23. Olanna
23
OLANNA
NOW
“ W hen the man I once loved looks me in the eye and tells me he didn’t trust me enough to share his vulnerable moments with me, what does that say about the type of girlfriend I was to him?” I ask Heather as I chop the last red bell pepper.
After church today, I told Manny and Heather about my conversation with Alex yesterday and they offered to come back home with me so we could talk about it. As if Heather read my mind, she suggested we cook jollof rice, so we made a quick trip to the grocery store before going home.
With Dad not being around, Manny and Heather’s presence will give me the distraction I need. It’s better than spending the rest of the day watching videos of all the sophisticated events Dad has attended over the last two weeks and wishing I was experiencing all that with him. No, I’d rather spend the afternoon eating some good jollof rice.
Heather loves trying all kinds of food and she has fallen in love with Nigerian cuisine since she and Manny started dating. I taught her how to cook jollof rice two years ago and it’s her favorite meal so far.
Heather takes one piece of the bell pepper and puts it in her mouth before answering my question. “I’m sure you were a great girlfriend, so don’t blame yourself for the bad choices he made. I now see that he had a lot of issues to deal with.”
“Yeah, I gotta say, it must’ve been tough for him, but he still should’ve told Olanna. Don’t defend him, babe,” Manny chimes in as he takes a break from playing with Ayannah. For the past half hour, the baby hasn’t stopped giggling because Manny keeps throwing her up in the air, much to Heather’s horror.
“I’m not defending him.” Heather turns to Manny and leans on the granite counter. “I’m just saying that cancer is not a joke. I remember when I had a scare in my senior year of high school. It ended up being a benign breast lump called a fibroadenoma, but I was still terrified. It took me over a month to gain the confidence to see a doctor.”
“Wow. That must have been scary.” I place all the chopped peppers and scotch bonnets into the blender before turning it on. Whenever I’m cooking for people, I’m always mindful of how many scotch bonnets I put into the food, but Heather is a full member of the Nigerian spicy food association, so I’ve got nothing to worry about.
When I’m satisfied with the texture of the tomato mixture, I turn off the blender and place a medium pot on the hotplate. After pouring some vegetable oil into the pot, I gesture for Heather to check the chicken in the oven.
“Scary is an understatement,” Heather says, before walking to the oven and opening it, revealing the golden brown, crispy texture of the chicken thighs and drumsticks. The spicy aroma fills the air as she sticks a fork in them. “Yeah, that looks and smells so good.” She turns off the oven and closes the door.
Walking back to me, Heather helps me with the rest of the recipe, while Manny resumes playing with Ayannah. I add in onions, followed by tomato paste and the pepper mixture to the oil, and Heather takes over the stirring while I pull out a high chair and plop myself on it.
“So.” Heather looks over her shoulder and lowers her voice. “Now that we’ve established why he broke up with you, what are you going to do next?”
I shrug and throw a kitchen towel over my shoulder. “What is there to do? He has said his piece. I have closure. Now we both can move on.” Saying those words breaks my heart because it’s the exact opposite of what I want to happen. But what can I do? He hurt me.
Heather closes the pot, puts the spoon down on a plate, and takes a seat across from me on the granite countertop. “Is that really what you want? For both of you to move on?”
I pause and stare into her green eyes, which bore into my soul as if she’s reading my thoughts. When I hesitate to answer, she asks another question.
“Did he say that he wanted to move on?”
I shake my head. “Not exactly.” I exhale as memories of our last encounter flood back into my mind. “But he held my hand, and he called me baby, which was his nickname for me when we were dating. He said those words so casually, as if we were still in a relationship. It felt good to let him hold my hand again. But every time I entertain the idea of us being together again, I remember how he hurt me and I shut it out of my head. It’s going to be impossible.”
Heather leans forward and says, “There’s nothing impossible with God, Olanna. Since He brought Alex back into your life, He will work out a way for your love for each other to be restored.” She reaches across the counter and holds my hand. “Please, don’t let your anger and hurt prevent you from trusting God.”
In a split second, all of God’s promptings flood back to me as realization dawns on me. This isn’t the first time the message is coming to me. “Trust God.” I repeat Heather’s words.
“Yes, exactly. God can be trusted.” She gives my hand a little squeeze before standing up and checking on the food, leaving me to ponder on my thoughts for the rest of the day. After adding seasoning, chicken stock, and water to the cooked tomato mixture, we add the rice and cover with aluminium foil while it cooks.
An hour later, as we sit at the table, devouring the delicious jollof rice, chicken, and fried plantains, my thoughts drift back to what Heather said. With the same message coming through different people, I feel like God is communicating something to me.
Okay, Lord, if this is what You want for me, then I don’t want to miss out because I’m holding on to anger and hurt. Please help me to trust You with my whole heart.
With the revelations of the weekend behind me, I’m determined to throw myself back into my routine this week. Even though I’ve been considering the idea of us getting back together, Alex’s presence is only temporary and in two months’ time, he’ll be gone. But I’ll still have Madu Health to serve. I can trust God for whatever He has planned for us, but I still have to prepare for the worst.
“Earth to Olanna.” Lerato’s voice presses into my thoughts as she clicks her fingers in my face. “It’s green.” She points to the traffic light, which is now signaling for us to cross to the other side of the road.
We both had a busy morning with department meetings, so I treated us to some lunch at Rosa’s Café. Heather encouraged me to try their shortbread two years ago and since then, I’ve been hooked. Today, I ordered a latte as well, and Lerato got a grilled cheese sandwich.
“Sorry,” I say to Lerato when we’re on the other side of the road. “I promised I won’t zone out anymore, didn’t I?” I sigh, and she smiles. Since Alex’s arrival, I’ve frequently been lost in my thoughts, usually at the start of the day when I see Alex. Thank God Lerato is the only one who has noticed and I promised her I won’t do it again.
“That’s okay. I understand,” she says as we approach the building entrance. “When you’re in love, you can’t help it, can you?”
I pause in my tracks and watch Lerato carry on ahead of me. “Wait, what did you say?”
Lerato presses her lips together and responds with, “ Dololo. ” She told me it’s a South African slang for “nothing,” but with the way she’s suppressing a laugh, I’m certain she’s hiding something.
I don’t remember telling anyone at the office about Alex and I. Oh no, did she figure it out?
“Come on, boss. We have to prepare for your two o’clock meeting.” She beckons me over to the elevator and presses the button when I enter.
The one minute silence in the elevator feels like a thousand years and, to prevent any awkwardness, I speak. “Lerato, is there something you know about me I don’t?”
She shrugs. “No, I only know what you tell me, boss.”
I tilt my head. “So, what was that about me being in love?”
She averts her gaze and suppresses another smile. “Well, sometimes other people can notice things you can’t,” she says and when the elevator dings, she walks out without giving me a chance to respond.
Oh, no. She’s figured out I have feelings for Alex? Is it that obvious?
“Lerato, wait.” I run after her, but stop in my tracks when I spot a crowd of the employees gathered around Yin and my attention immediately switches. “Oh my goodness, Yin.” I walk up to him and give him a hug before holding him at arm’s length. “I thought you didn’t start until tomorrow.”
“Yes, that’s true, but I was taking the baby out for a stroll and thought I’d drop by.” He moves out of the way to reveal the stroller with the baby sleeping safely inside. Everyone, including Alex, makes way for me to see the baby and when I lean over and set my eyes on him, their reaction makes sense.
He is sleeping peacefully, making cooing sounds with his hands tucked in his full head of dark, silky hair. He stretches his arms and turns his head and everyone awws . “He is beautiful, Yin,” I say as I straighten my back and meet Alex’s gaze.
He smiles at me, but I force myself to look away and turn to Yin. “We have a card and a gift for you and Jess. Lerato will get it for you before you leave.”
“Aww, thanks, everyone.” Yin places both hands on his chest and looks around. After greeting everyone again, Yin, myself and Lerato make our way to my office.
“How’s Jess doing, by the way?” I ask when we’re in my office.
“Not too bad.” Yin parks the stroller next to the desk and sits across the table from me. “It hasn’t been easy making the change. The sleepless nights are a killer, but Jess’ mom came over from Hong Kong and she has been super helpful. I don’t know what we would’ve done without her.”
“Aww, I’m glad it’s going well. I’m so happy for you guys. Let us know when it’s all clear for us to visit, but until then, we can’t wait for you to be back tomorrow. We’ve missed you so much.”
“We sure have.” Lerato walks in carrying a gift bag with an A4 sized envelope. “It’s signed by all of us. Congratulations.” She hands it to Yin, who takes it gladly before placing it safely at the bottom of the stroller.
“Honestly, I’m so touched. Thank you again, Olanna,” Yin says.
“So, have you met Alex yet?” I place my hands on the table, my fingers intertwining.
Yin nods. “Yeah, we had a great conversation earlier about SEO when we were waiting for you. He’s so knowledgeable about what he does. No wonder HearCare sent him to us.”
Hearing Yin praise Alex makes me so happy and I love that everyone can see how amazing he is. For the last two weeks, I restructured my timetable so Alex and I wouldn’t have any one-to-one meetings. Now that Yin is back, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.
I thought this would make me feel better because Alex and I will barely see each other unless during our weekly general meetings. That’s what I wanted two weeks ago, but I’m not sure what I want anymore.
I clear my throat. “Yes, we have a lot to learn from him about SEO and I’m certain we will set up an SEO department here at Madu Health.”
“Amazing.” Yin leans back in his chair. “I can’t wait.”
After a few more minutes of catching up, Yin says goodbye and leaves while Lerato and I get to work, preparing for my next meeting with a potential client. Even though I wanted to ask Lerato what she meant by what she said before, I let the comment slide because I might be reading too much into things. I don’t want to end up exposing my feelings for Alex.
“Okay, that looks good.” I place my pen down and turn off the iPad before pushing myself away from my desk. “I’m going to take a quick break and then we can bring the client in. Is that okay?”
Lerato nods, and I tug on the sleeve of my yellow pantsuit before walking out the door and toward the restroom. As I round the corner, I spot the subject of my thoughts walking down the corridor toward me—Alex Obeng.
When I saw him earlier in the open-plan office, I spent the whole time trying to avoid him and I didn’t notice how incredibly handsome he looks in his white long-sleeved shirt and gray striped pants.
I fluff my hair, which I’m wearing down today, before clearing my throat. “What are you doing here?” I ask as my heart rate quickens for whatever reason. “You can’t just come up here whenever you feel like it. You know that, right?”
Alex slows down and a smile forms on the corner of his lips. “Yes, Ma’am, I do.” He lifts up the folder in his hands. “You asked me to bring my report before the end of the day, remember?”
“Oh…right. Of course, I did.” I lower my head and tuck a strand of my locs behind my ear. “Please, drop it with Lerato. She’s in my office.” I continue my walk without saying anything else.
Alex brushes past me, but before I can breathe a sigh of relief, he turns around and walks alongside me. “Since I’ve gotten your attention, I might as well let you know I need to talk to you.”
“I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”
“Olanna, you’re wrong. There’s still so much I have to tell you, so you understand the full picture.”
“I don’t know if anything you say will change the past, Alex.” I stop walking and turn to look at him. “Don’t you understand that you can plead from now till tomorrow, but it won’t change the fact that you hurt me?”
His face falls, and he rubs his temple with his hand as he exhales. My heart throbs at the disappointment in his face and I remember the prayer I made to God just yesterday. Lord, if this is what You want for me, then please help me to trust You.
“Look, Alex.” I sigh, taking one step toward him. “I appreciate that you have good intentions, but all I’m saying is that this isn’t easy for me and I…”
Before I finish my sentence, he closes the gap between us, wraps one arm around my waist, and gently pushes my back against the wall. His hold on me is not restrictive, but I can’t bring myself to wiggle out. He leans forward, close enough to have his cool, minty breath mingled with mine as my hands rest on his chiseled chest.
He props his other hand against the wall and drops his voice low as his honey-brown eyes stare directly into mine. “You have every right to be mad at me. But baby, one thing’s for sure. I will not give up on us. I love you and love never gives up.” He tightens his grip around my waist, and my sense of reasoning flies out of the window. “It just doesn’t.”
Forgetting everything around me, my gaze slides down from his eyes to his beard, and then his lips. They always tasted like perfection when they were on mine and now I have an urge to taste them again. When he leans closer, I part my lips and close my eyes, waiting for him to kiss me. But then he releases his hold on me, leaving the folder in my hands as he steps back.
“Have a good afternoon, boss.” He winks at me before turning around and heading for the elevator, leaving me to slowly wake out of my reverie. His lingering scent on my clothes causes warmth to travel from my stomach up to my chest and cheeks. I touch my lips and a smile breaks forth, my brain trying to figure out what just happened. It’s his confidence and persistence for me. I forgot how attractive that was.