25. Simon
“So guys, what do we want to talk about?”
Zero laughter from my three best friends.
Rude.
“Oh, come on,” I say as I walk back to the fire pit at Wes’s. It might be October, but it’s not too cold that we can’t enjoy a night outside. “You have to admit, that was funny.”
“Is this a time for jokes?” Wes asks, signaling to the seat they left open for me. “That wasn’t sarcastic. I’m genuinely curious. I don’t know how to act right now.”
“It is,” I say, grabbing the beer from Shane’s hand. “Jokes. Or congratulations. Anything that can be classified in the happy or joyful department.”
I twist open the bottle as my friends remain silent. I know what they want to talk to me about, which makes sense. If I found out one of them, after years of saying they’d never settle down, is not only in a committed relationship, but also expecting a child, I’d be acting the same way.
I sit back and observe as they have a silent conversation, which we are damn good at doing. We perfected it freshman year in English class when we were separated into the four corners of the classroom because we couldn’t stop talking. Well, Oliver and I couldn’t. Wes and Shane were guilty by association.
They give a nod and turn their sights back to me. And if I had to take a guess, I’m going to assume that Shane kicks this off with his brand of stoic interrogation.
“Simon, we need you to repeat what you said earlier today, just to make sure we’re not living in an alternate reality.”
Nailed it.
“I say a lot of things, Shane.”
“Don’t fuck around Simon. Did you or did you not say that you—the man who doesn’t like getting dirty—is about to be elbows deep in diapers for the next few years because he’s about to become a father?”
I couldn’t contain my smile if I tried. “Yes, Shane. In fact, I did say, in front of you, our friends and family, and the entire town, that I, along with my beautiful girlfriend Charlie, are expecting a child this spring.”
It’s Wes’s turn to take over the questioning.
“You and Charlie are together?”
“We are.”
“And you’re having a human child?”
“Indeed. Right now it’s the size of a kumquat.”
“And you know that you can’t hype it up on sugar then give it away? Like, it’s yours. Forever.”
“I do. And I prefer to call it Baby Bug, so please address my unborn child properly.”
“Jesus fucking Christ…” Shane mumbles, apparently not liking the tone of my responses. “Simon. This is for real. This is not you wanting to be a DJ for a day because it seems like fun.”
“He knows that,” Oliver says in my defense. “Right? You do know that?”
I hold up my beer to Oliver. “I do. But thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt. Back up to number one best friend.”
That makes him smile. “Good. Feels right to be back at the top.”
“Can we focus?” Wes yells before turning his attention back to me. “Simon, please, tell us how we got here. And I swear to Christ, if you give me a smart ass remark about how babies are made, I’m going to punch you.”
“Well I wouldn’t need to tell it to you. You have three kids. Now Shane, maybe…”
“Simon…”
Shane’s near growl, along with a head shake from Wes and a concerned look on Oliver’s face, means the sarcastic portion of tonight’s talk has come to a close. Which is sad. I had a few jokes in the chamber about Wes having to now share the daddy spotlight with me.
“Okay,” I say, evening my tone. “Ask away.”
“How are you?”
Oliver’s question is sincere, and I appreciate that he’s the one kicking things off.
“I’m good.”
“That’s good. But you know, if you are feeling other things, it’s okay. Finding out you’re going to be a dad is a big deal.”
“I am.” Though now that he mentions it, there are a few things I’ve ignored that I figured would go away if I ignored them long enough. “I mean, I’m happy. I was immediately all in. And I still am.”
“Is there a ‘but’ coming?”
I shake my head at Wes’s question. “Not necessarily a but…it’s just…I think the shock and adrenaline is wearing off, so other feelings are starting to creep in.”
“Are you scared?”
I nod and let out a low laugh. “Fucking terrified.”
“Good,” Wes says. “Then you’re feeling the most appropriate response.”
“Thank fuck.”
“The scared comes and goes,” Wes adds. “Sometimes you’ll think you’ve got it and things are smooth sailing. Then something will happen and you’ll go back to terrified.”
“When does it go away?”
Wes shakes his head. “I’ll let you know when it happens.”
“Fuck…” I take another sip of beer. “Okay. How about this? Is it normal to never want to leave Charlie? Like, I want to be around her all the time. I haven’t talked to her for two hours and it’s driving me batty.”
“That one I can’t answer to. You knew my ex,” Wes says. “I think that’s a Simon thing.”
“Really?”
“Why do you never want to leave her?” Oliver asks.
“It’s everything,” I say. “Obviously the baby. I want to make sure they’re okay. Make sure she’s not going too hard or pushing herself too much. Or maybe she’ll need a hand at the restaurant. Or she needs me to get something for her off the top shelf because she’s short. Or…I mean, there’s so many things I want to help with but I know I can’t but I want to be there in case I can. And I want to make sure she’s eating. And staying hydrated.”
“That makes sense.”
“But it’s more than that. We didn’t stay with each other last night?—”
“Wow, now we know it’s serious. Simon Banks is having overnight stays.”
I shoot a look to Shane. “If I’m done with the smart ass, so are you.”
He laughs and holds his hands up. “Sorry. It was there. I had to take it.”
“As I was saying…We didn’t stay together because of the restaurant opening. And…I don’t know how to explain it…”
“You missed her?”
“Your bed felt empty?”
“You woke up in the middle of the night panicking she wasn’t next to you?”
“All of those! Why is that?”
My three friends smile at each other.
“What? Someone say something.”
“You’re in love,” Oliver says.
Now that’s hilarious. “No, I’m not. We haven’t even been together two weeks. Officially. Or unofficially. Hell at this time last month she hated me and I hated that she hated me.”
“What’s the old saying? There’s a thin line between love and hate?”
I shake my head at Wes. “That’s not it. Do I care about her? Yes. Do I want to spend every day with her? Also yes. Do I want to kiss and hold her all the time? Of course. If she left right now do I feel like I’d die? Yes. But…”
Oliver slowly smiles. “I think he’s getting there guys…”
Wait. Am I? Is this?
“Holy shit, I’m in love.”
Wes claps his hands together. “There it is.”
Wow. Love? I wasn’t expecting that.
“No,” I say. “It’s too soon. Way too soon.”
Shane huffs out a laugh. “Simon Banks, the man who has made his entire personality acting before thinking, all of a sudden is worried that he might be jumping into something, or declaring something, too soon? You once bought a house to sell that hadn’t even been built yet.”
“That’s just money. It’s just…I don’t know…I thought you had to know someone for years before you fell in love?”
“I knew I loved Izzy the moment I saw her.”
I shake my head at Oliver. “You don’t count thirty-four proposals.”
“I didn’t know what I felt toward Amelia was love at first,” Shane says.
“What made you realize it?”
“The second she walked toward me in her prom dress.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t need puppy love bullshit. Wes, please, help me.”
Wes sets his beer down and rests his elbows on his knees. “I’ve been in love twice. And I can say with certainty and proof that no two loves are the same. No two timelines are the same. Simon, love is different for everyone. People show it differently. It has its own tempo, and it’s never the same for anyone else. You just have to ask yourself a few questions.”
“What are those?”
“Is your life better with Charlie in it?”
“Yes. Without question.”
“Does the thought of her not in your life physically pain you?”
“So much I don’t want to think about it.”
“And finally, can you see a future with her? And don’t say yes just because it’s what you think you should say. Close your eyes and think about it.”
I do as he says, because I was about to say yes. As soon as I shut my eyes, I see Charlie holding our daughter—because yes, we’re going to have a daughter—rocking her in the room I already designated as the nursery. I walk over to her, watching in awe as she nurses Baby Bug, and place a kiss on her forehead. I catch the glimpse of a ring I’ve apparently put on her finger. Which sends me into another vision as Charlie walks down the aisle to me. The guys are standing next to me as we pledge our love for each other.
Holy shit, I’m in love…
“Aw guys…our little boy is all grown up.”
I don’t even come back with a witty comment. Because Oliver’s right.
I’m in love. “So this is what it feels like to be you guys, huh?”
Wes laughs. “Welcome to the club. Oliver made jackets.”
“I hate to be the downer of the group,” Shane says. “But I need to rain on the parade for a second.”
I look over to Shane. “I don’t think it would be right if you didn’t.”
“You love her.”
“Yes.”
“She tolerates you.”
“So far.”
“She’s willing to have a child with you.”
“All things we’ve discussed.”
“Here’s one. Does she know you own her restaurant?”
Did you hear that? That was the sound of Shane Cunningham bursting my bubble.
“By his dumbfounded expression and look of sheer panic, I’m thinking no.”
“I said no more smart ass, Wes!” I stand up and start pacing. “She doesn’t. I think I forgot.”
“Well, you should probably change that.”
I shoot a look to Shane. “I know…I just don’t know how.”
“Easy. You say, ‘Charlie, before we were together, when you hated me, I bought this building.’”
“Sure, Shane. Easy peasy. Then I can just throw in the part about me making sure Emmett didn’t tell her I owned it, that giving her the apartment was a desperation move for her to take it, that I fixed all of the issues with Mona’s so she wouldn’t have to, including buying all new equipment, and that I haven’t cashed a rent check yet.”
Oliver’s eyes double in size. “Simon!”
“I know,” I hang my head. “It’s just…she hates charity. She hates feeling like she owes anyone. The only reason I got away with the new tables and booths is because I did it behind her back so when they showed up she had no choice but to go with it. Helps that she liked them.”
“Simon, you can’t start your relationship like this,” Wes says. “Believe me when I say, clear communication is a must.”
He’s right. They all are. I need to tell her.
“I know. And I will.”
“Promise?”
I shake Shane’s hand. “Promise.”
At that moment, I feel a text coming through and before I look I somehow know it’s from Charlie.
Charlie: I hate to ask this…
Simon: Ask away.
Charlie: Can you bring me ice cream? Strawberry. Oh! And fries from The Joint? I know there are some downstairs but I don’t want to cook another thing today.
Simon: Daddy’s got it *wink emoji*
Charlie: I’ll let you have that one because you’re bringing me food.
Simon: I’ll call it in now. Be over in 30 minutes?
Charlie: Thanks….Daddy…(Nope, still weird.)
A genuine smile crosses my face as I slip my phone back in my pocket.
Soon. I’ll tell her soon.
Just not tonight.