Chapter 16
16
STELLA
I couldn’t believe I was holding Max’s hand. Voluntarily .
That just showed how desperate I was.
I’d always been afraid of heights. I didn’t even like anything remotely scary. Just the thought of watching a horror film made me break out in a cold sweat. So walking on what felt like a flimsy bridge hanging off a cliff with a steep drop beneath me was terrifying. And that was before you factored in this walkway’s reputation for being a death trap.
Yes, as the tour guide, Jasmine and Max had explained, it was safe now. But that didn’t change the fact that it was over one hundred metres from the ground.
When the tour guide started talking about the pathway’s history and how it was built to allow access for the workers at a power station and help them transport materials between the two power plants, I tried to focus. But instead my ears zeroed in on the sound of the walkway jingling up and down with every step we took.
Max had said not to look down and I’d tried. I really did. And I wished I’d listened because on more than one occasion I saw huge sections where there was nothing between the new walkway and the ground below. Which I assumed was where the old path had snapped and people had fallen to their deaths.
And when I looked up, it was hard to ignore the vultures circling – almost as if they were waiting for people to fall so they could swoop down and feast on them.
That was why when I slipped, I freaked out. Luckily Max had caught me, but that didn’t stop my brain from spiralling and thinking what could’ve happened and what other fearful experiences were ahead of us.
I hadn’t even realised that I was shaking when Max said it. But I did know I was scared. So when Max offered to hold my hand, as much as I didn’t want to, I knew I had two choices: keep being stubborn and hostile and continue the walk feeling terrified. Or put my anger towards him aside for a couple of hours or however long this nightmare would last and feel safe.
So I accepted his offer. And as he wrapped his big, warm hand around mine, the effect was instant.
Butterflies erupted in my stomach and my heart raced. But this time, my pounding heartbeat wasn’t caused by fear. It was something else. If it was any other man, I would’ve said it was excitement. That couldn’t be true though. I didn’t even like Max. Not any more.
That was what I kept telling myself anyway. But even I had to admit, it was getting harder and harder to continue this hatred towards him.
How he ended things between us was terrible. But I could see he was trying. He’d helped me at the pool on Sunday and he was being sweet to me now. And he was kind to that Dorothy woman.
That didn’t mean I’d forgiven him. And it 100 per cent did not mean I wanted anything to happen between us. But maybe, just maybe I could think about trying to be more civil towards him .
Maybe.
‘You good?’ Max turned to face me.
‘Yeah. Thanks.’ Our eyes connected and my stomach flipped. He’d always had such lovely eyes and as much as I hated to say it, I could tell he was being sincere.
‘No worries. I want you to enjoy this. Look at these views!’ He pointed ahead.
Now I felt calmer I was able to appreciate the surroundings a bit more. The landscape was pretty stunning.
I took in the panoramic views of tall rocky mountains, rugged cliffs, valleys and canyons and lush greenery all set against the clear blue sky and warm sunshine which heated my skin. There was even a river flowing between two gorges.
‘It is nice.’
‘If you feel comfortable, we should take some photos. Y’know, for our memory photo album thing.’
‘Oh. Yeah. I suppose.’
I’d seen people stopping to take pictures since the walk started, but I was too scared. Before I just wanted to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. But now, I was feeling more relaxed and could manage stopping for a few seconds.
As I paused on the walkway, Max pulled out his phone and held it up for a selfie.
‘Ready?’ he asked, still holding my hand.
‘As I’ll ever be!’ I smiled.
After taking a few snaps, we continued the walk, the guide pointing out various things of interest including mountain goats and a bridge that was named after a king. I wasn’t so keen to hear about the bat shelter though.
Throughout every step of the walk, Max kept hold of my hand and the strange thing was, it didn’t feel weird.
If I closed my eyes (which of course given where we were, I wouldn’t dream of doing) and tried to clear my mind, it would be easy to believe that we were those two teenagers who used to always hold hands.
It felt like no time had passed. Which scared the shit out of me.
Well, that was until I saw what was ahead of us.
‘Yes!’ Max said enthusiastically. ‘This is one of the best parts of the trail!’
It was a hanging bridge, connecting two sections of the walkway which like everything else was very, very high up from the ground and looked terrifying. Especially when the tour guide said that only ten people were allowed on the bridge at a time. That didn’t exactly reassure me that it was stable.
‘The best ? I didn’t think it could get any scarier, until I saw this.’
‘Yeah, I know it’s suspended midair, but that means there’s nothing interrupting our view.’
‘I’m sure it’ll look amazing, but…’ I paused, feeling embarrassed to say how I felt out loud. ‘I’m scared.’
My gaze dropped to the floor which made me feel worse.
‘Stella.’ Max lifted my chin and looked me in the eyes so deeply it was like he was staring directly into my soul. My stomach did that silly flip-flop thing again. ‘You’re doing really well.’ He let go of my hand and rubbed my back gently, causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin. ‘If you really don’t think you can do it, we can go back, but there isn’t much more of the walk left, so I really think you’ll be fine. Remember, I’ve got you.’ He took my hand again and squeezed it tightly. ‘Okay?’
‘Okay.’ My heart thundered against my chest.
If I was on my own, I would’ve considered giving up. But the way Max spoke in such soothing tones made me believe that I could do this. He’d be with me. I was going to be fine .
As the tour guide gave us the green light to walk across the bridge, I gripped Max’s hand so tight I’m surprised I didn’t break it.
With every step, the bridge swayed a little from left to right, but Max squeezed my hand, giving me the strength to continue.
When we reached the centre, he slowed down.
‘We’re halfway there. Look at the views. Aren’t they incredible?’
‘Yeah, they really are. Should we… take some photos, like really quickly? Before I lose my nerve.’
‘It’d be a crime not to.’
Max made fast work of snapping some selfies.
And when he lifted my hand in the air in triumph for one of the poses, even though I was still really nervous and worried about the movement of the bridge caused by the other people walking across it, I tried to push my fear away and enjoy the moment.
‘I reckon we’ve got some great shots! Come on,’ he said, leading me further across the bridge.
Soon afterwards, we came to the end of the walk. And I was so relieved I almost kissed the ground.
Once we’d returned our helmets, stopped to use the toilet and got some snacks from the kiosks, we boarded our coach.
‘How you feeling?’ Max said as he slid into the seat next to me.
‘Relieved.’
‘You should also be proud of yourself. A lot of people with your fear of heights would’ve given up. But you kept going.’
‘Thanks to you,’ I said, trying to ignore the flipping again in my stomach as I thought about how he’d held my hand for ages. Sounded stupid but I kind of missed it now.
‘No big deal. ’
Hearing his words reminded me that I needed to get a grip. He’d held my hand just to help me. He would’ve done the same for anyone. It wasn’t because he liked me. Not like that anyway.
During the walk I’d started to feel really comfortable around Max, but now I felt awkward again. I didn’t think I could manage speaking to him for the whole journey back to the hotel. Every time he looked at me my stomach fizzed with excitement and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I couldn’t risk getting hurt again.
If we kept on chatting, I’d probably say something stupid and embarrass myself. I just needed to focus on speaking to Max during the tasks and then stay away from him when they were over. If I did that, hopefully I’d get through this week unscathed.
‘I’m a bit tired,’ I said. ‘I’m going to have a quick nap.’
‘Oh.’ Max’s eyes widened a little. ‘Okay.’
I leant my head back on the seat and closed my eyes.
After what only seemed like ten minutes later, I heard my name being called.
‘Stell. Stella. Wake up.’
I slowly opened my eyes and saw people in the rows in front getting up from their seats.
‘We’re here already?’ I croaked.
‘Yep. So if you maybe want to lift your head up…’
‘My head?’
That was when I realised that it was resting on Max’s shoulder.
‘Oh, shit!’ I bolted up. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.’
I glanced at Max, my eyes wide, and was horrified to see there was dribble all over his shoulder.
So much for not embarrassing myself.