CHAPTER 11
“How do those feel?”
Skyler thrust her leg out and rotated her foot around at the ankle.
The turquoise cowboy boots she’d tried on were of the incredibly impractical variety, complete with rhinestones and intricate white embroidery.
Victor wouldn’t have chosen them for her, considering how little Skyler seemed to care about appearances, but she sometimes surprised him.
She’d already tried on and rejected a few other pairs at the western wear store they’d visited in Tulsa this morning.
“They fit pretty well. Seem kinda pinchy at the toes though.”
“I told you that you could just wear a pair of mine.”
“Your feet are smaller than mine.”
“I’m two sizes bigger now.”
Skyler turned to Victor with skepticism. “Really? Hormones can do that?”
“I guess so.”
“Huh. The human body is a magical mystery.” She pulled off the boot and slipped it back into the box. “For better or worse.”
“What’s worse about me?”
Skyler chuckled. “Nothing. I’m talking about me.”
“What about you?”
Skyler turned to another box she selected and removed the left boot to slide over her foot. “I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now.”
“Oh. How’s that going?”
“Terribly, actually.” She sighed and swept back a chunk of hair that had escaped her tight ponytail. “We’re running out of options at this point.”
Victor hadn’t known that Skyler was even interested in motherhood, but it made sense. She was a compassionate, caring person with tons of energy and enthusiasm to get her through rough patches. She’d never told Victor that she’d wanted kids, but it wasn’t a topic they tended to discuss.
“I’m sorry,” Victor said softly, sitting down on the bench beside her. “I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well.” She shrugged, though Victor could see the tension in her face. “It is what it is.”
“Can you blame Liam?”
Skyler laughed. “No, by all accounts he’s perfectly functional. It’s me.” She bit her lip, fumbling with the boot and then dropping it before ducking down to snatch it back up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring this up so suddenly.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry to hear it.”
“It just sucks.” She pushed her thumb to the corner of her eye and sniffed. Then she went to work shoving her foot into a boot, this one being white and tasseled along the sides.
Victor put a hand on Skyler’s shoulder, and she reached up to grasp and squeeze it.
“You want a hug?” Victor asked.
Skyler blurted out a laugh. “Maybe in the car, sure. I don’t want to make a scene. Lemme just… can you give me a moment? I’m going to try on all these boots. I promise it won’t take me more than ten minutes. Is there anything you wanna buy for yourself?”
“I can keep busy. Don’t rush.”
“Great.” She nodded and smiled, but it was fragile.
Victor playfully tugged on her ponytail before walking off, hoping to give her some time to compose herself.
They didn’t talk nearly as much as they used to when they lived close, but they’d certainly talked more often than a year, and she’d never mentioned wanting to get pregnant.
He wondered why she’d brought it up so suddenly. Maybe it had been on her mind today.
Poor Skyler. She’d make a great mother, even if Liam’s parenting skills didn’t seem up to par.
Maybe Victor didn’t see him in the way Skyler did, but Victor could still remember Liam’s face when Skyler introduced Victor as her long-time best friend.
He’d seemed jealous, which struck Victor as very funny.
Making straight men jealous was not something he’d expected to give him a kick of gender euphoria but that’s how it was.
Victor browsed the jeans section for a bit, then headed back to Skyler, who had finally made her choice—a pair of practical brown and black boots. Victor knew her better than she knew herself.
They made their purchase and headed out to his truck.
Whatever conversation they may have started was interrupted by Skyler’s phone.
It was Skyler’s husband, Liam, and he had a long string of questions about her schedule and improvements being made to the yearling pasture, all delivered in an Irish brogue that made him sound on the edge of an argument.
Skyler sounded frustrated with him but kept her calm, so everything was straightened out within ten minutes.
When she hung up, she pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers.
“Have I told you I don’t like Liam?” Victor said.
“Oh my God,” Skyler grumbled. “Please not right now.”
“Okay.”
Skyler sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s fine.
I’m fine. He just picks the perfect times to call.
” She paused, then looked at Victor. “He can be sweet when he wants to be. And in regards to this whole… pregnancy thing, he’s been supportive.
I don’t know why but part of me expected him to, like, divorce me or something. ”
“What? Why?”
“He’s always wanted kids. So I sometimes feel like I’m not upholding my end of the deal.”
“What deal? You’re a person, not some kind of baby factory.”
“I know. But emotionally it’s like…” She sighed heavily.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like less of a woman because of it.
Which is crazy and stupid but I can’t help it.
” She sighed. “I know I brought this up, but I really don’t want to go over the options or talk in detail about it because all it does is upset me.
I just…” She closed her eyes. “I guess I wanted you to know I’m going through this.
Because I haven’t told you. I haven’t told most people in my life. It feels so embarrassing and sad.”
“I’m sorry. It genuinely sucks.”
“Yeah.” She slouched in her seat. “But now you know.”
* * *
They’d decided that Johnny would drive with them to the venue to save him a trip, so Johnny showed up at Victor’s house twenty minutes later than they’d planned, dressed in a pair of tightly fitting jeans and a black button-up with just a thin line of gold embroidery at the breast pocket and shoulders, with a black cowboy hat to match.
For once he was cleanly shaven and his hair had a hint of gel to keep it in place, almost like he was trying to impress someone.
Skyler, typically more tomboy than not, had put on some eyeliner and lipstick and her most form-fitting jeans, then borrowed one of Victor’s hats to complete the look.
Not to be outdone, Victor decided on a shirt with a bit of flare in the form of a subtle western-themed print and suede cutouts along the yoke.
While he didn’t miss much from his former life, he did miss the ability to dress up.
If he lived somewhere less rigid, he might have gone for something pink or glittery.
They piled into Victor’s truck and headed for the venue, a place called The Scootin’ Boot.
Johnny was very chatty and asked Skyler a long list of questions about her industry and what her work entailed.
In response, Skyler inquired about his rodeo history, which meant Johnny treated them to a twenty-minute story about the first time a horse had nearly kicked his head in. The first time. There were many.
The parking lot was packed when they arrived, so Victor had to park at the very back. When they rounded the building, Johnny rushed ahead and pulled open one of the double doors, tilting his chin at Skyler.
“Ma’am,” he said, and Skyler laughed with a thank you. Before Victor could enter behind her, Johnny jumped in front of him and said, “I ain’t holdin’ the door for you,” with a laugh before letting the door shut behind him. Victor rolled his eyes and opened the door himself.
The venue was split into several rooms, one being for dining, another for dancing, and another for the mechanical bull.
Every surface was made of wood and leather, with wagon wheel chandeliers and taxonomized animal heads—mostly deer, bison, and bulls—placed on every wall.
The dance floor wasn’t huge, but it was full already, and the music was so loud it would be hard to have a meaningful conversation outside of the dining room.
Johnny’s target was the bar, so that’s where they headed.
Once seated, Johnny insisted on paying for their first drinks.
Or maybe he just wanted to pay for Skyler’s—he’d barely glanced at Victor since they’d entered the building.
It was a strange thing, to go from feeling hypervisible as a teenager to now being invisible.
Victor hated the former, but he wasn’t convinced the latter was much better.
Victor wanted to get one of the overpriced cocktails, but after seeing all the other men at the bar, Victor decided to go the coward’s way out and just get a beer.
Once the beer was set down in front of him, he felt angry at himself.
Why did he care so much about the opinion of other men?
Especially these type of men, who would hate his guts if they knew who he really was.
Was he really so scared of seeming too feminine that he couldn’t buy a cocktail drink at a bar?
He doubted Johnny would even care, as Johnny was mostly focused on talking to Skyler.
“Let’s go bull ridin’,” Johnny insisted after slamming down a beer.
So they made their way to the room with the mechanical bull, which cost five dollars to ride.
They had to take a number for their turn, but Victor didn’t mind because it meant getting to watch a bunch of other people faceplant.
Some people were decent; others were definitely not.
Victor hoped he didn’t make a fool of himself, but at the same time, Victor agreed to another beer if Skyler was willing to fetch it. Fuck it. Now was the time for fun.