CHAPTER 16 #3
Victor returned to the living room, but Johnny was gone.
He heard him retching in the bathroom. Victor hesitated before entering, afraid of what he’d see.
But beyond the usual trash, the bathroom looked functional, because when Victor stepped forward to flush the toilet, it worked.
Everything needed a deep clean, sure, but it was good to know that Johnny hadn’t resorted to using the woods as a bathroom like Victor had seen in some cases on television.
Johnny sank back against the tub, expression dazed and body hunched. Victor bent down next to him and rested a hand on his arm, speaking gently even though he wanted to scream.
“Johnny…”
“I’m sorry,” Johnny whimpered, face buried in his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry about what?”
“I didn’t want anyone to know it was this bad,” Johnny replied. “I know it’s bad. I know. You don’t gotta tell me.”
“Does anyone else know it’s like this?”
Johnny shook his head miserably.
Victor didn’t know what to say or do, only that he couldn’t leave Johnny here.
Who knew what kind of roaches, mice, and spiders prowled the place.
Whatever sickness that had consumed Johnny to make this feel acceptable to him, Victor now felt obligated to help him overcome it.
All the bitterness he’d been biting back tonight vanished in an instant.
“Come on.” Victor slid an arm around Johnny’s shoulders. “Stand up. I’m taking you to my place.”
“I can’t…”
“Sure you can. One foot in front of the other. Come on.”
Johnny threw an arm around Victor, shoved his face into his neck, and started crying.
Victor shifted to get in a more comfortable position and hugged Johnny fully, grasping him by the back of the neck and around the waist. He’d seen Johnny cry before, but now he was trembling, and Victor knew this was about more than just the embarrassment of being discovered.
“Hey.” Victor pulled away a little, but he kept his hand on the back of Johnny’s neck. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow once you’ve sobered up. For now, let’s focus on getting you home.”
Johnny nodded miserably, and Victor helped him stand. Together, they staggered out the door and into the pouring rain.
* * *
Johnny slept in Victor’s spare bedroom, and Victor halfway expected him to run out before Victor woke.
But Johnny had no car, so it wasn’t like there was anywhere he could go.
Once Victor got dressed the next morning, he found Johnny on the porch, staring blankly ahead with the look of a man twice his age.
Clearly he hadn’t gotten much sleep, and the hangover hadn’t done him any favors either.
“Well,” Victor began, hooking his hands on his belt and glancing toward the brightening clear sky. “Weather’s an improvement from last night.”
Johnny didn’t reply, at least not immediately. He glanced sheepishly down at his lap, avoiding Victor’s gaze. “Thanks for letting me sleep over, considering you’re all mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“Even now?”
“Especially not now.” Victor went to the porch bench and sank down beside Johnny. “I guess you know you have a problem, and I don’t have to tell you that. How long has it been like this?”
Johnny rubbed his face with exhaustion. “Since I got out of rehab, I guess. I had lots of friends back then, but…” He shrugged.
“They stopped checkin’ in. So I drank. Lost control.
I couldn’t keep up with it, and eventually I just gave up tryin’ to be civilized.
I ain’t proud of it. I’ll probably never feel lower than I feel right now.
I would have given anything not to have you see that shit. ”
“I’m glad I did. Because I’m ready to help.”
“Help how?”
“I can help you clean it up.”
“And then what?”
“That’s up to you. I knew you drank a lot, I just didn’t realize the extent. I think that’s the core issue. If you can stop drinking, the mess might fix itself.”
“Ah, well, just like that then.”
“I’m not gonna bullshit you.”
Johnny hung his head, defeated. “I’ve wanted to get sober for a while. But I’m not very good at stickin’ with it.”
“Have you tried going to AA meetings or anything?”
“Alcoholics Anonymous?” Johnny snorted. “Buncha Jesus freaks.”
“Sure, but I think social support could really help you out.”
Johnny fiddled with the zipper of his jacket for a few seconds, mulling it over. “I’ll admit, I don’t like asking for help.”
“Really? I had no idea.”
The first ghost of a smile touched Johnny’s lips. “People have a way of disappointing me.”
“I could say the same of you.” Victor raised an eyebrow. He reached up to grasp Johnny’s opposite shoulder, squeezing it. “I know you’re capable. You were one of the country’s best bronc riders. If you can do that, this should be easy.”
Johnny made a huffing sound of begrudging agreement.
Then he rested his head against Victor’s with a sigh.
Victor would have loved to plant a kiss on his forehead and draw him into an embrace, but for now, they were only friends again.
It didn’t feel as good as what Victor really wanted, but it was enough to make the mountain in front of them seem climbable.