14. Simon
She’s here.
She actually came.
She almost ran. But she didn’t.
She came to my party.
The one she doesn’t know I threw for her.
Well, not just for her. My roommates wondered what we were going to do with all the leftover booze from the year before we had to move out of the house. I suggested we have one final bash. A true going away party. They were down and invited the entire campus.
I invited one person. And now she’s here. Sitting on the roof outside my bedroom, away from the craziness of the party, because if I have Charlie here, I’m not about to spend it surrounded by anyone else. Not my friends. Not my sister and her college friends, who randomly showed up today.
No, this night and this moment is for me and Bug.
“It’s beautiful up here,” she says as she takes a sip of the water she asked for.
“It is,” I say back, though I’m not looking at the view of campus. How can I when she’s sitting inches away from me, smelling like flowers and wearing red lipstick that is driving me fucking insane? She never wears makeup, yet, she is tonight. She was already gorgeous. But now? She’s stunning.
She looks over to me and starts laughing. “What are you staring at, weirdo?”
“You.”
“Well, stop.”
“Nope,” I say, inching a little closer to her. “It’s a free country, and I’m choosing to exercise my freedom by looking at the most beautiful girl in the world.”
She turns toward me, and she’s giving me the “quit being an idiot” look. It’s one I know well from her. And usually I am being an idiot. But not tonight. I’m dead serious. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
“Simon?”
“Yeah, Bug?”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Can’t. It’s your name.”
She lets out a groan. “Why am I here?”
Her question takes me off guard. I was expecting her to ask why I’m calling her beautiful, because she’s asked that before. She usually asks me why I am the way that I am. And that is usually answered with another smartass remark.
But I wasn’t ready for this.
Now I need to quickly decide how to say what I need to. Because how do you say “well, I made my roommates have an entire party so I had an excuse to see you one more time before I left for the summer because I need you to know that I’m crazy about you, and you think I’m joking when I ask you out, but I’m not. You’re really pretty, and I want to kiss you and cuddle you and, if you’d let me, touch your butt. And boobs. I’d like that. But not because I’m a horn ball who just wants to get laid. Because you’re so pretty and smart and funny and you fascinate me. But you don’t think I’m serious, and I don’t know how to make you know I’m serious without coming across as stalker or a creep,” without sounding creepy?
How do I trim that down? Or make it sound normal? How do I not sound like a potential serial killer?
I don’t know. I know I need to try, though. Summer is about to begin, and I don’t want to leave without telling her how I feel.
“Because I wanted you here.”
Okay. Good start. Not creepy.
“Why?”
“Do I need a reason?”
“Yes,” she says. “Simon, despite the fact that you are one of the most infuriating people on the planet, I enjoy spending time with you.”
“It’s my sick dance moves, isn’t it?”
She laughs under her breath. “They definitely don’t hurt. But, despite the fact that you’re arrogant and insufferable, you’re actually a good friend.”
Fuck. Friend. Worst word a guy can hear.
“But, we’re not the type of friends who hang out at parties together. We’re school friends. And that is very different from after-school friends.”
Okay, now I’m confused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her shoulders slump. “Are you going to make me say it?”
“Yes. Because I don’t know why there has to be that designation.”
We both turn so we’re fully facing each other. “Simon. I’m not like those girls downstairs.”
“I know. That’s what I like about you.”
“But do you? I’m not the girl a guy like you should be on a roof with. Or that he should be calling beautiful.”
“Don’t tell me who I can be friends with. Or who I can call beautiful.”
“I’m not. It’s just…” she trails off for a second. “Simon? What am I doing here?”
I see the slightest hint of a tear forming in the corner of her eye, and that’s my signal to shut down the smartass. Crying women are my weakness. I can’t handle it. Especially Bug. And I’m not about to be the reason the woman I’m mildly obsessed with is crying.
“You’re here because”—I take a breath because, holy shit, I’m about to admit this—“You’re here because I want you here. So much so that I threw this party for you.”
She narrows her eyes at me. She clearly doesn’t believe me.
Okay, here we go. Stalker mode activated.
“It’s true,” I say. “My roommates invited the entire school, but I only invited you. Because I didn’t give a flying fuck who else came. You were the only one who mattered.”
She shakes her head, clearly not believing me. “Let’s just say for a moment that’s true. Then why did I walk in to see you putting on the Simon Banks Show next to your troop of backup dancers?”
I think back to what she saw. Oh. Yes.
“Listen, I can’t be held responsible for my actions when Flo Rida comes on.”
“Be serious for once, Simon.” She stops for a second, but just to take in a breath. “You were on a makeshift stage with a flock of girls, who likely have modeling contracts, dancing. Clearly you cared a lot about if I was here or not.”
“Did you see my hands on them?”
My question is sharp and to the point. She wants serious? I’ll give her serious.
“No. Not then,” she says, her words not as sure as before.
“Exactly.”
“But I don’t know what happened before I got here.”
So this is how she wants to play it? “Charlie. I promise you that I didn’t touch them. Yes, they were dancing next to me, and I didn’t want to be a dick in front of a hundred people by pushing them away.”
“Really, Simon? Hot girls were grinding on you and you didn’t touch them?”
“No. I didn’t. And do you want to know why?”
“I’d love to.”
“Because they weren’t you.”
My words echo in the empty sky. She doesn’t say anything at first, and I wonder for a second if I actually said that or if I was making this up in my head.
Then I hear the faint sound of her whisper.
“You wanted them to be me?”
I laugh, because I don’t know how much more serious I can be. I tilt up her chin, holding it so she has no choice but to look in my eyes. “Charlie. Since the day I turned around and saw you in that coffee shop, you’ve had me under your spell.”
“A spell?”
“Yes. A spell. Now, I know sometimes I come across as the asshole or the jokester.”
“Sometimes?”
“Fair. But I want you to know who I’m not. I’m not the guy who’s going to lie to you about thinking you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I’m not going to be the fucking dickhead who tricks you into going out with him because I’m bored like that douchebag did. I’m not the guy who’s going to take advantage of you. I’m not the guy who’s going to talk some game just to hook up and then bolt before you wake up the next day. No matter how bad I actually want to have sex with you.”
Her eyes double in size. “You want to…have sex…with me?”
“More than I want my next breath,” I say, pushing down the thought of Charlie and I together. No. Not the time. “If you told me that I could kiss you right now but never do anything else, I’d take it. Because you, Bug…you’re fucking everything, and I don’t know how to say it so you believe me. Hell, all of this has probably freaked?—”
I know I started rambling, and I think I blacked out. Yes, that has to be what’s happening.
Otherwise it’s real life that Charlie has grabbed my face and is kissing me.
Holy shit, Charlie is kissing me!
It’s…I don’t have words. I could talk for hours about nothing, and right now I can’t think of a single one.
So I don’t.
I just kiss her back.
Holy shit, this feels amazing. She tastes like cherries, and from here on out, that will be my favorite flavor.
But before I can settle in she quickly pulls away. Her eyes are wide, and I think it’s her turn to black out.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“Why?”
“Because I kissed you.”
Oh, this girl…she doesn’t realize that since she’s now kissed me, she’s stuck with me forever.
And I don’t share.
“Bug…” I take her hand and pull her to me. She doesn’t resist as I pull her up, signaling for her to sit across my lap. “Did you like it?”
She nods. “I did.”
“Do you want to do it again?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Because I’m about to.”
And I do. I lean in and take her lips in mine, and it’s even better than it was just a moment ago. She opens her mouth for me, and I take advantage, letting my tongue enter and explore her mouth. Her hands become a little more sure of themselves, traveling up and down my back as I hold her close to me.
Fuck…we’re both completely dressed and my body is already on fire for hers. Her curves are soft in my hands and against me. I let my lips travel a little, kissing down the column of her neck, and with every new piece of skin I touch, she somehow gets sweeter.
Exactly how I always thought my Bug would taste.
Just as I’m about to head back to her lips, the telltale sound of a college student’s worst nightmare comes blaring up to my house.
Campus police.
“Shit,” I groan, pulling away as I watch the red and blue lights swirling as they drive up to the house.
“Oh God,” she says, trying to move herself from my lap. I don’t move. No, I just pull her in tighter. “Simon, you have to go deal with that. There are cops at your house.”
“I know,” I say, kissing her forehead. “And yes, I have to deal with this. My name is the first on the lease, and my dad technically owns the house.”
“Simon! Get down there.”
“Not yet,” I say. “Because I need to know this isn’t it. I don’t know how long this is going to take, and I don’t want you anywhere near this because who knows why they are here, but I need to see you again before I leave for the summer. No way in hell I’m not going to kiss you again.”
A blush comes over her cheeks that is the cutest, and sexiest, thing I’ve ever seen.
“Okay,” she says.
“Promise. I’ll call you tomorrow. I want to see you before I go. I need to see you.”
She smiles. “I promise.”
I sit back and take a sip of my beer. “And that’s the whole story.”
“That was beautiful,” Oliver says, and while most might think he’s dabbing his eyes to be dramatic, he’s not. He’s in actual tears.
“You promise?” Wes asks, ignoring Oliver. “Nothing else happened?”
“Well….”
“Simon,” Shane snarls. “What did you do?”
“Nothing then,” I begin. “She never returned a message or call. She never came back to campus. I didn’t see her again until Jake and Whitley’s wedding.”
“But?”
I look over to Wes and shrug, because either I lie to them or I rip the bandage off and tell them everything.
Fuck it. Let’s go.
“Maybe…kind of, sort of…after I went with Shane to the taste testing, I stayed in Nashville, got super drunk, called her, somehow it got through even though I thought I was blocked because I had been for years, and she might have come to my hotel to yell at me but instead we had sex.”
“Simon!” Wes yells. “And here I was ready to praise you for not doing anything stupid.”
“It wasn’t stupid. It was fucking amazing.”
All three simultaneously roll their eyes.
“What can I say? I am who I am.”
“That’s the problem,” Shane groans. “So you then, what—bought a diner to somehow lure her to you?”
I shake my head. “No. I swear that was coincidence. I bought the diner not knowing she was even looking for a place of her own. Sometimes things just work out. That’s what happens when you’re one of God’s favorites.”
“Yeah, you’re his favorite pain in the ass.”
I balk at Shane. “That was rude.”
“No. Rude is not telling her you’re her landlord. Rude is sleeping with her. Rude is?—”
I cut Shane off. “Is it the best plan? No. I know that. But for years this woman ignored me. Left me wondering. I need answers that only she can give me. You have to understand that, right? Wondering for years what could have been?”
Did I just tap into Shane’s many years pining for Amelia? Yup. Am I ashamed? Not in the least.
“That was fucking low,” Shane says.
“I never said I played fair.”
“So what happens after she finds out?” Shane pushes back. “Let’s say in two months you get your answer. What then?”
“That’s future Simon’s problem,” I say.
“That’s smart,” Wes quips. “This is going to bite you in the ass so hard…”
“Probably,” I say, though realizing they’re all right. “Am I stupid? Seriously. Am I being an idiot?”
Oliver raises a curious eye brow. “Are we being serious or telling you what you want to hear?”
I shake my head. “Serious.”
“Yeah, you are,” Wes says. “But at the same time, I get it.”
“Same,” Shane says. “Which I hate saying, because this is stupid. But I get what it’s like to be pushed to the brink, when sometimes the stupid decision is somehow your only one.”
I nod a thanks. “Oliver? Thoughts?”
Oliver looks over to me, a kind smile on his face. “Was she the one who got away?”
I should have known a question like this was going to come from him. “Yeah. She was.”
“Then get your closure. Do it so you can move on. Just be careful.”
I nod, appreciating his advice. Though I don’t know if he’s telling me to be careful with her, or to be careful with myself.
Honestly, it’s probably both.
Yes, I need my closure. Yes, I need answers. But at the end of the day, I need to make sure she doesn’t break my heart.
Again.