Chapter 24
24
STELLA
As daylight streamed through the curtains, I blinked, taking in my surroundings.
My head was pounding. It was like there was a bongos festival happening in my brain and my throat was drier than the Sahara.
I attempted to lift my head off the pillow. When I eventually dragged my neck upwards, I gasped. Max was on the floor.
What the hell? Why was he in my room? Did we have sex? If so, why was he on the floor and not on the bed?
No. That couldn’t be right. He still had his clothes on.
I peeped under the sheets and saw that I was fully dressed too.
Just as I reached for the glass of water on the bedside table, a flashback popped into my head.
No, no, no!
I only remembered bits and pieces. I’d drunk multiple glasses of wine when I was getting ready. Then when I got to the beach I’d had a couple of those delicious rum cocktails. Max still wasn’t there, so I’d had those drinks that tasted like sangria. I didn’t remember having much to eat, though.
Then I think Max turned up. And then… wait. I think I danced with him and, oh yeah, he was hard, so I’d suggested…
Shit.
I think I’d suggested we go back to my room.
What happened after that, I had no idea.
A loud groan shot from my lips. This was why I never drank a lot. I couldn’t hold my alcohol. But it was an all-inclusive hotel so they were handing out drinks and cocktails for free . And they all tasted sooo good!
After my conversation with Sammie, I supposed I just wanted to loosen up and have fun.
‘Morning,’ Max croaked, slowly sitting upright and rubbing his eyes. ‘Shit.’ He stretched his hand over his shoulder and winced. ‘My back.’
‘I’m not surprised. Why did you sleep on the floor?’
‘It wasn’t right to be on the bed. I only planned to crash for a few hours to check you were okay, but I must’ve been more tired than I thought.’
‘Did we…?’
‘No way,’ he said quickly.
‘No need to sound so relieved!’ I snapped.
‘It’s not because I’m relieved. It’s because you were really drunk.’
‘I didn’t do anything embarrassing, did I?’ I held my breath, waiting for his response.
‘You were…’ he paused. ‘ Happy . Friendly. Don’t worry about it.’
‘Oh, God.’ I squeezed my eyes shut. I was going to ask for more details, but now I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know.
‘Listen, Stella. Another reason I stayed was because I need to talk to you about what happened between us. It’s been the elephant in the room and if it’s okay with you, I’d like to try and explain.’
I didn’t have the energy to protest. And he was right. I’d avoided it. Tried to pretend it didn’t matter, but it did. It was time to rip the plaster off.
‘Okay.’ I sat up reluctantly. Max’s eyes widened. I think he was surprised that I hadn’t brushed him off.
‘So.’ He stood up, put the kettle on and pulled out two mugs. ‘As you know, when I got the call to join Manchester Athletic, I was so happy. It’d always been my dream.’
‘Yeah.’ I nodded. At that point, we’d been dating for two years and I thought we were madly in love. I knew I was.
Every weekend, whatever the time and come rain or shine, I’d stand on the pitch sidelines cheering him on.
Max was amazingly talented and I knew it was only a matter of time before he got signed and went pro.
When the call came, everything happened so quickly. He had to move to Manchester. He told me nothing would change, so there was never any question in my mind that we’d stay together.
I’d go to see him every other weekend and he came down when he could. It was difficult, but that was what you did for love, right?
‘And it wasn’t just me, my family and friends who were excited. The whole town went crazy. There was a big buzz around a local guy going to play for a Premier League team.’
That was an understatement. Max was splashed all over the local papers. They even featured him on the London evening TV news. Suddenly my boyfriend was famous. But to me, he was still my Max.
‘But with the buzz came pressure,’ he continued. ‘From my dad not to mess up and my coach who obviously expected me to perform. I was barely twenty, living away from home for the first time, I’d just been given a dream opportunity and I really wanted to prove my worth, you know?’
‘Yeah,’ I nodded.
‘And of course, I wanted to continue our relationship, that’s why we did the long-distance thing for the first couple of months. But it was hard.’
‘That’s why I offered to move there. To support you.’
‘But that meant you’d drop out of uni.’
‘I wanted to be close to you.’
‘But you’d always wanted to go to that uni. I didn’t want you to sacrifice your dream for me. We were so young. And I needed to focus. I couldn’t blow my big chance.’
‘So you dumped me,’ I scowled. ‘On national TV.’
‘It wasn’t like that!’
I was getting ready to visit Max and tell him the good news that I’d deferred uni for a year so that I could be with him in Manchester whilst he settled in, when Mum called me to the living room because Max and his dad were being interviewed on TV.
The presenter asked Max how he was enjoying living in a new city.
‘You’re a handsome young man,’ she’d said. ‘You must have lots of women throwing themselves at you.’
‘He’s got no time for women,’ his dad had jumped in.
‘Rumour has it that you have a girlfriend back in London?’
At that point, my heart had bloomed. I was that girlfriend and Max was about to tell the world about us.
‘That’s all over now,’ his dad had said.
‘Good news, ladies!’ the presenter had grinned. ‘Max Moore is single!’
I’d slumped on the sofa, but then I’d told myself it was fine. Any minute now Max would tell his dad and the presenter that wasn’t true because he was in a happy relationship.
Except he didn’t.
‘I’m committed to football,’ Max had said instead. ‘That’s my focus. I’m determined to be an important member of the Manchester Athletic team.’
And just like that, my whole world crumbled.
I’d cried for hours. When I tried to call Max, he didn’t answer. So I got the train to Manchester. I had to see him. I needed an explanation.
Max’s dad had opened the door and told me Max didn’t want to see me. But I’d insisted. I wasn’t leaving until I’d spoken to him.
When Max finally appeared, he couldn’t look me in the eye.
‘I’m sorry,’ he’d said. ‘I’m finding it difficult to manage everything. I think it’s better if we… break up.’
Even though I’d already seen him dump me on TV, I still refused to believe it.
‘Where’s this coming from?’ I’d pleaded. ‘Is it your dad?’ He’d never liked me, even before Max got signed.
‘It’s for the best,’ he’d said. His gaze was still fixed to the floor. ‘Please. Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. There’s too much riding on this, Stella. I have to make this work. I have to focus. I’m sorry.’
I ran out of there, crying. Hoping Max would follow. But he didn’t.
When his dad saw me, he grinned. The arsehole got a kick from knowing my heart had just been shattered into a million pieces.
‘Come on then,’ I said, bringing my thoughts back to the present and propping a pillow behind my head. ‘If it wasn’t like that, how was it? ’
‘The truth was,’ Max took a deep breath, ‘Coach didn’t like us having girlfriends. Said they were a distraction. That they affected how we played. And my dad, well, you know his thoughts. He wanted me to live, breathe, eat and sleep football twenty-four-seven. So when that presenter asked that question, he saw his chance to ruin things between us. For good.’
‘But you could have denied it. You could’ve said he was wrong. Instead you confirmed it by saying football was your focus.’
‘No! They edited it. I told her she was right, that I had a girlfriend in London and that the long-distance thing was hard, but they cut that out.’
‘Why would they do that?’
‘For better headlines.’
‘Even if that’s true, that still doesn’t make sense. When I came to see you, you still ended it.’
‘Like I said, I was under pressure. The coach was worried about my performance. And then Dad dropped two bombshells.’
‘What?’
‘He told me he’d been laid off from his job and that Mum was sick so it was up to me to take care of the family. He warned me that if I messed up and didn’t give the game a 100 per cent focus, the family would be homeless and we wouldn’t be able to get the treatment Mum needed.’
‘I didn’t know your mum was ill. Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘She didn’t want anyone to know. She was too proud. Same with Dad. So I had to do what he said. Although you won’t believe me, I was just as cut up about our break-up as you. But I felt like I didn’t have a choice. The irony is, after we broke up, I started playing worse. And the worse I played, the more desperate I became. Which was why that shitty tackle happened. And just like that, my career was over. I went from hero to failure in less than a year. I lost everything. My career, my dreams and you.’
Shit.
I sat there, speechless.
I had no idea. I thought he just abandoned me. Like my dad did, all those years ago.
‘I didn’t realise.’
‘I know.’ Max scrubbed a hand over his chin. ‘How could you?’
‘But when you came back to London, I tried to see you.’
‘I know. But I was in a dark place. I didn’t speak to anyone. Not even Colton. I blocked everyone out. I realise now that I was in a deep state of depression. I was grieving. And I couldn’t see you. You were a reminder of how I’d messed everything up. So I locked myself away.’
‘And you moved away.’
‘We had no choice. My parents weren’t working. We had no money so the bank repossessed the house. We had to move into my grandma’s, which was a nightmare. It took a while before we were back on our feet. Mum was making homemade soaps and skincare products which started to do well. Then she got sick again. And this time, she didn’t recover.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
His mum was never my biggest fan, but she usually tried to make an effort to smile or say hello. Which was more than Max’s dad ever did.
‘Thanks.’ He swallowed hard. ‘Anyway, people kept asking to buy her products, even when she passed. I saw how she made them and knew the ingredients she used, so I decided to try and do something with them. I never made my dream happen properly, but I thought if I could make Mum’s products take off, all the shit I’d been through wouldn’t be for nothing. That’s why I started the business. And I’ve been focused on that ever since.’
Wow and double wow.
I felt like all of the air had been knocked from my lungs.
‘I… shit.’ I sat up straighter. ‘Sorry. Just trying to take this all in.’
‘I know it’s a lot. Especially so early in the morning. But at least now you know.’
‘Yeah.’
‘I thought about calling you to explain so many times, but the more time passed, the more difficult it got. I should’ve fought harder for us. But at the time it felt like there was no way out. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, but I needed you to know the truth. I’m gonna go now. Give you time to digest everything.’
Max got up. His eyes were red, but I couldn’t be sure if it was because he was tired or upset.
As the room door closed, I sat there frozen.
For years I’d wanted an explanation.
But now I’d got one, I had no idea what to do with it.