Chapter 33
33
MAX
I poured the champagne into my glass and topped up Stella’s Buck’s Fizz, then took a large glug.
‘So.’ I paused, thinking how best to word this. ‘About last night and this morning. I think it’s obvious that I thought it was fucking incredible. Everything was even better than I could’ve imagined. And hopefully the feeling’s mutual.’
‘You know I enjoyed it too.’ Stella licked her lips.
‘Good. And I really like you. A lot .’
‘ But …’ she jumped in.
‘But, as bad as it sounds, I was thinking with my dick, not with my head. I mean, the head on my shoulders, not the other head…’
‘I know which head you meant,’ she laughed. ‘And?’
‘And I think the reason I was against the whole moving into the villa thing was because I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Right now, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I’m cut out for something serious. There’s still so much I need to do with the business and every relationship I’ve attempted since you has been a shit show. But the thing I worry about the most is hurting you. I fucked up once and I don’t wanna risk doing it again. So maybe it’s best if we draw a line under what happened and go back to trying to be friends, like we were before the massage. What d’you think?’
I exhaled and my shoulders loosened. I felt better now I’d got that off my chest.
‘Why do you assume that I want something serious with you?’ Stella raised her eyebrow.
‘Oh.’ I swallowed hard. ‘I just thought that… well, we’re at The Love Hotel , a place where people come to find love so I just assumed that you were looking for something long term.’
‘But you’re here too and you’ve just said you’re not looking for love either.’
Touché.
‘True. There’s nothing wrong with people wanting that. Colton is crazy in love and blissfully happy with his wife and kid. All I’m saying is, I don’t know if that’s for me. And I wanted to be upfront about it. Like I said, the last thing I want to do is lead you on or hurt you. I’m just trying to be honest.’
‘I appreciate that. But for me, last night and this morning was just sex. Not all women want marriage and babies, you know! I was horny, my vibrator wasn’t charged and I thought you’d be good in bed, so I thought, why not?’ She shrugged like it was no big deal.
‘Oh.’ My jaw dropped. ‘Right. Okay.’
Of all the things I expected Stella to say, it definitely wasn’t that .
Of course, I knew plenty of women enjoyed having no-strings sex just like men did. I just didn’t know Stella was one of them. I guessed people changed. I hadn’t seen her for twelve years and we hadn’t really spoken about her relationship history.
Now I felt like a fucking idiot. Here I was worrying about how to let her down gently, when she had no interest in getting into a committed relationship with me in the first place.
‘So to answer your original question,’ Stella said, ‘yes, we can go back to being friends if that’s what you really want?’
‘Y-yeah,’ I stuttered. ‘Friends is good.’
Trying to keep things platonic with Stella was gonna be torture. There was nothing friendly about the fantasies that’d been racing through my mind about all the different ways I’d like to fuck her. But I had to push those desires out of my head. It’d only end in tears.
‘Great! Is there any more French toast?’ she said casually like we’d just been discussing the weather.
‘Um, yeah. I’ll get some.’
As I walked to the kitchen, a strange feeling of emptiness washed over me and I didn’t know why.
Stella had agreed we could go back to being friends. I’d been honest with her and said I couldn’t commit and she’d told me it didn’t matter because what we had was just sex anyway.
We’d cleared the air. Clarified things. We’d reached an agreement without any arguments.
I’d had sex with no strings.
I’d got what I’d wanted.
So why did I feel so disappointed?