Are you gonna tease me first? #2
Before I took up residence against the door, I looked some stuff up on my laptop that I could add to The Mechanics Bible. Maybe even see if I could get some things together and make her a new notebook.
But I had to stop planning. I couldn’t plan for anything until after tonight. So I leaned against the door and now she’s here, stepping inside, shrugging off her black parka.
“You smell good,” I comment as I slide the chain through the lock. She twists the deadbolt and smiles. A real fucking smile. And I swear, I can’t stop myself, I sigh out loud in relief.
“Oh my god,” I exhale, clamping my palm down against the wall, gripping it to center myself.
She grabs my other arm which hangs limp at my side, weaving her fingers through mine, cupping her other hand over the top of ours. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
With my head hung as I grab a lungful of air, so relieved that I’m actually weak for a moment, I blink at her. “You smiled.”
Her face grows serious and my heart beat tempers from the excitement, the swift change in demeanor making my spine lengthen. I remove my hand from the wall and gaze down at her, loving the light swirl of honey near her pupils. Gorgeous .
Truly fucking gorgeous.
“I always smile,” she hedges, but something in her tone is asking me for more. She wants to know exactly what I mean, and I’ll take her interest as just that: interest.
“At Kings, after lunch, you looked… different. Upset maybe. Well, I worried you were upset.” I study her eyes but they remain motionless, sunk into mine as she slowly breathes up at me.
“I’m okay,” she says, and I know it’s a partial truth. But I also know Laney isn’t a liar. If she’s temporarily protecting the truth or just momentarily shielding me from it, she has a reason. I trust her.
I nod. “Okay.” Maybe this isn’t the time for a deep proclamation. Something doesn’t feel right and in truth, without the cage on, I do feel… exposed. And with her giving off this energy, it feels smart to reroute.
Her hand strokes the top of mine. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
The pad of her thumb is soft like velvet, and goosebumps break out along my skin as she strokes my wrist. In my jeans, I’m hard.
There’s a lump in my throat. My breathing is growing quicker.
I really wish I was wearing the cage. Thinking quick, I decide to share another truth.
Not as deep perhaps, but something I want all the same.
“I want to progress this.” Gung-gung. Gung-gung. My heart is all I can hear. I nearly lose my balance from how hard my heart is throwing itself around in there. “I want to have sex with you tonight, Delane.”
Words can wait. Action. I’ve got the courage for action tonight.
“What?” She blinks a few times looking completely incoherent.
“I want to have sex with you.” I clear my throat, trying to avoid the lingering embarrassment I always feel when I say these words.
“I don’t want to be a virgin anymore.” And you’re my dream woman.
If losing your virginity to the woman who will always own you isn’t a good reason, I don’t know what is.
Instead of that, I say, “I want to… be inside you. Tonight.” I swallow, which quiets the gung-gung rattling my brain.
“You do?” she says, her hand again nervously stretching the column of her neck, searching for stray curls to distract her.
Taking advantage of our linked hands, I lead us down the hall. Delane stops us and when I turn to ask her if she’s having second thoughts, I see why she’s stopped. Crouched, she uses her free hand to scratch Salsa’s chin as he winds around her, purring loudly. Cockblock.
“Now you can’t be mad at me for ignoring you the other night,” she says. She rises and pats her hand to my thickening cock, making me jolt back with a laugh. “Didn’t want you to be jealous,” she laughs.
But once the bedroom door is closed, and Salsa is outside, we’re alone and distraction free. I reach behind my head, grabbing the collar of my long sleeved henley. Giving it a tug, I take it off and toss it aside.
“The Miller that’s sucked my tits doesn’t fold his clothes,” she teases, but what teases me more than our inside joke is the raspy and completely broken tone she uses. Like she’s burning alive from the inside out, the same way I feel.
She takes off her shirt, and it joins mine on the floor.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask her, not wanting her to do anything she doesn’t want to do just because I want to do it. That’s not going to fucking happen.
She reaches for the top of her pants, the button popping open with a quiet blip. “I should be asking you that, no?”
I shrug and unbutton my own pants. Our jeans whoosh to the floor with a thud.
We exchange grins as we step off and kick them aside.
The way her narrow waist gives way to the gentle flare of her hips, how her breasts fit perfectly in my palms–my dick hardens just looking at her in a pair of black cotton panties and a plain black bra.
“I want to, Miller. I want to. Okay?” She closes the space between us, and cups her slight hand to my cheek. Playfully, she rears it back and gives my face a slap. “Got it, good boy?”
A purr rolls through my balls. And then I realize she’s making a little moaning noise as she strokes her hand across my bare chest, and I can feel that purring in my sac.
“Are you gonna tease me first?”
She pushes to her toes and drags the tip of her tongue across my lips in a fast, wet lick. “You fucking know it.”
“Wait–” I stop her. “I actually don’t have any condoms.”
“I’m protected,” she says easily, “don’t worry.”
Trusting her, I leave it there.
A moment later we’re stripped bare, she guides me to the bed. Her hand is clammy and I wonder if she’s nervous. I thought I would be nervous. I thought if and when this day ever came, I’d fuck it all up with bumbling, nervous energy.
But my stomach is calm. My heart beats like normal. The sun isn’t any hotter and the moon isn’t any brighter.
And that unexpected calm tells me that everything I feel for Delane is real and that real love is this level of excited comfort. I’m dying to sink into her, but… I’m not worried about ruining it.
Searching her eyes, I hate that I don’t know how she’s feeling.
But she strokes my arm and silently directs me to get on my back.
She drapes herself over my right side, lowering her mouth to my nipple.
My cock rests heavily against my lower belly, my balls already complaining, the desire to orgasm already right there .
When she seals her mouth to my chest and sucks my nipple onto her tongue, sucking me in dizzying intervals while her hand plays with my balls–my spine seizes. Lurching forward out of the pillows, I clamp my hand down on the first thing I can–which ends up being her bare ass.
I squeeze her cheek, getting further from the respite I was looking for. “Oh god,” I groan, lifting my palm from her ass, “that’s… that’s not helping.”
She giggles against my chest, but from where she's pressed into my side, I can feel her heart beating crazy fast. I stroke my fingertips down her spine as she curls herself deeper into me, making my chest tight from the swell. “I don’t think you can be tortured tonight,” she says finally, walking two fingertips up the ridge of my hard shaft as her lips tease my nipple.
I hold my hips still, refusing to let them jerk forward.
“I don’t think so either,” I groan. And the fact that I haven’t jerked off in two days is not boding well for me, either.
Still, I reach between us and drag the tips of my fingers between her lips, a deep groan lumbering free from my chest as I discover her swollen and wet.
She moans, but jerks back quickly, and I lose the contact.
Rolling onto her back, she grips my bicep, giving me a tug. “Lie over me,” she directs, and it’s then I realize… we’re done with foreplay. Saying I can't be tortured meant… we’re moving on.
We’re going to have sex.
I drop my elbows to the mattress, my face hovering over hers with the clearance of just a few inches. My cock rests against the inside of her thigh, and the warmth of her body against mine nearly does me in.
She reaches beneath my arms, and skates her palms down my bare back. Reaching between us, I grab my cock, stifling a groan as it pulses in my grip. Aligning myself with her, her hands suddenly clutch at my back. “Wait, Miller.”
I find her eyes and see worry in them. “We don’t have to,” I say, releasing the hold I have on myself. I go back to both arms curled at her shoulders.
“I want to, I just wanted to say… It's my first time, too.”
I pull back, propping myself on my palms, my body swaying over hers. “What?”
“Just that… I’m a virgin, too.”
Though I’m not upright, I swear my stomach drops as her words worm through my consciousness. She’s a virgin, too?
Before I know it, I’m no longer naked, swaying over the woman I love, about to make love to her. I’m now standing, jumping into a pair of sweats I swiped from the floor. Sliding to the edge of the bed, panic swelling in her eyes, Delane clutches the sheet to her chest with both hands.
“What’s the matter? Miller? What’s wrong?”
I tug the white cord at my waist, cinching the sweats. “You’re supposed to be freeing me of insecurities, starting where it all changes everything; that’s what you said.”
She nods her head, and she swipes a loose curl from her forehead. “Yeah. And I am. You learned confidence with the cage that carried over when you took it off. You enjoyed the last time we were together without being in your head.”
Fuck. That’s what makes her omission hurt that much worse– we were getting along so well. She was building my confidence. Tonight, even, I’d just gone through a whole bit in my mind about how amazing it was that I wasn’t shitting myself with nerves.
But it was all based on a lie. I feel betrayed.
“You’re a virgin, Delane.”
Shock splits her lips, and her jaw volleys wordlessly a few times before she lets out a low, sardonic laugh. “I listen to a ton of romance novels . I may not have had sex yet, but I’m well versed. If you're doubting my skills, I know what I’m doing.”
She really thinks this is about some agreement to skill swap? My head swells with pressure, and I feel light on my feet. Bending over, I swipe a t-shirt off the ground and feed my arms through.
“It’s not about skills or what you can do, Delane.
” I close the gap between us, my words melting out of me in a quiet rage.
“I told you I’m a virgin. I’m a twenty-six-year-old mechanic.
That was a hard thing for me to admit.” I slide my fingers around her throat and grip the back of her neck, only gently, though.
“You lied, or at the very least you deceived me. You never told me you were a virgin, too.” I take a moment to remember her wide dark eyes and the feel of her naked skin beneath my hand.
“I trusted you. But you didn’t trust me. ”
I let go of her.
I grab my hoodie and pull it on, heading to the bedroom door. With my hand wrapping the knob, I cast my chin to my shoulder, not looking at her but speaking toward her. “You should go.”
“Miller,” she says, her voice trembling but fighting.
Fighting for my attention, to speak her peace, but there’s nothing to say.
I came through with my deepest and darkest insecurity and poured myself into her open palms, asking her to guide and shape me so I could meet someone without being crippled by some stupid stigma about virginity.
She could have eased the pain and embarrassment. We could have bonded. It could have brought us closer. She could have… it doesn’t matter.
Feeling sick and depressed, I double check my door is locked and pour food for Salsa, text Beau I won’t be coming in tomorrow, grab a pillow and lie on the couch with the TV flickering against my face.
I’m not sleeping in my bed.
I can’t go in there right now.
We were so close. I was going to talk to her after we had sex. Explain to her why I wanted it to be with her and what she means to me.
And now… I don’t know.
I close my eyes and am grateful to feel overwhelmed with sleepiness right away.