clink together as the sounds of summer still hover over us.
────
I lay on the front porch swing as I read my book. In my peripheral vision, I see Mrs. Whiten tending to her garden. She’s got her straw sun hat on as she plucks unwanted weeds from her picturesque garden. I hear the front door open slowly and see my mother’s smiling face as she approaches me. She lifts my legs up and sets them on her lap as she sits next to me.
“I love you.” She says quietly.
“I love you too, Mom.”
“Logan and Jess have set a date. She showed me the venue in Paris and it’s just stunning, absolutely stunning.” My mom says as she begins to move the swing back and forth. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited about Paris. I’ve always wanted to go. Ever since I was a little girl the Eiffel Tower has always intrigued me for some reason.
“I can’t wait to go there with you.” I smile over at her and she smiles back.
“Honey I know we haven’t talked about everything that happened, but I think—” She pauses and I interrupt her.
“Mom, stop.” I close my book as I hold her stare. I know what she wants to know. And after telling Jess the truth, I think I at least owe my mom the relief of knowing I wasn’t assaulted or raped.
“I know I haven’t been open about what happened those months I was gone, but I just want you to know that nothing happened against my will. I wasn’t raped. I wasn’t sexually assaulted in any way. Okay?” I say softly. She sighs in relief and then pulls me close. We continue swinging as Mrs. Whiten tends to her garden.
So long ago this is what I yearned for. This is what kept me fighting as I lay on that cold concrete warehouse floor. Such a little thing like swinging with your mom on the front porch can easily be one of the most memorable and favorable moments in one's life.